Waiting – Chapter 11
What I've Been Waiting For All Along
A/N: Yay, today's my last day of school! I just have a French exam this afternoon. ;) Oh and hopefully I'm seeing Harry Potter. Well, I definitely will. If my friend cancels on me again then screw her, I'll go alone. ::is dying to see this movie:: Anyway, If this final chapter isn't long enough, then I don't know what is. :p Hopefully, it'll do justice. Thanks for reading! (P.S. Love you, Yen!)
"Where have you been?!" Rachel demanded, as Monica walked into the apartment the next morning.
Monica rolled her eyes as she noticed the angry looks on both Rachel and Ross' faces, "Out."
"Were you with someone?"
Monica hesitated, "No."
"Did anyone know where you were?"
"Uh, no."
Ross walked over to her and grabbed her arm, "Are you crazy?!"
"What?!" she wriggled out of his grasp, "I can do whatever the hell I want to do!"
"Monica – it's New York City – after dark. What's gotten into you?"
Rachel had frantically phoned Ross at 2 AM, 8 hours after Monica should have arrived home. It was not just because of the dangers of the city streets after dark that Rachel was worried. It was the fact that Monica – the one who was always careful about everything – was acting in a less than cautious manner that scared Rachel the most.
"Gotten into me?" Monica stared at Rachel incredulously for a few moments, before tears began to pour down her cheeks, "Nothing's gotten into me!"
Ross immediately caught Monica in a tight embrace as Rachel stroked her hair. Rachel caught Ross' eye and gave him a questioning look of sympathy that bordered pain. Ross sighed and rubbed Monica's back for a moment before pulling away. By that time, she had ceased to cry and was sheepishly wiping tears from her eyes.
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked, still stroking her hair, "Was it Ch-"
"Chandler?" Rachel nodded, "Yes. No. I don't know!"
"Well, that narrows it," Ross deadpanned, soliciting a jab in the ribs from a less-than-thrilled Rachel.
"Why don't you start from the beginning?"
"Okay," her bottom lip quivered as she took a deep breath, "I was with a patient. Chandler came in. He told me he quit his job. He told me we should be together. He kissed me. I kissed him back," she paused, "He told me we should be together. I said he couldn't love me because he didn't know my true sides. He claimed he did know those sides and that was the reason he loved me," she turned away from their questioning eyes, "He said he loved me."
Ross and Rachel glanced at each other, both at a loss of words. It seemed clear enough to them that she should give Chandler a try. She obviously loved him in return, considering she made such a big deal out of everything that happened between them.
She continued, "Michael came in. He told me relationships with patients were strictly forbidden and I had agreed to that when I joined the practice. I said Chandler was crazy; we'd never had a relationship. Michael then proceeded to tell me lying was also strictly forbidden," Monica looked down at her shoes, "He saw the kiss. He heard Chandler say we had sex."
"Oh no," Rachel covered her mouth.
"And your job?" Ross questioned. Monica merely shook her head in response, "I'll kill that bastard!" Ross swore, heading toward the door.
Simultaneously, Monica and Rachel dashed to grab Ross. Rachel got there first, pulling him back to the living room by his arm. Brooding, Ross sat down on the sofa, a large scowl present on his face.
"I don't think he meant to get you in trouble, Mon," Rachel whispered.
"I know. He's just so stupid."
Rachel smiled, "Well, he is a man."
"Hey!"
Rachel laughed and rubbed Ross' shoulder.
"I just – I can't believe I don't have a job."
"I know, Sweetie," Rachel paused, "But hey, maybe this is a good thing!"
Ross let out a disbelieving, "Pah-ha!"
"No, seriously. You can do what you really love to do now."
"I really love to be a psychiatrist."
"No you don't, Mon. Anyone with two eyes can see what you really want to do."
"What?" Ross demanded, "I don't know!"
Monica couldn't help but giggle as Rachel shook her head, "That's because you never take the time to open your eyes."
