Me: Here it is folks. The long awaited sixth chapter of 'Will They Ever Learn?'
Death: Ares't thou forgetting something.
Me: Oh, yeah. As a first time ever for my story, I'm actually going to respond 'directly' to a review.
Scarabmon: (Flies over to the author's shoulder, holding a piece of paper) RudyHenkel asked 'where Ranma gets off claiming to have won the fight with Ryoga...? They weren't even close to done when Akane, not Ranma, knocked him into the stratosphere.'
Me: Well RudyHenkel, He won because of a small thing called… a technicality.
Vanagar Intitor: While Akane did deliver the final blow, she wasn't a combatant in the fight.
GSO-Techu6: Logic dictates that if you are not a combatant, no matter how much you assisted in the fight, you cannot be declared the winner.
Sarul Talah: (Smirks) Alssso Rrrranma, the authorrrr, wanted to imprrrressssss hisss motherrrr.
Me: Eh heh heh… Anyway… Be prepared for this chapter, for I'm going to throw the canon Ranma ½ series into the blender, and hit mince, dice, and slice.
Konton: (whispers to himself) How can you hit three buttons on a blender a once…?
Chaosgotomon: Anyway… Psycho King doesn't own anything of importance. The world couldn't handle the chaos if he did control something that valuable.
Key: "normal speech"
{other languages other than Japanese}
[panda signs]
my thoughts at the moment
lapse in time or scene change
Chapter 6: What The &%$!!!!!
Ahhhh… nothing like spend some quality time in a Jacuzzi. Hey what's that to my right… ICECREAM!!! Let me at it! Mummmm… What was that sound? Oh, hay Akane. What are you doing here? You want some ice cream too? Ok, here you goooo… WHA… WHY are you glomping me? …… Yeah, it all does feel really nice. In fact, it's so nice that it's almost like…
"CURSE YOU RANMA, WAKE UP!!!!!" …a dream. Is Ryoga an insomniac or something?
'BAP!' [QUIET!!!] read the panda sign that knocked us out the bedroom window and into the cold, rainy backyard. Having turned female in mid-air, I was still able to land feet first in the koi pond. I turned to face Ryoga, who landed on top of the stone figurine. His ever-present cloak keeping him dry through the heavy rain.
"Ryoga!" I yelled while climbing out of the pond. "What do you think your doing, attacking me in the middle of the night? I'm a guest in this house! You can't just barge in whenever you feel like it!"
"You have no right to complain, Ranma," He answered in a cold voice. Staring at me, he jumped down to the ground. "I shall not be denied my revenge!"
"Oh, just SHUT UP!" I ran up to the lost boy and glared directly into his face. "Listen Ryoga, If you want to challenge me to a fight, that's fine." I jabbed him in the chest to grab his attention, "But if you want to keep using your stupid 'revenge' as a excuse to attack me whenever you feel like it than at least tell me what I supposedly did to you!!!" …not that I don't know what the pig's problem is…
I was so sure that speech would push him into a rage, that I was surprised when he started to laugh. …ok he's lost it. His laughter suddenly cut off when he coolly stated, "It's your funeral."
Ryoga took a few steps back to increase the distance between us. I then heard a 'click', and saw his pack drop from underneath his cloak. What is he up to…
"As I said before Ranma," Ryoga yelled. "I find it hilarious that your curse is that you turn into a girl." As he spoke, a gloved hand reached up and grasped the latch on the collar of his cloak.
"Why's that?!" I snapped, felling frustration radiate off of me like heat waves. "What, did you fall in and turn into something stupid… like a PIG!?!"
'Click', he unhooked the latch. "No… I find it hilarious…" he threw off the cloak, "because Jusenkyo was nowhere near as merciful to ME!!!" Ryoga yelled as the first drops of rain hit his forehead.
"KirrrrrrraaaARRRR!!!" What the… From behind the sheet of rain that had covered Ryoga, something BIG stepped forward.
