Title: Here they come...
Rating: PG
Summary: The characters from LotR experience their first Mary Sues and learn how to deal with them. I'm taking requests for which character to do.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR. I wish I owned Faramir or Glorfindel, but I don't. I only own Bob and Siren the Mary Sue, but I don't want to. *shudder*
Chapter 5 Summary: Theoden. *takes deep breath* I can do this. Her name gave me a bit of trouble, but I found one in the end....
REVIEW RESPONSES:
Lady FP of the Rings: Yeah, I know it was short....apologies, but I just couldn't do a long romance....I'm doing Wormtongue after this.
kingmaker: Yes, I noticed it on your bio and on the list of taken Mini- Balrog names. I just thought I'd offer, since I promised it on my profile....Have a cookie instead. Thanks.... :) The conversation was poking fun at Boromir Sues....and also, I care a lot about characters and hate it when they die....I mean, you read about them, get to know them, get caught up in the story, and then they die! It's almost as bad as someone really dying.... Anyways, apologies about the shortness, but I had tried and tried to do a long romance, and I finally got fed up and made it short and simple. You're right....I can't handle doing two completely horrible characters in a row....I think I'll do Gollum last. I'm back on top of things school-wise, so hopefully I'll have more time to write. Thanks again for all your wonderful reviews. Love ya forever. ^_^
Elven Mischief: I'm planning on doing Celeborn two chapters from now....a les MS? Hmm....I'll think about it....
shie1dmaidenofrohan: Thank you for your reviews! Faramir can resist the Sue because he's special that way. I mean, he resisted the Ring....I love him too. I wrote another fic about the Ringwraiths....their names are Johnny, Susan, Carl, Katie, Flora, Mikey, Danny, Charlie, and Cindy, and they all have personality! :D I promise I'll MS Gríma next. Eowyn will play an important part....but I don't want to give anything away. :P Nyeah.
Author's Note: Most people voted for Wormtongue, but I couldn't stand doing two completely horrible characters in a row....*shudder* I nearly threw up writing the sappy dialogue....but I survived, and here I am to bring you more fanfic! Bob isn't in this chapter either; he took one look at the Sue and ran for his life. Don't worry, though, I'll get him back, bribing him with Twinkies if I have to. I finished The Silmarillion! None of my friends have managed to get past the first five or six pages. Even my mother gave up on page four....Nehahahahaha!
*************************************************
The guards in front of the gate to Edoras saw the group of riders long before they arrived. As they drew closer, the guards noticed that the riders were women. Their raiment was covered with cloaks, and they had helmets on their heads, all except for the leader. Her hair was untamed by helm or hood, and streamed behind her like a river of gold. She rode up to the gate, and her dozen companions drew to a halt behind her. The guard took one look at her and silently waved her through.
The group of women turned many heads as they rode through the city to the main hall. All of them were stunningly beautiful, but their leader was the loveliest of all. When they reached the doors of Meduseld, the leader and one of the other women dismounted. The rest stayed on their horses, attracting a crowd of staring men.
In the Golden Hall, Theoden was discussing minor matters (i.e. Rohan's role in the war, the fate of Middle Earth, etc.) with Gandalf and Aragorn when the two women walked in. The leader removed her cloak, revealing an outfit consisting of leather and strategically placed metal. It covered her waist and gravity-defying figure, but not much else. Aragorn gulped. Suddenly, it seemed like someone was whispering in his ear, "Arwen....remember Arwen...." He shook his head, snapping out of it, and touched the Evenstar pendant around his neck. Unseen, Krystal smiled to herself. She could at least keep the Sue from completely taking over until she could figure out the best way to destroy it. These unlikely Sues always gave her trouble.
Theoden simply stared. At all of her. She smiled at the attention. "I am Siren Goldenhelm," she said. "I lead a group of rogue Rider women. We thought you might welcome our assistance, as Rohan will soon be at war." Her voice was strong as the ring of steel swords, but at the same time as soft and subtle as the swish of an arrow, and as sweet as birdsong. It was both as joyous as victory bells, yet as sad as a final farewell before a hopeless battle. Gandalf seemed to be going through some sort of sensory overload. He moved close to Theoden, and spoke in his ear, "If you would hear my counsel, Lord of Rohan, trust her not. She is of an evil race bent on corrupting and enslaving all men. Have I not warned you of the Mary Sue menace?"
