Much Ado About Dating

Act 1: Exposition; Exciting Force

Remus Lupin took a small lick from his ice cream cone – double-scoop of mint chocolate chip and banana, a combination which would make the common person cringe – and glanced up at the wall clock. The time read 10:06, which was exactly six minutes after Sirius had told him to meet inside Flourish and Blotts. The fact that Sirius was late was annoying, but considering that it was still twenty-four minutes before they were to meet the girls, Remus couldn't get too irritated. That would come later.

But as it was, Sirius was late, and Remus could only page through Important Wizarding Discoveries of the 1600s so many times. Besides, the manager of the store was eyeing him peculiarly, as if he thought that Remus was going to steal that book and stab his half-eaten ice cream cone into another. Sighing, he placed the book back in its place and turned towards the doorway, thinking to wait for Sirius outside. However, he hadn't gotten more than two steps before a hand clapped down on his shoulder.

"Remus!" a familiar voice chirped loudly – for a bookstore – and caused the five people standing nearby, including the manager, to glare disdainfully in their direction. Remus felt his cheeks flush.

"Keep your voice down, Sirius," reprimanded Remus with a roll of his eyes, half-turning to face his friend. And then blinked.

Sirius' face was alight with excitement, looking much like a wriggling puppy as he clutched Remus arm. Two bright spots of blush on Sirius' cheeks looked odd with his tanned skin, and his expression was nearly manic. However, having known Sirius for four years and been used to such extremities with the boy, Sirius' eager disposition wasn't what made Remus blink. Instead, it was the dark-haired boy's outfit that caused Remus to pause: though clearly a Muggle ensemble, the articles of clothing were thrown together in a fashion that would never, in ordinary society, be used together. Sirius wore a pair of tight-fitting golf pants – a creamy white color with dark blue and green stripes running down the side –, which were held up by a braided black belt. He wore a tight black Kiss t-shirt, and on his arms, donned a patterned blue-and-green arm band, as well as an assortment of metal bracelets. On his head, Sirius wore a beaded hippie headband, and – as if to top off the whole shocking ensemble – a pair of bright blue and green bowling shoes peaked out from under his pants.

And the worst part was, Remus thought as he gaped silently at his friend, that somehow, Sirius still looked good in it. That bastard. Still, with an outfit that outrageous, Remus could not rightly let it be.

"What the bloody hell are you wearing?" hissed Remus quietly, incredulity dripping in his voice.

Sirius blinked once, glanced down at his clothing, and then replied, proudly, "Muggle clothing. I stopped by a cheap store on the way over here, and it was really inexpensive, too. Isn't that cool? That's why I'm late, anyway – I had trouble deciding between these shoes and this pair of fuzzy purple ones that were more comfortable. I think the store owner said they were slippas. Isn't that weird? Who calls shoes 'slippas'?"

With an exasperated sigh, Remus dropped his head in his hands and massaged his temples gently. Softly, he murmured, "Didn't you ever pay attention in Muggle Studies?"

"Yes, I did," Sirius defended himself, "and these are Muggle clothes."

"Really," muttered Remus dryly, looking back up at Sirius with a raised eyebrow. "Let me restate the question: are you on crack?"

Sirius sniffed indignantly, rolling his eyes. "I still look better than you." He gestured towards Remus' plain blue jeans and t-shirt.

"At least my clothing won't cause seizures."

"Oh, go sod off," Sirius snapped lightly, waving Remus off. "It doesn't matter anyway. We have to go meet the girls."

Remus glanced at the clock, which now read 10:10, and said, "We don't have to meet them for twenty more minutes."

"So?"

"So I want more time to plot my escape."

Sirius gave Remus a disapproving look, shaking his head in a way that reminded Remus rather oddly of McGonagall. Grabbing Remus' wrist – probably in an attempt to forcefully keep Remus there –, Sirius murmured, "Remus, you promised, and if I miss out on this trip into Muggle London, I'm going to be upset."

"Sirius," Remus responded irritably, yanking his arm from Sirius' grasp, "I could have taken you to Muggle London. It's not like I haven't been there."

"But Delia's a native," Sirius whined – yes, whined, like a puppy or something – back, opting to instead tug on Remus' shirt sleeve. "And you wouldn't know the intricate stuff, like what a roller coaster is–"

"It's a amusement park ride."

"–or what a video camera is–"

"It records films."

"–or even what good shows are playing at this motion picture show!" Sirius finished.

