Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda or any related logos. They
are property of the Nintendo Corporation and its creator, Shigeru Myamoto.
Although I DID beat The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker today!!! Hooray
for me! Party Time!! (A bunch of ballons and streamers fall from the
ceiling as party music begins playing)
UX: Friends, Hylians, Fellow Writers, and that guy who lives by the bus Depo-
Guy who lives by bus Depo: YEAH! Someone noticed me!
UX: Lend me your ears! Welcome back to this work of side-splitting hilarity!
Camomon: You mean we're NOT reading your fic today?
UX: Why you little-
We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please Stand By (Screen shows comical picture of Cat hanging by clothesline with the Phrase "Hang in There, Baby" written above)
UX: Sorry about that! We had a little trouble with-
Camomon: You son of a-
(Shows cat again)
UX: You little Mother F-
(Show cat yet again)
Camomon: (Now evolved to his mega form, Dracamon) Why I oughta!
(Cat)
(Camera is now tilted on side and shows UX and Dracamon fighting to the death)
(For the love of Zelda, STOP SHOWING THE FRIGGIN CAT, YOU LITTLE SO-)
Producers: We are sorry. Those responsible for handling technical difficulties are experiencing Technical, and Mental, Difficulties of there own. In place of an opening monalouge, we are displeased to present this stock footage. Enjoy.
(Screen now shows random shots of Link getting beaten by Cuccos, with an opening title screen, ATTACK OF THE CHICKENS!!!!)
Link: Ahhhh!!!! Bad Cuccos!!!!! Stop!!!! Please?? I'll give you birdseed!!!! Ouch!!! Or people food!!! I can get you people food!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Is buried under pile of rampaging Chickens)
The End
UltrafanX Corporation XXI (I don't know what that means, but it look cool! ^__^)
Producers: We now return you to your regularly scheduled ficcy!
Lost Woods, 5:30 AM
(The 'gang' is now searching through the Lost Woods, looking for the portal Link used to get to Termina in Majora's Mask in a vain attempt to use the Happy Mask Man's masks to have let Ganon and Link fight without the Triforce)
Zelda: Link,are you sure you remember the way to Termina? I mean, it has been a while since you were there.
Link: I know the way, you lazy bums! I just need to jog my memory a little. Let's see: First I beat Ganon-
Ganon: I remember when that happened. I still have the scars!
Link: Then I went back in time, then I appeared in the Kokiri Village without a fairy, stupid Mido!
???: Link? Is that you?
Ganon: WOOD NYMPHS!!!! HIDE ME, HIDE ME!!!! They're still after me for the time I told them I stole their souls!!!! (Hides behind Zelda)
Link: ME TOO!!!! HIDE MEEEE!!!!!! (Also hides behind Zelda)
Zelda: Oh for the love of Benjy! Excuse me? 'Wood Nymphs'? I'm sorry my friends annoyed you! Could you please stop scaring the hell out of us?
???: I'm not a wood nymph! Well, I sort of am, but that's besides the point! (Emerges from bushes to reveal herself as... Saria! Link's Kokiri friend and sage of the Forest Temple)
Link: O___O Oh, Saria! I thought it was a horrible forest dweller!
Saria: Nope, just me. (Sees Ganon, or Big G as I like to call him) AHHH!!!! Ganondorf! Hide me! (Hides behind Zelda)
Link: Ganondorf?!? AHHHHH!!!!! (Hides behind Zelda yet again)
Zelda: Will you two calm down?!?! Ganon's friendly now! At least for the rest of the day.
Ganon: (Is seen chopping the heads off random forest animals. Gives the two cowards a friendly wave and continues his slaughter)
Saria: O___O Oh. Sorry about that. So, what bring you to this neck of the Lost Woods?
Link: We're trying to find a portal to another demension I once accidentaly wondered into to obtain a collection of powerful masks so me and G can have a super-cool fight to the death!
Saria: O___o Why don't you just use your Triforces?
Zelda: (Hands Saria a copy of Day of the Triforce, Chapter 1)
Saria: (Reads) Ooh, that's sucks!