Siren had heard Gandalf's words. She fixed her amethyst eyes, deep as the sky right after the sun goes down, at him. Theoden didn't put up much of a fight.
"She is obviously an enemy of Saruman. Why should we not ally ourselves with her and her warriors?" he said. Siren smiled. He was hers. "Milord, should you not go to Helm's Deep? There you will be able to defend all your people."
Gandalf nodded. "I agree. You will stand a much better chance against Saruman in a well-defended fortress." Siren was momentarily surprised. He wasn't supposed to say that! He was supposed to try to get Theoden killed in open combat! Krystal grinned again at the look on the Sue's face. She slipped a worn book back into her bag, on which the words "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" were barely visible. "Behold, the power of canon," she muttered to herself.
Quickly, Gandalf's head turned, and he stared into the alcove where she was standing. Relief and hope flickered in the Maia's eyes. "Thank Ilúvatar...." he murmured. Krystal pressed a finger to her lips and turned her attention back to the Sue. Theoden turned to one of his guards. "Send word throughout Edoras. We leave for Helm's Deep as soon as possible. The guard nodded and left. Siren left also, saying that she would go and inform her warriors of the plans.
As she walked down the steps, she roughly brushed past Eowyn, who stared in disbelief. Her frown deepened as her uncle walked out too, and she noticed him watching Siren with a light in his eyes Eowyn hadn't seen since his wife died. No. Please, no. Not him. She usually had her hands full dealing with Eomer's shieldmaiden Sues; in fact, she sometimes enjoyed the challenge, but one going after her uncle....
*************************************************
They had been on the road to Helm's Deep for a little over two days. Siren's women tended to attract almost every single male within a two mile radius. Siren herself had been flirting with Theoden at every possible opportunity. It was sickening. Suddenly, Aragorn came running over the hill. "Wargs! We're under attack!" he yelled. Siren drew her sword and called to her group. Theoden turned to Eowyn. "You must lead the people to Helm's Deep."
"I can fight!" she protested. Theoden shook his head. "No. You must do this....for me." Eowyn shot a murderous glare at Siren, but reluctantly complied with her uncle's wish. She led the women and children off, while the Riders left to fight the Wargs.
The fight was pretty good as fights go. Aragorn, however, got his hand caught in a Warg's harness. Siren saw this, and rode over. She cut him free with her sword, and yanked him to the ground. For a few seconds that seemed to last forever, Aragorn experienced a horrible moment of temporal discontinuity. It seemed to him that, though he was lying flat on rock, he was also falling, tumbling over and over into the river....
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" a female voice shouted. Krystal appeared by Siren's side. She kicked the legs out from under Siren with eye–blurring speed, then, before Aragorn knew what was going on or recovered from his confusion, Krystal shoved him off the cliff, muttering an apology. He relaxed. THIS was how it was supposed to go....By the time Siren got back on her feet, looking for revenge, Krystal had disappeared again.
*************************************************
The victorious Riders arrived at Helm's Deep, happily greeted by their wives and children. There were many more than in the movie, thanks to the skill and valor of the rider women. Siren and Theoden went into the main hall to discuss battle tactics.
Once inside, they briefly discussed the best places to put which soldiers, which tactics would work best, and other similar things. Once they agreed that their plans for the defense of Helm's Deep couldn't be improved, Theoden stood up.
"I thank you, Siren Goldenhelm, for aiding us so willingly."
She smiled. "I would not have it any other way, lord. All peoples must unite against the Black Land, or they will fall." She turned to go, but Theoden put his hand on her arm. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he whispered. Siren felt a shiver of excitement; this was what she'd been waiting for. She blushed and looked down. "Thank you, my lord. You are undoubtedly the bravest, most noble King of the Riddermark that has been or ever will be," she replied, raising her stunning amethyst eyes to meet his not–so–spectacular blue ones. He ran a hand down her cheek; she laid hers on his shoulder. "I love you," she murmured. He moved closer. "As do I you, Siren Goldenhelm, fairest in the Riddermark." She slid her arms around his neck; he pulled her closer....
The doors slammed open.