Remus stared at him darkly for a moment before answering, "For one, it's called a 'movie theater', and personally, I want to see Rocky. It's supposed to be good." After Remus spoke, a silences seemed to descend on the area as the two boys glared at each other. After a minute or so, Sirius sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Fine, I could have just gone with you," conceded Sirius with a shrug of his shoulders, "but you have to admit, you're not quite as easy to look at as the girls."

"I thought you said I was 'rather attractive'," muttered Remus in reply.

"That was just an exaggeration so you'd agree to go."

"Hmph," was Remus' indignant reply as he crossed his arms and glared at Sirius with an annoyed expression. Sirius only grinned in return, still somehow being able to make the monstrosity that was his outfit look normal and even kind of cool. (Remus half suspected Sirius of casting a glamour over his clothes, but considering that he had seen Sirius do this before, with other assortments of clothing, Remus didn't think it was so. Besides, a glamour would make Remus think that Sirius' clothes were top-notch, which they obviously were not.)

"So, let's go then," urged Sirius impatiently, fidgeting.

"You need to calm down," muttered Remus in response, but he proceeded to follow Sirius to the door. Halfway there, however, a book binding caught his eye, and Remus paused to pick it up. He stopped, looking at the cover, and Sirius continued on ahead for a few steps before realizing the hold up.

"Come on, Rem," Sirius cajoled, sounding a bit annoyed, "Stop trying to run away and lets get–"

"I'm just looking," Remus murmured, eyes still caught on the book, the title of which read: Dark Arts in the Merlin Wars: An Extensive Study. It was a fairly thick work, at least one thousand pages, by the feel of it, but Remus couldn't help but be interested in the study of ancient curses and wars. After a moment of indecision, Remus said, "I'm going to buy it."

"What?" Sirius asked, apparently having not been paying attention. He then caught sight of the book and stared at his thin friend incredulously. "That? You're going to buy that? It's bigger than our Defense and Herbology textbooks combined."

"It looks interesting."

"It looks time consuming. And by that, I mean long."

Remus raised an eyebrow at his outrageously dressed companion, and then simply turned towards the purchase counter. "It won't take me that long – I have all of winter break to get a start on it, and I'm a pretty fast reader."

Sirius followed, and asked, "Since when are you interested in ancient curses and stuff anyway? I mean, I could just give you a book on my family history if you really wanted to explore the world of the evil and wicked."

"Thanks," muttered Remus in response as he got in line behind a pudgy old witch with curly white hair, "but I'd rather stay away from the extensive study of the Black family. I'd probably suffer brain damage."

"Too true," agreed Sirius.

The line moved forward slowly, or, at least, a bit too slowly for Sirius. Fidgeting, the dark-haired boy murmured, "C'mon, c'mon, we're going to be late."

Remus again looked at his watch, and replied, "We have at least fifteen minutes."

"I want to be early."

"I don't."

Sirius paused, and gave Remus a determined, serious look. "Remus, I want you to swear on your honor as a mischief maker that you will not be an irritable little git today."

"Since when do we have honor?" quipped Remus, rolling his eyes.

"Remus..." Sirius warned, looking as threatening as a person dressed in golf pants and bowling shoes could be. Remus had to give him credit for being able to pull off such a serious disposition in such a ludicrous outfit.

"Fine," agreed Remus after a pause, in which he contemplated whether or not laughing would make Sirius angry. Having decided that it very well might – given Sirius' present state of annoyed impatience –, Remus went along with his friend. "I'll be cordial. I'll be downright pleasant. That is, I will be once the girls show up. As you can see, we are alone – in a matter of speaking –, and so I can bitch and moan about this entire outing as much as please."

"You're the one who agreed to it," muttered Sirius as the line moved forward again. The pudgy witch in front of them piled four books on the counter, all of them looking to be some kind of trashy romance novel. Remus gave her a quizzical look that she didn't see.

"You're the one who surprised me with the whiney, guilt-trip ridden plea for me to do so," responded Remus without missing a beat. "And I, being a decent friend, agreed so that you wouldn't miss your precious experience in Muggle London."

Sirius smirked, stating, "But you did agree."

"Most unfortunately, yes. Though, as long as you and Sam don't start making out, I should be fine," assured Remus as he moved up to the counter and showed his book to the clerk. After a few moments, Remus handed the wizard behind the counter a few Galleons and received a handful of Sickles and Knuts in return. Soon, the two boys were outside the shop and making their way towards Ollivanders, where they were to meet the girls.

