Stolen Child
Chapter 15
There's Nothing I'd Like Better
(Than To Fall)
After drifting in and out of sleep for nearly an hour, Hermione finally sat up in her bed when she noticed the crackling of a fire across the room. She hadn't even heard the house elves come in or leave, but of course, that was the mark of a good house elf. The sun had barely risen over the horizon, and she blinked against the brightness in her eyes. The grounds where glistening with a fresh layer of snow, and she smiled, remembering that Christmas was just a week away.
Slowly she slid from between her velvet blankets and padded across the cold stone floor to the bathroom. After debating for a moment between taking a shower or a bath, she filled the large tub full of steaming hot water adding in a bit of lavender scented bubble bath before stepping in and relaxing. It had been a week since she had had a proper bath, and no matter what Madame Pomfrey said, she would never be convinced that cleaning spells worked as well as the nurse had claimed. Vigorously she washed every part with lavender soap, rinsed and then simply relaxed, allowing her mind to wander to the previous night. Although the memory of her lips against his cheek brought a silly grin to her face, it also caused a pang of worry. Was Professor Snape angry with her? Or had he enjoyed it as she had?
She spent only a few more minutes relaxing and mulling over the preceding night before she stepped from the tub, dried off, and still wrapped in large terry cloth towel, returned to her room. It wasn't until she had changed into fresh robes the color of a virgin olive, and had begun taming her annoyingly short and wily hair that she noticed a note addressed to her sitting on her end table. A thrill of delight burst forth from her heart and she snatched it up and hastily tore it open and unfolded the letter within. Her heart immediately sank to her stomach and she sighed heavily. It was only from Professor McGonagall informing her that she'd be visiting at ten that morning.
Wadding up the letter she angrily discarded it in to her waste basket and continued with her stubborn hair, a bit more roughly than before.
*~~~~*~~~~*
Professor Snape fastened the final button of his shirt and began to work at his still slightly damp hair with a comb. It wasn't long before it was free from tangles and he pulled it back into a pony tail tying it with a length of black cord. For a moment he surveyed himself in the mirror and found that he actually, for once looked healthy, which was surprising, especially after a particularly restless night of sleep. His scowl deepened. He had no wish to see Hermione today, or the look of disgust she'd surely grace him with, and yet he also didn't want to hole himself up in the dungeons the entire weekend. Deciding upon the lesser of two evils, he resigned himself to his fate and went strait to his classroom desk and began to grade papers.
After only three papers, though, his mind, having other ideas, began to wander, replaying the memory of the kiss. Hermione's lips had been so soft against his skin, and her breath warm against his cheek. He could still clearly remember her unique scent, unblemished by perfumes and all the more sweet for it. How he had wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her properly, but of course that was completely out of the question. She was Hermione Granger- a brilliant, uniquely beautiful young woman, and he was Severus Snape- the disgusting, bitter, and hideous potion's master.
Scoffing, he turned his attention back to grading the papers before him, a task which suddenly seemed incredibly ominous, but he was resolute and completed the task in little over twice the amount of time it would have taken any other day.
Snape stood from his chair and once again retreated to his chambers, this time, though, he was just passing through to the small sitting room which was adjacent to it. There was only one chair in the center of the room, an end table, a small desk, and the rest of the space was filled with towering shelves filled with books on every subject from potions, of course, to muggle art and politics. He chose a large, leather bound book, the subject of which was the life and works of John William Waterhouse, and then took a seat in the comfortable arm chair and began to read.
Halfway through the first chapter, though, he began to realize that he had chosen the wrong book to take his mind off of the girl three doors away. Waterhouse's model of choice resembled her so much that it was almost unnerving. She was the restless Lady of Shallott, gazing in to her mirror while sitting at her loom; She was Isabella, dreaming of her dead lover, clinging to her pot of basil; Her's was the face of Ophelia, the innocent gone mad; And she was every beautiful, bare breasted naiad tempting Hylas. He swallowed hard and took a long, shaky breath and shut the book, the last thing he needed was to see dozens more paintings of nude women with Hermione's face.
*~~~~*~~~~~*
Hermione sighed and shut her door. Minerva had finally left after a grueling hour of silly chit chat. She had come down to allow her to read the letters which had been written to her former friends to let them know that she had returned and was alive and well, though without her memories. In addition to letters sent to Ronald, Harry, and Virginia, there had been one addressed to Rubeus Hagrid and one to Molly Wealsey. Hermione had simply nodded when McGonagall asked if the letters were ok. What did it matter to her? They'd come no matter what, and she would have to force herself to be even remotely interested. They had been interrupted by three owls pecking at her window, and McGonagall had, with practiced ease attached the letters to the owl's legs, and then sent them on their way. Thankfully after that she had made her excuses and left. And finally Hermione could once again go about her business.
She reclaimed a seat in her arm chair and picked up the book sitting on the table in front of her and set it on her lap, 'Numerology and Gramatica", her old Arithmancy book. She was on chapter eight, and couldn't remember reading anything but chapter one; after that there had been nothing running through her mind but Professor Snape and the previous night. What did he think of her now that he knew what she had been? Did he thing she was disgusting? Dirty? Hermione had to admit that she wouldn't blame him if he did think that of her. She had been a pet, an animal, and had been used in any manner that entertained her lord and lady, and now even she disgusted herself.
