JACK:
"Jack." Her voice said softly in the darkness.
I felt her turn and, her body pressing up against mine. Her hand slid over my chest and I felt her lips brush my shoulder ever so softly. "What are you thinking?" she asked.
I turned to the sound of her voice and tightened my arm around her waist. "I can't let you do this, Sam." I said.
"Jack." She said, her voice taking on a stubbornness that I had learned to admire, even when I was ready to scream with frustration. "I'm only leaving the Air Force, not the SGC. I want to be with you, Jack."
My resistance melted, even though I had never had much to begin with. My selfish heart wanted to hang onto her forever, rules and regulations be damned. "I just don't want you to do something you'll regret."
"I'd regret not giving myself a chance to live the rest of my life with you, more than I'd ever regret leaving the Air Force." Her soft words made my heart swell in my chest.
"I love you, Sam." I whispered.
"I know." She whispered back. "I love you too, Jack."
Suddenly the room began to change as my memories crashed into one another. Darkness became light. I looked down in growing horror. Sam lay in my lap while blood seeped out from beneath my hands that were tightly pressed against her chest. I felt as if someone had stabbed me in the heart.
She lay there, looking like a beautiful angel, while her life spilled out from beneath my hands. "Hang on, baby. Hang on." I said.
She smiled faintly. "I love you, Jack." She whispered.
"I love you too." But it was too late. She was gone.
Tears fell down my face as I stood up. I could hear the clanking footsteps of Jaffa coming nearer and nearer. With Sam's blood still on my hands, I curled my fist around the grip of my gun. I saw Teal'c's still body lying near Sam's and felt another stab of pain go through my heart. He was dead.
Daniel looked up at me from where he was huddled, a look of intense pain on his face that I felt mirrored in my own. He carefully laid Janet's hand back beside her looked sadly at the bodies of the three other medical personnel that were lying dead beside her. He stood up beside me, Sam's P- 90 clasped in one of his hands, his Beretta clasped in the other.
He looked at me and understood. Nothing mattered anymore. Only killing those bastards. I drew my other gun and we moved out into the corridor and saw the surprised look of the Jaffa patrol. We opened fire, walking slowly and steadily towards them until the were all dead.
My sight blurred once more and with it came the memory of intense pain . . .
"Jack." Said a soft voice. "Jack."
My eyes flew open and I jerked into a sitting position. I blinked into the darkness and felt the sweat on my feverish skin. The blankets of my bed were a twisted mass beneath me and my heart was pounding. A faint light clicked on, and I squinted as I turned towards it. I recognised the room as my shared quarters within the SGC. I lived here now.
Reality crashed down on me once more and I felt the usual weight settle on my heart. I looked over at Daniel, who had turned on the light. He was sitting on his bed, with his head against the headboard and his knees pulled up against his chest. He opened his haunted blue eyes and looked at me. "You were struggling again." He said.
I nodded and swung my feet onto the floor. The concrete was cold beneath my feet. I looked at Daniel. He looked terrible. His eyes had deep purple shadows beneath them and I knew he hadn't been sleeping. But then even I found sleeping hard.
Daniel's hair had grown to his shoulders and he wore it tied in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. He never wore his glasses anymore and had a nasty looking scar running down the left side of his face - a mirror of mine. Daniel was also more muscular now than he had been before and he knew how to fight and shoot. And he knew what it was like to kill with no thought at all.
I sighed softly. Sometimes I longed for the days when Danny was the serious and concerned archaeologist he had been - and Sam and Teal'c were still alive. I longed for his innocence and the happiness I had felt when my heart had been whole.
I shook my head and stood up. That was the past and it was not going to change no matter how hard I wished. My green combat pants and black singlet were rumpled, but I didn't care. I ran a hand through my hair and noticed absently that it needed a cut again. "I'm going to the gym." I said.
Daniel opened his eyes and looked at me again. "I'll come with you."
He got to his feet with an easy grace he hadn't had before, and grabbed two black cloth strips off the nightstand. "Let's go." I said.
* * *
Three hours later, I was doing one armed push-ups on the floor, sweat dripping from my body. I could hear Daniel punching the bag in the background. I was exhausted, but I kept going, because I knew I wouldn't get any sleep yet.
