Disclaimers and summary on first chapter.
Chapter 7 -It's Always Been Only Him-
+Roger's POV+
I open my eyes. Mark's sitting on a folding chair near the bed, asleep. It can't be comfortable and for a moment I wonder why he didn't just lay down on the bed with me.
That might have been more uncomfortable than the chair.
He stirs slightly then and smiles when he sees I'm awake, but it's a pained smile.
"How are you?" He asks softly.
"I've been better." I reply, my voice hoarse and tired.
He comes over to the side of the bed like he did last night.
"What happened, Rog?"
"When? Last night or in general?" I reach my hand out, hoping he'll take it. I suddenly feel the need to touch him. He smiles again, with some emotion this time and takes it. He runs his thumb along my skin, smiling gently.
"Both. Whatever you want to tell me." He looks back up at me, his eyes burning into mine, begging for me to let him in.
"I don't think you want to know."
"Why won't you let me help you?"
"I came back didn't I?" I try to yell but my voice catches and I start coughing.
"Do you want some more water?"
I shake my head weakly. The room is silent for a few minutes until he speaks again.
"What happened to April?" He asks.
"I told you, she had. . ."
"How? How did she get it? How did you get it? Jesus, what did you do?"
"You know, Mark! I'm a junkie! I started shooting up a few months after I got here and last year it got really bad. A couple of months ago when April died it got unbearable. I've been living on the street for two months blowing people for money and letting my dealer rape me for drugs. Is that what you wanted to know Mark?"
I didn't even realize till now that I've pushed him away and stood up. I grab at my pants quickly before they fall and then double over in another coughing fit. He comes to me, breaking out of his stupor and wraps his arms around me. I feel my eyes getting wet and I let the tears fall as he holds me. He rubs my back gently, whispering in my ear. I clutch at him desperately, resting my head on his shoulder. Hesitantly I allow my lips to brush against his neck and he stiffens. Before he can do anything I pull away and bring my lips to his.
He doesn't respond as I kiss him, my lips moving over his and I pull his body to mine. I've missed him, I know now I've missed him.
I pull back, reluctantly, and open my eyes. His expression hasn't changed.
"I love you." I whisper to him.
He looks away. "Roger. . ."
"I'm sorry, Mark. For everything. Anything I've ever done to you, or will do, I'm sorry. I love you and I'm sorry."
I take a deep breath and look at the ground. Fuck, that was hard and if he doesn't say something I think I'm going to have to give up. If I have to see any more hurt in his eyes, any more pain that I've caused I'll lose any will I have left to live. I don't remember the last time I apologized to someone else. Probably never. Only him. It's always been only him.
He looks back at me and I meet his eyes. He sighs but pulls me to him.
"It's alright, it's alright." He whispers to me, holding me tight. It's not all right though. It hasn't been for a long time and probably never will be again.
Chapter 7 -It's Always Been Only Him-
+Roger's POV+
I open my eyes. Mark's sitting on a folding chair near the bed, asleep. It can't be comfortable and for a moment I wonder why he didn't just lay down on the bed with me.
That might have been more uncomfortable than the chair.
He stirs slightly then and smiles when he sees I'm awake, but it's a pained smile.
"How are you?" He asks softly.
"I've been better." I reply, my voice hoarse and tired.
He comes over to the side of the bed like he did last night.
"What happened, Rog?"
"When? Last night or in general?" I reach my hand out, hoping he'll take it. I suddenly feel the need to touch him. He smiles again, with some emotion this time and takes it. He runs his thumb along my skin, smiling gently.
"Both. Whatever you want to tell me." He looks back up at me, his eyes burning into mine, begging for me to let him in.
"I don't think you want to know."
"Why won't you let me help you?"
"I came back didn't I?" I try to yell but my voice catches and I start coughing.
"Do you want some more water?"
I shake my head weakly. The room is silent for a few minutes until he speaks again.
"What happened to April?" He asks.
"I told you, she had. . ."
"How? How did she get it? How did you get it? Jesus, what did you do?"
"You know, Mark! I'm a junkie! I started shooting up a few months after I got here and last year it got really bad. A couple of months ago when April died it got unbearable. I've been living on the street for two months blowing people for money and letting my dealer rape me for drugs. Is that what you wanted to know Mark?"
I didn't even realize till now that I've pushed him away and stood up. I grab at my pants quickly before they fall and then double over in another coughing fit. He comes to me, breaking out of his stupor and wraps his arms around me. I feel my eyes getting wet and I let the tears fall as he holds me. He rubs my back gently, whispering in my ear. I clutch at him desperately, resting my head on his shoulder. Hesitantly I allow my lips to brush against his neck and he stiffens. Before he can do anything I pull away and bring my lips to his.
He doesn't respond as I kiss him, my lips moving over his and I pull his body to mine. I've missed him, I know now I've missed him.
I pull back, reluctantly, and open my eyes. His expression hasn't changed.
"I love you." I whisper to him.
He looks away. "Roger. . ."
"I'm sorry, Mark. For everything. Anything I've ever done to you, or will do, I'm sorry. I love you and I'm sorry."
I take a deep breath and look at the ground. Fuck, that was hard and if he doesn't say something I think I'm going to have to give up. If I have to see any more hurt in his eyes, any more pain that I've caused I'll lose any will I have left to live. I don't remember the last time I apologized to someone else. Probably never. Only him. It's always been only him.
He looks back at me and I meet his eyes. He sighs but pulls me to him.
"It's alright, it's alright." He whispers to me, holding me tight. It's not all right though. It hasn't been for a long time and probably never will be again.