Title: Here They Come
Rating: PG
Summary: The characters from LotR experience their first Mary Sues and learn how to deal with them. I'm taking requests for which character to do.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR. I wish I owned Faramir, but I don't. I only own Bob and Sashza the Mary Sue.
Chapter 4 Summary: Lurtz....*shudder* I wonder if he actually has any real fangirls....I suppose it's possible, because, like kingmaker said, he's the character who appears with the least clothing on....the whole idea is disgusting, so this chapter should be good....
REVIEW RESPONSES:
Elven Mischief: I've been considering Saruman and Sauron....I'm planning on a chapter that explains exactly what happened with Sauron and Galadriel, and about why Sauron hates Sues so much to send his daughter out to hunt them down and kill them....
LegosGrl: Wormtongue? Hmm....the Sue would have to be really goth....it's a possibility, though.... You know, it's odd....you're the first rabid glomping fangirl to review....Bob liked your get–well card and he says thank you very much.
kingmaker: I like to write and update quickly. I hate school....I have better things to do with my time, like writing fanfics. Glad you're OK with the Arwen thing. You know, that reminds me. You've reviewed all my LotR stories....do you want an Arwen clone? I probably have one somewhere.... Four layers of contacts, actually. Yeah, she's determined all right. Poor Gandalf.... Sues never learn....they're like Evil Dark Lords, always making the same mistakes.... HP reference? I don't remember a Harry Potter reference....huh, you know you're having a blonde day when you need your own jokes explained to you.... Playing with your prey is fun. Bwahahaha. She reminds you of a cat? I like cats. I have two, but they're kind of stupid....I wuv 'em anyways, though. :) I think I'll do Celeborn at some point. It'd be interesting....Krystal's reaction, Galadriel's problems, stuff like that.... Bob thanks you for the Atomic Fireballs. They helped a lot. He's feeling a lot better. He should be in the next chapter.
Mercury Gray: Kudos! Yummy! Thanks! Frodo gets a lot of Sues, and Pippin gets more than enough....Thanks for your review, though!
Author's Note: I'm halfway through the Silmarillion! I'm proud of myself....Anyways, I think that Fëanor, Celegorm, and Curufin prove that the race of Elves aren't perfect. This chapter was actually a lot harder than I thought it would be....I mean, I'm having to invent a whole new kind of Sue, and I can't use the clichés, because, as far as I know, no Sues have gone after Lurtz before....This one will be short. I couldn't bring myself to do a soppy romance....I tried, believe me, I tried....but I couldn't do it. *shudder* Anyways, apologies at the shortness.
*************************************************
"All right, back off!" Krystal's voice echoed around the clearing at the edge of the river. Boromir stood behind her, eyes wide with terror. Merry and Pippin were cowering behind him, backed against a tree. She swung the broken tree branch menacingly at the dozen Mary Sues. A red–haired Sue who stepped too close got the thick end of the stick in the side of her head. She fell to the ground and promptly dissolved into glitter. "Anyone else?" An arrow cut the side of Krystal's neck. She yelled in pain, and whacked her so hard the Sue who had shot it fell backwards over the bank and into the Anduin (a few days later, a number of soldiers in Osgiliath were puzzled by the little shiny bits of glitter in the river).
The ten left backed off for a few seconds, and Krystal caught her breath. These were easy Sues. Boromir Sues' weakness was physical force with an unlikely weapon–you'd never beat them in combat with a sword, bow, or knife, but hit them with a stick or rock and they crumpled. Krystal glanced through the trees, and saw Uruk–hai running towards her and Boromir. She was running low on time. She picked up another shorter, broader branch. Krystal advanced slowly, the branches swinging in slow arcs. She got one before two unusually bright Sue grabbed one of the sticks. Krystal concentrated, and the branch burst into flame. The Sue let it go very quickly and threw herself into the river and the current pulled her straight into Tol Brandir, the huge tower of rock at the top of Rauros. Krystal allowed herself a small smile. Sometimes she felt that Ulmo had a sense of poetic justice. (A/N: For those of you who haven't read The Silmarillion, Ulmo is the Valar of the rivers and oceans.) Using the last branch, she dispatched the remaining Sues and climbed up a tree. Just in time, too, because the Uruk–hai crashed through the undergrowth and tried to capture the two hobbits. Boromir wasn't very happy about this and fought the orcs. Krystal watched as Lurtz, the Uruk–hai leader, drew back his bow and shot Boromir. Merry and Pippin were carried off by the orcs.
"Like, wow!! That was, like, incredible!!" a female voice said. Krystal looked at the speaker, and nearly fell out of the tree. It was an orc, but you could barely tell with the pink armor and all the makeup she was wearing.
"Who are you?" Lurtz asked slowly.
