Title: Getting Married
Chapter Title: Getting Kicked Where It Hurt
Author: nikki (nikkichan0829yahoo.com)
Genre: humor
Rating: R
WARNING: EXTREME OOCNESS. SHOUNEN-AI. YAOI. Some perverted humor.
Author's notes: This came to me while I was figuring out what to write for my other fic. I kept having these random scenes that didn't fit anywhere because they were too OOC. So, I decided that since it's been a while since a wrote a fic for this pairing, I would put them here. Hehehe. I hope you guys will like it. Got some of the ideas from the trailer of "Laws of Attraction."
The sun was just rising over the horizon when a certain alarm clock rang shrilly, an annoying sound if one was still trying to catch a few more Z's before actually waking up. It persisted in its endeavor to wake up its owner who had a mission in six hours time. One would probably wonder why said owner would wake up five hours before the required time. Others would not bother wondering and would think the owner crazy. But the truth was not all that simple. (Especially when it involved some perverted jounins, several chuunins and a couple of untrained genin. All of them idiots as far as the owner of the alarm clock was concerned.)
The alarm clock continued to ring until met its untimely end from an angry fist. At least the clock had done its duty and actually woke the owner up.
"Oh damn... Need... clock... new... sleep..." True, the owner was awake but at this point, his brain simply was not cooperating well enough to give him coherency in speech.
The owner was a very beautiful teen of eighteen with long raven locks. He yawned as he sat up and rubbed his obsidian eyes with his hands, a cute gesture that would've sent women drooling. Uchiha Sasuke was not a morning person. He never was. And neither were his teammates, not that they were here to witness his unguarded moments, thank the gods. But no one was a morning person especially when one's head was threatening to crack open from a hangover.
He flopped back down on his back, using his arm to shield his eyes. The bed was comfortable, almost as if there was someone there keeping him warm. As he curled his fingers, he thought that it was odd that a cold band was on his ring finger. That couldn't be right. Whatever it was, it was definitely not good. The bed shifted. His eyes snapped open and he immediately sat up. Not a good mood with that hangover. He placed a hand over his temple and looked beside him. If one looked closely, one could see his eyes widening before closing and one could guess that Sasuke was most definitely wishing that whoever it was on his bed with him was only a nightmare. A few moments later, his eyes tentatively opened only to discover that the nightmare was real.
He jumped out of bed, taking with him the blankets, wrapping them around himself and turned red like a blushing virgin... That is... if he was still one... His backside chose this moment to make it known that it was indeed sore. That answers the question of his virginity no doubt.
The shock seemed to have jump started Sasuke's brain to start functioning earlier than usual as he wracked his brains as to why, why, why and why he was in bed with, with that - that man! And not only that! He had a ring on his finger! Not just any ring, a wedding band. How did that happen?
He tried to think back to the last thing he remembered before waking up. He remembered talking, getting angry and not to mention, downing several bottles of sake. He remembered starting on his third bottle and anything that happened after that were merely blanks in his memory.
This could not be happening to him. He was only eighteen and he was most definitely certain that this was not legal. (Or so he thought.) This had to be some kind of joke...
Maybe that was it! This had to be one of Naruto's stupid jokes. It just had to be! But...
There was no way Naruto could've gotten this guy to help no matter how much they could relate to each other. Sasuke swore as his head continued to ache terribly and was compounded by the fact that he was distressing it with disturbing thoughts so early in the morning. He should've known that going to the party last night was a bad idea.
It was then that the guy on the bed shifted again, his hand stretching out to where Sasuke previously was. The raven-haired boy watched those crimson eyebrows furrowed before those eyes fluttered open, revealing those jade-green eyes.
The two stared at each other for a long while before Sasuke brought his hand up and pointed to the gold band on his finger with a distressed look on his face. The other seemed not to understand for a moment as he tried to collect his wits. He raised his own hand and saw a ring identical to Sasuke's. He stared at it, not really comprehending what it meant but when it finally sunk in, he bolted up and screamed, "SHIT!"
