Disclaimer: Contrary to what I've been telling you, I do not own the Legend
of Zelda. This doesn't mean that I still wouldn't like to own the Legend
of Zelda, it just means I don't own it. If you have any information on how
to obtain the rights to LoZ, or if you would just like to join my insane
cult, please cal l-900-556-67263. That's 1-900-556-NSANE!
UltrafanX: Welcome back, wallowing fleshbags! If you don't remember what happened last chapter, TOUGH COOKIES! HAHAHA!!! Seriously, though, last time, our heroes and villan discovered that, for the rest of the day, they won't be able to use the power of their Triforce! It also means they have less of the quality their Triforce represents!
Camomon: Ain't that just a kick in the teeth?
UX: By the way, this is my Digimon friend, Camomon, for those of you confused by his presence. Camomon, say hello to the nice folk!
Camomon: Yeah! Power to the fairies! I am so wasted right now.
UX: O___O Anywho, also last chapter, Link and Ganon decided, since a battle without the Triforce would be long and messy, that they won't fight for the rest of the day! Oh no!
Camomon: Also also, Tingle got a much needed touch of additude and baditude!
Tingle: Bite me, dog boy!
UX: How did you get past my elite guards?!?!
Tingle: The only thing I saw even close to guards were you friends Nights and Beat reading Highlights for Children. Stupid!
Camomon: Oh great, now we're stuck with the F***ing fairy for the rest of the fic!
UX: (Thinking: Hmm, Beat and Nights must be slacking off if they didn't even bother trying to beat up tingle. Time for a paycut! =)) Well, I guess you guys out there must be pretty bored by my rambling-
(Everyone in the audience is holding pitchforks or flaming sticks)
UX: so I'll start the fic!
Tingle: Bite my shiny, christmas tree green-
UX: By the way! Thank's to everyone who reviewed Chapter one. You guys rule!
Hyrule Castle, 1:45 AM
(The our three heroes-
Ganon: Hey! I'm not a hero! I'm the antagonist, ya stupid canoli!
UX: Hey, I'm one half Italian, and I find that offensive! (Strikes Ganon with lightning bolt)
Ganon: O___O I'll be good.
UX: Much better'a!
(Anyway, our three HEROES are now walking into Hyrule Castle. The king and everyone else in the castle are asleep, so they are the only people awake)
Link: Ooh, spooky noochies!
Ganon: Link, do all three of a huge favor and be quiet!
Link&Zelda: SHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ganon: O___O Sorry.
Zelda: (sighs) Well, no one in the castle will be up for hours, and I doubt anyway else is up.
Link: I'll bet Dampe's up! But I don't really like him much. He smells funny, kinda like Tingle!
Tingle: Bite me, airhead! (Flies away yet again)
Zelda: Link, after this whole thing's over, can I borrow your bow?
Link: Not if I shoot him first!
Ganon: Yeah, he's starting to piss me off too. (To Princess Zelda) Well, you're the brains of our club. Think of something to do!
Zelda: I told you, without my Triforce, I'm not as smart as I usually am.
Link: =) Really?
Zelda: I'm not THAT dumb, though.
Link: Rats.
Ganon: Aw crud.
Kaepora Gaebora: Son of a-
Link:O___O Oh my gosh, it's Keapola Gebura!
KG: That's Kaepora- Oh never mind.
Ganon: Hey, it's that annoying owl! What are you doing here?
KG: I come and go as I please. (Looks around suspiciously) Sooo, you guys wanta get high? (Holds out a blunt)
Zelda: No.
Ganon: Not really.
Link: Well-
Ganon&Zelda: LINK!!!!
Link: Sorry.
KG: Come on, drugs can blurr your perception of the passage of time!
Ganon: Really?
Zelda: So, in theory, we could get high and skip this goddeses forsaken day in the blink of an eye?
KG: Well, technically, but-
Link: I'll take all you've got!
Ganon: Yeah, I'll take a bushel or a pound or whatever! Princess, pay the bird!
Zelda: O__o Well, okay, but this better work!
Ganon: (Holding a blunt) Link, light this, won't you?
Link: With pleasure, my about to be stoned friends!
(Later)
(The three are now spacing out on the floor)
Link: *____* Dude. I have, like, five hands. No, wait, fingers. That is awsome!
Ganon: Dude, what the f*** is up with the Triforce. It's not a force, and it's, like, not a tri. So, what is ti?
Zelda: Cats. I think it's cats. Or maybe forks.
Link: Dude, you really are the wisdom thing. (Passes out)
Ganon: That's cause for another smoke!
(Even later)
(The group is now burned out on the floor)
Link: Oh man, of all the crazy hangovers I've ever experienced, this is the third worst!
Ganon: Dude, what's the f***ing deal with the Triforce. I mean-
Zelda: Ganon, you already said that. Shut up!