With all her might, Hemione shoved aside the thoughts corroding her mind and forced herself to focus on the book before her. She succeeded for nearly an hour before it finally became too much and she slammed her book, tossing it onto the table where it landed with a heavy thud. Restlessly she stood and began to pace. Somehow she had to find out what he thought about last night; and then it hit her, she could go and ask him if they'd be meeting again after dinner, that was a completely legitimate excuse, and while she was there, she could take the opportunity to test the water.
*~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*
Severus stood next to a large table which was situated to the side of his classroom, vigorously chopping daisy roots. He really had no need for them, but he had to do something to keep his mind off of Hermione. Neither reading, nor writing had worked, and it seemed that only manual labor could do the job. And so he had reorganized the contents of his desk, had put all of his potions and ingredients in alphabetical order, as well as all of the books on his shelf, and now he had his sleeves rolled up and the top button of his shirt undone to allow freedom of movement while he chopped all ingredients that needed to be chopped, and grinded all ingredients that needed to be grinded. This was normally something reserved for the students, but he was desperate.
There was a polite knock on the classroom door, "You may enter," he hadn't even bothered to look up; he was so engrossed in the motion of finely chopping the delicate roots. The door opened and then shut again, but he did not check to see who had entered, too intent on the methodic rhythm of the blade.
"Professor Snape?"
At the sound of the girl's timid voice, the one that had come to haunt his dreams, Severus faltered and the blade bit deep into his thumb. He hissed in pain and quickly used the rag he always kept handy to stem the flow of blood, and went to the sink where he pulled out his wand and uttered a simple spell to heal the cut. All that was left was a thin, raised scar. He washed his hands with hot water and soap, toweled them dry, and then whirled around briskly to face Hermione who's face was nearly the color of a Gryffindor banner.
"I'm..I'm sorry I disturbed you, sir..I didn't mean to.to.." She motioned to his hand, and swallowed hard.
"Just one of many, Ms. Granger, I'll live." The corner of his mouth twitched, and he couldn't help but be pleased that she seemed concerned. He returned to the table and cleaned the knife and table with a wave of his wand. "What do you want, Ms. Granger? I'm a busy man."
Hermione swallowed hard, thankful that he hadn't cut his finger off. "I was just wonderful if we'll be meeting tonight after dinner."
"I hadn't given it much thought. I doubt there is much more information for either of us to exchange." He gathered up the unspoiled portion of chopped daisy root and dusted it into a jar, which he then corked.
"Oh." She tried to keep her face emotionless, though inside it felt as though the earth had stopped turning. He had to hate her for last night, why else would he terminate their meetings?
"That is, of course, unless you can find a reason for us to continue." He tossed the towel into a hamper beneath the table.
"I.well.I.it seems to me that, since you're the only person I even remotely remember, besides Professor Dumbledore, that perhaps being around you might trigger.other..memories." She had seriously scraped for that excuse, getting down into the dirt of her mind and digging with her bare hands until she pulled out that tiny little nugget of gold, and she prayed that it would be enough.
"Do you really think so?" He stepped forward, his eyes boring into. After a brief struggle with his better judgment he decided to use a touch of Legilimancy to see if she was telling the truth.
Hermione, though terrified of his intense gaze, met his eyes unflinchingly, though perhaps if she had known the reason for his scrutiny, she would have looked away.
Snape tested the waters of the forefront of her mind. The most prevalent emotion was fright, caused no doubt by his intensity, the second on the rather long list was hope, He probed a bit more and found that indeed, she was lying, but he was completely floored when he found the real reason for her deceit. Quickly he retreated and looked away from her eyes, his mind reeling with confusion. There was no way that what he had seen was true, and yet, her mind could not lie to him without sufficient training. She wanted to see him to see him. Not for the sake of her memories, but for the sake of wanting to be around him. It felt as thought a bubble of something very cold had burst within his chest and slowly crept through his veins, making a cold sweating break out over his brow, his palms suddenly clammy, and for the first time in many, many years, Severus Snape was nervous over a woman.
Hermione saw his face drain of the little color it usually held and watched him swallow hard. "Professor Snape, are you alright?"
"Yes. Of course I'm alright." He turned and went back to his table, uncorked another jar, emptied its contents into a mortar and methodically began to grind them with his pestle.
It was her turn to swallow hard as she watched him work the herb into a fine powder. With the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, hair pulled back in a pony tail with a few fly aways, and the top button undone on his shirt, he was no longer the cold, aloof, darkly attractive, though untouchable Potion's master. He was indeed, a man, flesh and blood. It felt as though a tiny little crack had opened in the dam against her memories. She had done this before; watched him grind herbs, and it had been the realization that he was warm and alive that had made him fascinating to her as a young woman. Slowly Hermione crossed the room and stood next to the seat that had been familiar to her the previous night, and watched him a bit more from that angle. Her heart began to pound and the crack widened. An image of Snape trickled through and unfolded in her minds eye. He was smiling, she had just made a joke, and he had laughed. They were alone in the classroom and she was helping him slice up caterpillars. She couldn't remember the joke, but his smile was vivid. "Professor Snape."
Turning around, he saw that Hermione wore a look of complete and utter amazement, and he looked around him to find the source of her amazement but saw nothing. "Yes Ms. Granger?"
"Do you remember when I helped you slice caterpillars for extra credit, and I made a joke and you laughed?" She could barely keep herself from physically crossing her fingers, but she did hold her breath.
There was a long pause while Snape debated. Should he tell her the truth? If he did, then to him at least, he'd be admitting his weakness all over again, something that had kept him awake all night after the laughing incident. If he didn't tell her, though, then she would have to question every single little memory that was recovered, and it could set her recovery back substantially. "Yes, I remember. And I wager you do as well."