*************************************************
While all this had been happening, Krystal had not been idle. She knew that the Sue would seriously screw up the plotline if she was still around during the battle for Helm's Deep by keeping the Uruk–hai from blowing up the outer wall. She needed to get rid of the Sue, and fast. She had decided on on a weapon, but it required the presence and cooperation of a canon character to work. She dashed down to the lower levels, near the caves, where Eowyn was helping, organizing, and generally being useful. Krystal ran up and grabbed her by the arm. "You have to come with me. I need your help.!" she said as she tried to pull Eowyn towards the keep.
"Wait. Who are you?" Eowyn asked. She hadn't seen this girl before, not even during the trip from Edoras. Krystal paused. "I'm....a friend. One who can send Siren Goldenhelm"–she half spat the name–"back where she came from. Come on! We have no time to lose!" Eowyn nodded. "Then I will help you." She followed Krystal up the long, sloping ramp that led to the hall. Krystal slammed the doors open theatrically with both hands. One of them bounced off the wall, however, and hit her in the ankle. She shouted in pain. "Aargh....Can't I have just ONE nice, dramatic entrance that doesn't go wrong?"
Theoden, blushing slightly, turned to face the two irate women. "What is going on?" he asked. "Who is she?" he pointed at Krystal.
"A friend," Eowyn and Krystal said in unison. "Just stay out of my way, all right?" Krystal continued. She turned to Siren, who looked very much like a slash author might if she found out that J.R.R. Tolkien was very much alive and armed with enough weapons to turn any minor dispute into World War III. Krystal walked slowly around the Sue, inspecting it. Her voice dripped with sugary malice. "Well, well, well. A Warrior Sue this time, hm? Well, we can't have that, can we?" Siren's terrified eyes followed Krystal like a mesmerized rabbit. Krystal stopped next to Eowyn who was watching with enjoyment. "I believe a little dose of....canonical reality is needed?" Krystal reached back into her bag and pulled out The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
Siren gasped. "No! Not that! Anything but that!" Krystal nodded to Eowyn. "Whn I say, grab hold of the book and think hard about what life is really like." She held up the book. "Now!" A light seemed to grow from Eowyn. She gasped, but did not let go of the book. The light quickly expanded, then rushed around the room in a gust that everyone could feel but didn't disturb one particle of dust.
The first thing to change about Siren was her hair. It became rough, untidy, and dirty. She felt her hair and screamed. "No! Please, I'll do whatever you want!" she begged. Krystal only smiled wider. "You twist Lord of the Rings, you pay the price." Dirt appeared all over Siren's body, courtesy of four days and more in the wild without washing. Her nails became jagged and dirty. She screamed in horror. Krystal wasn't done yet, however. Siren began shivering. She had never quite realized that the fewer clothes you wear, the colder you get. A last, final gust of reality resulted in Siren, unused to the actual weight of her anatomically impossible chest, overbalancing and falling flat on the floor. She lay there, curled up in a shivering, sobbing ball.
Krystal smirked. "That's better, isn't it?" She walked around the crumpled heap again. "Eowyn? Would you do the honors?" She indicated Siren, and drew a finger across her neck. Eowyn's face broke into a smile. "It would be an honor." She stepped up to the Sue, who looked up with a tear– and dirt–streaked face.
"Mercy?" she quavered. Eowyn didn't reply. She stuck her sword through the Sue, who evaporated into glitter.
Krystal looked at Eowyn. "Thank you."
"No, thank you for getting rid of her." Eowyn said. "I am glad my uncle is himself again." She turned to look at him. Theoden was sitting on the floor in shock, mentally going over the last few days. "Almost himself, anyways," she finished. She and Krystal shook hands.
"So long, I suppose," Krystal said.
"Goodbye. Good luck!" Eowyn said. Krystal waved and walked out the door., only to stop in shock.
"Wormtongue?!"
*************************************************
I was rather cruel to the Sue, wasn't I? This is the list of suggested characters as it now stands: *Wormtongue (definitely next) *Celeborn (Definitely doing him soon) *Saruman (*shudder*) *Sauron (the backstory....like why he hates Sues so much) *Theodred (not too bad....) *Radagast (wow....obviously written by a serious bookie....) *Gandalf (*shudder*) *Galadriel (lesbian MS) *Elrond (*hopefully* In black leather?) *One or more of the Nazgûl
I'm saving Gollum for the very end, since he's "the ultimate scary Sue- object" (thank you, kingmaker!). I'm sorry if I've overlooked someone's request-if I did, let me know.
Remember, the little blue button is your friend. Click it.
