Title: Here They Come
Rating: PG
Summary: The characters from LotR experience their first Mary Sues and learn how to deal with them. I'm taking requests for which character to do.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR. I wish I owned Faramir, but I don't. I only own Bob and the Mary Sue.
Chapter 3 Summary: It's Gimli's turn! I'm....surprised. Not as surprised as I was at the last one, though....but still surprised.
REVIEW RESPONSES:
Lady Fowl-Potter of the Rings: Glad you liked the Denethor thing! I don't think I'll do Merry and Pippin, at least not for a while. I'm doing the strange characters first....ok?
ElveNDestiNy: Thanks! I'll read that when I can find the time....
Kingmaker: Thanks for telling me about "Game of the Gods"....it was great. You're welcome! Of course I read my reviews, they're what motivate me to write! Here....have some inspiration cookies....they might help a bit.... OMG....I never thought of that....You're right....NO MORE talking about things shoved up Denethor's ass. I hate slashfics. *shudder* I love the Krystal and Danny bit....you know who Danny is, because you've read The Ringwraith Tales.... I don't want to start a fight over this because you're my best reviewer, so I won't insult Arwen in my fics. The reason I don't like her is because in the movie she stole Glorfindel's part (and horse!), and Glorfindel is my favorite Elf. Even in the animated one, Legolas stole his part....poor neglected Elf. *hugs* "Ah, the Mary Sue beacon. Looks almost identical to the Morgul beacon, and twice as terrifying!" *nodnod* Sorry about the sappy dialogue thing, but I couldn't think of anywhere where it'd fit, and my Muse has been a bit overworked lately....but he's had a week to rest, so I'm updating. Lurtz? *leans back, steeples fingers* Eeeeeexcellent....I'll do him after Gimli.
Author's Note: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long, but I haven't had much time this week (I'm failing two of my classes, and I'm doing my best to get them back up again....stupid projects with stupid deadlines....)but during the weekend I got a bit done, and I have no homework today, so I can write!
Thanks and a chocolate chip muffin to Lady Fowl-Potter of the Rings for the suggestion.
*************************************************
As soon as she heard the footsteps, she crouched down and hid in the bushes. She counted nine, not counting their pony–a wizard, two Men, four hobbits from that cheerful little country called the Shire, an Elf, and a Dwarf like her. She knew about the hobbits because she often wandered across Middle Earth. Not because she wanted to, but because it was dangerous for her to stay in one place, because the goblins and wolves whose comrades her grandfather had slain tirelessly hunted her. These weren't goblins or wolves, however, and she decided to make her presence known.
She stood up and bowed. "Greetings!" she said, looking demurely at the other Dwarf. This ought to be easy.
The response from the others was immediate. They stopped arguing about which way to go. The Men drew their swords, and the Elf, with eye–blurring speed, took out his bow and aimed it at her. The Dwarf raised his eyebrows.
"Who are you, and why didn't we see you?" one of the Men asked. The female Dwarf gave a short laugh.
"I am a traveler," she said, "and I know how to hide myself."
The Elf and the Man who hadn't spoken yet were also staring at her. They looked at each other and mouthed, "Sue." The Elf walked closer, holding his bow aimed at her throat. "And who are you after THIS time?" He drew the bow tighter. "I've had enough of you and your kind."
The lady Dwarf, thinking quickly, fixed her power on Legolas. His eyes blurred for a moment, and then he said, "Forgive me, lady. I know not what came over me."
The man who hadn't spoken yet waved his hand in front of Legolas's face, but immediately stopped as the Dwarf fixed her power on him. She smiled, her emerald–green eyes sparkling. She had expected more resistance than this. She bowed.
"Thora Oakenshoe, granddaughter to Thorin Oakenshield, at your service," she said formally. She grinned at the gasps she received from everyone except one of the Men.
"You are Thorin's granddaughter?" the wizard asked. "But Thorin never had any children...." He smiled, slightly amused. "Come to think of it, I don't think he even had...." A full dose of Thora's power cut him off mid–sentence. Instead, he said, "I am proud to meet the granddaughter of so mighty a warrior. I am Gandalf, friend and companion to Thorin. This is Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin." Thora nodded to each one.
"And what brings this company so far into the wild?" she asked. Frodo stepped forward.
"We are going to Mordor, to destroy the One Ring in Mount Doom," he said. Thora quickly shushed him. "Do not talk about things like that to people you've only just met!" she cautioned.