Hermione nodded enthusiastically, and grinned broadly. They were coming back. Her memories, though slowly, were coming back.
Nodding curtly, he turned back to his work and began grinding once again, pretending to not really care, though in actuality he was as terrified as it was possible for the dreaded potion's master to be. She had wanted to spend time around him just for the sake of being near him, but would that last once she remembered what a monster he really was?
"Sir?" She approached him slowly, still smiling, though more sedated. "May I help?"
Without a sound, he pushed a jar which appeared to have extremely slimy contents towards her along with a knife. "If you wish. Dice these."
Without hesitation she dumped the contents onto the table a few feet down from his area and began methodically dicing the tiny little slimy things that looked like soggy, floppy, flattened red beans, never once letting on exactly how disgusted she really was.
Snape had to admit, he was impressed, and secretly pleased. She had passed the test, for people who could dice bat liver and not even flinch were few and far between. They worked side by side for well over an hour preparing potion ingredients. She was as meticulous and precise as he, and Snape could find no flaws in her handy work. They were so engrossed in their joint effort that neither noticed the house elves leaving two trays of soup and dinner rolls on one of the classroom tables until they had finished chopping, slicing, grinding, and peeling every last ingredient in the storage room.
Taking turns, they each washed their hands in the basin at the back of the room, and then dried them. They hadn't spoken the entire time, unless it was to ask for the knife or mortar and pestle, or Snape giving Hermione instructions.
It was Professor Snape who broke the silence. "The house elves brought lunch while we worked." He breathed in deeply to summon his courage, "Would you like to stay and eat?"
"That would be nice, thank you." She smiled and exhaled, having thought that he'd tell her to leave with her tray and return to her room. Instead he took a seat at the table where the elves had placed the trays, and had even moved a chair so that they could sit face to face. Following his lead she sat across from him and smiled, suddenly feeling extremely odd eating in such a familiar way with him, their knees only a few inches apart. Tentatively she began to eat her soup and rolls.
Hermione wasn't the only one who felt awkward eating face to face. It had been years since Snape had eaten across from someone else; the last time had been with Dumbledore in his chambers months before the end of the war. Why had those silly house elves arrange their trays in such a fashion? Usually they were quite good when it came to reading a situation and acting accordingly. The setting would have been appropriate for a couple or too close friends. Hadn't they seen that he and Hermione were. Snape stopped. What had they appeared to be? Obviously not enemies, or teacher and student; and so the house elves had simply come to the conclusion that they were friends, colleagues, or lovers. Even the concept of calling Hermione his friend made him anxious, but the thought of being even mistaken as lovers was nearly overwhelming.
Only managing to eat half her bowl of soup, Hermione simple pretended to pick at a dinner roll until Snape had finished his soup and set his bowl aside. She pushed hers aside as well and finally looked up at him and decided to try her hand a small talk. "I've been reading my arithmancy book."
"Has it been helpful?" He stood slowly and began walking around the room, straitening random jars of ingredients as he had done a thousand times earlier in the day, the thought of simply sitting across from her and chit chatting completely unbearable, he knew that he would do something idiotic if he stayed so close to her.
She stood as well but chose to stay next to the table, leaning against it. "Not as much as my journal, but it is fascinating none the less, I can see why I was so interested in it while in school."
Nodding, he turned a jar of pickled frog tongues slightly to the right. "Have you given much thought to the issue of your education?"
"No, to be honest I haven't. It would probably be best to wait and see if my memories come back so I won't have to start from the beginning. It would help if I had a wand, to."
"Perhaps we could visit Ollivander's at Diagon Alley during the Christmas break?" He couldn't have stopped his words even if he had tried, but as soon as he had spoken them he had felt like a fool. Why would she want to go with him? He was horrible. But then he remembered what he has seen within the confines of her mind. She didn't think he was horrible, at least not yet.
"That would be wonderful! But.I-I don't have any money." The wide grin she had worn for a moment faded into nothing.
"Actually you do." He straitened another jar. "When your mother and father passed away, all of their assets had been left in Professor Dumbledore's care, as their will had requested to be exchanged into wizarding money and placed in a vault in Gringotts in case you ever returned."
Hermione felt a sudden swell of emotion; her parents had never given up hope for her, even in death, but she had been too late in her return, and had missed them. She breathed deeply to keep from bursting into tears, and breathed out heavily, and forced a smile. "Well it's a date, then."
Watching her the whole time, Snape saw the progression of her feelings through her expressions, prayed that she wouldn't cry, and mentally thanked Merlin when she seemed to have mastered her emotional upheaval. And then it hit him that she had just called it a date. A thousand things ran through his mind, and though he felt a pang of guilt, he once again gazed into her eyes, trying to make it seem less threatening this time around, though. And there it was. the very first thing he came to. She was hoping that he hadn't noticed that she had called it a date, but also hoped that he would go along with it. It felt as though he would die as waves of bliss washed over him, and he almost smiled as he replied, "Indeed.I look forward to it."
From then on the atmosphere of the classroom had shifted and settled into a steadily warming one. Together they subtly rearranged the formation of the rows classroom tables, something Snape confessed to doing occasionally to keep the students on their toes, then he, using his wand, and she using her hands, thoroughly scrubbed every one of the classroom's cauldron. Finally finishing the class room they stood opposite of each other, each leaning on one of the many tables. They spoke easily with each other, bantering back and forth about anything that Hermione could still remember or had learned; Her fear of disappointing her friends by not remembering them, her interest in Arithmancy and now Potions, the idea of perhaps continuing her studies, but much sooner than they had anticipated, it was five thirty.