"That's not true!"
"Hey, who is this about – me or you, Ross?!"
He looked away sheepishly, "Sorry, Mon."
"Anyway, you should become a chef. It's what you really want, isn't it?"
Monica hesitated before nodding.
"I think you have reason to thank Chandler."
Monica shook her head vehemently. She began to sift through her phone messages to distract her. She paused, reading one note carefully, before looking up at Rachel. "Did you take this message from my mom?"
"Yup."
"She wants to have dinner with us?!"
"Oh right," Ross remembered absently, "Tomorrow night."
"Oh no, no no!" Monica covered her eyes.
"What?"
"She doesn't know that I was fired!"
"So?"
"So?! So, she's never gonna let me live it down! And then there's the whole Richard thing – she was so smug about it when she found out I broke up with him…"
"Well, you'll just have to tell her," Rachel replied softly. She knew how hard that would be on her friend, considering the shaky relationship Monica had with her mother to begin with.
"Or…" Monica's face lit up, "I won't tell her."
"She'll just find out in the long-run," Ross reminded her.
Monica turned fiercely, "Don't you dare tell her anything!"
Ross raised his hands in mock defense, "Okay, okay!"
"Damnit!" she paused, "Maybe that's not so bad…" Monica reached into her purse and flipped through her phone book. When she landed on the page she was looking for, she smiled triumphantly and began to dial. Rachel tried to peek over her shoulder, but Monica quickly closed the book again. "Damnit, got the answering machine!" Monica quickly threw the book into her shoulder bag, before putting on her jacket and heading out the door. Rachel and Ross shared a confused look.
"Monica!" Ross called, "Where are you going?! It's 3 AM!"
Monica paused, "Right." She threw the bag down and shrugged off her coat, before heading toward her room, "I'll go first thing tomorrow morning."
"Go where?"
Monica didn't answer her brother. Instead, she went into her room and laid down on her bed, knowing fully well that sleep would not come to her any time soon.
-
Chandler awoke to pounding on the door. He rubbed his eyes and turned on his side to look at the clock. It was 7 AM and he was exhausted. He hadn't gotten much sleep that night, not that he had any other night in the recent past. He sighed and dragged his feet across the floor, slowly reaching the door, where the pounding continued incessantly.
When Chandler opened the door, he felt his blood run cold at the sight of her. He hadn't been expecting to ever see Monica again, especially not showing up randomly at his door. Suddenly, he was so nervous that he could barely breathe, let alone formulate words. They stood at the door, studying each other for a few moments, before Monica shifted her attention to the apartment behind him.
"I hope you're happy," she stated bluntly.
"Wha – excuse me?"
"Don't act dumb. I was fired."
"Oh," he paused, "Oh I'm so sorry, Monica, I didn't mean to –"
"Yeah, I know," she interrupted distractedly, "You owe me a favor."
"Of course - anything!"
"Come with me to dinner tonight."
"Wha – okay…"
"All right, come over to my apartment at 5," she scribed her address onto a scrap piece of paper she had in her purse as she spoke, "I just have a few rules."
"Rules?"
"Yeah. We're going to my mother's house."
"Your mother?" he wondered, perplexed, "What?"
"Yeah. Oh and you're my new boyfriend."
"I –"
"But not for real."
"What? This makes no sense!"
"Just pretend to be my boyfriend; you can do that, right?"
"Wha? No, I can't pretend to be your boyfriend! I can be for real, but you can't expect me to just…pretend."
"I know," she whispered, blinking back tears as she stared at the floor.
"Hey," he moved closer to her, "Hey, I'm sorry. If it really means that much to you I'll –"
"No, it's not that," she sighed.
"Well then, what is it?"
She slowly looked up at him and painfully noted the way in which he seemed to be concentrating so intently on her. She shivered under his gaze. This snapped Chandler out of his revere as he sheepishly gestured for her to enter the apartment, too embarrassed of his disrespect to apologize.
