by crystal tiara
Disclaimer: Yuu Watase is the creator of Fushigi Yuugi; not I.
Kaika looks at the broken vase lying at his feet, and somehow he is reminded of the past. His distant past, which he can only remember so faintly. He knows he has to find the missing fragments and put them together. But no matter what he does, it will never be the same.
He wonders if he can ever remember again. For now, it seems to be a difficult thing. But he is curious, and so he tries, even though it often ends in vain. Perhaps when he remembers, everything will be clear to him. And maybe then, he would be able to figure out the reason behind the dreams haunting him at night.
When night falls, he drifts into slumber, and the dreams come to haunt him again, like a shadow that just won't go away. Every night, they are always the same. He makes out the distinct sound of a flute playing---playing a melancholy tune that seems both familiar and unfamiliar to him. He then gets a glimpse of himself, and another boy who looks exactly like him. He wonders if the boy is family; if he could be his twin brother, or if it was merely a figment of his subconscious. And then, a deluge of memories flash by so quickly that he barely has time to recall them.
And while he isn't able to exactly recall what he sees in his dreams, he is plagued by the glowing blue sign that is firmly imprinted in his mind. It's a simple character---"ko", meaning "high spirits". It confuses him as to what significance the character had, and what he had to do with it. But he, however, figured out that it must have been something of value to him; otherwise, he wouldn't have been seeing it all the time.
The first few nights, he had merely dismissed them as nothing more but dreams. However, when they kept recurring, he began wondering whether they could be the clue to finding out all about the past. He had never told his parents about it, of course. After all they had done for him, he didn't want to give them any more trouble. His parents were always pleasant and caring, and he didn't want them to be upset over him.
Sometimes, though, he gets this feeling that some things are better left unknown.
On some nights, the memories get more vivid. He sees images of war and death; of a noble general with a cold exterior, commanding his subordinates to attack. The general has an unforgiving, no-nonsense stance to him, and Kaika thinks that he is intimidating. He tries to forget these dreams, but he can't. They follow him around like a ghost, constantly haunting him and reminding him of who he used to be. He tries to ignore them; to not think about them. It isn't easy, though.
Perhaps those memories belonged to a past he wanted to escape from. Perhaps it would be better to live a blissful life and not think about them. Kaika, after all, was quite the peace-loving person. He didn't revel in violence, unlike most boys his age.
A day ago, when Kaika was taking a stroll around the village, he overheard people telling stories about the Seiryuu Seishi, and how they, along with the Miko, would bring deliverance to the land. Someone mentioned the names, Amiboshi and Suboshi. He remembered how familiar they sounded to him, as if he knew them, but at the same time, the names sounded rather foreign and distant. Amiboshi. Suboshi. He didn't know whether they were family, friends or enemies. Or for all he knew, they could very well be random names that he had just heard once, and maybe that was why they seemed rather familiar.
At the moment, he has mixed feelings about his past. However curious he may be to discovering himself, he wouldn't want to return to the life he once lived. His dreams were enough to tell him that the past was nothing peaceful, and in fact, was rather turbulent. He feels confused at how he is intrigued but seemingly afraid of the past.
He doesn't mention anything about this to his parents, though. For sure, it would break their heart. What would they think if he, their son, would suddenly bring up such a puzzling question? He was sure that they would not give him the answers, and that it would hurt their feelings. Kaika wouldn't want that to happen. He owes a lot to them, since were caring enough to adopt him.
Kaika allows himself to be lost in thought and wonders about his real family, if he does have one. He wonders if they miss him, and if they think about him a lot. He wonders if they think that he is dead, or if they go around searching for him. What would they say if they saw him now? Would they take him away? There are so many questions flooding his mind at the moment, some of which would probably be better left unanswered. Kaika doesn't know what to think about his family; he doesn't remember them, so he can't say whether he misses them too. He is quite happy with the family he has now.
Bending over, Kaika picks up what is left of the vase---now reduced to several fragments. He thinks that his life is like the vase, scattered into pieces for him to find. He knows that one day, the missing pieces will be found at last. The past will be revealed to him, and maybe he would be able to put his life together. However, Kaika is also well aware that things won't be the same. Deep inside, he is still reluctant to return to accept the past. For now, he is content living a simple, idyllic life with his family.
Maybe someday, Kaika will find the courage to face his past, but for now he feels that it would be best to leave it as nothing more but fragments of memories.
A/N: Please review and tell me what you think! Was it confusing, or anything? I'm sorry if it may seem so...I'm only 14. I tried to be as consistent as possible, but if you spot any inconsistencies, please tell me in a civilized manner (i.e. constructive criticism). No flames, please!