"Professor, I'm sorry, but I need to change into something nicer for dinner." She bit her lip and looked towards the door reluctantly.
"As do I, Ms. Granger." He had indeed lost track of time was shocked into reality by the idea of her leaving, but it was true, he was a mess and so was she, though he wished that she could continue wearing the lovely green robes she had on at that moment.
"I'll see you at dinner, sir." She forced a smile and held out her hand. "I enjoyed working with you today."
Snape stared at her hand for a moment as if she was asking him to firmly grasp a cactus. "Your services were invaluable, perhaps you could assist me the next time I brew a batch of potions for Madame Pomfrey?" He was pleased to see her nod, and with an enormous burst of Gryffindor worthy bravery and Slytherin grace, he bent and lightly kissed her offered hand.
Hermione gaped at his action, her face and neck blazing. As he released her hand, it hung in mid air for a few moments before she could regain enough composure to bring it to her side. Weakly she smiled, nodded, and fled the room as quickly as she could and still be polite.
As soon as the door shut behind her, Snape double over, his hands over his face, his always stubborn mind fighting against a wave of despair. He was a damned fool. What the hell had he been thinking? It was one thing for a woman to be idly interested in a man, and secretly pursue him in her own mind. It was completely different, however, when the man responded, especially if he was Snape. She had just been fascinated, it had just been a little game she had only been toying with in secret, and it was obvious that she hadn't meant for him to respond. Even if she had honestly liked him, those feelings would have been tossed aside as soon as she remembered what he had been like towards her when she had been in school. He gritted his teeth in anger towards himself. She was probably scrubbing his presence off of her hand at that very moment, on the verge of nausea. 'God, Severus, what the hell did you do?'
*~~~~*~~~~*
Hermione sat on her bed, her hands over her searing face. He had responded, made a move! He had kissed her instead of simply shaking her hand! But would he have if he knew what she was? Would he really have sullied his lips on the hand of a girl as filthy and used as she was? She could, of course, neglect to tell him, but his eyes.when he stared at her, and met hers, it was as if he could see strait into her soul, and so wouldn't he be able to see what she had done in the Fairy realm? What had been done to her?
She stood and went to one of her windows, looking out over the snow blanketed grounds, and though the sun had not yet set, the faint full moon had already begun to rise.
*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Fear
Sarah Mclachlan
Morning smiles
Like the face of a newborn child,
Innocent, unknowing.
Winter's end
promises of a long lost friend.
Speaks to me of comfort
But I fear
I have nothing to give.
I have so much to loose here in this lonely place.
Tangled up in your embrace
There's there's nothing I'd like better than to fall.
But I fear I have nothing to give.
Wind in time
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine
And nothing yields to shelter it from above.
The say temptation will destroy our love.
The never ending hunger
But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to loose here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There's nothing I'd like better than to fall
But I fear I have nothing to give.
I have so much to loose.
I have nothing to give.
We have so much to lose...
*~~~~*~~~~*
Notes: Alrighty, I'm trying to get this story rolling a bit faster now, and so I apologize if I skimped on a few parts in this chapter, I thought that pages of banter would be a bit tedious, both to me and you *L* Just so you all know, next week I wont be posting for a few days (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) since I'll be at my parent's house, though I'll probably write in my notebook and just copy from it when I get home. If I can get myself going I hope to bring them to Christmas before it happens for real, or maybe a little bit after. Next chapter it should get REALLY interesting, though I've learned my lesson about making promises about the content of chapters that haven't been written *LMAO*
MercyKnight: Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it! ^_^ And I'll try to write the chapters a bit longer (I think the one I just did is the longest yet), it's getting easier and easier to write for long periods of time now that I'm back in the swing of things.but I wont guarantee anything since I'm stuck between a rock and hard place..send out longer chapters every few days or send out shorter chapters every day *L*.ack.. another hard place I've found myself in.this story was supposed to end up having some pretty interesting love scenes but now I'm not too sure *LOL*.it's like getting up in front of a large group of people and reading the kama sutra *LOL*.anyways, enough ranting--- again, thank you for reading and reviewing!
AZ: Thank you! And NP! ^_^
Someone28: *LOL* np! I have and will continue to as long as I get lots of reviews to feed the creativity demon I've got hidden under my bed! ^_-
Artemis Moonclaw: Thank you! And Thank you again for reading!
Sweetygirl420: We'll see! ^_- Thanks for still reading!
dama-de-tinieblas: Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! And NP!
Altagracia: *BLUSH!* *LOL* Thank you so much! Unfortunately my love lays elsewhere *pets her snape*. As for the music-sounds like you have awesome taste to! :P It's killer to see someone recognize the titles! Usually I use the title or a line from a song that I played repeatedly while writing that chapter *L* anyways.Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Magictwinkle: Thank you so much! And Thank you even more for reading and reviewing, like I've said before, I do a happy dance every time I get a new one! ^_^
LadySilverDragon2: Thank you!! ^_^ I will/have! I've said this a million times, but I can't stress it enough, thank you for reading and reviewing! ^_^ ^_^!!