Rating: PG
Summary: The characters from LotR experience their first Mary Sues and learn how to deal with them. I'm taking requests for which character to do.
Disclaimer: I don't own LotR. I wish I owned Faramir or Glorfindel, but I don't. I only own Bob and Siren the Mary Sue, but I don't want to. *shudder*
Chapter 5 Summary: Theoden. *takes deep breath* I can do this. Her name gave me a bit of trouble, but I found one in the end....
REVIEW RESPONSES:
Lady FP of the Rings: Yeah, I know it was short....apologies, but I just couldn't do a long romance....I'm doing Wormtongue after this.
kingmaker: Yes, I noticed it on your bio and on the list of taken Mini- Balrog names. I just thought I'd offer, since I promised it on my profile....Have a cookie instead. Thanks.... :) The conversation was poking fun at Boromir Sues....and also, I care a lot about characters and hate it when they die....I mean, you read about them, get to know them, get caught up in the story, and then they die! It's almost as bad as someone really dying.... Anyways, apologies about the shortness, but I had tried and tried to do a long romance, and I finally got fed up and made it short and simple. You're right....I can't handle doing two completely horrible characters in a row....I think I'll do Gollum last. I'm back on top of things school-wise, so hopefully I'll have more time to write. Thanks again for all your wonderful reviews. Love ya forever. ^_^
Elven Mischief: I'm planning on doing Celeborn two chapters from now....a les MS? Hmm....I'll think about it....
shie1dmaidenofrohan: Thank you for your reviews! Faramir can resist the Sue because he's special that way. I mean, he resisted the Ring....I love him too. I wrote another fic about the Ringwraiths....their names are Johnny, Susan, Carl, Katie, Flora, Mikey, Danny, Charlie, and Cindy, and they all have personality! :D I promise I'll MS Gríma next. Eowyn will play an important part....but I don't want to give anything away. :P Nyeah.
Author's Note: Most people voted for Wormtongue, but I couldn't stand doing two completely horrible characters in a row....*shudder* I nearly threw up writing the sappy dialogue....but I survived, and here I am to bring you more fanfic! Bob isn't in this chapter either; he took one look at the Sue and ran for his life. Don't worry, though, I'll get him back, bribing him with Twinkies if I have to. I finished The Silmarillion! None of my friends have managed to get past the first five or six pages. Even my mother gave up on page four....Nehahahahaha!
*************************************************
The guards in front of the gate to Edoras saw the group of riders long before they arrived. As they drew closer, the guards noticed that the riders were women. Their raiment was covered with cloaks, and they had helmets on their heads, all except for the leader. Her hair was untamed by helm or hood, and streamed behind her like a river of gold. She rode up to the gate, and her dozen companions drew to a halt behind her. The guard took one look at her and silently waved her through.
The group of women turned many heads as they rode through the city to the main hall. All of them were stunningly beautiful, but their leader was the loveliest of all. When they reached the doors of Meduseld, the leader and one of the other women dismounted. The rest stayed on their horses, attracting a crowd of staring men.
In the Golden Hall, Theoden was discussing minor matters (i.e. Rohan's role in the war, the fate of Middle Earth, etc.) with Gandalf and Aragorn when the two women walked in. The leader removed her cloak, revealing an outfit consisting of leather and strategically placed metal. It covered her waist and gravity-defying figure, but not much else. Aragorn gulped. Suddenly, it seemed like someone was whispering in his ear, "Arwen....remember Arwen...." He shook his head, snapping out of it, and touched the Evenstar pendant around his neck. Unseen, Krystal smiled to herself. She could at least keep the Sue from completely taking over until she could figure out the best way to destroy it. These unlikely Sues always gave her trouble.
Theoden simply stared. At all of her. She smiled at the attention. "I am Siren Goldenhelm," she said. "I lead a group of rogue Rider women. We thought you might welcome our assistance, as Rohan will soon be at war." Her voice was strong as the ring of steel swords, but at the same time as soft and subtle as the swish of an arrow, and as sweet as birdsong. It was both as joyous as victory bells, yet as sad as a final farewell before a hopeless battle. Gandalf seemed to be going through some sort of sensory overload. He moved close to Theoden, and spoke in his ear, "If you would hear my counsel, Lord of Rohan, trust her not. She is of an evil race bent on corrupting and enslaving all men. Have I not warned you of the Mary Sue menace?"