She entered slowly, gazing around the apartment as she attempted to collect her thoughts. A slight smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she noticed just how much this slightly cluttered bachelors' pad reflected Chandler's personality – silly, with a touch of sophistication.
Chandler gestured for Monica to sit on one of the brown barcalongers that sat in the middle of the living room, and, once she sat, he sat down beside her. They remained in silence for another moment, until Chandler spun so that his chair was facing her.
"So what is it?" he attempted again.
"It's just – I'm so…"
"What?"
Monica blushed and turned away, "I can't talk to you about this."
"Why not?"
"Because it's about you!"
"Oh. Oh yeah. But ya know, if it's about me…who better to tell? I mean I know me pretty well," he smirked, "Almost as well as you do."
"Right," she chuckled before looking down at her hands, "I dunno, it's just…I feel like…" she took a deep breath, "Ok, I'm just going to say it. I want to be with you. I really really do. There are times when I find myself dreaming of what it would be like if we were a couple," he smiled and she continued, "But," and she watched his face fall again, "I feel like it can't happen. It just can't. I want it to, but it can't. And I know you told me to give you a good reason, and I was thinking about it, and you know what? I just can't give you a good reason! What I said before still stands. You don't know anything about the real me. No matter how much I wish I could give my heart away to you I just can't. The chance of getting hurt is too great."
He remained silent for a few moments, carefully pondering her words. "You're right. You have no reason to trust me," she averted her eyes at his words, "So let me come with you tonight."
Her eyes shimmered as she sharply flipped her head up, "What?"
"Let me come with you tonight," he repeated, "Let me get to know you. Let me in just a little bit," he reached over and took her hands, all fear of rejection and pain beyond him, "I want to be there for you."
"Why?"
"Why? Well, for you, because I love you. Why else?"
She nodded and tilted her head as he leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on her lips. They broke apart and she sighed, before his lips found their way to hers again.
-
Phoebe watched Chandler as leaned against the counter and straightened his tie.
"You're crazy."
"That's the fifth time you've told me in the past hour, Pheebs."
"Well, you should listen to me!"
"What's so bad about it, anyway?"
She stared at him crossly, "Where should I begin? Let's see, she was your psychiatrist. Uh, what else? Oh yeah, you're pretending to be her boyfriend to trick her mother. Why do I suddenly have this strong feeling of déjà vu? Oh, oh, I think this is what happened in a movie that I watched on Lifetime last night! I can tell you how the night's gonna end before you even g0 out – you'll be stuck as the fake boyfriend to this woman until something happens that makes her dump you. The end."
Chandler flashed her a triumphant smile, "At the end of those movies, the guy usually gets the girl."
"Well, Chandler, I'm afraid this is New York City, not Hollywood. You're on the wrong coast for your happily ever after."
Chandler merely rolled his eyes in response, as he put on his suit jacket and headed toward the bathroom.
"Chandler, I seriously wish you'd reconsider this!" she called from the living room, "Is it really worth putting yourself through so much pain again?"
He frowned, "Again?"
"Well, you know…" she trailed off.
He re-entered the living room, while shaking his head violently, "This isn't like that."
"Right, Chandler," he opened his mouth to protest, but she continued, "Look, I'm not trying to be a bitch or anything like that. I love you and I don't want to see you get hurt!"
"Look, Phoebe, I'm willing to take the chance of getting hurt! I need to put my heart on the line, or I'll never be able to live with myself. I love her, Pheebs. I really, truly do, more than I've loved anyone else – even Kathy."
Phoebe averted her eyes, playing with the hem of her shirt as she pondered his words. She looked up, studying him, searching for the truth in his eyes. And, when he looked back at her, she could see that all that he said was true.
"Well what else can I do?" she stood up and embraced him tightly for a minute, "Just be careful, okay?"
He kissed her head before pulling apart, "I will. Thanks."
