A/N: Hey guys, well here's the big chapter. Thanks for all the amazing reviews, can't wait to see what you think of this one
Disclaimer: Other than Anthony i own nothing, everyone else belongs to Joss and ME.
Chapter 18: Who's the daddy ?
Sunday came too soon for Buffy and Spike's liking. For different
reasons they both wanted to put off what would happen that day, both
were afraid and uncertain. Buffy still hadn't completely made up her
mind what she was going to do. She had hardly slept, the same points
running through her head constantly. It always came back to one
question, what did she want? And the answer was always the same, she didn't know anymore. The more she thought, the more mixed up she became. Nothing made any sense to her anymore and she hated it.
Spike had never cried so much in his life, the loss of his own child
didn't compare to the thought of losing the woman he loved and her
child, a child that he loved and wanted to protect. There had been a
constant flow of tears from his eyes since Angel left that night, he
tried not to think about the negative possibilities. But they seemed
to be all he could think about now. He had thought everything would
work out, for the first time in a long while he had been truly happy,
but something always came along and ruined it. He was resigned to the fact that soon enough he would be alone, but he wouldn't give up
completely until he heard her say the words.
Buffy had gotten up early and fed Anthony, she dressed him quickly
and strapped him into his stroller. She needed to clear her head but
she couldn't do it at the house. She knew what time Angel was coming round, she'd make sure to be back. Now she had to make a decision. It wasn't going to be easy but it was something she had to do. That much she knew. She wandered aimlessly around the empty park, her thought swirling in her head. Anthony had long since fallen asleep so now she was alone with her thoughts. She thought of the events of the past year, she had been happy in Sunnydale sure, but she had loved Angel and that was what confused her. She wasn't sure how to choose between the two men. She kept coming back to one major point, she had a son with Angel. She wandered for another hour. She had come to a conclusion of what she had to do. But she needed to talk to talk to someone. She pulled out her phone and pressed the first number on speed dial.
Spike had heard Buffy leave a couple of hours ago. Giles was staying
over with Jenny again, so it was just him. He decided to watch some
television to take his mind off things. It wasn't particularly
helping. His thoughts always drifted back. He understood her
predicament but it didn't change the fact that he wanted her to
choose him. Maybe it was selfish, but all he wanted was her, for her
to want him. No matter how hard he tried he couldn't imagine living
his life without her. But he knew that there was a distinct
possibility that by the end of the day he would have to face that
prospect. He was lost in his thoughts when he heard the doorbell, he
looked at the clock and upon seeing the time he knew who was at the
door. He went to the door, opened it and returned to the living room.
Ignoring Angel altogether. Angel looked around and frowned when he
saw no sign of Buffy or Anthony.
"They're out." Spike informed him without looking up.
"I can see that," Angel replied irritably "when will they be back?"
"Dunno, she didn't say." Spike told him.
"Whatever." Angel said curtly.
The two men sat in awkward silence for a while before Angel felt
compelled to say something to Spike.
"So are you ready to watch her leave?" he smirked.
"If it's what she wants, then yes." he replied honestly.
"Are you that pathetic?" Angel asked him snidely.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Spikes voice was slowly getting
louder.
"Well, you were ok while I wasn't around and you took her on
willingly and now she's going to walk away and you're going to let
her. Like I said pathetic."
Spike's jaw clenched as Angel went on, but he said nothing, he simply
turned away, effectively shutting the other man out.
Buffy sat on a bench now, she looked up and saw her friends: Willow,
Xander, Oz and even Giles walk towards her. She had asked them all to come here, she needed to explain everything to them face to face,
help them see why she had made the decision that she had. It was the
hardest decision she ever had to make but she had felt she had no
other choice. The mood was sombre as one by one her friends
approached her, she stood up and hugged each of them. This was a
source of comfort, she needed their understanding in all of this. She
spent the next thirty minutes telling her friends what she had
decided, pleading with them to see it from her point of view. There
had been a lot of tears. And although they told her they supported
her, they didn't understand, she could see it in their eyes. She was
getting ready to leave, to face the inevitable, when her phone rang.
Spike sat on the chair in the living room, anticipating what Angel
was going to say next. He knew that he was trying to hurt him. Affect
him in some way. For the past thirty minutes there had been constant
snide comments, and it was only going to get worse.
"It kills you doesn't It." it wasn't a question, it was Angel merely
making a statement. Spike knew exactly what he was talking about but
had to ask anyway.
"What does?"
"That he's not yours." Angel told him smugly.
"Yes." there was nothing but honesty in his voice "I love him like my
own son."
"But he's not," Angel said with a self satisfied smile "and he never
will be and you hate it. You know that you're going to lose, because
whatever she feels for you, it doesn't compare. Doesn't compare to
what she has with me, because what she has with me is life. Life in
the form of our son."
Spike could feel the tears threatening to spill from his eyes and he
was determined not to let that happen. Not in front of him. So he did
the only thing he could, he said something in return.
"No, I don't have that, and I'm guessing that I never will. At least
not with her. But there's one thing I do have. I have the memories of
the first year of his life. If Buffy is happy nothing else matters,
that's all I want for her. I'll always have the memories of this
year." He finished. He then sat back down and ignored Angel as
possible.
Back in the park Buffy listened to the voice on the other side of the
phone in shock.
"Ok, bye." she finished the call.
Her friends all wore worried looks as she turned back to them.
"Buffy what's wrong." Willow asked.
"Um, it's my father." she told them..
"What about him Buff." Xander asked impatiently.
"He's dead." she said in a shocked voice.