Siren had heard Gandalf's words. She fixed her amethyst eyes, deep as the sky right after the sun goes down, at him. Theoden didn't put up much of a fight.
"She is obviously an enemy of Saruman. Why should we not ally ourselves with her and her warriors?" he said. Siren smiled. He was hers. "Milord, should you not go to Helm's Deep? There you will be able to defend all your people."
Gandalf nodded. "I agree. You will stand a much better chance against Saruman in a well-defended fortress." Siren was momentarily surprised. He wasn't supposed to say that! He was supposed to try to get Theoden killed in open combat! Krystal grinned again at the look on the Sue's face. She slipped a worn book back into her bag, on which the words "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers" were barely visible. "Behold, the power of canon," she muttered to herself.
Quickly, Gandalf's head turned, and he stared into the alcove where she was standing. Relief and hope flickered in the Maia's eyes. "Thank Ilúvatar...." he murmured. Krystal pressed a finger to her lips and turned her attention back to the Sue. Theoden turned to one of his guards. "Send word throughout Edoras. We leave for Helm's Deep as soon as possible. The guard nodded and left. Siren left also, saying that she would go and inform her warriors of the plans.
As she walked down the steps, she roughly brushed past Eowyn, who stared in disbelief. Her frown deepened as her uncle walked out too, and she noticed him watching Siren with a light in his eyes Eowyn hadn't seen since his wife died. No. Please, no. Not him. She usually had her hands full dealing with Eomer's shieldmaiden Sues; in fact, she sometimes enjoyed the challenge, but one going after her uncle....
*************************************************
They had been on the road to Helm's Deep for a little over two days. Siren's women tended to attract almost every single male within a two mile radius. Siren herself had been flirting with Theoden at every possible opportunity. It was sickening. Suddenly, Aragorn came running over the hill. "Wargs! We're under attack!" he yelled. Siren drew her sword and called to her group. Theoden turned to Eowyn. "You must lead the people to Helm's Deep."
"I can fight!" she protested. Theoden shook his head. "No. You must do this....for me." Eowyn shot a murderous glare at Siren, but reluctantly complied with her uncle's wish. She led the women and children off, while the Riders left to fight the Wargs.
The fight was pretty good as fights go. Aragorn, however, got his hand caught in a Warg's harness. Siren saw this, and rode over. She cut him free with her sword, and yanked him to the ground. For a few seconds that seemed to last forever, Aragorn experienced a horrible moment of temporal discontinuity. It seemed to him that, though he was lying flat on rock, he was also falling, tumbling over and over into the river....
"OH NO YOU DON'T!" a female voice shouted. Krystal appeared by Siren's side. She kicked the legs out from under Siren with eye–blurring speed, then, before Aragorn knew what was going on or recovered from his confusion, Krystal shoved him off the cliff, muttering an apology. He relaxed. THIS was how it was supposed to go....By the time Siren got back on her feet, looking for revenge, Krystal had disappeared again.
*************************************************
The victorious Riders arrived at Helm's Deep, happily greeted by their wives and children. There were many more than in the movie, thanks to the skill and valor of the rider women. Siren and Theoden went into the main hall to discuss battle tactics.
Once inside, they briefly discussed the best places to put which soldiers, which tactics would work best, and other similar things. Once they agreed that their plans for the defense of Helm's Deep couldn't be improved, Theoden stood up.
"I thank you, Siren Goldenhelm, for aiding us so willingly."
She smiled. "I would not have it any other way, lord. All peoples must unite against the Black Land, or they will fall." She turned to go, but Theoden put his hand on her arm. "You are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen," he whispered. Siren felt a shiver of excitement; this was what she'd been waiting for. She blushed and looked down. "Thank you, my lord. You are undoubtedly the bravest, most noble King of the Riddermark that has been or ever will be," she replied, raising her stunning amethyst eyes to meet his not–so–spectacular blue ones. He ran a hand down her cheek; she laid hers on his shoulder. "I love you," she murmured. He moved closer. "As do I you, Siren Goldenhelm, fairest in the Riddermark." She slid her arms around his neck; he pulled her closer....
The doors slammed open.