Chapter 15
There's Nothing I'd Like Better
(Than To Fall)
After drifting in and out of sleep for nearly an hour, Hermione finally sat up in her bed when she noticed the crackling of a fire across the room. She hadn't even heard the house elves come in or leave, but of course, that was the mark of a good house elf. The sun had barely risen over the horizon, and she blinked against the brightness in her eyes. The grounds where glistening with a fresh layer of snow, and she smiled, remembering that Christmas was just a week away.
Slowly she slid from between her velvet blankets and padded across the cold stone floor to the bathroom. After debating for a moment between taking a shower or a bath, she filled the large tub full of steaming hot water adding in a bit of lavender scented bubble bath before stepping in and relaxing. It had been a week since she had had a proper bath, and no matter what Madame Pomfrey said, she would never be convinced that cleaning spells worked as well as the nurse had claimed. Vigorously she washed every part with lavender soap, rinsed and then simply relaxed, allowing her mind to wander to the previous night. Although the memory of her lips against his cheek brought a silly grin to her face, it also caused a pang of worry. Was Professor Snape angry with her? Or had he enjoyed it as she had?
She spent only a few more minutes relaxing and mulling over the preceding night before she stepped from the tub, dried off, and still wrapped in large terry cloth towel, returned to her room. It wasn't until she had changed into fresh robes the color of a virgin olive, and had begun taming her annoyingly short and wily hair that she noticed a note addressed to her sitting on her end table. A thrill of delight burst forth from her heart and she snatched it up and hastily tore it open and unfolded the letter within. Her heart immediately sank to her stomach and she sighed heavily. It was only from Professor McGonagall informing her that she'd be visiting at ten that morning.
Wadding up the letter she angrily discarded it in to her waste basket and continued with her stubborn hair, a bit more roughly than before.
*~~~~*~~~~*
Professor Snape fastened the final button of his shirt and began to work at his still slightly damp hair with a comb. It wasn't long before it was free from tangles and he pulled it back into a pony tail tying it with a length of black cord. For a moment he surveyed himself in the mirror and found that he actually, for once looked healthy, which was surprising, especially after a particularly restless night of sleep. His scowl deepened. He had no wish to see Hermione today, or the look of disgust she'd surely grace him with, and yet he also didn't want to hole himself up in the dungeons the entire weekend. Deciding upon the lesser of two evils, he resigned himself to his fate and went strait to his classroom desk and began to grade papers.
After only three papers, though, his mind, having other ideas, began to wander, replaying the memory of the kiss. Hermione's lips had been so soft against his skin, and her breath warm against his cheek. He could still clearly remember her unique scent, unblemished by perfumes and all the more sweet for it. How he had wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her properly, but of course that was completely out of the question. She was Hermione Granger- a brilliant, uniquely beautiful young woman, and he was Severus Snape- the disgusting, bitter, and hideous potion's master.
Scoffing, he turned his attention back to grading the papers before him, a task which suddenly seemed incredibly ominous, but he was resolute and completed the task in little over twice the amount of time it would have taken any other day.
Snape stood from his chair and once again retreated to his chambers, this time, though, he was just passing through to the small sitting room which was adjacent to it. There was only one chair in the center of the room, an end table, a small desk, and the rest of the space was filled with towering shelves filled with books on every subject from potions, of course, to muggle art and politics. He chose a large, leather bound book, the subject of which was the life and works of John William Waterhouse, and then took a seat in the comfortable arm chair and began to read.
Halfway through the first chapter, though, he began to realize that he had chosen the wrong book to take his mind off of the girl three doors away. Waterhouse's model of choice resembled her so much that it was almost unnerving. She was the restless Lady of Shallott, gazing in to her mirror while sitting at her loom; She was Isabella, dreaming of her dead lover, clinging to her pot of basil; Her's was the face of Ophelia, the innocent gone mad; And she was every beautiful, bare breasted naiad tempting Hylas. He swallowed hard and took a long, shaky breath and shut the book, the last thing he needed was to see dozens more paintings of nude women with Hermione's face.
*~~~~*~~~~~*
Hermione sighed and shut her door. Minerva had finally left after a grueling hour of silly chit chat. She had come down to allow her to read the letters which had been written to her former friends to let them know that she had returned and was alive and well, though without her memories. In addition to letters sent to Ronald, Harry, and Virginia, there had been one addressed to Rubeus Hagrid and one to Molly Wealsey. Hermione had simply nodded when McGonagall asked if the letters were ok. What did it matter to her? They'd come no matter what, and she would have to force herself to be even remotely interested. They had been interrupted by three owls pecking at her window, and McGonagall had, with practiced ease attached the letters to the owl's legs, and then sent them on their way. Thankfully after that she had made her excuses and left. And finally Hermione could once again go about her business.
She reclaimed a seat in her arm chair and picked up the book sitting on the table in front of her and set it on her lap, 'Numerology and Gramatica", her old Arithmancy book. She was on chapter eight, and couldn't remember reading anything but chapter one; after that there had been nothing running through her mind but Professor Snape and the previous night. What did he think of her now that he knew what she had been? Did he thing she was disgusting? Dirty? Hermione had to admit that she wouldn't blame him if he did think that of her. She had been a pet, an animal, and had been used in any manner that entertained her lord and lady, and now even she disgusted herself.
With all her might, Hemione shoved aside the thoughts corroding her mind and forced herself to focus on the book before her. She succeeded for nearly an hour before it finally became too much and she slammed her book, tossing it onto the table where it landed with a heavy thud. Restlessly she stood and began to pace. Somehow she had to find out what he thought about last night; and then it hit her, she could go and ask him if they'd be meeting again after dinner, that was a completely legitimate excuse, and while she was there, she could take the opportunity to test the water.