Phoebe smiled, "Now go – pretend to be some one else."
"Will do!" he said as he headed for the door, "Shouldn't be too hard, considering that's what I did for 10 years at work…"
"Right. Now go on, get out of here," Phoebe joked, as she pushed him toward the door.
Chandler smiled once more at her, before heading out the door. Once he was out of sight, Phoebe squeezed her eyes shut, praying that he would not return to her, heartbroken, yet again.
-
Chandler shifted uncomfortably on the couch, as he sat between Monica and Ross. He was fairly sure that Ross had been giving him nasty looks throughout the meal, although, the more Chandler thought about it, the more he couldn't blame Ross. After all, he got his sister fired and was just making her depressed in general. Not exactly the best first impression, he thought sarcastically.
Still, as they sat in the living room, drinking coffee and chatting, Chandler could not help but notice the way Monica sat rigid and silent in the spot beside him. He could see that her hands were balled up into fists. He gently put a hand on her knee and was relieved when he saw her grip loosen and a small smile appear on her face. He continued to watch her out of the corner of his eye.
So she had a strained relationship with her mother; he didn't understand the big deal. But he was there for Monica, and he wouldn't dwell on what he couldn't understand. Instead, he smiled and nodded politely when Monica's mother excused herself and Monica, to go clean the dishes. Chandler watched longingly as Monica begrudgingly rose to her feet and followed her mother out of the room.
He turned to face Ross and cleared his throat uncomfortably. The two men studied each other intently. Chandler felt his palms begin to moisten, as Ross' glare intensified. Think of a joke, he told himself, Come on, why do you only think of jokes during inappropriate times?! What's wrong with you?! Chandler watched as Ross began to tap his fingers against the couch armrest. He was sure that this was the longest minute and a half of his entire life.
"So," Chandler finally began, "Did you grow up here?" Ross nodded slightly, "It's a nice house," Ross nodded in response again, his eyes never leaving Chandler's.
Chandler audibly sighed. This was going to be harder than he thought. How long till Monica gets back?
-
"So, dear," Judy began, after a minute of silent scrubbing, "Chandler seems nice."
Monica smiled, despite her anxiety, "Yeah, he is."
"Where'd you meet him?"
"A friend from work set us up," she answered automatically.
"I see," she paused as they both continued to clean, "Speaking of your job, I heard a funny little rumor floating around…"
Monica snapped her head forward as her heartbeat began to increase rapidly.
"What?" I'm gonna kill Ross!
-
Chandler looked down at his watch. Five minutes. It had only been five minutes. His original anxiety melted into boredom as he shifted in his seat.
"So, Ross, you're a paleontologist? Very interesting. Do you work at a museum?"
Ross finally broke his heavy gaze, "Look Chandler, I know you're trying to make small talk, but let's get something straight – I don't like you."
"I know that," Chandler grumbled, although he felt slightly taken aback by Ross' harsh words.
"I mean, you got my sister fired!"
"I didn't mean to…"
"The thing is," he continued, ignoring Chandler's response, "I would chase you out of this house right now, if it wasn't for one problem…"
"What's that?"
"Well, my sister's in love with you. Even I'm not stupid enough to get in the middle of that. Therefore, considering the fact that she does, in fact, love you, despite all you've put her through, I guess there must be some reason for this. I'm gonna trust my sister on this one, and help you out a little," Chandler began to thank him, but Ross cut him off, "This isn't for you – this is for my sister."
"Of course."
"Well, first of all, I think you should know the truth about her…"
-
"Dear," Judy began casually, "There's nothing to be ashamed of. Lots of people get fired from their jobs," Monica shrugged, "Why couldn't you just tell me?"
"Well, the fact that I got fired isn't exactly the first thing that comes to my mind when I see you… it's not like I'm proud."
"Yes, but I'm your mother. I should know these things."
"Since when do you want to know these things?" Monica spat, surprised by her brashness.