It was the size of a motorcycle, with the body-shape of a large-breed dog. It's face was long and angular, coming to a point at the nose and the tips of the ears. It's white fur was scared with red lines under the eyes, on the shoulders, and on the tips of it's tails.
…That's right, TAILS. Five of them. Each flowing majestically behind it like waves in the ocean. What the &%$ did Ryoga just turn into… {This is not good…}
"Ranma!" Ryoga and I both turned toward the house and saw Akane standing under the porch. She was putting a raincoat on over her pajamas while giving me a dreary eyed glare.
{Why me…} I sighed.
"What are you doing out here?!" My fiancée continued to yell. "Your yelling almost woke up Kasu… WHAT THE &%$ IS THAT!!!" Took the words right out of my mouth…
"Kaaaaahaaaaaa…" Ryoga-monster growled at Akane.
"Akane watch out!" I yelled jumping between her an Ryoga. the warrior's code says that you shouldn't blab about your opponent's weaknesses… this ain't no weakness "It's Ryoga!"
"What do you mean 'It's Ryoga'?!" She asked while taking a fighting stance next to me.
I mirrored her stance, "He's been to Jusenkyo!"
I then noticed that, while we had been talking, Ryoga's curse form began to grow larger…
{What is he doing now?} I pondered as Ryoga grew to the size of a small car.
"Why are you asking me?" Akane yelled. We both dodged as the lost-boy-monster leapt forward and took a swipe at both of us with one of his paws. I bounced off the outer wall, hoping that Ryoga would come after me. He had other plans…
I barely was able to avoid one of Ryoga's tails, which was covered in a dark red energy. The furry glowing limb slammed into the ground creating a crater. I began to play hop-scotch around his other tails while Akane was dodging his paws and jaws. Is he getting bigger?!?
One of the tails finally caught me across the gut, knocking me back next to Akane. She had been backed up next to the house, with several scratches on her arms. {This must be my fault!} I muttered to myself, clenching my hand above my heart, {but what did I do wrong? I did what Ranma had done… more or less…} muttering the last part.
Akane looked over in my direction, "Wha…"
"Oh my," the three of us glance over to the house and saw Kasumi opening up a parasol and walk into the rain, "what's going on out here?" She calmly said, seemingly not noticing the monster we were fighting.
"Onesan, look out."
I can't let her get hurt "It's…"
"Oh so cute!" Kasumi chirped, running past us.
"Hun???" both Akane and I questioned as we turned to see what Kasumi was looking at.
There, where a battle poised monster was a few seconds ago, was a small cuddly kitten-version of Ryoga's cursed form.
My fiancée and I promptly face-faulted.
Kitchen, few minutes later
"Ahhh…ahhh…ahhh… choo!"
"Bless you, Ranma-chan," Kasumi said while handing Akane and I several towels. "While it was kind of you to save this little one from the rain," she began to gently rub Ryoga-critter with a towel until his fur was dry. "It was not wise for the both of you to risk your own health to do so."
"Yes Kasumi," I said, subdued.
"But…" Akane began to protest before I covered her mouth and held a finger to my lips. She gave me a questioning glare, but stopped talking before Kasumi returned, holding a towel wrapped Ryoga in her arms.
"You poor little fox," Kasumi whispered to him. "You were separated from your litter in the storm, weren't you."
"Proooww…" Ryoga-fox confirmed.
"A fox?" Akane leaned forward to look at the furball in her sister's lap.
"Oh, yes," Kasumi exclaimed, while removing the towel from over the furry Ryoga. "You probably mistook him for a cat…"
I shuttered. different choice of words, please…
"…but as you can see from the shape of it's head and paws, it must be a young fox."
I scooted closer. "Never seen a fox with five tails before."
"Rrrrrr," my foxified-rival sent a look of hatred my direction.
"Humm…" the elder Tendo sister pondered my observance. "It… could be a birth defect…" she suddenly smiled and giggled, "or he could be a kitsune." She giggled again as if it were here own private joke. I hope you're wrong, Kasumi
The pup-Ryoga suddenly yawned and blinked it's eyes before closing them. Kasumi look up to the stove clock. "Oh my, it's late, we should head back to bed. Both of you have school tomorrow." She stood up and headed towards the stairs.