Ganon: So, you seen any portals, Missy, or do we have to get rough?
Saria: I haven't seen any portals.
Ganon: Are you sure, cause I was really hoping to have to get rough!
Zelda: Ganon, stop threatening Link's friends!
Saria: Right O___o;; "Friends" O___o;; And nothing more O___o;;
(Suddenly, Kaepora Gaebora, the stoned bird, flies down and lands on a nearby branch)
KG: Perhaps I can lead the way, my young friends.
Ganon: Oh no, not this bastard again.
Link: Do you know the way to Termina, Mr. Gepolo?
KG: Maybe. Maybe not. The real question here is (Looks around suspiciously) You guys wanta get high?
Zelda: Oh no! You ain't pushing any drugs on us! Not after that last time!
Saria: Last time?
Ganon: The bird told us that we could blur the passing of time with drugs, yet his products failed to deliver.
Saria: Oh. You know, I could show you where the Kokiri weed stash is if you guys really wanta-
KG: Hey kid, stay outta my territory!
Saria: Kid! I find that offensive! Link, gimme your bow.
Link: Uh, it's booked solid for the rest of the week.
Saria: Oh Hell's bells!
KG: So, you want some blow or not?
Ganon: Now listen here, Mr. Gerola-
KG: GAEBORA!!! KAEPORA GAEBORA!!!!!!!!!!! HOW HARD IS IT TO REMEMBER?!?!?!?!
Ganon: Very hard. Anyway, Mr. Smith, we will not now, nor will we ever, require Crack, Weed, Cocaine, or any of your fine, fine smokables. Got that?
KG: It's on sale!
Ganon: Well...
(Ten Minutes Later)
Ganon: (Is wearing a tutu and a frilly hat) I'M THE MAGIC WOOD PIXIE!!! SPREADING SUNSHINE AND GUMDROPS WHERE EVER I GO!!!!!!!
Link: (Also wearing a tutu) ME TOO!!!!!!!! I'M ALSO THE MAGIC WOOD PIXIE!!!!!!!!!!
Saria: (Starring at a squirrel) Hey! You talkin'to me? Are YOU talkin' to me? I don't see nobody else around, so you must be talkin' to me! That's it!!!!
Zelda: (Is swaying back and forth) Dude. This is AWWWWWWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Five minutes later)
Link: Ooh, my head!
Zelda: I can't believe that stupid owl tricked us again!
Ganon: And we barely wasted any time at all!
Link: Plus, we didn't get to see any graphic nudity! (Both Saria and Zelda slap Link) Ouch! I stand by my dissapointed statement!
Saria: You know, that stuff wasn't as good as he said it was. I'm going to bring his business up at the next Kokiri drug union meeting!
Ganon: Yeah, well, I say the next time we see that stupid animal, we knock him out, throw him off a cliff, and then tar and unfeather him! Though not in that exact order.
Link: I'm with you ALL the way! (Stands up) Now, where'd we park? (Falls into a random hole) AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saria: Linkie! If you can hear us, yell AHHHH.
Link: (Still falling) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ganon: We better follow him! It must be the portal to Termina!
Zelda: O___o That doesn't make sense! I mean, it could be the portal, but it could just as easily be a pit of rabid wolfos! Don't you understand that-
(Ganon has already jumped through the mysterious hole)
Ganon: Can't here ya, lassie!
Zelda: -___- Oh well, looks like we'll have to follow them! (Jumps through hole)
Saria: I hope this is one of the drug-inspired delusions! (Jumps after them)
Zelda: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Lands on other side of hole) Hey! I made it!
Saria: (Lands next to Zelda) Hey! Me too!
Ganon: (Both of them landed on Ganon) We're glad for you, girls, but do you think you could get off of both of us!
Link: (Is underneath all three of them) I can't feel anything anymore!
(Everyone gets off Link and Ganon)
Zelda: So where are we anyway?
Link: (Looks around at his surroundings, which is the village of Clock Town. Looks at a sign next to them which says, "Welcome to Clocktown") I have no idea.