*~~~~~~*~~~~~~~*
Severus stood next to a large table which was situated to the side of his classroom, vigorously chopping daisy roots. He really had no need for them, but he had to do something to keep his mind off of Hermione. Neither reading, nor writing had worked, and it seemed that only manual labor could do the job. And so he had reorganized the contents of his desk, had put all of his potions and ingredients in alphabetical order, as well as all of the books on his shelf, and now he had his sleeves rolled up and the top button of his shirt undone to allow freedom of movement while he chopped all ingredients that needed to be chopped, and grinded all ingredients that needed to be grinded. This was normally something reserved for the students, but he was desperate.
There was a polite knock on the classroom door, "You may enter," he hadn't even bothered to look up; he was so engrossed in the motion of finely chopping the delicate roots. The door opened and then shut again, but he did not check to see who had entered, too intent on the methodic rhythm of the blade.
"Professor Snape?"
At the sound of the girl's timid voice, the one that had come to haunt his dreams, Severus faltered and the blade bit deep into his thumb. He hissed in pain and quickly used the rag he always kept handy to stem the flow of blood, and went to the sink where he pulled out his wand and uttered a simple spell to heal the cut. All that was left was a thin, raised scar. He washed his hands with hot water and soap, toweled them dry, and then whirled around briskly to face Hermione who's face was nearly the color of a Gryffindor banner.
"I'm..I'm sorry I disturbed you, sir..I didn't mean to.to.." She motioned to his hand, and swallowed hard.
"Just one of many, Ms. Granger, I'll live." The corner of his mouth twitched, and he couldn't help but be pleased that she seemed concerned. He returned to the table and cleaned the knife and table with a wave of his wand. "What do you want, Ms. Granger? I'm a busy man."
Hermione swallowed hard, thankful that he hadn't cut his finger off. "I was just wonderful if we'll be meeting tonight after dinner."
"I hadn't given it much thought. I doubt there is much more information for either of us to exchange." He gathered up the unspoiled portion of chopped daisy root and dusted it into a jar, which he then corked.
"Oh." She tried to keep her face emotionless, though inside it felt as though the earth had stopped turning. He had to hate her for last night, why else would he terminate their meetings?
"That is, of course, unless you can find a reason for us to continue." He tossed the towel into a hamper beneath the table.
"I.well.I.it seems to me that, since you're the only person I even remotely remember, besides Professor Dumbledore, that perhaps being around you might trigger.other..memories." She had seriously scraped for that excuse, getting down into the dirt of her mind and digging with her bare hands until she pulled out that tiny little nugget of gold, and she prayed that it would be enough.
"Do you really think so?" He stepped forward, his eyes boring into. After a brief struggle with his better judgment he decided to use a touch of Legilimancy to see if she was telling the truth.
Hermione, though terrified of his intense gaze, met his eyes unflinchingly, though perhaps if she had known the reason for his scrutiny, she would have looked away.
Snape tested the waters of the forefront of her mind. The most prevalent emotion was fright, caused no doubt by his intensity, the second on the rather long list was hope, He probed a bit more and found that indeed, she was lying, but he was completely floored when he found the real reason for her deceit. Quickly he retreated and looked away from her eyes, his mind reeling with confusion. There was no way that what he had seen was true, and yet, her mind could not lie to him without sufficient training. She wanted to see him to see him. Not for the sake of her memories, but for the sake of wanting to be around him. It felt as thought a bubble of something very cold had burst within his chest and slowly crept through his veins, making a cold sweating break out over his brow, his palms suddenly clammy, and for the first time in many, many years, Severus Snape was nervous over a woman.
Hermione saw his face drain of the little color it usually held and watched him swallow hard. "Professor Snape, are you alright?"
"Yes. Of course I'm alright." He turned and went back to his table, uncorked another jar, emptied its contents into a mortar and methodically began to grind them with his pestle.
It was her turn to swallow hard as she watched him work the herb into a fine powder. With the sleeves of his shirt rolled up, hair pulled back in a pony tail with a few fly aways, and the top button undone on his shirt, he was no longer the cold, aloof, darkly attractive, though untouchable Potion's master. He was indeed, a man, flesh and blood. It felt as though a tiny little crack had opened in the dam against her memories. She had done this before; watched him grind herbs, and it had been the realization that he was warm and alive that had made him fascinating to her as a young woman. Slowly Hermione crossed the room and stood next to the seat that had been familiar to her the previous night, and watched him a bit more from that angle. Her heart began to pound and the crack widened. An image of Snape trickled through and unfolded in her minds eye. He was smiling, she had just made a joke, and he had laughed. They were alone in the classroom and she was helping him slice up caterpillars. She couldn't remember the joke, but his smile was vivid. "Professor Snape."
Turning around, he saw that Hermione wore a look of complete and utter amazement, and he looked around him to find the source of her amazement but saw nothing. "Yes Ms. Granger?"
"Do you remember when I helped you slice caterpillars for extra credit, and I made a joke and you laughed?" She could barely keep herself from physically crossing her fingers, but she did hold her breath.
There was a long pause while Snape debated. Should he tell her the truth? If he did, then to him at least, he'd be admitting his weakness all over again, something that had kept him awake all night after the laughing incident. If he didn't tell her, though, then she would have to question every single little memory that was recovered, and it could set her recovery back substantially. "Yes, I remember. And I wager you do as well."