Link: On the plus side, at least that horrible Triforce thing is finally over.
KG: You guys have only been high for ten minutes. (Points to clock, which reads 1:56 AM)
Ganon: Aw sh*t!
Zelda: All that getting wasted for nothing!
Link: Well it wouldn't have been for nothing if someone had of been willing to take her clothes off.
Zelda: (Slaps Link)
Ganon: No fair! How come she gets to beat up on Peter Pan?
Zelda: You two decided not to fight, remember?
Ganon: I don't remember anything before that pot party except my name and that I hate him. Hey, you wanta go out?
Link: Stay away from my woman, old man! (Gets slapped by both of them)
Ganon: Oh yeah, that felt good.
Link: Wait! That blow to the head jogged my memory! (Takes out his Ocarina) Behold!
Zelda: Oh boy!
Ganon: Is that what I think it is?
Link: Correct! It's the wind waker! (Realizes his mistake) Er, I mean the Ocarina of Time!
Zelda&Ganon: Oh boy!
Link: All I have to do is play the song of time and we can skip to tommorow and continue our battle to the death!
Zelda: -__- And your telling us you didn't think of this sooner?
Link: Neither did you.
Ganon: He got you there, princess! BAM!
Zelda: (Slaps both of them) All right, Link, play the Ocarina and get us out of this horrible plotline!
Link: You got it, baby! (Is about to play Ocarina, when-)
UX: Yoink! (Steals Ocarina)
Link: Hey, my tennis stick! I mean ocarina! Give it back!
UX: I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
Ganon: Who's Dave? And who the f*** are you?
UX: Ganon, your casual swearing is starting to get me in trouble with the cencorship board. KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL BLAST YOU AGAIN!
Ganon: Sorry master.
Zelda: Who are you, anyway? And why do you keep popping up in random places?
UX: I am ULTRAFANX, THE ULTIMATE FAN IN TERMS OF MOVIES, GAMES, AND OTHER THINGS!!!! I'm also the one who put you in the sad situation!
Link: You did?
Ganon: Get 'im! (Is zapped by lightning) I get the point, I'll shut up.
UX: Much better. Anyway, if you guys get out of this situation, then the fic will end and I won't get any more reviews! And NO ONE wants that!
Zelda: What about us?
UX: Do you review my fic?
Link: We're IN your fic!
UX: If you don't contribute to my fanbase, then I don't recognize you! And now, I leave you to your day of horror! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Flies away, this time riding on the weird dragon from the neverending story. Why? BECAUSE I CAN!)
Link&Zelda: O________________O
Ganon: There goes the baddest man I've ever seen. Well, next to me.
2:12 AM
(The gang is now lounging around Zelda's room, still incredibly bored)
Link: Sooooooooooooo BORED!
Ganon: I can't take it anymore! I'm hanging myself!
Zelda: Ganon, that didn't work the last sixteen times, so why in the name of Nayru would it work this time?
Ganon: B-but, I'm SOOOOOO bored!
Zelda: There must be some way you and Link can kill each other in a highly stylized way with lots of cool powers.
Link: (Lightbulb appears above Link's head) I have an idea!
Historically Correct Man (A creepy dude wearing a creepy super hero suit. Creepy!): (Flies into window) Hold it, Young Man!
Ganon: Who the Funk and Wagnalls are you?
HCM: I'm HISTORICALLY CORRECT MAN Man man man man!
Zelda: Do you have to say 'man' over and over again?
HCM: As a matter of fact I do! Now, in Hyrule, there's no such thing as Lightbulbs! But if you want, you can use this fashionable candle! (Gives Link a candle)
Link: Hmmm.
(Five minutes later, Historically Correct Man is suspended over a vat of boiling oil and crocodiles, even though that doesn't make sense. Luckily, I got rid of the super hero who governs the Laws of Physics, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!)
HCM: Uh-oh. Things are not looking good for HISTORICALLY CORRECT MAN Man man man man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ganon: Cram it, Turtle Boy! (Throws boot at him)
Zelda: Nice work, Link. Now, what was your plan?
Link: Plan?
Zelda: You know, your plan to let you and Ganon have a super cool fight!
Ganon: Yeah, spill it!
Link: Uh, I kinda forgot. I was having so much fun torturing Historically Correct Man, it must have slipped outof my mind.
Zelda&Ganon: Do'h!!!!!!!!
UltrafanX: Well, it looks like the crews in deep Dodongo Sh*t! Will Link remember his most-likely unbrilliant plan?
Camomon: No.
UltrafanX: Will they be able to reclaim the Ocarina of Time from my grasp?
Camomon: Obviously no.
UX: Will all three of them be able to live through this crappy day?
Tingle: For the last Frickin' time, no! You sack of crap!