*************************************************
While all this had been happening, Krystal had not been idle. She knew that the Sue would seriously screw up the plotline if she was still around during the battle for Helm's Deep by keeping the Uruk–hai from blowing up the outer wall. She needed to get rid of the Sue, and fast. She had decided on on a weapon, but it required the presence and cooperation of a canon character to work. She dashed down to the lower levels, near the caves, where Eowyn was helping, organizing, and generally being useful. Krystal ran up and grabbed her by the arm. "You have to come with me. I need your help.!" she said as she tried to pull Eowyn towards the keep.
"Wait. Who are you?" Eowyn asked. She hadn't seen this girl before, not even during the trip from Edoras. Krystal paused. "I'm....a friend. One who can send Siren Goldenhelm"–she half spat the name–"back where she came from. Come on! We have no time to lose!" Eowyn nodded. "Then I will help you." She followed Krystal up the long, sloping ramp that led to the hall. Krystal slammed the doors open theatrically with both hands. One of them bounced off the wall, however, and hit her in the ankle. She shouted in pain. "Aargh....Can't I have just ONE nice, dramatic entrance that doesn't go wrong?"
Theoden, blushing slightly, turned to face the two irate women. "What is going on?" he asked. "Who is she?" he pointed at Krystal.
"A friend," Eowyn and Krystal said in unison. "Just stay out of my way, all right?" Krystal continued. She turned to Siren, who looked very much like a slash author might if she found out that J.R.R. Tolkien was very much alive and armed with enough weapons to turn any minor dispute into World War III. Krystal walked slowly around the Sue, inspecting it. Her voice dripped with sugary malice. "Well, well, well. A Warrior Sue this time, hm? Well, we can't have that, can we?" Siren's terrified eyes followed Krystal like a mesmerized rabbit. Krystal stopped next to Eowyn who was watching with enjoyment. "I believe a little dose of....canonical reality is needed?" Krystal reached back into her bag and pulled out The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers.
Siren gasped. "No! Not that! Anything but that!" Krystal nodded to Eowyn. "Whn I say, grab hold of the book and think hard about what life is really like." She held up the book. "Now!" A light seemed to grow from Eowyn. She gasped, but did not let go of the book. The light quickly expanded, then rushed around the room in a gust that everyone could feel but didn't disturb one particle of dust.
The first thing to change about Siren was her hair. It became rough, untidy, and dirty. She felt her hair and screamed. "No! Please, I'll do whatever you want!" she begged. Krystal only smiled wider. "You twist Lord of the Rings, you pay the price." Dirt appeared all over Siren's body, courtesy of four days and more in the wild without washing. Her nails became jagged and dirty. She screamed in horror. Krystal wasn't done yet, however. Siren began shivering. She had never quite realized that the fewer clothes you wear, the colder you get. A last, final gust of reality resulted in Siren, unused to the actual weight of her anatomically impossible chest, overbalancing and falling flat on the floor. She lay there, curled up in a shivering, sobbing ball.
Krystal smirked. "That's better, isn't it?" She walked around the crumpled heap again. "Eowyn? Would you do the honors?" She indicated Siren, and drew a finger across her neck. Eowyn's face broke into a smile. "It would be an honor." She stepped up to the Sue, who looked up with a tear– and dirt–streaked face.
"Mercy?" she quavered. Eowyn didn't reply. She stuck her sword through the Sue, who evaporated into glitter.
Krystal looked at Eowyn. "Thank you."
"No, thank you for getting rid of her." Eowyn said. "I am glad my uncle is himself again." She turned to look at him. Theoden was sitting on the floor in shock, mentally going over the last few days. "Almost himself, anyways," she finished. She and Krystal shook hands.
"So long, I suppose," Krystal said.
"Goodbye. Good luck!" Eowyn said. Krystal waved and walked out the door., only to stop in shock.
"Wormtongue?!"
*************************************************
I was rather cruel to the Sue, wasn't I? This is the list of suggested characters as it now stands: *Wormtongue (definitely next) *Celeborn (Definitely doing him soon) *Saruman (*shudder*) *Sauron (the backstory....like why he hates Sues so much) *Theodred (not too bad....) *Radagast (wow....obviously written by a serious bookie....) *Gandalf (*shudder*) *Galadriel (lesbian MS) *Elrond (*hopefully* In black leather?) *One or more of the Nazgûl
I'm saving Gollum for the very end, since he's "the ultimate scary Sue- object" (thank you, kingmaker!). I'm sorry if I've overlooked someone's request-if I did, let me know.
Remember, the little blue button is your friend. Click it.