Skullkid: (Walks by the group) Hey Link. O____O LINK!!!!!! Hey, you came back!
Zelda: Link, you know this creature?
Link: Creature? This is the skullkid, my evil friend!
Tatl: (Flying around Skullkid's head with Talon) EX-Evil friend.
Tael: He went lagit after the whole causing the moon to crash thing.
Ganon: You! Small wooden child and fairies! What name is given to this land?
Skullkid: Uh, this land? Well, your in North ClockTown, just near the fairy fountain in-
Zelda: He MEANS what world are we in?
Skullkid: World? Uh, you're in Termina.
Saria: Hey! We made it! We're alive!
Ganon: AND we didn't get attack by wolfos!
Link: Hey Skullkid! You know where the Mask dude is?
Skullkid: Uh, I think his shop's near the clocktower. Come on, I can show you how to get there! (The whole group follows Skullkid around)
Saria: So, what's the deal with this place? Is it some kind of parallel universe to Hyrule?
Tatl: Balderdash! Even a child astro-physicist could tell you that Hyrule is Termina's parallel universe! You guys are ripping us off!
Zelda: Oh yeah! Says who?
??? (Not the same ??? as Saria, though): Says I! (Shadowy figure is revealed as, duh duh duh, THE HAPPY MASK SALESMAN!!!!!!)
Link: Hey, Happy Man! What up, dawg?
Skullkid: Hey boss! I got you a couple of suckers, er, customers!
Happy Mask Salesman: Excellent work, my little friend! (Gives him a tiny leather pouch)
Zelda: You work for him?
Skullkid: If by 'work' you mean he gives me free crack in return for bringing in customers, then yes!
Ganon: We were told you held super-powerful masks which could be used for a fight to the death! Can you supply us with such masks?
HMS: Oh, that I can!
Zelda: Perfect! We'll take your two most powerful, violent, and evil masks!
HMS: Very well! That will be five-billion rupees!
Link: Wonderful! Zelda, pay the man.
Zelda: O___O I don't have any rupees. I spent all my money on drugs.
Link: Ganon, you got any dough?
Ganon: I told you in Chapter Two, NO!
Saria: Chapter?
Link: Well I don't have any money. Saria, SK, fairies?
Saria: Kokiri's don't believe in currency. Okay, we do, I'm just broke! Happy?
Skullkid: And we're hobos!
HMS: I'm sorry. But I can't give such powerful masks to those not willing to pay me huge amounts of cash!!!
Link: Hey, I thought those masks were too dangerous to give to anyone!
HMS: All the more reason NOT to give them to you! He-he!
Zelda: Hmm, this could be difficult. Triforce huddle!! (Zelda, Ganon, Link, Saria, Skullkid, and the fairies get into a huddle, but Saria, Skullkid, and the fairies get tossed out) I said TRIFORCE HUDDLE!!!!
Saria: That is so unfair!
Skullkid: Yeah! We have feeling too! (Ganon gives him some leftover crack) But I can suppress them!
Link: Okay, what's our plan?
Ganon: I DO have a plan, but it will involve being sneaky, conniving, playing dirty, and possibly witchcraft! You in?
Zelda: On any other occasion, No. But today, I'll make an exception!
Link: Yeah! Let's stick it to the man!
Ganon: Excellent! Okay, here's the plan! (Inaudible whispers) And then, (More inaudible whispers)
Saria: Oh boy! It looks like they're up to something!
Skullkid: Yeah, but what?
Tatl: Look's like well have to wait till the next chapter to find out!
Tael: Chapter?
Tatl: O___O;;;; Uh, never mind!
(Back at UltrafanX Psychadelic Headquaters)
UX: (Is very beat up) Uh, sorry about that, folks! Camomon and I had a bit of a misuderstanding.
Camomon: (Also beat up) Yeah. But we're better now, and all ready to start the new chapter!
Stage Hand: (Whispers something from off-stage)
Camomon&UX: O_________O Uh, we knew that!
UX: Anyway, er, tune in next time for the next chapter of Day of the Triforce! Er, something.
Camomon: Yeah, and, uh, review! I guess.