Camomon: And will we survive the rest of this fic with Tingle around. I hope so!
UX: To find out what happens, keep reading The Day of the Triforce!
Camomon: Please R&R! We love reviews!
UltrafanX: Welcome back, wallowing fleshbags! If you don't remember what happened last chapter, TOUGH COOKIES! HAHAHA!!! Seriously, though, last time, our heroes and villan discovered that, for the rest of the day, they won't be able to use the power of their Triforce! It also means they have less of the quality their Triforce represents!
Camomon: Ain't that just a kick in the teeth?
UX: By the way, this is my Digimon friend, Camomon, for those of you confused by his presence. Camomon, say hello to the nice folk!
Camomon: Yeah! Power to the fairies! I am so wasted right now.
UX: O___O Anywho, also last chapter, Link and Ganon decided, since a battle without the Triforce would be long and messy, that they won't fight for the rest of the day! Oh no!
Camomon: Also also, Tingle got a much needed touch of additude and baditude!
Tingle: Bite me, dog boy!
UX: How did you get past my elite guards?!?!
Tingle: The only thing I saw even close to guards were you friends Nights and Beat reading Highlights for Children. Stupid!
Camomon: Oh great, now we're stuck with the F***ing fairy for the rest of the fic!
UX: (Thinking: Hmm, Beat and Nights must be slacking off if they didn't even bother trying to beat up tingle. Time for a paycut! =)) Well, I guess you guys out there must be pretty bored by my rambling-
(Everyone in the audience is holding pitchforks or flaming sticks)
UX: so I'll start the fic!
Tingle: Bite my shiny, christmas tree green-
UX: By the way! Thank's to everyone who reviewed Chapter one. You guys rule!
Hyrule Castle, 1:45 AM
(The our three heroes-
Ganon: Hey! I'm not a hero! I'm the antagonist, ya stupid canoli!
UX: Hey, I'm one half Italian, and I find that offensive! (Strikes Ganon with lightning bolt)
Ganon: O___O I'll be good.
UX: Much better'a!
(Anyway, our three HEROES are now walking into Hyrule Castle. The king and everyone else in the castle are asleep, so they are the only people awake)
Link: Ooh, spooky noochies!
Ganon: Link, do all three of a huge favor and be quiet!
Link&Zelda: SHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ganon: O___O Sorry.
Zelda: (sighs) Well, no one in the castle will be up for hours, and I doubt anyway else is up.
Link: I'll bet Dampe's up! But I don't really like him much. He smells funny, kinda like Tingle!
Tingle: Bite me, airhead! (Flies away yet again)
Zelda: Link, after this whole thing's over, can I borrow your bow?
Link: Not if I shoot him first!
Ganon: Yeah, he's starting to piss me off too. (To Princess Zelda) Well, you're the brains of our club. Think of something to do!
Zelda: I told you, without my Triforce, I'm not as smart as I usually am.
Link: =) Really?
Zelda: I'm not THAT dumb, though.
Link: Rats.
Ganon: Aw crud.
Kaepora Gaebora: Son of a-
Link:O___O Oh my gosh, it's Keapola Gebura!
KG: That's Kaepora- Oh never mind.
Ganon: Hey, it's that annoying owl! What are you doing here?
KG: I come and go as I please. (Looks around suspiciously) Sooo, you guys wanta get high? (Holds out a blunt)
Zelda: No.
Ganon: Not really.
Link: Well-
Ganon&Zelda: LINK!!!!
Link: Sorry.
KG: Come on, drugs can blurr your perception of the passage of time!
Ganon: Really?
Zelda: So, in theory, we could get high and skip this goddeses forsaken day in the blink of an eye?
KG: Well, technically, but-
Link: I'll take all you've got!
Ganon: Yeah, I'll take a bushel or a pound or whatever! Princess, pay the bird!
Zelda: O__o Well, okay, but this better work!
Ganon: (Holding a blunt) Link, light this, won't you?
Link: With pleasure, my about to be stoned friends!
(Later)
(The three are now spacing out on the floor)
Link: *____* Dude. I have, like, five hands. No, wait, fingers. That is awsome!
Ganon: Dude, what the f*** is up with the Triforce. It's not a force, and it's, like, not a tri. So, what is ti?
Zelda: Cats. I think it's cats. Or maybe forks.
Link: Dude, you really are the wisdom thing. (Passes out)
Ganon: That's cause for another smoke!
(Even later)
(The group is now burned out on the floor)
Link: Oh man, of all the crazy hangovers I've ever experienced, this is the third worst!
Ganon: Dude, what's the f***ing deal with the Triforce. I mean-
Zelda: Ganon, you already said that. Shut up!
Link: On the plus side, at least that horrible Triforce thing is finally over.
KG: You guys have only been high for ten minutes. (Points to clock, which reads 1:56 AM)
Ganon: Aw sh*t!