It was a few moments before they found themselves on opposite sides of the room, looking warily at each other. It was completely silent until Sasuke decided to break it.
"No, no, no, no, no! This cannot be happening!"
"I would love to think so."
"This is most definitely not happening!"
"But it already has, Uchiha. Would you mind turning down the volume a bit? Your voice is giving me a headache."
"This is a nightmare!" Sasuke paced back and forth as he panicked.
"Would you stop being a woman already?"
Sasuke whirled around and glared at the person he was holding responsible for this fiasco. "You are not helping, Gaara."
"Calm down. I'm sure it's just a mistake or a joke but I can assure you that the sex was fine, Uchiha."
"WHAT?!"
Gaara winced when the volume of the raven-haired young man's voice raised several notches higher.
"I wasn't talking about the sex! I was talking about - Wait. You remember?" Sasuke tilted his head. He had not expected that.
Gaara frowned. "Everything before the third bottle and a bit after we got into bed. What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Sasuke seemed horrified at what the red-haired Sand nin just said. "We really did it? I mean, did IT?!"
"Yes, we had sex, Uchiha. Are you satisfied?"
The young Uchiha's jaw dropped. As he tried to make words come out of his mouth, not a single sound escaped his lips. Gaara sighed exasperatedly and pushed himself off the wall and started picking up his clothes which were strewn all over the room. Some were in great need of being sewn back together. Great. Just great. Temari was not going to be happy.
It was some moments of Gaara rummaging the room, under the bed, on the table, on the floor, by the door or wherever he could find his clothes whether in one piece or not, that Sasuke finally worked up enough nerve to say, "But it's not fair. I don't even remember what happened last night and you do." It sounded so childish but it was the thought in his head. These sentences were accompanied by a pout that simply looked adorable that Gaara dropped his clothes as he stared at Sasuke's lips and mouth, his mind supplying him with a perfect recollection of what exactly that mouth had been doing last night.
Without really realizing it, he was walking towards the young Uchiha as the raven-haired young man fumed at his terrible luck, wishing that Naruto had gotten worse off than him. Gaara didn't care about any of those things at the moment, his eyes roaming down that lean, pale body. It was the first time that morning that he actually noticed the other's physique and he was not one to waste a perfect opportunity.
He grabbed Sasuke and drew him in for a kiss. His tongue was met with no resistance as the other was too shocked to do anything. Before long, he had Sasuke responding to his kisses, arms looped around his neck, kissing him back like there was no tomorrow. Gaara broke away and smirked. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against Sasuke's ear, whispering huskily, "Allow me to refresh your memory."
It was then that Sasuke caught himself and did the unexpected. He slapped the Sand nin, called him a pervert, pulled on his clothes as decently as he possibly could, kicked the red-haired nin right where it hurt and stalked out to find the Fifth Hokage.
Gaara cursed as he tried to stand, still feeling Sasuke's kick. What the hell was that all about?!
Sasuke didn't waste time dawdling. He ran up the steps to the Fifth Hokage's office to find the only person in the village who could officiate marriage rites, the Fifth Hokage.
He found her humming a tune as she read over some papers when he slammed the door open. Anyone else would've been frightened to see an angry Sasuke but this woman took one look at him and smiled.
"Congratulations on your marriage, Sasuke-kun. It promoted quite a lot in diplomacy with the Sand."
It was only then, some blamed it bad luck, some blamed it on fate, that Uchiha Sasuke's marriage to Gaara fully sunk in. He fainted.
OWARI
Author's notes: Well, this is just one of a few chapters. Each chapter would have the different guys Sasuke could wake up married to and their reactions on the morning after. (So forgive me if the first few paragraphs would all be the same.) Hehehe. This is for the SasukeTheUke yahoo group! HI GUYS!
Hope you guys will like it. Please review!