Computer: Code Magenta!! Tingle has escaped!! This is not a drill!!! Repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!!!!!
UX: Friends, Hylians, Fellow Writers, and that guy who lives by the bus Depo-
Guy who lives by bus Depo: YEAH! Someone noticed me!
UX: Lend me your ears! Welcome back to this work of side-splitting hilarity!
Camomon: You mean we're NOT reading your fic today?
UX: Why you little-
We are experiencing technical difficulties. Please Stand By (Screen shows comical picture of Cat hanging by clothesline with the Phrase "Hang in There, Baby" written above)
UX: Sorry about that! We had a little trouble with-
Camomon: You son of a-
(Shows cat again)
UX: You little Mother F-
(Show cat yet again)
Camomon: (Now evolved to his mega form, Dracamon) Why I oughta!
(Cat)
(Camera is now tilted on side and shows UX and Dracamon fighting to the death)
(For the love of Zelda, STOP SHOWING THE FRIGGIN CAT, YOU LITTLE SO-)
Producers: We are sorry. Those responsible for handling technical difficulties are experiencing Technical, and Mental, Difficulties of there own. In place of an opening monalouge, we are displeased to present this stock footage. Enjoy.
(Screen now shows random shots of Link getting beaten by Cuccos, with an opening title screen, ATTACK OF THE CHICKENS!!!!)
Link: Ahhhh!!!! Bad Cuccos!!!!! Stop!!!! Please?? I'll give you birdseed!!!! Ouch!!! Or people food!!! I can get you people food!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!! (Is buried under pile of rampaging Chickens)
The End
UltrafanX Corporation XXI (I don't know what that means, but it look cool! ^__^)
Producers: We now return you to your regularly scheduled ficcy!
Lost Woods, 5:30 AM
(The 'gang' is now searching through the Lost Woods, looking for the portal Link used to get to Termina in Majora's Mask in a vain attempt to use the Happy Mask Man's masks to have let Ganon and Link fight without the Triforce)
Zelda: Link,are you sure you remember the way to Termina? I mean, it has been a while since you were there.
Link: I know the way, you lazy bums! I just need to jog my memory a little. Let's see: First I beat Ganon-
Ganon: I remember when that happened. I still have the scars!
Link: Then I went back in time, then I appeared in the Kokiri Village without a fairy, stupid Mido!
???: Link? Is that you?
Ganon: WOOD NYMPHS!!!! HIDE ME, HIDE ME!!!! They're still after me for the time I told them I stole their souls!!!! (Hides behind Zelda)
Link: ME TOO!!!! HIDE MEEEE!!!!!! (Also hides behind Zelda)
Zelda: Oh for the love of Benjy! Excuse me? 'Wood Nymphs'? I'm sorry my friends annoyed you! Could you please stop scaring the hell out of us?
???: I'm not a wood nymph! Well, I sort of am, but that's besides the point! (Emerges from bushes to reveal herself as... Saria! Link's Kokiri friend and sage of the Forest Temple)
Link: O___O Oh, Saria! I thought it was a horrible forest dweller!
Saria: Nope, just me. (Sees Ganon, or Big G as I like to call him) AHHH!!!! Ganondorf! Hide me! (Hides behind Zelda)
Link: Ganondorf?!? AHHHHH!!!!! (Hides behind Zelda yet again)
Zelda: Will you two calm down?!?! Ganon's friendly now! At least for the rest of the day.
Ganon: (Is seen chopping the heads off random forest animals. Gives the two cowards a friendly wave and continues his slaughter)
Saria: O___O Oh. Sorry about that. So, what bring you to this neck of the Lost Woods?
Link: We're trying to find a portal to another demension I once accidentaly wondered into to obtain a collection of powerful masks so me and G can have a super-cool fight to the death!
Saria: O___o Why don't you just use your Triforces?
Zelda: (Hands Saria a copy of Day of the Triforce, Chapter 1)
Saria: (Reads) Ooh, that's sucks!
Ganon: So, you seen any portals, Missy, or do we have to get rough?
Saria: I haven't seen any portals.