Judy sighed, "I guess I deserve that," Monica shot her a curious look. Monica's mother ceased to scrub the dishes and wiped her hands absently on the towel as she spoke, "How did I let us drift so far apart?"
Monica pinched her wrist, convinced that she must be dreaming. However, the pain spread through her arm, forcing her realize that it was reality – a reality that was more bizarre than any she'd ever encountered before. For as long as she could remember, her mother had been nothing but critical of her. Monica examined her mother carefully. Why, all the sudden, was she acting so, well, motherly?
-
"I think everything started back when Monica was five," Ross began solemnly, "Our father was sick with cancer to the point that it couldn't be treated. Mon and my dad were very close and it was hard for her to deal with it. He had insisted upon staying home for his last weeks, although, I wonder if that was the best decision… our father was never exactly the most logical of men. Anyway, my mother would stay home with him whenever she could, but she had to run a quick errand or – something. Well, he called Monica over to him and told her to lie with him, like they did before she would go to sleep. When she did that, my dad asked her to sing to him, like he used to sing to her, and then…" Off the grim look on Chandler's face, Ross sighed, "Well, I doubt I need to continue…"
"Wow, I – wow."
"After that, she pretty much closed off. I actually only found out this story from her when Monica was seventeen, and she came home, drunk, from a party. She admitted everything then, and, although we never spoke about it again, I think she appreciates that I know. One day I might try to ask her about it, but…we were never that close. I mean we're friends, but not close – her best friend doesn't even know this story," he paused and looked away, "I can't even imagine what it must feel like to have a something like that on your chest for so long."
"Wow, I – I don't even know what to say," he admitted sadly.
"It's okay, I wouldn't in your situation, either," Ross paused and glanced down the hall, toward the kitchen, "I doubt you should say anything to her about this. If she wants to tell you, she'll tell you in time. I just thought you should know…" his voice fell to a whisper, "I really hope you can get through to her. No one else could."
Chandler nodded and swallowed the lump in his throat, feeling even more love for Monica than he ever thought possible.
-
"Yeah," Judy continued, "I know I'm probably too late, but, God, Monica I never even realized what I was doing to you! I – I…just miss him so much."
Monica froze, staring at her mother as the tears began to stream down her face. After helping people overcome their problems for so many years, this was all so new to her. She'd helped people, yes, but never her mother.
"Mom," she exhaled, "I know. I know you miss him. I'm sorry he died."
Judy wiped away tears from her eyes, "Don't be sorry, dear. It's not your fault."
"I know, but I still am sorry he died."
"You two were really close."
Monica studied her mother closely, "Yeah, we were."
Judy nodded. She took in a shaky breath and grasped Monica's hand lightly, "We should really get back to Ross and Chandler now."
"Yeah," Monica agreed quietly.
Monica turned to walk out the door, but stopped when she heard her mom's voice, "I love you, Monica."
Monica turned around and looked into the familiar eyes of her mother. She looked - different, somehow - younger. For once, there was not a trace of contempt in her eyes. No, there was something else – sorrow.
"I love you, too, Mon."
Judy smiled and squeezed Monica's shoulder, before walking toward the living room behind her daughter.
-
Chandler insisted upon walking Monica up to her apartment. The rest of the evening had been relatively calm. Chandler immediately noted a difference in Monica's demeanor, as soon she she'd returned from the kitchen, earlier that night, with her mother. He could tell that she was not acting anywhere near as uptight as she had before. In fact, she was even participating in the conversation and laughing as they made jokes. It, in turn, made Chandler feel more at ease. Her smile always had a way of doing that to him.
However, as they reached her apartment door, he knew that it was, indeed, the end of their night together. Not only that, but it would be their last night together – ever. Chandler felt an aching in his heart that spread quickly through the rest of his body. He had to blink away his tears as he looked at her.
"Thanks for doing this for me, Chandler."
"No problem. I had fun."
Monica laughed, "Right."