Started: May 20, 2004
Ended: May 21, 2004
Chapter Title: Getting Kicked Where It Hurt
Author: nikki (nikkichan0829yahoo.com)
Genre: humor
Rating: R
WARNING: EXTREME OOCNESS. SHOUNEN-AI. YAOI. Some perverted humor.
Author's notes: This came to me while I was figuring out what to write for my other fic. I kept having these random scenes that didn't fit anywhere because they were too OOC. So, I decided that since it's been a while since a wrote a fic for this pairing, I would put them here. Hehehe. I hope you guys will like it. Got some of the ideas from the trailer of "Laws of Attraction."
The sun was just rising over the horizon when a certain alarm clock rang shrilly, an annoying sound if one was still trying to catch a few more Z's before actually waking up. It persisted in its endeavor to wake up its owner who had a mission in six hours time. One would probably wonder why said owner would wake up five hours before the required time. Others would not bother wondering and would think the owner crazy. But the truth was not all that simple. (Especially when it involved some perverted jounins, several chuunins and a couple of untrained genin. All of them idiots as far as the owner of the alarm clock was concerned.)
The alarm clock continued to ring until met its untimely end from an angry fist. At least the clock had done its duty and actually woke the owner up.
"Oh damn... Need... clock... new... sleep..." True, the owner was awake but at this point, his brain simply was not cooperating well enough to give him coherency in speech.
The owner was a very beautiful teen of eighteen with long raven locks. He yawned as he sat up and rubbed his obsidian eyes with his hands, a cute gesture that would've sent women drooling. Uchiha Sasuke was not a morning person. He never was. And neither were his teammates, not that they were here to witness his unguarded moments, thank the gods. But no one was a morning person especially when one's head was threatening to crack open from a hangover.
He flopped back down on his back, using his arm to shield his eyes. The bed was comfortable, almost as if there was someone there keeping him warm. As he curled his fingers, he thought that it was odd that a cold band was on his ring finger. That couldn't be right. Whatever it was, it was definitely not good. The bed shifted. His eyes snapped open and he immediately sat up. Not a good mood with that hangover. He placed a hand over his temple and looked beside him. If one looked closely, one could see his eyes widening before closing and one could guess that Sasuke was most definitely wishing that whoever it was on his bed with him was only a nightmare. A few moments later, his eyes tentatively opened only to discover that the nightmare was real.
He jumped out of bed, taking with him the blankets, wrapping them around himself and turned red like a blushing virgin... That is... if he was still one... His backside chose this moment to make it known that it was indeed sore. That answers the question of his virginity no doubt.
The shock seemed to have jump started Sasuke's brain to start functioning earlier than usual as he wracked his brains as to why, why, why and why he was in bed with, with that - that man! And not only that! He had a ring on his finger! Not just any ring, a wedding band. How did that happen?
He tried to think back to the last thing he remembered before waking up. He remembered talking, getting angry and not to mention, downing several bottles of sake. He remembered starting on his third bottle and anything that happened after that were merely blanks in his memory.
This could not be happening to him. He was only eighteen and he was most definitely certain that this was not legal. (Or so he thought.) This had to be some kind of joke...
Maybe that was it! This had to be one of Naruto's stupid jokes. It just had to be! But...
There was no way Naruto could've gotten this guy to help no matter how much they could relate to each other. Sasuke swore as his head continued to ache terribly and was compounded by the fact that he was distressing it with disturbing thoughts so early in the morning. He should've known that going to the party last night was a bad idea.
It was then that the guy on the bed shifted again, his hand stretching out to where Sasuke previously was. The raven-haired boy watched those crimson eyebrows furrowed before those eyes fluttered open, revealing those jade-green eyes.
The two stared at each other for a long while before Sasuke brought his hand up and pointed to the gold band on his finger with a distressed look on his face. The other seemed not to understand for a moment as he tried to collect his wits. He raised his own hand and saw a ring identical to Sasuke's. He stared at it, not really comprehending what it meant but when it finally sunk in, he bolted up and screamed, "SHIT!"