Boromir spoke for the first time. "Lady Thora, would you join us on our quest? We can always use another fighter, and there is no quest in Middle Earth of greater importance than this one."
Thora pretended to think for a minute, playing with the end of her garnet–colored braided hair. "I think I will," she said finally. "I'd like to do something with my life, and I should like to help save Middle Earth."
Aragorn smiled. "It's decided, then. Welcome to the Fellowship of the Ring, Thora."
*************************************************
Within two days, she had killed eleven random orcs. On the third night, the twelfth one crept into the camp and over to Thora, who was pretending to be asleep. She counted under her breath, waiting for Gimli to come to her rescue. The orc slowly and theatrically raised his knife, poised to strike. Thora, however, was still confident Gimli would save her. The orc stabbed downward, but, at the last moment, it keeled over backwards. Thora looked around for Gimli, but instead there was a girl standing there.
Thora gasped as she recognized the face in the moonlight. Krystal leaned over and said, only loud enough for the Sue to hear, "I only saved you because if you died now, the whole Fellowship would be grieving for days, and that'd mess up the plotline even worse. I'm only waiting for the right time, place, and way to kill you. Your days are numbered, Sue." She silently disappeared, leaving the shaken Thora to try and get some sleep.
" 'The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter.' And underneath small and faint is written, "I, Narvi, made them. Celebrimbor of Hollin drew these signs'."
Thora looked critically at the doors. She couldn't wait to go in, because of all the wonderful opportunities to prove herself. There was going to be a huge orc fight, and the Balrog....she would kill it, pull Gandalf back from the Bridge, and snuggle up to Gimli the whole time.
Gandalf had tried quite a few spells, none of which had worked. He sat down and thought. Thora walked over the door and shouted, "MELLON!" Gimli winced and covered his ears at the echoes. The doors swung open. Gandalf looked a bit put out. "Hey....*I* was just about to say that!" he muttered to himself as they walked through the doors.
A tentacle snaked out of the lake, followed by several more. Thora, who had been expecting this, dashed over and started hacking at one of the tentacles. The thing in the water screamed. If anyone present could have understood the language, they would have heard something along the lines of, "OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGOD, IT'S A MARY SUE!!! RUN AWAAAAAAY!!!" The tentacles immediately disappeared, and Thora grinned triumphantly as she walked into the mine.
Two or three days later, Thora was in a bad mood. Gimli had been emphatically resisting her advances, she was sleeping on rock AGAIN, and she had to lead at one point, when Gandalf had forgotten the way. She tried to ignore the steady cold draft of air coming from the great chamber. Her only consolation was that the next day there would be a huge battle and she could vent her frustrations on the orcs.
The next morning, they found the record book in the Chamber of Secrets- sorry, Chamber of Mazarbul. Thora was very bored by the whole thing, and when Gimli had mourned for Balin, he had pushed her hand away when she tried to put it on his shoulder in sympathy. She perked up, however, when the orcs and the cave troll came through the doors. After single–handedly slaying the cave troll, she killed more orc than the rest of the Fellowship combined, always looking for a chance to save Gimli's life. This chance never came.
Ten minutes later, Gandalf told them to run as he held the Balrog off. Thora, though, refused to run. She stayed at Gandalf's side, nearly getting whacked on the head with Gandalf's staff. Before she could grab Glamdring and stab the Balrog, a mysterious force shoved her along to the end of the Bridge. This may have had something to do with the teenage girl who was watching the whole thing from fifty feet up in the air. "Bwahahahaha...." she said to herself as she watched Thora frantically try to get back across the Bridge as Gandalf fell. Krystal stood up on thin air as she watched the Fellowship and Thora run out the gates. She had work to do.
Arriving in Lothlorien ten minutes later, she ran up to Lady Galadriel. "Mum....I need your help." Galadriel raised her eyebrows. "What do you need my help for?"
"For getting rid of a Sue," Krystal answered. "One is following Gimli-" Galadriel raised her eyebrows again, hiding an amused smile "-and the best way to get rid of it involves you."
Galadriel was a bit wary. Krystal's schemes usually worked, but sometimes had embarrassing results for some of the people involved. "And what exactly will I have to do?" she asked.
"You already know that Gimli will like you, right?" Galadriel nodded. "Well, you'll just have to help that along a bit. That'll frain her power, and she won't be able to concentrate enough, and the rest of the Fellowship will be freed of her spell."