"And what if we do start making out?" Sirius asked, a cocky grin making its way onto his face. "What then?"

"Then I'll dump my soda on your head, cram my popcorn into Sam's mouth, and start screaming 'rape' loud enough for your mother to hear."

Sirius, a bit dumbfounded by the elaborate response, paused a moment before replying, "You really need to get laid or something, Remus, I swear."

"Shut up," Remus muttered, shooting Sirius a dark glare, "I'm irritated enough as it is."

"Just saying..."

They walked the rest of the way in comfortable silence; neither was truly aggravated by the exchange of insults – as it happened on a regular basis, though more often between James and Sirius – or by the situation fast approaching. Well, to be honest, Remus was extremely aggravated by the situation fast approaching, but he had survived turning into a deranged, vicious beast once a month for roughly ten years now, so it wasn't like a simple day with Sirius and two teenage girls could be any worse.

Or, at least, that's what Remus hoped. At least the werewolf thing was predictable. Girls were pretty much the opposite, as far as Remus could tell, and besides that, he had to be nice to them. It wasn't going to be fun.

"Remember," Sirius murmured softly as Ollivanders came into view, and two girls could be seen standing in front of it, "Those traitorous to brethren are buried up to their necks in ice."

"Dante can bite me," Remus hissed back.

Sirius gave Remus a flashy grin, baring his teeth briefly, before saying, "Just a reminder."

Remus made to growl at him, but at that moment, the girls noticed the two of them approaching, and Remus had to turn his intense glower into a pleasant smile. Sam waved cheerfully, and Remus was surprised to see that she was actually dressed rather tastefully: she wore a pair of jeans held up with a sturdy brown belt, and had a button up green-and-brown blouse tucked into them. Her friend, presumably Delia, was wearing a short red skirt with a white top, and red ankle boots. Remus surveyed the girl quickly, noting that she was fairly pretty – she had long brown hair and square glasses that set off her features rather nicely – and she had a decent figure, for a fourteen-year-old girl. Unfortunately, she also looked like someone had overdone the makeup charm just a bit – most likely Sam – and the stench of perfume was radiating from the two of them intensely. It took all of Remus' self control not to start gagging as the powerful flowery scent hit him; didn't girls realize the power in being subtle with their noxious odors?

"Sam, sweetheart," Sirius greeted, sounding exactly like the dutiful boyfriend he was supposed to. Remus, suppressing an almost fiendish burst of glee, happily remembered that Sirius had promised to break up with Sam after this horrid day was over. It was a lot of effort not to smirk. And it wound up taking too much effort not to look away in disgust as Sirius greeted his blonde girlfriend with a kiss; luckily, Remus thought he did a fairy good job of covering it up by looking into a nearby shop window and feigning interest.

"Oh, Siri," Sam was saying as Remus looked back, tucking a curl of her long blonde hair behind her ear. "I was just wondering when you would get here!" She kissed him again. "Delia and I were just hanging out, y'know, but we were so terribly worried that you two would be late! Y'know how they say boys are and all."

"Yeah, I understand," Sirius agreed, nodding, but Remus noticed a certain gazed over look in his eyes, the kind he got whenever James rambled on too much about Lily Evans, or just before he fell asleep in History of Magic. "How long have you been here?"

"Oh, just about ten minutes or so and – oh! Remus!" Sam looked as though she had just noticed that Remus was there, and she flashed him a brilliant smile. Though the thought of being irritable crossed his mind, Remus remembered Sirius' warning – and noticed Sirius' covert glare – and opted to go the other way.

"Sam, it's wonderful to see you," Remus replied, smiling sincerely – or so it would seem – at the girl and nodding his head to her. "How was break so far for you?"

"Oh, it was super!" Sam replied, releasing Sirius' arm to hug Remus enthusiastically. Remus tensed – he was not one for intense shows of emotion or unnecessary physical contact, even with his friends – but tried to maintain his pleasant demeanor. Sam pulled away after a few moments, adding, "My parents like to spoil me rotten, y'know, and I got some really cute new clothes. Like these jeans; don't you like them? I adore them! And my Mum let me have a whole bunch of shopping money today, for before the movie; isn't that nice?!"

The entire babbling paragraph left Remus feeling a bit dumbfounded, though he smiled and nodded at what he thought were appropriate spots. Looking over Sam's head, Remus noticed Sirius chatting with Delia. Sirius looked over at him at the same time and smirked slightly; Remus tried his best not to grimace back.