At that moment, the door opened and I looked up into a pair of cold green eyes. I nodded to the woman who entered and she nodded in return. I sat up and watched her cross the room to the weights. She, too, moved with the easy grace of a fighter.
Her name was Josephine Riley. She was a Lieutenant Colonel thanks to her heroic deeds against the Goa'uld. But in reality she was just like me. She had only attacked the Goa'uld like she had because she no longer cared about the risks. Riley had lost her husband and unborn child to Goa'uld torturers.
Riley's dark red hair was in it's usual braid down her back and she wore a pair of baggy black shorts ad a grey singlet that revealed muscular arms and legs covered in jagged and curving scars.
When Daniel saw her, he stopped punching and pushed his wet hair out of his face. "You got the time, Riley?" he asked.
"5am." She said in her rough voice.
Daniel shook his head. "When do we have to be in the briefing room?" he asked.
"0800." I answered, my voice hoarse from exhaustion and lack of use.
"I'm going to have a shower." Daniel said.
I nodded. Daniel walked from the room as Riley lay down on the bench press. "Sir?" she asked. "Can I get some help?"
I nodded and got to my feet, walking over to stand at her head, watching. Riley was an attractive woman, but there was a coldness about her that made most people avoid her. I think it's her cold green eyes. Whatever it was, it never bothered me. But then people avoided me, too.
When Riley was done, I helped her ease the weights back into place. They settled with a click. Riley rolled to her feet in a quick fluid movement. She looked at me with a slight frown. "Sleeping pills work." She said.
I nodded. The new doc - Martin, I think his name is - feeds them to me from time to time. But if I take them, I can't see her face in my dreams. And while it's always painful, I'd rather live with that pain for the rest of my life, than never see her face again.
I looked at Riley and saw her cold eyes soften for a second. "I know." She said softly. "It feels like betrayal, doesn't it?"
I nodded again, not trusting my voice. I watched Riley's eyes harden again. "I'll see you in the briefing room, sir."
I struggled, but managed to lock my memories and feelings away again. It was the way it was between us - and all of my team. We all understood the pain, but we never spoke of it, not really. Because we were all afraid that once we let it out, the pain would never stop.
"Yes, Lieutenant." I said, and walked out to find a shower.
"Jack." Her voice said softly in the darkness.
I felt her turn and, her body pressing up against mine. Her hand slid over my chest and I felt her lips brush my shoulder ever so softly. "What are you thinking?" she asked.
I turned to the sound of her voice and tightened my arm around her waist. "I can't let you do this, Sam." I said.
"Jack." She said, her voice taking on a stubbornness that I had learned to admire, even when I was ready to scream with frustration. "I'm only leaving the Air Force, not the SGC. I want to be with you, Jack."
My resistance melted, even though I had never had much to begin with. My selfish heart wanted to hang onto her forever, rules and regulations be damned. "I just don't want you to do something you'll regret."
"I'd regret not giving myself a chance to live the rest of my life with you, more than I'd ever regret leaving the Air Force." Her soft words made my heart swell in my chest.
"I love you, Sam." I whispered.
"I know." She whispered back. "I love you too, Jack."
Suddenly the room began to change as my memories crashed into one another. Darkness became light. I looked down in growing horror. Sam lay in my lap while blood seeped out from beneath my hands that were tightly pressed against her chest. I felt as if someone had stabbed me in the heart.
She lay there, looking like a beautiful angel, while her life spilled out from beneath my hands. "Hang on, baby. Hang on." I said.
She smiled faintly. "I love you, Jack." She whispered.
"I love you too." But it was too late. She was gone.
Tears fell down my face as I stood up. I could hear the clanking footsteps of Jaffa coming nearer and nearer. With Sam's blood still on my hands, I curled my fist around the grip of my gun. I saw Teal'c's still body lying near Sam's and felt another stab of pain go through my heart. He was dead.
Daniel looked up at me from where he was huddled, a look of intense pain on his face that I felt mirrored in my own. He carefully laid Janet's hand back beside her looked sadly at the bodies of the three other medical personnel that were lying dead beside her. He stood up beside me, Sam's P- 90 clasped in one of his hands, his Beretta clasped in the other.
He looked at me and understood. Nothing mattered anymore. Only killing those bastards. I drew my other gun and we moved out into the corridor and saw the surprised look of the Jaffa patrol. We opened fire, walking slowly and steadily towards them until the were all dead.