Galadriel was worried. "But if Celeborn finds out...."
"He won't. And even if he does, I promise to take full responsibility." Krystal folded her arms. "You have to help me with this. Please?"
Galadriel sighed. "Do I have a choice?" she asked. Krystal grinned happily and hugged her. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" she said. Galadriel, who even after over two thousand years still hadn't gotten used to Krystal's sudden hugs, nodded. "You're welcome. Remember, if Celeborn finds out, it was your idea."
*************************************************
Thora looked around at the beautiful woods. She was uneasy. Something about this place made her feel unwelcome. She slowly climbed the stairs to the Lord and Lady's flet in Caras Galadhon. One she and the rest reached the top, Thora's eyes widened in shock. Visible only to her, Krystal was standing behind Celeborn's chair.
Trying to hide her deep sense of impending doom, Thora looked at Gimli who was staring, enthralled, at Galadriel. Thora felt her power dwindling.
The Fellowship all felt like they had just woken up. They all looked at Thora (with the exception of Gimli) with either shock, anger, or familiarity in the case of Aragorn, Legolas, and Frodo.
Thora began to grow transparent as her powers faded. She looked desperate. "H–elp, Gimli!" He turned to look at her.
"Why?" There was no pity in his eyes.
"Because I'm a dwarf like you!" she shouted.
Gimli smirked. "No, you're not."
Thora was almost gone, just a faint suggestion of a shape. "How did you know?" it said, almost on the edge of hearing.
Gimli's smirk widened. "No beard."
*************************************************
There it is, finally up....I'm sorry Bob wasn't in it, but I didn't have any place for him, really....and besides, he's in the hospital right now with a concussion. Send him a get well card or flowers or something, he'll appreciate it. I took that last line from "Game of the Gods", one of the best MS bashing fics I've read. Go. Read it. While you're at it, could you review, please? I'm planning to do Lurtz next....you know, the orc in Fellowship of the Ring that kills Boromir then gets killed by Aragorn? Yeah. The more reviews, the faster I'll write, ok?
Rating: PG
Summary: The characters from LotR experience their first Mary Sues and learn how to deal with them. I'm taking requests for which character to do.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR. I wish I owned Faramir, but I don't. I only own Bob and the Mary Sue.
Chapter 3 Summary: It's Gimli's turn! I'm....surprised. Not as surprised as I was at the last one, though....but still surprised.
REVIEW RESPONSES:
Lady Fowl-Potter of the Rings: Glad you liked the Denethor thing! I don't think I'll do Merry and Pippin, at least not for a while. I'm doing the strange characters first....ok?
ElveNDestiNy: Thanks! I'll read that when I can find the time....
Kingmaker: Thanks for telling me about "Game of the Gods"....it was great. You're welcome! Of course I read my reviews, they're what motivate me to write! Here....have some inspiration cookies....they might help a bit.... OMG....I never thought of that....You're right....NO MORE talking about things shoved up Denethor's ass. I hate slashfics. *shudder* I love the Krystal and Danny bit....you know who Danny is, because you've read The Ringwraith Tales.... I don't want to start a fight over this because you're my best reviewer, so I won't insult Arwen in my fics. The reason I don't like her is because in the movie she stole Glorfindel's part (and horse!), and Glorfindel is my favorite Elf. Even in the animated one, Legolas stole his part....poor neglected Elf. *hugs* "Ah, the Mary Sue beacon. Looks almost identical to the Morgul beacon, and twice as terrifying!" *nodnod* Sorry about the sappy dialogue thing, but I couldn't think of anywhere where it'd fit, and my Muse has been a bit overworked lately....but he's had a week to rest, so I'm updating. Lurtz? *leans back, steeples fingers* Eeeeeexcellent....I'll do him after Gimli.
Author's Note: I'm so sorry it's taken me so long, but I haven't had much time this week (I'm failing two of my classes, and I'm doing my best to get them back up again....stupid projects with stupid deadlines....)but during the weekend I got a bit done, and I have no homework today, so I can write!
Thanks and a chocolate chip muffin to Lady Fowl-Potter of the Rings for the suggestion.