A small gasp was uttered among the group, Willow went to her friend
and wrapped her in a hug.
"Buffy, I'm so sorry." Willow told her.
"Thanks."
"Yes Buffy, I may not have liked the man but he was your father and
therefore I am sorry." Giles said sincerely.
Buffy gave a small smile.
"It's ok guys. I mean I'm sad that he's dead he was my father but-"
and suddenly something hit her. A realisation that she should have
thought of long ago.
"Um guys, there's something I have to do. I have to go and I have to
go now" she ran for the park gates, Anthony still with the others in
the park. And Buffy ran, but she couldn't go straight home. There was
something she had to do first, something she had been too afraid to
do before now, but now she had to do it. After that she ran all the
way home. She snuck upstairs quietly without alerting anyone to her
presence and did what she had to do. She went to her room to collect
something, then she ran downstairs leaving one of the items on the
table by the door before entering..
Spike looked up to see a red faced Buffy, she looked tired, he could
tell she had been running. However. He saw no sign of Anthony. He
wasn't sure what to think, before he said anything Buffy greeted them.
"Hi guys."
Buffy waited as the two men looked at her. Her heart was racing, she
was nervous, but she suddenly wanted to do this.
"Buffy." Angel greeted "Good to see you. Where's Anthony?"
And then she remembered, she had left him with the others, she had to
cover and quick.
"Oh, he's with the others they'll be back soon."
"I was just telling Spike how I couldn't wait to take you back with me."
Buffy took a deep breath before speaking.
"Angel, you're right I made my decision."
Spike's heart sank and Angel's face lit up with a smug grin.
"And my decision is that I'm not coming back with you." she finished.
Spike almost burst into tears right there and Angel looked furious,
but he reigned his anger in.
No one had heard the group come through the front door just in time
to hear this announcement. There was a collective sigh of relief and
smile within the group. Who stood close enough to hear what would be said next.
"But Buffy, I'm his father. We can be a family" Angel argued.
"Yes Angel you are his father," Buffy agreed "but you aren't his dad."
Angel looked confused so she went on.
"Angel just because your sperm made him doesn't make you his dad. It makes you his father, but those are two different things. Being a
father is a matter of biology, it's about genetics. But that's not
what makes you a child's daddy.
"What makes you a daddy is loving a child unconditionally. Doing
everything in your power to take care of him, playing with him and
taking walks in the park. Being a daddy is looking after him when
he's sick, holding him when he has a bad dream. It's about being
there for the important things."
"But Buffy we can have that." Angel insisted.
"No Angel we can't, because we," she pointed between Spike and
herself "we already have that."
A lone tear made it's way down Spike's cheek, unable to contain his
emotions any longer. Buffy walked over to the table to retrieve what
she had left there. It was the picture Spike had given her on her
birthday. She held it out to Angel.
"We already have a family. This is what a family is. Spike loved
Anthony even before he knew he was my son. He's been there for the
important parts. He takes care of him. He took on your responsibility
without a second thought and he did it willingly. You may be his
father Angel, but you will never be his dad."
She walked over to Spike, looking directly into his eyes as she spoke.
"He already has a daddy. This man here is his daddy."
She then spoke directly to Spike.
"You are his daddy, you have been there, and that has meant
everything to me. Biology isn't important, it determines the physical
attribute sure, but you are what will shape the kind of person he
becomes. You are the one who tucks him in at night, you are the one
he knows, the one he loves. You have that."
She paused for a moment to think about how to phrase what she had to say next, when she was sure she continued as she pulled something out of her pocket and handed it to him.
"And in about eight months or so, you are going to have the genetics
too." she said emotionally as her own tears began to fall. Spike's
were falling freely now, and he didn't care he looked in amazement at
the stick in his hand, with the blue plus sign on it and he never
felt so happy. He couldn't help himself, he picked her up and spun
her around before asking.
"How?"
"Well I think you know how," she teased "well you probably noticed
I'd been a little run down lately, but I thought it was just stress ,
with preparations for school after Christmas and all. But I had a
niggling suspicion in the back of my head and I just had to know. I
got a call telling me my father had died and suddenly it hit me, the
difference between a dad and a father and my decision was made for
me. I knew it was you I loved, but I didn't want to deprive my son of
his dad, but I suddenly realised that's what I would be doing if I
took him away from you." she finished tearfully.
"I'm sorry about your dad, sweetheart." he told her.
"Don't be." she replied.
"But Buffy what does that mean for you going back to school now?" He asked worried
"Well when I first decided I wanted to go back, Giles offered to pay
for home schooling because I'd be so much older than the others in my class. If the offer still stands I guess I'll take him up on it."
"Of course it still stands." Giles said from the doorway. Suddenly
they were alerted to the people in the hall, three of who had tears
glistening in their eyes. Anthony was giggling and kicking his feet
and Buffy went over and took him from his stroller, she walked back
over and handed him to Spike.
"You can't do this! I have a right to see my son." Angel yelled.
"You don't have a son Angel, you gave him up when you told me you
wanted nothing to do with him. That was your choice. Now I think you should go. Goodbye Angel" she said
Angel seemed to be going to say something else but didn't, in the end
he just turned and stormed out.
As the door slammed Spike let out a whoop of joy
"I can't believe you chose me." he cried.
"I'll always choose you. I love you. It will always be you." she
promised.
"Oh baby, I love you too." he leaned down and captured her lips in a
loving kiss. As they parted he didn't think life could get any
better, until he heard her son, correction their son utter his first
word, a word that made his heart sing and a smile spread across his
face, as they pulled apart he heard his son.
"dada"