Disclaimer: I don't own Boo Radley but I wish I did.
After I was rushed to the emergency room for numerous stitches on my forehead, I went to Burger King to celebrate with my best friend Sydney Carton. By now, it was about 3 AM but Sydney's always skulking around Burger King drunk.
I don't really know which to celebrate, that I found my one true love, or that I had the courage to go up to him (It wasn't my fault that a few things got in the way) or that I remembered my life after about a thirty second amnesia, or that I spoke to my one true love, even if they weren't the right words, or that I was going to get a pretty impressive Harry Pickle look-alike scar on my forehead.
Anyway, when I got to BK, there was good old Sydney sitting in a dumpster. He's kind of gone insane since his one true love, Lucie Manette married this loser guy... anyway. Such a soap opera.
"Hey Sydney!"
"What!" Sydney screamed, then fell over onto his face. Drunk again. I shook my head sadly. I helped him up and said, "Hey, you look like you could use a Mighty Big Kid's Meal Double Cheeseburger smeared in ketchup, mustard and cheddar cheese."
"I have never needed one more." Sydney slurred.
We went to the back of the fast-food restaurant and I took the key out of my pocket. We opened the back door and turned on the lights.
You may be wondering how I got the key. The truth is, I don't even know. I've always had it, since I was a wee pickle-eating child. It's been passed down from generation to generation. My father's father's father's father was breaking and entering, trespassing and stealing, hundreds of years ago, just like me. It just gives me a warm feeling inside.
I opened the giant refrigerator and my eyes filled with happy tears. They had replenished the pickle supply! I took as many jars as I could hold, and sat down at one of the tables.
Sydney came a few minutes later with a Mighty Big Kid's Meal Double Cheeseburger smeared in ketchup, mustard and cheddar cheese. He sat down, but he missed the chair.
"How'd you make it that fast?"
"Dug it out of the trash."
I decided to overlook this, and said, "So guess what? I went to a singles bar and I saw this guy and I fell in love with him and I wanted to go and talk to him and I was afraid and I stood up and I passed out and nobody noticed and I lost my memory and the guy I fell in love with held scissors over my head and I regained my memory and I sat up and the guy stabbed me in the forehead and I went to the hospital and I'm gong to get a Harry Pickle scar!"
Sydney looked blankly at me. "What?"
"But guess what the best thing of all is? I found out his name!"
"Great. Can you say again the part about the singles bar –"
"Guess what it is? Go on! Guess!"
"John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt?"
"Close."
"Ummm Radagast?"
"BOO RADLEY!" I shrieked.
Sydney missed his mouth and smooshed the Mighty Big Kid's Meal Double Cheeseburger smeared in ketchup, mustard and cheddar cheese into his face. Wiping away the mustard, he said, "That psychopath? Oh, no. You don't want to hang around with him. He is bad news."
"Can I have your pickles?" I asked him.
Sydney sighed.
After I was rushed to the emergency room for numerous stitches on my forehead, I went to Burger King to celebrate with my best friend Sydney Carton. By now, it was about 3 AM but Sydney's always skulking around Burger King drunk.
I don't really know which to celebrate, that I found my one true love, or that I had the courage to go up to him (It wasn't my fault that a few things got in the way) or that I remembered my life after about a thirty second amnesia, or that I spoke to my one true love, even if they weren't the right words, or that I was going to get a pretty impressive Harry Pickle look-alike scar on my forehead.
Anyway, when I got to BK, there was good old Sydney sitting in a dumpster. He's kind of gone insane since his one true love, Lucie Manette married this loser guy... anyway. Such a soap opera.
"Hey Sydney!"
"What!" Sydney screamed, then fell over onto his face. Drunk again. I shook my head sadly. I helped him up and said, "Hey, you look like you could use a Mighty Big Kid's Meal Double Cheeseburger smeared in ketchup, mustard and cheddar cheese."
"I have never needed one more." Sydney slurred.
We went to the back of the fast-food restaurant and I took the key out of my pocket. We opened the back door and turned on the lights.
You may be wondering how I got the key. The truth is, I don't even know. I've always had it, since I was a wee pickle-eating child. It's been passed down from generation to generation. My father's father's father's father was breaking and entering, trespassing and stealing, hundreds of years ago, just like me. It just gives me a warm feeling inside.
I opened the giant refrigerator and my eyes filled with happy tears. They had replenished the pickle supply! I took as many jars as I could hold, and sat down at one of the tables.
Sydney came a few minutes later with a Mighty Big Kid's Meal Double Cheeseburger smeared in ketchup, mustard and cheddar cheese. He sat down, but he missed the chair.
"How'd you make it that fast?"
"Dug it out of the trash."
I decided to overlook this, and said, "So guess what? I went to a singles bar and I saw this guy and I fell in love with him and I wanted to go and talk to him and I was afraid and I stood up and I passed out and nobody noticed and I lost my memory and the guy I fell in love with held scissors over my head and I regained my memory and I sat up and the guy stabbed me in the forehead and I went to the hospital and I'm gong to get a Harry Pickle scar!"
Sydney looked blankly at me. "What?"
"But guess what the best thing of all is? I found out his name!"
"Great. Can you say again the part about the singles bar –"
"Guess what it is? Go on! Guess!"
"John Jacob Jingle Heimer Schmidt?"
"Close."
"Ummm Radagast?"
"BOO RADLEY!" I shrieked.
Sydney missed his mouth and smooshed the Mighty Big Kid's Meal Double Cheeseburger smeared in ketchup, mustard and cheddar cheese into his face. Wiping away the mustard, he said, "That psychopath? Oh, no. You don't want to hang around with him. He is bad news."
"Can I have your pickles?" I asked him.
Sydney sighed.