*************************************************
As soon as she heard the footsteps, she crouched down and hid in the bushes. She counted nine, not counting their pony–a wizard, two Men, four hobbits from that cheerful little country called the Shire, an Elf, and a Dwarf like her. She knew about the hobbits because she often wandered across Middle Earth. Not because she wanted to, but because it was dangerous for her to stay in one place, because the goblins and wolves whose comrades her grandfather had slain tirelessly hunted her. These weren't goblins or wolves, however, and she decided to make her presence known.
She stood up and bowed. "Greetings!" she said, looking demurely at the other Dwarf. This ought to be easy.
The response from the others was immediate. They stopped arguing about which way to go. The Men drew their swords, and the Elf, with eye–blurring speed, took out his bow and aimed it at her. The Dwarf raised his eyebrows.
"Who are you, and why didn't we see you?" one of the Men asked. The female Dwarf gave a short laugh.
"I am a traveler," she said, "and I know how to hide myself."
The Elf and the Man who hadn't spoken yet were also staring at her. They looked at each other and mouthed, "Sue." The Elf walked closer, holding his bow aimed at her throat. "And who are you after THIS time?" He drew the bow tighter. "I've had enough of you and your kind."
The lady Dwarf, thinking quickly, fixed her power on Legolas. His eyes blurred for a moment, and then he said, "Forgive me, lady. I know not what came over me."
The man who hadn't spoken yet waved his hand in front of Legolas's face, but immediately stopped as the Dwarf fixed her power on him. She smiled, her emerald–green eyes sparkling. She had expected more resistance than this. She bowed.
"Thora Oakenshoe, granddaughter to Thorin Oakenshield, at your service," she said formally. She grinned at the gasps she received from everyone except one of the Men.
"You are Thorin's granddaughter?" the wizard asked. "But Thorin never had any children...." He smiled, slightly amused. "Come to think of it, I don't think he even had...." A full dose of Thora's power cut him off mid–sentence. Instead, he said, "I am proud to meet the granddaughter of so mighty a warrior. I am Gandalf, friend and companion to Thorin. This is Aragorn, Boromir, Legolas, Gimli, Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin." Thora nodded to each one.
"And what brings this company so far into the wild?" she asked. Frodo stepped forward.
"We are going to Mordor, to destroy the One Ring in Mount Doom," he said. Thora quickly shushed him. "Do not talk about things like that to people you've only just met!" she cautioned.
Boromir spoke for the first time. "Lady Thora, would you join us on our quest? We can always use another fighter, and there is no quest in Middle Earth of greater importance than this one."
Thora pretended to think for a minute, playing with the end of her garnet–colored braided hair. "I think I will," she said finally. "I'd like to do something with my life, and I should like to help save Middle Earth."
Aragorn smiled. "It's decided, then. Welcome to the Fellowship of the Ring, Thora."
*************************************************
Within two days, she had killed eleven random orcs. On the third night, the twelfth one crept into the camp and over to Thora, who was pretending to be asleep. She counted under her breath, waiting for Gimli to come to her rescue. The orc slowly and theatrically raised his knife, poised to strike. Thora, however, was still confident Gimli would save her. The orc stabbed downward, but, at the last moment, it keeled over backwards. Thora looked around for Gimli, but instead there was a girl standing there.
Thora gasped as she recognized the face in the moonlight. Krystal leaned over and said, only loud enough for the Sue to hear, "I only saved you because if you died now, the whole Fellowship would be grieving for days, and that'd mess up the plotline even worse. I'm only waiting for the right time, place, and way to kill you. Your days are numbered, Sue." She silently disappeared, leaving the shaken Thora to try and get some sleep.
" 'The Doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. Speak, friend, and enter.' And underneath small and faint is written, "I, Narvi, made them. Celebrimbor of Hollin drew these signs'."
Thora looked critically at the doors. She couldn't wait to go in, because of all the wonderful opportunities to prove herself. There was going to be a huge orc fight, and the Balrog....she would kill it, pull Gandalf back from the Bridge, and snuggle up to Gimli the whole time.
Gandalf had tried quite a few spells, none of which had worked. He sat down and thought. Thora walked over the door and shouted, "MELLON!" Gimli winced and covered his ears at the echoes. The doors swung open. Gandalf looked a bit put out. "Hey....*I* was just about to say that!" he muttered to himself as they walked through the doors.