Ganon: Are you sure, cause I was really hoping to have to get rough!
Zelda: Ganon, stop threatening Link's friends!
Saria: Right O___o;; "Friends" O___o;; And nothing more O___o;;
(Suddenly, Kaepora Gaebora, the stoned bird, flies down and lands on a nearby branch)
KG: Perhaps I can lead the way, my young friends.
Ganon: Oh no, not this bastard again.
Link: Do you know the way to Termina, Mr. Gepolo?
KG: Maybe. Maybe not. The real question here is (Looks around suspiciously) You guys wanta get high?
Zelda: Oh no! You ain't pushing any drugs on us! Not after that last time!
Saria: Last time?
Ganon: The bird told us that we could blur the passing of time with drugs, yet his products failed to deliver.
Saria: Oh. You know, I could show you where the Kokiri weed stash is if you guys really wanta-
KG: Hey kid, stay outta my territory!
Saria: Kid! I find that offensive! Link, gimme your bow.
Link: Uh, it's booked solid for the rest of the week.
Saria: Oh Hell's bells!
KG: So, you want some blow or not?
Ganon: Now listen here, Mr. Gerola-
KG: GAEBORA!!! KAEPORA GAEBORA!!!!!!!!!!! HOW HARD IS IT TO REMEMBER?!?!?!?!
Ganon: Very hard. Anyway, Mr. Smith, we will not now, nor will we ever, require Crack, Weed, Cocaine, or any of your fine, fine smokables. Got that?
KG: It's on sale!
Ganon: Well...
(Ten Minutes Later)
Ganon: (Is wearing a tutu and a frilly hat) I'M THE MAGIC WOOD PIXIE!!! SPREADING SUNSHINE AND GUMDROPS WHERE EVER I GO!!!!!!!
Link: (Also wearing a tutu) ME TOO!!!!!!!! I'M ALSO THE MAGIC WOOD PIXIE!!!!!!!!!!
Saria: (Starring at a squirrel) Hey! You talkin'to me? Are YOU talkin' to me? I don't see nobody else around, so you must be talkin' to me! That's it!!!!
Zelda: (Is swaying back and forth) Dude. This is AWWWWWWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Five minutes later)
Link: Ooh, my head!
Zelda: I can't believe that stupid owl tricked us again!
Ganon: And we barely wasted any time at all!
Link: Plus, we didn't get to see any graphic nudity! (Both Saria and Zelda slap Link) Ouch! I stand by my dissapointed statement!
Saria: You know, that stuff wasn't as good as he said it was. I'm going to bring his business up at the next Kokiri drug union meeting!
Ganon: Yeah, well, I say the next time we see that stupid animal, we knock him out, throw him off a cliff, and then tar and unfeather him! Though not in that exact order.
Link: I'm with you ALL the way! (Stands up) Now, where'd we park? (Falls into a random hole) AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saria: Linkie! If you can hear us, yell AHHHH.
Link: (Still falling) AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ganon: We better follow him! It must be the portal to Termina!
Zelda: O___o That doesn't make sense! I mean, it could be the portal, but it could just as easily be a pit of rabid wolfos! Don't you understand that-
(Ganon has already jumped through the mysterious hole)
Ganon: Can't here ya, lassie!
Zelda: -___- Oh well, looks like we'll have to follow them! (Jumps through hole)
Saria: I hope this is one of the drug-inspired delusions! (Jumps after them)
Zelda: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Lands on other side of hole) Hey! I made it!
Saria: (Lands next to Zelda) Hey! Me too!
Ganon: (Both of them landed on Ganon) We're glad for you, girls, but do you think you could get off of both of us!
Link: (Is underneath all three of them) I can't feel anything anymore!
(Everyone gets off Link and Ganon)
Zelda: So where are we anyway?
Link: (Looks around at his surroundings, which is the village of Clock Town. Looks at a sign next to them which says, "Welcome to Clocktown") I have no idea.
Skullkid: (Walks by the group) Hey Link. O____O LINK!!!!!! Hey, you came back!
Zelda: Link, you know this creature?