Hermione nodded enthusiastically, and grinned broadly. They were coming back. Her memories, though slowly, were coming back.
Nodding curtly, he turned back to his work and began grinding once again, pretending to not really care, though in actuality he was as terrified as it was possible for the dreaded potion's master to be. She had wanted to spend time around him just for the sake of being near him, but would that last once she remembered what a monster he really was?
"Sir?" She approached him slowly, still smiling, though more sedated. "May I help?"
Without a sound, he pushed a jar which appeared to have extremely slimy contents towards her along with a knife. "If you wish. Dice these."
Without hesitation she dumped the contents onto the table a few feet down from his area and began methodically dicing the tiny little slimy things that looked like soggy, floppy, flattened red beans, never once letting on exactly how disgusted she really was.
Snape had to admit, he was impressed, and secretly pleased. She had passed the test, for people who could dice bat liver and not even flinch were few and far between. They worked side by side for well over an hour preparing potion ingredients. She was as meticulous and precise as he, and Snape could find no flaws in her handy work. They were so engrossed in their joint effort that neither noticed the house elves leaving two trays of soup and dinner rolls on one of the classroom tables until they had finished chopping, slicing, grinding, and peeling every last ingredient in the storage room.
Taking turns, they each washed their hands in the basin at the back of the room, and then dried them. They hadn't spoken the entire time, unless it was to ask for the knife or mortar and pestle, or Snape giving Hermione instructions.
It was Professor Snape who broke the silence. "The house elves brought lunch while we worked." He breathed in deeply to summon his courage, "Would you like to stay and eat?"
"That would be nice, thank you." She smiled and exhaled, having thought that he'd tell her to leave with her tray and return to her room. Instead he took a seat at the table where the elves had placed the trays, and had even moved a chair so that they could sit face to face. Following his lead she sat across from him and smiled, suddenly feeling extremely odd eating in such a familiar way with him, their knees only a few inches apart. Tentatively she began to eat her soup and rolls.
Hermione wasn't the only one who felt awkward eating face to face. It had been years since Snape had eaten across from someone else; the last time had been with Dumbledore in his chambers months before the end of the war. Why had those silly house elves arrange their trays in such a fashion? Usually they were quite good when it came to reading a situation and acting accordingly. The setting would have been appropriate for a couple or too close friends. Hadn't they seen that he and Hermione were. Snape stopped. What had they appeared to be? Obviously not enemies, or teacher and student; and so the house elves had simply come to the conclusion that they were friends, colleagues, or lovers. Even the concept of calling Hermione his friend made him anxious, but the thought of being even mistaken as lovers was nearly overwhelming.
Only managing to eat half her bowl of soup, Hermione simple pretended to pick at a dinner roll until Snape had finished his soup and set his bowl aside. She pushed hers aside as well and finally looked up at him and decided to try her hand a small talk. "I've been reading my arithmancy book."
"Has it been helpful?" He stood slowly and began walking around the room, straitening random jars of ingredients as he had done a thousand times earlier in the day, the thought of simply sitting across from her and chit chatting completely unbearable, he knew that he would do something idiotic if he stayed so close to her.
She stood as well but chose to stay next to the table, leaning against it. "Not as much as my journal, but it is fascinating none the less, I can see why I was so interested in it while in school."
Nodding, he turned a jar of pickled frog tongues slightly to the right. "Have you given much thought to the issue of your education?"
"No, to be honest I haven't. It would probably be best to wait and see if my memories come back so I won't have to start from the beginning. It would help if I had a wand, to."
"Perhaps we could visit Ollivander's at Diagon Alley during the Christmas break?" He couldn't have stopped his words even if he had tried, but as soon as he had spoken them he had felt like a fool. Why would she want to go with him? He was horrible. But then he remembered what he has seen within the confines of her mind. She didn't think he was horrible, at least not yet.
"That would be wonderful! But.I-I don't have any money." The wide grin she had worn for a moment faded into nothing.
"Actually you do." He straitened another jar. "When your mother and father passed away, all of their assets had been left in Professor Dumbledore's care, as their will had requested to be exchanged into wizarding money and placed in a vault in Gringotts in case you ever returned."
Hermione felt a sudden swell of emotion; her parents had never given up hope for her, even in death, but she had been too late in her return, and had missed them. She breathed deeply to keep from bursting into tears, and breathed out heavily, and forced a smile. "Well it's a date, then."
Watching her the whole time, Snape saw the progression of her feelings through her expressions, prayed that she wouldn't cry, and mentally thanked Merlin when she seemed to have mastered her emotional upheaval. And then it hit him that she had just called it a date. A thousand things ran through his mind, and though he felt a pang of guilt, he once again gazed into her eyes, trying to make it seem less threatening this time around, though. And there it was. the very first thing he came to. She was hoping that he hadn't noticed that she had called it a date, but also hoped that he would go along with it. It felt as though he would die as waves of bliss washed over him, and he almost smiled as he replied, "Indeed.I look forward to it."
From then on the atmosphere of the classroom had shifted and settled into a steadily warming one. Together they subtly rearranged the formation of the rows classroom tables, something Snape confessed to doing occasionally to keep the students on their toes, then he, using his wand, and she using her hands, thoroughly scrubbed every one of the classroom's cauldron. Finally finishing the class room they stood opposite of each other, each leaning on one of the many tables. They spoke easily with each other, bantering back and forth about anything that Hermione could still remember or had learned; Her fear of disappointing her friends by not remembering them, her interest in Arithmancy and now Potions, the idea of perhaps continuing her studies, but much sooner than they had anticipated, it was five thirty.