"–can you believe it, though?" Sam had finished saying something, and Remus was lost for what.

"Er–" he began, "No. I can't believe it..."

"I know!" Sam exclaimed, looking thrilled that Remus agreed with her. "But Mum insisted that the shirt was cute, even though it was completely out of date, and... Oh!" Sam clapped a hand on her cheek, and actually looked somewhat appalled. "I haven't introduced you to Delia! I am so sorry, Remus!"

"It's oka–" started Remus, but he was cut off as Sam grabbed his hand and dragged him over to Sirius and Delia, still looking horrified with herself.

"Mum would be so upset with me if she knew, y'know," Sam murmured, and pulled to a halt beside the others. "Delia, this is Remus Lushin, Sirius' friend."

"Lupin," corrected Remus quietly, making sure to look cordial as he did so. Behind Delia, he could see Sirius trying not to laugh, and Remus bared his teeth a bit, hoping it looked like a smile.

"Right, Lupin," replaced Sam absently, before continuing, "And Remus, this is Delia Thompson."

Delia smiled and held out her hand, and Remus had to note that, underneath the makeup, she was a pretty girl: soft and supple and all that stuff. She had lovely looking eyes, which were a unique shade of blue, and her figure was nice. She wasn't the type of girl that Remus would normally be attracted to – she was a bit too thin, and her face was kind of pinched, exacerbated by her long nose –, but nothing was overall unattractive about her. Remus shook Delia's hand.

"It's nice to meet you," greeted Remus, not having to try so hard to sound pleasant anymore. Most of the hideous perfume was coming from Sam, and Delia seemed to be quieter, so maybe this day wouldn't be so bad.

"I've always wondered about that," Delia murmured, her voice surprisingly being a low alto. "That phrase, 'it's nice to meet you.' Is it? I mean, how do you know? What if I was actually someone who you'll despise later, and you rather have never met me? Would you still think of saying that? Maybe people should say something like 'I now meet you' or the like, to make it simpler. At least less complicating, anyway. No emotion involved."

Remus blinked at the random philosophy, and managed to reply, "Er – I've never really thought about it..."

"Well, more people should, I think," Delia informed him promptly, smiling as if she had just made a joke. Remus inwardly sighed, vaguely wondering just which Gods had it in for him and what sacrifices he would need to make to get them to lay off. (Sacrifices he would be perfectly happy to make, especially if they involved any one of the three people currently around him. Hell, Remus would offer up Sirius to any God who wanted him, whether they were vengeful or not.)

"So!" Sirius blurted suddenly, apparently noticing Remus' silent distress, "Where is this motion theater thing, anyway?" He clapped his hands together in excitement, looking like a little boy; Remus had to suppress a snort of laughter.

"Oh, we passed it on the way here, didn't we, Delia?" Sam chirped, flipping her long blonde hair behind her shoulder. "It was so big and cool! For a Muggle place, that is, and really, it's not like Muggles are that bad, y'know." She grinned a sparkling grin at Remus, asking, "Don't you think so?"

"I'm half-blood," answered Remus by way of explanation. Over Sam's shoulder, Remus saw Sirius wince, but before he could wonder why, Delia began talking again.

"I think it's horrible how we segregate people by their blood," Delia said, giving Remus a dark look that made him wonder if she was blaming him for the aforementioned custom. "It only serves to further separate the wizarding community until we are all subject to our own little classes and drinking stations, which isn't good for anyone. People who rant and rave about class systems and the purity of blood have little to no research to back them up, and are simply going by tradition and the views shoved upon them by their parents, which hardly–"

"Um, Delia?" Sam interjected, a hand on her hip as she twirled a strand of hand around her finger. "Could we, like, walk while we talk? I want to shop for awhile before we see the movie."

"Sure," Delia acquiesced, moving to walk beside her blonde friend. She continued, "You get what I'm saying, right, Sam? The only way the wizarding world is going to move forward is if we shake away these mislead views of the past and join together in strength. Did you know, in America, they just had a civil rights movement by the African-Americans, which resulted in equal rights for all citizens? I think it applies here, though obviously the wizarding community isn't so horrible as to forbid rights from another person."

"Uh-huh, Delia..." Sam murmured in response.

Sirius moved to stand by Remus as they walked comfortably down the sidewalk. Looking a bit shameful, he said, "I probably should have warned you about Delia's rants."

"That would have been nice, yes," Remus replied, looking pale-faced from the sudden long-windedness of Delia's speech.

"She's really not that bad. Just stay away from... controversial topics."