Link: Creature? This is the skullkid, my evil friend!
Tatl: (Flying around Skullkid's head with Talon) EX-Evil friend.
Tael: He went lagit after the whole causing the moon to crash thing.
Ganon: You! Small wooden child and fairies! What name is given to this land?
Skullkid: Uh, this land? Well, your in North ClockTown, just near the fairy fountain in-
Zelda: He MEANS what world are we in?
Skullkid: World? Uh, you're in Termina.
Saria: Hey! We made it! We're alive!
Ganon: AND we didn't get attack by wolfos!
Link: Hey Skullkid! You know where the Mask dude is?
Skullkid: Uh, I think his shop's near the clocktower. Come on, I can show you how to get there! (The whole group follows Skullkid around)
Saria: So, what's the deal with this place? Is it some kind of parallel universe to Hyrule?
Tatl: Balderdash! Even a child astro-physicist could tell you that Hyrule is Termina's parallel universe! You guys are ripping us off!
Zelda: Oh yeah! Says who?
??? (Not the same ??? as Saria, though): Says I! (Shadowy figure is revealed as, duh duh duh, THE HAPPY MASK SALESMAN!!!!!!)
Link: Hey, Happy Man! What up, dawg?
Skullkid: Hey boss! I got you a couple of suckers, er, customers!
Happy Mask Salesman: Excellent work, my little friend! (Gives him a tiny leather pouch)
Zelda: You work for him?
Skullkid: If by 'work' you mean he gives me free crack in return for bringing in customers, then yes!
Ganon: We were told you held super-powerful masks which could be used for a fight to the death! Can you supply us with such masks?
HMS: Oh, that I can!
Zelda: Perfect! We'll take your two most powerful, violent, and evil masks!
HMS: Very well! That will be five-billion rupees!
Link: Wonderful! Zelda, pay the man.
Zelda: O___O I don't have any rupees. I spent all my money on drugs.
Link: Ganon, you got any dough?
Ganon: I told you in Chapter Two, NO!
Saria: Chapter?
Link: Well I don't have any money. Saria, SK, fairies?
Saria: Kokiri's don't believe in currency. Okay, we do, I'm just broke! Happy?
Skullkid: And we're hobos!
HMS: I'm sorry. But I can't give such powerful masks to those not willing to pay me huge amounts of cash!!!
Link: Hey, I thought those masks were too dangerous to give to anyone!
HMS: All the more reason NOT to give them to you! He-he!
Zelda: Hmm, this could be difficult. Triforce huddle!! (Zelda, Ganon, Link, Saria, Skullkid, and the fairies get into a huddle, but Saria, Skullkid, and the fairies get tossed out) I said TRIFORCE HUDDLE!!!!
Saria: That is so unfair!
Skullkid: Yeah! We have feeling too! (Ganon gives him some leftover crack) But I can suppress them!
Link: Okay, what's our plan?
Ganon: I DO have a plan, but it will involve being sneaky, conniving, playing dirty, and possibly witchcraft! You in?
Zelda: On any other occasion, No. But today, I'll make an exception!
Link: Yeah! Let's stick it to the man!
Ganon: Excellent! Okay, here's the plan! (Inaudible whispers) And then, (More inaudible whispers)
Saria: Oh boy! It looks like they're up to something!
Skullkid: Yeah, but what?
Tatl: Look's like well have to wait till the next chapter to find out!
Tael: Chapter?
Tatl: O___O;;;; Uh, never mind!
(Back at UltrafanX Psychadelic Headquaters)
UX: (Is very beat up) Uh, sorry about that, folks! Camomon and I had a bit of a misuderstanding.
Camomon: (Also beat up) Yeah. But we're better now, and all ready to start the new chapter!
Stage Hand: (Whispers something from off-stage)
Camomon&UX: O_________O Uh, we knew that!
UX: Anyway, er, tune in next time for the next chapter of Day of the Triforce! Er, something.
Camomon: Yeah, and, uh, review! I guess.
Computer: Code Magenta!! Tingle has escaped!! This is not a drill!!! Repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!!!!!