"Professor, I'm sorry, but I need to change into something nicer for dinner." She bit her lip and looked towards the door reluctantly.
"As do I, Ms. Granger." He had indeed lost track of time was shocked into reality by the idea of her leaving, but it was true, he was a mess and so was she, though he wished that she could continue wearing the lovely green robes she had on at that moment.
"I'll see you at dinner, sir." She forced a smile and held out her hand. "I enjoyed working with you today."
Snape stared at her hand for a moment as if she was asking him to firmly grasp a cactus. "Your services were invaluable, perhaps you could assist me the next time I brew a batch of potions for Madame Pomfrey?" He was pleased to see her nod, and with an enormous burst of Gryffindor worthy bravery and Slytherin grace, he bent and lightly kissed her offered hand.
Hermione gaped at his action, her face and neck blazing. As he released her hand, it hung in mid air for a few moments before she could regain enough composure to bring it to her side. Weakly she smiled, nodded, and fled the room as quickly as she could and still be polite.
As soon as the door shut behind her, Snape double over, his hands over his face, his always stubborn mind fighting against a wave of despair. He was a damned fool. What the hell had he been thinking? It was one thing for a woman to be idly interested in a man, and secretly pursue him in her own mind. It was completely different, however, when the man responded, especially if he was Snape. She had just been fascinated, it had just been a little game she had only been toying with in secret, and it was obvious that she hadn't meant for him to respond. Even if she had honestly liked him, those feelings would have been tossed aside as soon as she remembered what he had been like towards her when she had been in school. He gritted his teeth in anger towards himself. She was probably scrubbing his presence off of her hand at that very moment, on the verge of nausea. 'God, Severus, what the hell did you do?'
*~~~~*~~~~*
Hermione sat on her bed, her hands over her searing face. He had responded, made a move! He had kissed her instead of simply shaking her hand! But would he have if he knew what she was? Would he really have sullied his lips on the hand of a girl as filthy and used as she was? She could, of course, neglect to tell him, but his eyes.when he stared at her, and met hers, it was as if he could see strait into her soul, and so wouldn't he be able to see what she had done in the Fairy realm? What had been done to her?
She stood and went to one of her windows, looking out over the snow blanketed grounds, and though the sun had not yet set, the faint full moon had already begun to rise.
*~~~~~*~~~~~*
Fear
Sarah Mclachlan
Morning smiles
Like the face of a newborn child,
Innocent, unknowing.
Winter's end
promises of a long lost friend.
Speaks to me of comfort
But I fear
I have nothing to give.
I have so much to loose here in this lonely place.
Tangled up in your embrace
There's there's nothing I'd like better than to fall.
But I fear I have nothing to give.
Wind in time
Rapes the flower trembling on the vine
And nothing yields to shelter it from above.
The say temptation will destroy our love.
The never ending hunger
But I fear
I have nothing to give
I have so much to loose here in this lonely place
Tangled up in our embrace
There's nothing I'd like better than to fall
But I fear I have nothing to give.
I have so much to loose.
I have nothing to give.
We have so much to lose...
*~~~~*~~~~*
Notes: Alrighty, I'm trying to get this story rolling a bit faster now, and so I apologize if I skimped on a few parts in this chapter, I thought that pages of banter would be a bit tedious, both to me and you *L* Just so you all know, next week I wont be posting for a few days (Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday) since I'll be at my parent's house, though I'll probably write in my notebook and just copy from it when I get home. If I can get myself going I hope to bring them to Christmas before it happens for real, or maybe a little bit after. Next chapter it should get REALLY interesting, though I've learned my lesson about making promises about the content of chapters that haven't been written *LMAO*
MercyKnight: Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying it! ^_^ And I'll try to write the chapters a bit longer (I think the one I just did is the longest yet), it's getting easier and easier to write for long periods of time now that I'm back in the swing of things.but I wont guarantee anything since I'm stuck between a rock and hard place..send out longer chapters every few days or send out shorter chapters every day *L*.ack.. another hard place I've found myself in.this story was supposed to end up having some pretty interesting love scenes but now I'm not too sure *LOL*.it's like getting up in front of a large group of people and reading the kama sutra *LOL*.anyways, enough ranting--- again, thank you for reading and reviewing!
AZ: Thank you! And NP! ^_^
Someone28: *LOL* np! I have and will continue to as long as I get lots of reviews to feed the creativity demon I've got hidden under my bed! ^_-
Artemis Moonclaw: Thank you! And Thank you again for reading!
Sweetygirl420: We'll see! ^_- Thanks for still reading!
dama-de-tinieblas: Thank You! Thank You! Thank You! And NP!
Altagracia: *BLUSH!* *LOL* Thank you so much! Unfortunately my love lays elsewhere *pets her snape*. As for the music-sounds like you have awesome taste to! :P It's killer to see someone recognize the titles! Usually I use the title or a line from a song that I played repeatedly while writing that chapter *L* anyways.Thank you for reading and reviewing!
Magictwinkle: Thank you so much! And Thank you even more for reading and reviewing, like I've said before, I do a happy dance every time I get a new one! ^_^
LadySilverDragon2: Thank you!! ^_^ I will/have! I've said this a million times, but I can't stress it enough, thank you for reading and reviewing! ^_^ ^_^!!