"Sirius, she launched into a rant when I said hello," Remus informed his obviously deluded friend. "How less controversial can one get?"

Sirius had the grace to look embarrassed. "Well, yeah... I guess she's a bit... out there. I'm usually busy with Sam, so I don't really notice... that much... Heh." He laughed nervously.

Remus regarded him for a long moment, before stating, simply, "I hate you."

Sirius wisely didn't say anything, and stepped a couple of feet away from Remus immediately. They continued walking in silence. Luckily, the girls up front didn't notice either the earlier conversation or the sudden lack thereof, as Delia was busy convincing Sam of the importance of some topic or another, while Sam listened blithely.

They walked for awhile before Sirius grew fidgety – they had left Diagon Alley, walked out into the heart of Muggle London, and were still walking. Sam was now giggling about something involving her brother and a broken door, which Remus had only vaguely listened to. Sirius fidgeted some more, and Remus finally glanced at him.

"What?"

"When are we going to get there?" hissed Sirius back.

"Why are you asking me?" Remus asked. "I'm not in charge."

"But," Sirius said, "You said you knew all about Muggle London."

"Did not," muttered Remus. "I said I could have shown you around. That doesn't mean I know all about the different roads and possible locations that we could possibly–"

"We're here!" Sam chirped happily, hands on her hips. Sirius and Remus looked up, startled, and saw a professional, glamorous building in front of them. A fancy name was spelled out in elegant, curving letters, but it was so elaborate and decorated that Remus couldn't actually tell what it was supposed to say. The front window displayed fancy, sparkly dresses and daring, high-heeled shoes. And the entire store's color scheme seemed to be pink and yellow.

"Here?" Sirius repeated, his voice raising an octave.

"Of course, silly," Sam cooed, apparently finding Sirius's dumbfounded expression funny. "I told you, Delia and I wanted to do some shopping before the movie! You don't mind, do you, Si-poo?" She twirled a strand of hair around her finger in a way that she clearly thought was cute and pouted her lip out slightly.

Remus fought the urge to strangle her with that annoyingly long hair, and Sirius audibly choked.

"Er–"

"The movie doesn't start for another two hours," Delia informed them cooly. "What else would we do?"

His growing annoyance aside, Remus was actually amused by the frozen expression on Sirius' face. It had been awhile since he had seen anything completely shock Sirius speechless, and it was a sight to remember.

"Ah–," Sirius said again, glancing at Remus for support (which Remus happily didn't give.) "Sure," he finally said, smiling a little too brightly to be real. "Yeah, shopping sounds okay."

"Great!" Sam said, looking entirely too smug. Hooking arms with Delia, she said, "We're going to get right to it, y'know? Let's go, Delia!" The two girls turned and walked into the shop, leaving a still-staring Sirius and a vaguely bemused Remus outside. For a few moments, all was quiet, before Sirius finally broke out of his stunned state and looked at Remus pleadingly.

Remus raised an eyebrow, muttering, "Don't look at me. She's your girlfriend."

Sirius' responsive whimper was better than a puppy's.

To Be Continued... and now Sirius joins Remus in distress.

"A thrift store, I think it was called..." – I'm not sure, exactly, if there are thrift stores in London. I'm sure there are, but whether or not they're called thrift stores is beyond me. And yes, Sirius was in Muggle London by himself for a moment to buy the clothes. He has been there before, but never experienced anything like the movie theater. And there are maps.

"Those traitorous to brethren are buried up to their necks in ice." – Dante's Inferno. Great book, if you're into excessive Christianity, torture and, y'know, hell. There are a whole bunch of levels for multiple different sins, and being traitorous to brethren is one of the worst ones. Kind of (almost) makes me feel bad for Peter.

The various "Muggle" outfits – Remember that this story is taking place in the seventies. I'm trying my best to get some basic 70s fashion involved, though I am going to mess it up a bit. And so, please just accept the clothing. ; (And yes, Sirius does look good in anything. Fanon!Proven fact.)

Sorry for taking so long – I'm lazy and often procrastinate. ; I'll try harder to get the next part out faster, this I vow. (And it's summer, so that should make it easier. Or so one hopes.) Also, for those who commented on the possibility of slash in this story... I'm afraid that I didn't have any plans for SiriusxRemus in this story. But it could be construed as pre-slash, I suppose, and I've been tossing around the idea of writing a more slashy sequel. Not sure, though. In any case, I'm glad you read this, and please review, if you have time!