It was a few moments before they found themselves on opposite sides of the room, looking warily at each other. It was completely silent until Sasuke decided to break it.
"No, no, no, no, no! This cannot be happening!"
"I would love to think so."
"This is most definitely not happening!"
"But it already has, Uchiha. Would you mind turning down the volume a bit? Your voice is giving me a headache."
"This is a nightmare!" Sasuke paced back and forth as he panicked.
"Would you stop being a woman already?"
Sasuke whirled around and glared at the person he was holding responsible for this fiasco. "You are not helping, Gaara."
"Calm down. I'm sure it's just a mistake or a joke but I can assure you that the sex was fine, Uchiha."
"WHAT?!"
Gaara winced when the volume of the raven-haired young man's voice raised several notches higher.
"I wasn't talking about the sex! I was talking about - Wait. You remember?" Sasuke tilted his head. He had not expected that.
Gaara frowned. "Everything before the third bottle and a bit after we got into bed. What? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Sasuke seemed horrified at what the red-haired Sand nin just said. "We really did it? I mean, did IT?!"
"Yes, we had sex, Uchiha. Are you satisfied?"
The young Uchiha's jaw dropped. As he tried to make words come out of his mouth, not a single sound escaped his lips. Gaara sighed exasperatedly and pushed himself off the wall and started picking up his clothes which were strewn all over the room. Some were in great need of being sewn back together. Great. Just great. Temari was not going to be happy.
It was some moments of Gaara rummaging the room, under the bed, on the table, on the floor, by the door or wherever he could find his clothes whether in one piece or not, that Sasuke finally worked up enough nerve to say, "But it's not fair. I don't even remember what happened last night and you do." It sounded so childish but it was the thought in his head. These sentences were accompanied by a pout that simply looked adorable that Gaara dropped his clothes as he stared at Sasuke's lips and mouth, his mind supplying him with a perfect recollection of what exactly that mouth had been doing last night.
Without really realizing it, he was walking towards the young Uchiha as the raven-haired young man fumed at his terrible luck, wishing that Naruto had gotten worse off than him. Gaara didn't care about any of those things at the moment, his eyes roaming down that lean, pale body. It was the first time that morning that he actually noticed the other's physique and he was not one to waste a perfect opportunity.
He grabbed Sasuke and drew him in for a kiss. His tongue was met with no resistance as the other was too shocked to do anything. Before long, he had Sasuke responding to his kisses, arms looped around his neck, kissing him back like there was no tomorrow. Gaara broke away and smirked. He leaned forward, pressing his lips against Sasuke's ear, whispering huskily, "Allow me to refresh your memory."
It was then that Sasuke caught himself and did the unexpected. He slapped the Sand nin, called him a pervert, pulled on his clothes as decently as he possibly could, kicked the red-haired nin right where it hurt and stalked out to find the Fifth Hokage.
Gaara cursed as he tried to stand, still feeling Sasuke's kick. What the hell was that all about?!
Sasuke didn't waste time dawdling. He ran up the steps to the Fifth Hokage's office to find the only person in the village who could officiate marriage rites, the Fifth Hokage.
He found her humming a tune as she read over some papers when he slammed the door open. Anyone else would've been frightened to see an angry Sasuke but this woman took one look at him and smiled.
"Congratulations on your marriage, Sasuke-kun. It promoted quite a lot in diplomacy with the Sand."
It was only then, some blamed it bad luck, some blamed it on fate, that Uchiha Sasuke's marriage to Gaara fully sunk in. He fainted.
OWARI
Author's notes: Well, this is just one of a few chapters. Each chapter would have the different guys Sasuke could wake up married to and their reactions on the morning after. (So forgive me if the first few paragraphs would all be the same.) Hehehe. This is for the SasukeTheUke yahoo group! HI GUYS!
Hope you guys will like it. Please review!
Started: May 20, 2004
Ended: May 21, 2004