Disclaimers and summary on first chapter
Notes:
Chapter 15 -A Strange Way Of Showing It-
+Roger's POV+
I watch his face, searching for a clue as to what he wants me to say to him. When he makes no movement I sigh and lean backwards, completely at a loss. He looks up at me when I do, his eyes large and sad. I feel his fingertips brushing against my hand and I look down. He entwines our fingers and our eyes meet.
"What do you want, Mark? That's what it comes down to."
He bites his lip, his eyes still burning into mine.
"I do want to, Roger. We're not ready yet, but eventually, I do."
"I'm sick, Mark. You understand that, right? I could kill you."
He smiles sadly. "AIDS will kill me, not you."
I shake my head at him, looking away.
"I don't know if I could, Mark. Honestly. If you. . ."
"It wouldn't be your fault, Rog. It's my decision, really."
I smirk. "And I just happened to be on top of you at the time."
To my surprise he smiles. "Exactly." He says, moving closer. His arm goes around my shoulders and he pulls me close to his body, kissing my cheek, my neck.
I push him off. "Stop it. This is serious, Mark!"
He sighs. "Rog, you know where I stand, but we're not even close to ready for that again yet. Give it some time. At least a few weeks, months even. We've got plenty of time."
He smiles again until he realizes what he's said. He puts a hand over his mouth and looks at me with frightened eyes. For the first time he understands that I'm going to die, that it's real, that I'm sick. I wrap my arms around him, he lays his head on my shoulder.
"But that's just it, Mark." I say quietly. "We don't."
+++
The sound of a door opening wakes me up. I open my eyes to see Maureen carrying a small suitcase.
"Hey." She says.
I put a finger to my lips and gesture at Mark, who's sleeping with his head on my chest, his arms around my waist.
"Oh." She says softly. "Sorry."
She goes into her and Mark's room for a moment then comes back out, her hair now flowing freely around her face. She sits on the end of the couch bed, facing me, but her eyes not really meeting mine.
"He's missed you." She tells me in a whisper.
I nod. "I know, he's told me."
She looks up and there's anger in her eyes.
"You hurt him, you now, when you left. Why did you do that to him?" She hisses.
I roll my eyes. "Oh please, Maureen. As soon as I left Mark went back to being your lapdog. You know you missed having him live to make you happy."
"Fuck you Roger." Her voice rises dangerously and I look down at Mark, but he's still asleep. The last thing he needs is to wake up and see us arguing about him again. Just like old times.
"You think you're the only one who cares about him? That loves him?" Her voice is low again.
"You have a strange way of showing it." I tell her angrily at the same volume.
"Yours is any better?"
We glare in silence for a minute. Maureen and I used to get along, but eventually I took up too much of Mark's time and less frequent were the times when he'd drop everything to go tend to her. Right before I'd left we'd fought bitterly in front of Mark. It had really upset him at the time and thinking about it now, I didn't want a reprise.
"Forget it, Maureen. Just shut up, ok?" I hated giving up, letting her win.
"Fine." She gets up and glares down at me. "I hope he finally gives up when you inevitably hurt him again."
She goes into her room and despite my quiet protest slams the door. Mark stirs next to me and I know he's awake. Stupid bitch.
"What was that?" He asks, his voice muffled and tired.
"Nothing, don't worry about it." I reach down and gently pull his glasses off of his face. "Go back to sleep, Marky."
He moves closer and I know he's closed his eyes again. In another few moments his breathing returns to it's deep, steady rhythm. I wish I could sleep as well, but there's far too much on my mind. It may be easy for Mark to shrug it off for the moment and worry about it later, but it's not going to go away in time. We're stuck with this. And neither of us is really any good at facing things.
I look down at the sleeping Mark. We'll have to deal with it eventually, but maybe he's right. Maybe not tonight after all. I settle back into the cushions and close my eyes, praying for sleep.
+++
Notes: Bit of a shorty here. Sorry about that. Thank you my reviewers, I promise there will be slash payoff. . . eventually.