"Uh, Kasumi…" I spoke up before she reached the first step. "Where's he going to sleep?" I asked while pointing to the fox in her arms.
"Don't worry Ranma," Kasumi smiled "I still have an old doll-bed from when I was little. It will do for the night." She got about halfway up the stairs when she asked, "Are you coming?"
"In a few minutes, sis," Akane glared at me for a second, "Ranma and I have something to discuss something first." She probably wants to know why I didn't expose Ryoga in front of Kasumi
"Alright then, goodnight you two."
"Goodnight Kasumi."
"'Night Kasumi."
As soon as the eldest Tendo sister was out of ear-shot, Akane stood up and set a bone-chilling glare at me. "Ranma! Dojo! Now!"
"Eh… hehehe… sure," I stood up and ran a hand through my red hair. "Mind if I change back first?"
"Feh," she storming off the training hall.
"Uh… thanks," I said while making my way to the kitchen.
Dojo
"So, Akane…" I looked around the darkened training room for my fiancée. "What did'ya wanna talk abo-"
SMACK! "OW! What was that for?"
It was then I located my fiancée. She had, somehow, snuck up behind me, and decided to bean me over the head with a bo staff. "I just wanted to hear Ryoga's story before we blabbed about his curse! Is that so wrong?!"
WHACK! "OW!" That smarts!
Akane's expression changed from her previous 'rage-look' to something resembling Nabiki's 'business-mode-look'. "Shut up about that and tell me… who are you?" She said in a voice matching her look.
"What are you talking about?" I asked while nursing the newest lump on my head. "I'm Ran-" POW! "OW!"
"Liar!" She yelled while lifting my chin with the tip of the staff. "You said, '…but what did I do wrong? I did what Ranma had done…'"
"Wha… when… how… …huh???" I said that out-loud!
Akane took a step back, and brought her staff to her side in a waiting position. She then cleared her throat and sarcastically replied, {You speak vvveeeerrrrry good English…}
"Eeep…"
"Now tell me!" She yelled while bringing the tip of the staff an inch from my nose. "Or do I have to go get my dad's sword collection out?"
"Ok! Ok!" I yelled while waving my arms in front of me, "Just promise me you won't hit me again until I'm done…" and then started to rub my head again.
In response, Akane pulled back the staff next to her and leaned on it like a cane. "I'm listening…"
I lowered myself to the dojo floor and got comfortable, motioning to my fiancée to do the same. "I…" I paused and looked towards Akane. {…wait, does Nabiki have this place bugged?} I asked.
{Yes} she replied with a heavy accent, {but she doesn't check her recordings of the dojo until after school.} She smirked while switching back to Japanese. "That may give us enough time to erase them."
"I understand," I said while trying to relax once again. "As I was saying before, I wasn't really lying when I said that I'm Ranma because part of me is Ranma."
Akane gave me a skeptic look. "Huh…?"
"I know, I know… I've had trouble 'splaining it to myself sometimes." I said while glancing up at the ceiling. "The best way to describe it is that I was two separate people, that are in the process of becoming one. One was the son of Genma and Nodoka Saotome and heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts. The other was a typical American College student who made an ill-planned wish at the wrong time."
"What wish?" Akane asked, curiosity etched into her face.
"To have the life of the main character from my favorite manga." I then paused to let my words sink in.
After a few seconds Akane's curious look turned into one of shock, "You mean…"
"…we are currently living in a world based off a manga called 'Ranma 1/2'." I finished for her.
For several minutes, we sat there in complete silence. I'll never forget the look on Akane's face. She was looking straight at me, but her eyes were glazing over and unfocused. Their normal bright shine and look of determination were gone. Please don't cry… please don't cry…
"No…" she finally whispered, "…that can't be true." She sounded like she was trying to desperately, convince herself that it was the truth. "If it was then that means that you know…"
"…when you were very young your family took a trip to Ryugenzawa," I interrupted.