"I'm, like, Sashza!! And I'm here to, like, save you from any mean, nasty little guys with swords!!" She pulled out a knife, but you could hardly tell what it was because it was covered in pink sequins, pink paint, and pink glitter. Krystal felt the beginnings of a serious migraine. She hopped down from the tree.
"Look, Sue, today is NOT a good day to try my patience. I've had my hands full dealing with all your friends going after HIM"–she jerked her thumb at Boromir–"all this pink is giving me a headache, your voice isn't helping at all, and I am not going to take any Sueism from a perverted little teenager with an orc fetish." She bent down and picked up Boromir's sword, and killed Lurtz.
The Sue shrieked. "OHMIGOD, YOU KILLED HIM!!!" She leapt at Krystal, knife forgotten, trying to scratch her face with her fingernails. Krystal fended her off, picked up the Horn of Gondor, and blew a loud note. She then pointed her finger at the Sue, who immediately took on Lurtz's appearance. The Sue took one look down at her fingernails, and fainted. Right on time, Aragorn burst through the trees. Krystal jerked her thumb at the Sue, who now was looking like her old self. Aragorn nodded and silently killed the Sue, who joined her kindred in the dirt. Krystal looked around.
"Do you think I'll get in trouble with Aulë or Eru with all this glitter? I mean, it's not natural, and who knows what it's doing to the environment...." she asked Aragorn. He shook his head.
"No, I think they understand....Sues are much worse than a bit of sparkly dust," he answered. Krystal nodded. "Good." She looked down at Boromir, who was explaining about Merry and Pippin's capture, and him tryig to take the Ring from Frodo, shaking her head. "They're so stupid....they can't even let a Man die in peace...." She sat down next to him. "So long, Boromir," she said. "Don't worry–Minas Tirith won't be conquered. Trust me on this."
He smiled weakly, and died. Krystal sniffed. "I hate it when that happens....I mean, he might've been weak, and he might've been a bit power–hungry, but he was still an all–around good guy if you kept him away from gold jewelry...."
"Krystal?"
"Yes?"
"Do me a favor...."
"Yes?"
"Be quiet."
"Oh. Right. Well, there's probably something somewhere I should be doing. See you later." She headed off through the woods, wiping away a tear. "Poor guy...."
************************************************* I'm not sure which person to Sue next, so I need you to vote for one: Theoden, Celeborn, Wormtongue, or someone else. Incentive to review, see? And your reviews give me incentive to write....isn't it wonderful?
Rating: PG
Summary: The characters from LotR experience their first Mary Sues and learn how to deal with them. I'm taking requests for which character to do.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR. I wish I owned Faramir, but I don't. I only own Bob and Sashza the Mary Sue.
Chapter 4 Summary: Lurtz....*shudder* I wonder if he actually has any real fangirls....I suppose it's possible, because, like kingmaker said, he's the character who appears with the least clothing on....the whole idea is disgusting, so this chapter should be good....
REVIEW RESPONSES:
Elven Mischief: I've been considering Saruman and Sauron....I'm planning on a chapter that explains exactly what happened with Sauron and Galadriel, and about why Sauron hates Sues so much to send his daughter out to hunt them down and kill them....
LegosGrl: Wormtongue? Hmm....the Sue would have to be really goth....it's a possibility, though.... You know, it's odd....you're the first rabid glomping fangirl to review....Bob liked your get–well card and he says thank you very much.
kingmaker: I like to write and update quickly. I hate school....I have better things to do with my time, like writing fanfics. Glad you're OK with the Arwen thing. You know, that reminds me. You've reviewed all my LotR stories....do you want an Arwen clone? I probably have one somewhere.... Four layers of contacts, actually. Yeah, she's determined all right. Poor Gandalf.... Sues never learn....they're like Evil Dark Lords, always making the same mistakes.... HP reference? I don't remember a Harry Potter reference....huh, you know you're having a blonde day when you need your own jokes explained to you.... Playing with your prey is fun. Bwahahaha. She reminds you of a cat? I like cats. I have two, but they're kind of stupid....I wuv 'em anyways, though. :) I think I'll do Celeborn at some point. It'd be interesting....Krystal's reaction, Galadriel's problems, stuff like that.... Bob thanks you for the Atomic Fireballs. They helped a lot. He's feeling a lot better. He should be in the next chapter.
Mercury Gray: Kudos! Yummy! Thanks! Frodo gets a lot of Sues, and Pippin gets more than enough....Thanks for your review, though!
Author's Note: I'm halfway through the Silmarillion! I'm proud of myself....Anyways, I think that Fëanor, Celegorm, and Curufin prove that the race of Elves aren't perfect. This chapter was actually a lot harder than I thought it would be....I mean, I'm having to invent a whole new kind of Sue, and I can't use the clichés, because, as far as I know, no Sues have gone after Lurtz before....This one will be short. I couldn't bring myself to do a soppy romance....I tried, believe me, I tried....but I couldn't do it. *shudder* Anyways, apologies at the shortness.