My sight blurred once more and with it came the memory of intense pain . . .
"Jack." Said a soft voice. "Jack."
My eyes flew open and I jerked into a sitting position. I blinked into the darkness and felt the sweat on my feverish skin. The blankets of my bed were a twisted mass beneath me and my heart was pounding. A faint light clicked on, and I squinted as I turned towards it. I recognised the room as my shared quarters within the SGC. I lived here now.
Reality crashed down on me once more and I felt the usual weight settle on my heart. I looked over at Daniel, who had turned on the light. He was sitting on his bed, with his head against the headboard and his knees pulled up against his chest. He opened his haunted blue eyes and looked at me. "You were struggling again." He said.
I nodded and swung my feet onto the floor. The concrete was cold beneath my feet. I looked at Daniel. He looked terrible. His eyes had deep purple shadows beneath them and I knew he hadn't been sleeping. But then even I found sleeping hard.
Daniel's hair had grown to his shoulders and he wore it tied in a ponytail at the nape of his neck. He never wore his glasses anymore and had a nasty looking scar running down the left side of his face - a mirror of mine. Daniel was also more muscular now than he had been before and he knew how to fight and shoot. And he knew what it was like to kill with no thought at all.
I sighed softly. Sometimes I longed for the days when Danny was the serious and concerned archaeologist he had been - and Sam and Teal'c were still alive. I longed for his innocence and the happiness I had felt when my heart had been whole.
I shook my head and stood up. That was the past and it was not going to change no matter how hard I wished. My green combat pants and black singlet were rumpled, but I didn't care. I ran a hand through my hair and noticed absently that it needed a cut again. "I'm going to the gym." I said.
Daniel opened his eyes and looked at me again. "I'll come with you."
He got to his feet with an easy grace he hadn't had before, and grabbed two black cloth strips off the nightstand. "Let's go." I said.
* * *
Three hours later, I was doing one armed push-ups on the floor, sweat dripping from my body. I could hear Daniel punching the bag in the background. I was exhausted, but I kept going, because I knew I wouldn't get any sleep yet.
At that moment, the door opened and I looked up into a pair of cold green eyes. I nodded to the woman who entered and she nodded in return. I sat up and watched her cross the room to the weights. She, too, moved with the easy grace of a fighter.
Her name was Josephine Riley. She was a Lieutenant Colonel thanks to her heroic deeds against the Goa'uld. But in reality she was just like me. She had only attacked the Goa'uld like she had because she no longer cared about the risks. Riley had lost her husband and unborn child to Goa'uld torturers.
Riley's dark red hair was in it's usual braid down her back and she wore a pair of baggy black shorts ad a grey singlet that revealed muscular arms and legs covered in jagged and curving scars.
When Daniel saw her, he stopped punching and pushed his wet hair out of his face. "You got the time, Riley?" he asked.
"5am." She said in her rough voice.
Daniel shook his head. "When do we have to be in the briefing room?" he asked.
"0800." I answered, my voice hoarse from exhaustion and lack of use.
"I'm going to have a shower." Daniel said.
I nodded. Daniel walked from the room as Riley lay down on the bench press. "Sir?" she asked. "Can I get some help?"
I nodded and got to my feet, walking over to stand at her head, watching. Riley was an attractive woman, but there was a coldness about her that made most people avoid her. I think it's her cold green eyes. Whatever it was, it never bothered me. But then people avoided me, too.
When Riley was done, I helped her ease the weights back into place. They settled with a click. Riley rolled to her feet in a quick fluid movement. She looked at me with a slight frown. "Sleeping pills work." She said.
I nodded. The new doc - Martin, I think his name is - feeds them to me from time to time. But if I take them, I can't see her face in my dreams. And while it's always painful, I'd rather live with that pain for the rest of my life, than never see her face again.
I looked at Riley and saw her cold eyes soften for a second. "I know." She said softly. "It feels like betrayal, doesn't it?"
I nodded again, not trusting my voice. I watched Riley's eyes harden again. "I'll see you in the briefing room, sir."
I struggled, but managed to lock my memories and feelings away again. It was the way it was between us - and all of my team. We all understood the pain, but we never spoke of it, not really. Because we were all afraid that once we let it out, the pain would never stop.
"Yes, Lieutenant." I said, and walked out to find a shower.