Recognition shown in Akane's eyes, and doubt was in her voice as she spoke. "Na…Nabiki could of told you…"
"While there," I interrupted again. "You were attacked by a giant platypus and saved by boy with a broom. He gave you a horn-pipe charm, telling you that it would protect you from the monsters." Akane gasped as I continued, "Through a lack of natural skill and not practicing, you cannot swim and your cooking skills are, at best, horrible."
"What do you mean by that!?!" my fiancée stood up and yelled. "My cooking is not that… bad…" She caught herself in her ranting when she realized that I have never tasted her cooking, or seen her go swimming.
Once she sat down again, I decided to give her one more bit of for-knowledge to convince her. "In elementary school, when your class performed Romeo & Juliet, you were cast as Romeo…" I paused to drive the point home. "…even though you really wanted to play as Juliet."
Klank, klunk. The staff fell out of her hands. Akane's back was turned to me, but I could hear the one sound that I hoped would never come from her. The sound of her choked back tears. …oh, no…
I walked over next to her "You gonna be ok?" I asked while placing my hand on her shoulder.
I barely felt Akane's muscles tense before she spun around, her tear-stained face was inches from mine. "What do you think, you jerk!?! First find out that my fiancé is not just my fiancé, but also some other guy who's, at least, four years older than me! Then you tell me that my life, my entire life, is nothing more than some comic book! And you ask if I'll be ok!?!" She turned back around. "I'm nothing more than a storybook character, a life scripted out and out of my control."
"That… that's not true…" I stuttered, reaching out for her once more.
Akane batted my hand away, "Sure it is, and I bet you got everything all planned out in your head! Just using me and my family to fulfill you fantasy…"
"No, your wrong Akane…"
"Oh!" she yelled while adding sarcasm to her words. "Then that must be the truth, sense you know everything that's going to happen in my life…"
"Hold on!" I yelled back while griping onto her shoulders, forgetting that I was trying to comfort her. "For your information, I'm not some all-knowing deity that's got our lives mapped out. I do know what could happen, but ever sense I got here I've lost any god-like control I may have had." I stared direct into her eyes, tears welling up in mine, as I waved in an arm in the direction of the yard. "That fight out there. I did know it was going to happen, but nothing happened like I expected! Ryoga turning into that hell-spawned monster, you joining the fight instead of interrupting it, and Kasumi adopting a chibi-form of that monster!" I caught a few breaths. "I thought I could control the changes, giving us both a better life that you deserve. Feh…" I gave her a half hearted smirk. "…ohhh the cleaverness of me."
"So," Akane asked, her downtrodden eyes finally meeting mine. "Where do we go from here?"
I released my hold on her shoulder. "I'm not sure." I sat down on the floor, crossing my legs and my arms. "I guess we should try and find out why Ryoga's curse is different… and then go from there."
"'Different'?" Akane asked as she sat down again. "What did he change into bef… I mean in the… umh…"
"In the manga?" I finished for her, to which she slowly nodded. "Truth be told, a small black piglet. Which you adopted and named P-chan."
Akane held up her hand, "Let me guess, the other Ranma gave his word of honor not to reveal 'P-chan' too her." I raised an eyebrow in a questioning look. "Please, you're not the only person who reads manga." My fiancée yawned and stood up. "We should go to sleep. We won't be able to erase Nabiki's tapes tomorrow if we can't even wake up." I hopefully looked up toward her eyes as she went to the dojo door. "But as soon as you can, you're going to tell me everything!" She demanded while opening the door.
"Sure, Akane, and thanks…" I stood up and smiled at her, "thanks for not exposing me."
Akane sighed, "This is just going to take some getting use too." She walked out the door, closing it behind himself.
Closing Author's Notes:
Me: This is only the beginning of the chaos… if you help my ego by reviewing!
Louis Tanent: And thanks to 'Bearkatjesusfrk' for pre-reading.