Notes:
Chapter 15 -A Strange Way Of Showing It-
+Roger's POV+
I watch his face, searching for a clue as to what he wants me to say to him. When he makes no movement I sigh and lean backwards, completely at a loss. He looks up at me when I do, his eyes large and sad. I feel his fingertips brushing against my hand and I look down. He entwines our fingers and our eyes meet.
"What do you want, Mark? That's what it comes down to."
He bites his lip, his eyes still burning into mine.
"I do want to, Roger. We're not ready yet, but eventually, I do."
"I'm sick, Mark. You understand that, right? I could kill you."
He smiles sadly. "AIDS will kill me, not you."
I shake my head at him, looking away.
"I don't know if I could, Mark. Honestly. If you. . ."
"It wouldn't be your fault, Rog. It's my decision, really."
I smirk. "And I just happened to be on top of you at the time."
To my surprise he smiles. "Exactly." He says, moving closer. His arm goes around my shoulders and he pulls me close to his body, kissing my cheek, my neck.
I push him off. "Stop it. This is serious, Mark!"
He sighs. "Rog, you know where I stand, but we're not even close to ready for that again yet. Give it some time. At least a few weeks, months even. We've got plenty of time."
He smiles again until he realizes what he's said. He puts a hand over his mouth and looks at me with frightened eyes. For the first time he understands that I'm going to die, that it's real, that I'm sick. I wrap my arms around him, he lays his head on my shoulder.
"But that's just it, Mark." I say quietly. "We don't."
+++
The sound of a door opening wakes me up. I open my eyes to see Maureen carrying a small suitcase.
"Hey." She says.
I put a finger to my lips and gesture at Mark, who's sleeping with his head on my chest, his arms around my waist.
"Oh." She says softly. "Sorry."
She goes into her and Mark's room for a moment then comes back out, her hair now flowing freely around her face. She sits on the end of the couch bed, facing me, but her eyes not really meeting mine.
"He's missed you." She tells me in a whisper.
I nod. "I know, he's told me."
She looks up and there's anger in her eyes.
"You hurt him, you now, when you left. Why did you do that to him?" She hisses.
I roll my eyes. "Oh please, Maureen. As soon as I left Mark went back to being your lapdog. You know you missed having him live to make you happy."
"Fuck you Roger." Her voice rises dangerously and I look down at Mark, but he's still asleep. The last thing he needs is to wake up and see us arguing about him again. Just like old times.
"You think you're the only one who cares about him? That loves him?" Her voice is low again.
"You have a strange way of showing it." I tell her angrily at the same volume.
"Yours is any better?"
We glare in silence for a minute. Maureen and I used to get along, but eventually I took up too much of Mark's time and less frequent were the times when he'd drop everything to go tend to her. Right before I'd left we'd fought bitterly in front of Mark. It had really upset him at the time and thinking about it now, I didn't want a reprise.
"Forget it, Maureen. Just shut up, ok?" I hated giving up, letting her win.
"Fine." She gets up and glares down at me. "I hope he finally gives up when you inevitably hurt him again."
She goes into her room and despite my quiet protest slams the door. Mark stirs next to me and I know he's awake. Stupid bitch.
"What was that?" He asks, his voice muffled and tired.
"Nothing, don't worry about it." I reach down and gently pull his glasses off of his face. "Go back to sleep, Marky."
He moves closer and I know he's closed his eyes again. In another few moments his breathing returns to it's deep, steady rhythm. I wish I could sleep as well, but there's far too much on my mind. It may be easy for Mark to shrug it off for the moment and worry about it later, but it's not going to go away in time. We're stuck with this. And neither of us is really any good at facing things.
I look down at the sleeping Mark. We'll have to deal with it eventually, but maybe he's right. Maybe not tonight after all. I settle back into the cushions and close my eyes, praying for sleep.
+++
Notes: Bit of a shorty here. Sorry about that. Thank you my reviewers, I promise there will be slash payoff. . . eventually.