*************************************************
"All right, back off!" Krystal's voice echoed around the clearing at the edge of the river. Boromir stood behind her, eyes wide with terror. Merry and Pippin were cowering behind him, backed against a tree. She swung the broken tree branch menacingly at the dozen Mary Sues. A red–haired Sue who stepped too close got the thick end of the stick in the side of her head. She fell to the ground and promptly dissolved into glitter. "Anyone else?" An arrow cut the side of Krystal's neck. She yelled in pain, and whacked her so hard the Sue who had shot it fell backwards over the bank and into the Anduin (a few days later, a number of soldiers in Osgiliath were puzzled by the little shiny bits of glitter in the river).
The ten left backed off for a few seconds, and Krystal caught her breath. These were easy Sues. Boromir Sues' weakness was physical force with an unlikely weapon–you'd never beat them in combat with a sword, bow, or knife, but hit them with a stick or rock and they crumpled. Krystal glanced through the trees, and saw Uruk–hai running towards her and Boromir. She was running low on time. She picked up another shorter, broader branch. Krystal advanced slowly, the branches swinging in slow arcs. She got one before two unusually bright Sue grabbed one of the sticks. Krystal concentrated, and the branch burst into flame. The Sue let it go very quickly and threw herself into the river and the current pulled her straight into Tol Brandir, the huge tower of rock at the top of Rauros. Krystal allowed herself a small smile. Sometimes she felt that Ulmo had a sense of poetic justice. (A/N: For those of you who haven't read The Silmarillion, Ulmo is the Valar of the rivers and oceans.) Using the last branch, she dispatched the remaining Sues and climbed up a tree. Just in time, too, because the Uruk–hai crashed through the undergrowth and tried to capture the two hobbits. Boromir wasn't very happy about this and fought the orcs. Krystal watched as Lurtz, the Uruk–hai leader, drew back his bow and shot Boromir. Merry and Pippin were carried off by the orcs.
"Like, wow!! That was, like, incredible!!" a female voice said. Krystal looked at the speaker, and nearly fell out of the tree. It was an orc, but you could barely tell with the pink armor and all the makeup she was wearing.
"Who are you?" Lurtz asked slowly.
"I'm, like, Sashza!! And I'm here to, like, save you from any mean, nasty little guys with swords!!" She pulled out a knife, but you could hardly tell what it was because it was covered in pink sequins, pink paint, and pink glitter. Krystal felt the beginnings of a serious migraine. She hopped down from the tree.
"Look, Sue, today is NOT a good day to try my patience. I've had my hands full dealing with all your friends going after HIM"–she jerked her thumb at Boromir–"all this pink is giving me a headache, your voice isn't helping at all, and I am not going to take any Sueism from a perverted little teenager with an orc fetish." She bent down and picked up Boromir's sword, and killed Lurtz.
The Sue shrieked. "OHMIGOD, YOU KILLED HIM!!!" She leapt at Krystal, knife forgotten, trying to scratch her face with her fingernails. Krystal fended her off, picked up the Horn of Gondor, and blew a loud note. She then pointed her finger at the Sue, who immediately took on Lurtz's appearance. The Sue took one look down at her fingernails, and fainted. Right on time, Aragorn burst through the trees. Krystal jerked her thumb at the Sue, who now was looking like her old self. Aragorn nodded and silently killed the Sue, who joined her kindred in the dirt. Krystal looked around.
"Do you think I'll get in trouble with Aulë or Eru with all this glitter? I mean, it's not natural, and who knows what it's doing to the environment...." she asked Aragorn. He shook his head.
"No, I think they understand....Sues are much worse than a bit of sparkly dust," he answered. Krystal nodded. "Good." She looked down at Boromir, who was explaining about Merry and Pippin's capture, and him tryig to take the Ring from Frodo, shaking her head. "They're so stupid....they can't even let a Man die in peace...." She sat down next to him. "So long, Boromir," she said. "Don't worry–Minas Tirith won't be conquered. Trust me on this."
He smiled weakly, and died. Krystal sniffed. "I hate it when that happens....I mean, he might've been weak, and he might've been a bit power–hungry, but he was still an all–around good guy if you kept him away from gold jewelry...."
"Krystal?"
"Yes?"
"Do me a favor...."
"Yes?"
"Be quiet."
"Oh. Right. Well, there's probably something somewhere I should be doing. See you later." She headed off through the woods, wiping away a tear. "Poor guy...."
************************************************* I'm not sure which person to Sue next, so I need you to vote for one: Theoden, Celeborn, Wormtongue, or someone else. Incentive to review, see? And your reviews give me incentive to write....isn't it wonderful?