"Well, it beats sitting at home, watching The Shopping Channel."
"Really?"
He smiled, "Yeah."
She blushed, but quickly attempted to hide it by looking down at her shoes. Chandler took this opportunity to move closer toward her. Lifting her chin with his index finger, they stared into each other's eyes for a few moments, transfixed, before Monica leaned forward and kissed him. Chandler was shocked at first, but as he felt her tongue enter his mouth, he allowed himself to completely melt into the kiss. It had been the first time she'd initiated one since they'd made love, and although he was slightly suspicious of her actions, he didn't have the willpower to ponder it.
When the kiss broke, Monica smiled at Chandler, "Well, that was to thank you."
"I'll do anything you want, for another thank you like that," he whispered.
"I have something you could do," she paused, "Kiss me again."
"What?"
"Kiss me again," she repeated.
He raised his eyebrows, but made no protest as he complied, memorizing the feeling of her lips against his own. She raked her hands slowly through his hair, yearning to be as close as she possibly could to him. Chandler wrapped his arms around her and drew her closer to him. When they broke apart for the second time, Chandler's hands remained on her waist as he stared into her eyes.
"What was that about?" he asked, breathlessly.
"It's about us. Chandler, I want there to be an us."
"God Monica, you know that's what I want, too…but why?"
"I know I said I was scared of being heartbroken, but I realized something today."
"What's that?"
"Getting your heart broken is part of living," Chandler nodded, "And Chandler," she breathed, "If I'm going to live, then I only want to live with you."
He felt chills run up and down his spine at her words, and he leaned his forehead against hers. "What made you decide all this?" he mumbled, before he kissed her cheek.
"My mother."
He pulled back slightly, studying her with raised eyebrows, "Really?"
"Yeah. She let her life be ruled by a broken heart. But now, she helped me see that you can't let that kind of stuff get to you. I'm scared, Chandler, I'll tell you that. I'm more scared than I've ever been. I'm scared of the way you make me feel. I'm scared, but I love it," she breathed.
"I'm scared, too, Mon, but I feel the same way. But you know what's more scary to me than how strong my love is for you?" Monica shook her head against his, "The thought of living another day without you in my arms."
Monica smiled broadly, as tears flowed down her cheeks, "I feel the same way."
Chandler began to wipe away her tears softly with his thumb, "Think of how much time we could've saved if we'd both just figured this out earlier."
Monica laughed through her tears, "Well, Chandler Bing, you were every second of it."
Chandler smiled and whispered, "Right back atcha," before capturing her lips in a slow, sweet kiss.
As their tongues entertained, both Monica and Chandler marveled at how perfect this moment felt. When they parted once more, Chandler began to plant soft kisses on her cheeks.
"Chandler," she mumbled, "I have a question."
"Hmm?"
"This has been driving me mad. Will you please tell me why you hate water so much? I mean did someone try to drown you or – or…"
"Way to ruin the moment, Mon," she blushed as he continued, "I dunno, nothing bad to me ever happened in water, that I can remember. I just hate being wet…and cold… "
Monica broke apart from him, placing her hands on her hips, "That's it?! That's the big reason that you hate water?!"
Chandler smiled, "Sometimes things are a lot more simple than they seem, Mon," she shook her head, "Like us."
Her surprise and anger subsided as she sunk back into his embrace, allowing him to once again pepper her skin with soft affections.
In between kisses, Monica whispered, "You're what I've been waiting for all along, Chandler, and I'm never going to let you go."
A/N: Whoo, that was long! And very sappy. Anyway, yeah, I hope it didn't suck too much. I suck at finishing fics. :/ It probably should've been a few chapters longer, but I dunno, I felt like I needed to end it. I want to move on. I hope this didn't ruin everything. :( Anyway, please leave me one final review. Oh and try to be nice – it's my 17th birthday today! Right-o, I should study until I have to leave for my exam. Thanks for sticking with this! Expect a new fic in the near future! :)