Zelda: All that getting wasted for nothing!
Link: Well it wouldn't have been for nothing if someone had of been willing to take her clothes off.
Zelda: (Slaps Link)
Ganon: No fair! How come she gets to beat up on Peter Pan?
Zelda: You two decided not to fight, remember?
Ganon: I don't remember anything before that pot party except my name and that I hate him. Hey, you wanta go out?
Link: Stay away from my woman, old man! (Gets slapped by both of them)
Ganon: Oh yeah, that felt good.
Link: Wait! That blow to the head jogged my memory! (Takes out his Ocarina) Behold!
Zelda: Oh boy!
Ganon: Is that what I think it is?
Link: Correct! It's the wind waker! (Realizes his mistake) Er, I mean the Ocarina of Time!
Zelda&Ganon: Oh boy!
Link: All I have to do is play the song of time and we can skip to tommorow and continue our battle to the death!
Zelda: -__- And your telling us you didn't think of this sooner?
Link: Neither did you.
Ganon: He got you there, princess! BAM!
Zelda: (Slaps both of them) All right, Link, play the Ocarina and get us out of this horrible plotline!
Link: You got it, baby! (Is about to play Ocarina, when-)
UX: Yoink! (Steals Ocarina)
Link: Hey, my tennis stick! I mean ocarina! Give it back!
UX: I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.
Ganon: Who's Dave? And who the f*** are you?
UX: Ganon, your casual swearing is starting to get me in trouble with the cencorship board. KNOCK IT OFF OR I'LL BLAST YOU AGAIN!
Ganon: Sorry master.
Zelda: Who are you, anyway? And why do you keep popping up in random places?
UX: I am ULTRAFANX, THE ULTIMATE FAN IN TERMS OF MOVIES, GAMES, AND OTHER THINGS!!!! I'm also the one who put you in the sad situation!
Link: You did?
Ganon: Get 'im! (Is zapped by lightning) I get the point, I'll shut up.
UX: Much better. Anyway, if you guys get out of this situation, then the fic will end and I won't get any more reviews! And NO ONE wants that!
Zelda: What about us?
UX: Do you review my fic?
Link: We're IN your fic!
UX: If you don't contribute to my fanbase, then I don't recognize you! And now, I leave you to your day of horror! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Flies away, this time riding on the weird dragon from the neverending story. Why? BECAUSE I CAN!)
Link&Zelda: O________________O
Ganon: There goes the baddest man I've ever seen. Well, next to me.
2:12 AM
(The gang is now lounging around Zelda's room, still incredibly bored)
Link: Sooooooooooooo BORED!
Ganon: I can't take it anymore! I'm hanging myself!
Zelda: Ganon, that didn't work the last sixteen times, so why in the name of Nayru would it work this time?
Ganon: B-but, I'm SOOOOOO bored!
Zelda: There must be some way you and Link can kill each other in a highly stylized way with lots of cool powers.
Link: (Lightbulb appears above Link's head) I have an idea!
Historically Correct Man (A creepy dude wearing a creepy super hero suit. Creepy!): (Flies into window) Hold it, Young Man!
Ganon: Who the Funk and Wagnalls are you?
HCM: I'm HISTORICALLY CORRECT MAN Man man man man!
Zelda: Do you have to say 'man' over and over again?
HCM: As a matter of fact I do! Now, in Hyrule, there's no such thing as Lightbulbs! But if you want, you can use this fashionable candle! (Gives Link a candle)
Link: Hmmm.
(Five minutes later, Historically Correct Man is suspended over a vat of boiling oil and crocodiles, even though that doesn't make sense. Luckily, I got rid of the super hero who governs the Laws of Physics, MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!)
HCM: Uh-oh. Things are not looking good for HISTORICALLY CORRECT MAN Man man man man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ganon: Cram it, Turtle Boy! (Throws boot at him)
Zelda: Nice work, Link. Now, what was your plan?
Link: Plan?
Zelda: You know, your plan to let you and Ganon have a super cool fight!
Ganon: Yeah, spill it!
Link: Uh, I kinda forgot. I was having so much fun torturing Historically Correct Man, it must have slipped outof my mind.
Zelda&Ganon: Do'h!!!!!!!!
UltrafanX: Well, it looks like the crews in deep Dodongo Sh*t! Will Link remember his most-likely unbrilliant plan?
Camomon: No.
UltrafanX: Will they be able to reclaim the Ocarina of Time from my grasp?
Camomon: Obviously no.
UX: Will all three of them be able to live through this crappy day?
Tingle: For the last Frickin' time, no! You sack of crap!
Camomon: And will we survive the rest of this fic with Tingle around. I hope so!
UX: To find out what happens, keep reading The Day of the Triforce!
Camomon: Please R&R! We love reviews!