A tentacle snaked out of the lake, followed by several more. Thora, who had been expecting this, dashed over and started hacking at one of the tentacles. The thing in the water screamed. If anyone present could have understood the language, they would have heard something along the lines of, "OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGOD, IT'S A MARY SUE!!! RUN AWAAAAAAY!!!" The tentacles immediately disappeared, and Thora grinned triumphantly as she walked into the mine.
Two or three days later, Thora was in a bad mood. Gimli had been emphatically resisting her advances, she was sleeping on rock AGAIN, and she had to lead at one point, when Gandalf had forgotten the way. She tried to ignore the steady cold draft of air coming from the great chamber. Her only consolation was that the next day there would be a huge battle and she could vent her frustrations on the orcs.
The next morning, they found the record book in the Chamber of Secrets- sorry, Chamber of Mazarbul. Thora was very bored by the whole thing, and when Gimli had mourned for Balin, he had pushed her hand away when she tried to put it on his shoulder in sympathy. She perked up, however, when the orcs and the cave troll came through the doors. After single–handedly slaying the cave troll, she killed more orc than the rest of the Fellowship combined, always looking for a chance to save Gimli's life. This chance never came.
Ten minutes later, Gandalf told them to run as he held the Balrog off. Thora, though, refused to run. She stayed at Gandalf's side, nearly getting whacked on the head with Gandalf's staff. Before she could grab Glamdring and stab the Balrog, a mysterious force shoved her along to the end of the Bridge. This may have had something to do with the teenage girl who was watching the whole thing from fifty feet up in the air. "Bwahahahaha...." she said to herself as she watched Thora frantically try to get back across the Bridge as Gandalf fell. Krystal stood up on thin air as she watched the Fellowship and Thora run out the gates. She had work to do.
Arriving in Lothlorien ten minutes later, she ran up to Lady Galadriel. "Mum....I need your help." Galadriel raised her eyebrows. "What do you need my help for?"
"For getting rid of a Sue," Krystal answered. "One is following Gimli-" Galadriel raised her eyebrows again, hiding an amused smile "-and the best way to get rid of it involves you."
Galadriel was a bit wary. Krystal's schemes usually worked, but sometimes had embarrassing results for some of the people involved. "And what exactly will I have to do?" she asked.
"You already know that Gimli will like you, right?" Galadriel nodded. "Well, you'll just have to help that along a bit. That'll frain her power, and she won't be able to concentrate enough, and the rest of the Fellowship will be freed of her spell."
Galadriel was worried. "But if Celeborn finds out...."
"He won't. And even if he does, I promise to take full responsibility." Krystal folded her arms. "You have to help me with this. Please?"
Galadriel sighed. "Do I have a choice?" she asked. Krystal grinned happily and hugged her. "Thankyouthankyouthankyou!" she said. Galadriel, who even after over two thousand years still hadn't gotten used to Krystal's sudden hugs, nodded. "You're welcome. Remember, if Celeborn finds out, it was your idea."
*************************************************
Thora looked around at the beautiful woods. She was uneasy. Something about this place made her feel unwelcome. She slowly climbed the stairs to the Lord and Lady's flet in Caras Galadhon. One she and the rest reached the top, Thora's eyes widened in shock. Visible only to her, Krystal was standing behind Celeborn's chair.
Trying to hide her deep sense of impending doom, Thora looked at Gimli who was staring, enthralled, at Galadriel. Thora felt her power dwindling.
The Fellowship all felt like they had just woken up. They all looked at Thora (with the exception of Gimli) with either shock, anger, or familiarity in the case of Aragorn, Legolas, and Frodo.
Thora began to grow transparent as her powers faded. She looked desperate. "H–elp, Gimli!" He turned to look at her.
"Why?" There was no pity in his eyes.
"Because I'm a dwarf like you!" she shouted.
Gimli smirked. "No, you're not."
Thora was almost gone, just a faint suggestion of a shape. "How did you know?" it said, almost on the edge of hearing.
Gimli's smirk widened. "No beard."
*************************************************
There it is, finally up....I'm sorry Bob wasn't in it, but I didn't have any place for him, really....and besides, he's in the hospital right now with a concussion. Send him a get well card or flowers or something, he'll appreciate it. I took that last line from "Game of the Gods", one of the best MS bashing fics I've read. Go. Read it. While you're at it, could you review, please? I'm planning to do Lurtz next....you know, the orc in Fellowship of the Ring that kills Boromir then gets killed by Aragorn? Yeah. The more reviews, the faster I'll write, ok?