Author's Note: Thank you all for your reviews! I'm glad you like my
story, and I'm sorry stcobb, but there's a bit to go before the end! And
this nice long chapter should help! ~Cheeky.
DANIEL:
I blinked my eyes sleepily as I sat up on the couch, the blankets pooling around my waist. It took me a while to work out where I was. Harry's quarters. And they fit him well, with the elegant décor and musical instruments. I sighed and ran my hand over my face. I wasn't feeling much better, despite the sleep. I was vaguely aware of being plagued nightmares again, but I couldn't really remember what they were. I didn't know whether that was a good thing or not, the not remembering. I blinked back sudden tears. Janet would have known.
Just as I was about to get up and go back to the bridge, the door swished open and Harry entered. Harry looked almost the opposite of his normal neat and calm self. His uniform was rumpled and he looked upset. I got to my feet. "Harry, what happened?" I asked softly.
He looked at me, faintly surprised. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't." I replied.
Harry sat down on the couch with a sigh and rubbed his temples. Then he looked at me with pain in his brown eyes. "I'm sorry Daniel." He said. "While you were sleeping, the Borg Cube left orbit. We gave chase, but before we could really do anything, the Cube exploded."
I took a moment to digest the information. I couldn't help but give a small smile. I could almost guarantee that jack was responsible, at least in part, for the explosion. He wasn't a man to just sit around and wait. "Are they on board?" I asked.
Harry looked at me, his expression tortured. "No, Daniel..." he trailed off. "They're dead."
"Dead?" I repeated dumbly, my brain refusing to accept it.
"We can't find any trace of them anywhere." Harry said. "Seven, B'Elanna, the Captain...they're just gone."
I sat down on the couch, feeling...nothing. I was empty inside. Completely hollow. And then I felt something snap within me, as if that was the final straw and I just crumpled. Tears poured down my face as images flashed through my mind. Jack looking bored in a briefing. Sam smiling with excitement as she discovered something in her lab. Teal'c raising an eyebrow in puzzlement at some human saying. Janet bossing around a team of Marines. Images of what we used to be. What I used to be.
My world contracted to the images in my head and the pain in my heart. Everything else ceased to exist. Finally everything I had refused to feel for the past year found a way out and I couldn't stop it. Nor did I really want to. I felt a wave of absolute despair wash over me, as if nothing was worth living for anymore. They were all gone: Janet, Jack, Sam, Teal'c, General Hammond, Riley...
The world I had once inhabited was gone too. Destroyed because the people that I had considered family were gone. And I missed them so much. Their smiles. Their jokes. Jack's sarcastic wit. Sam's brilliance. Teal'c's eyebrow. Even Janet's needles. I had a deep craving and need to see and experience it all again, despite my despair, despite being far from home, despite their deaths.
Then I felt a surge of anger, not just directed at the Goa'uld and the Borg, who were responsible fro their deaths, but at *them*. How dare they die! How could they just let go? Damn it, why didn't they fight? Why did they have to die?
A detached part of me knew that the anger was irrational, that they didn't choose to die. They didn't give up. If they could have, they would be right here next to me. But that part of my mind had no effect or control over the emotions I was feeling. I was consumed by grief and irrational anger, and it was drawing me ever closer to madness.
"Daniel?" a soft voice asked, as a hand comfortingly gripped my shoulder.
I opened my eyes without having realised I shut them and stared at Harry's blurred and concerned face. And the words just poured out. "He was my best friend. He held me together when I would have just fallen apart." I whispered, my voice harsh with pain and grief. "And he was the last reminder of who I once was, what I once did."
My voice cracked on the last word, and the tears fell faster. "Now I'm the only one left."
"Tell me." Harry said softly.
And I did. Everything came out. The first time I ever saw the Stargate. My work to decode it. Metting Jack for the first time. The suicide mission to Abydoss. His depression over Charlie's death. Sha're, my wife. The first time I met Sam. Our first meeting with the Goa'uld. How Teal'c helped us against Apophis. The races we've helped. The Asgard. Sha're son. Oma. How Jack and Sam finally admitted their feelings towards each other. Falling in love with Janet. General Hammond going missing. Jack cradling Sam in his arms as she died. Teal'c trying to help us escape with his last breath. Janet's final words to me: Don't get into trouble, love. The weeks of pain at the hands of the Goa'uld. Being rescued. Meeting Riley and Mia. And my pledge to destroy the Goa'uld.
All the way through my epic story, Harry had listened with a respectful and pain-filled expression. After another minute, he finally spoke. "That's an amazing story, Daniel."
I looked over at him, wiping the tears from my face. "No more that yours."
Harry smiled softly. "We just got lost. You're saving the entire human race."
"No. We destroy the Goa'uld. We've stopped helping those who need it. We're nothing special."
And we weren't. Yes, we'd seen pain, but so had the crew of Voyager. The difference was that they were still helping people. We had just given up.
"How can you say that?" Harry asked, surprised. "After all the Goa'uld you've stopped? All the people you've helped?"
"We used to help people." I said. "Now we hold our pain around us like a shield, letting nothing in." I looked at Harry, mentally begging him to understand. "We stopped caring."
Harry looked at me for a minute, puzzled. "But how could you stop caring?"
I smiled at that. A real, honest smile and my soul suddenly felt lighter. Harry looked at me even more puzzled than before. "What?" he asked me.
"You remind me of a rather innocent and idealistic man who once tried to save the entire universe. He lost his innocence and many friends, and gave up. But the he found new hope thanks to new friends."
Harry smiled softly. "Have you really found new hope, Daniel?"
"Yes, Harry." I said. "Oh, yes."
* * *
CHAKOTAY:
I sat in the command chair and watched the bridge around me. Three hours and nothing. Tom, B'Elanna and the Captain had seemingly disappeared along with our new friends. Kathryn. Her beautiful face floated in my mind for a second. I just couldn't believe they were dead. They couldn't be. She couldn't be.
"You need rest Commander." Tuvok said from behind me, breaking into my thoughts.
"So do you." I said as I turned towards him.
"Indeed." He agreed in his normal level tone. "But I suggest it is more important for the commander of the ship to rest, than the tactical officer."
I looked at his expression, or what there was of it. "I know." I agreed.
Tuvok nodded. "Then perhaps you should. I will contact you as soon as we know anything."
I smiled tiredly at Tuvok. "Thank you."
For the past couple of hours, ever since the Borg Cube had exploded, we had been constantly scanning everything in the area for some sign of our missing crew. But we had found nothing. Despite that, no one was giving up. Captain Janeway was a woman who had never left a member of the crew behind. She had never stopped trying to find a way home. So no one was going to give up on her.
I stood up and walked into the Captain's ready room. I would just curl up on the couch for a few hours, and I would be close to the bridge if the needed me. The door swished shut behind me and I sank down onto the nearby couch. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open, but I didn't think I could get any sleep. My thoughts were just too chaotic.
I heard the door swish open and Mia walked in carrying a mug of tea. She walked over and handed it to me. "You look like you need this." She said.
"Thank you." I replied gratefully.
I took a sip of the hot, soothing liquid and was pleasantly surprised at the sweet, tangy taste. I looked at Mia curiously and could have sworn I saw a ghost of a smile pass over her face. "It's not the same as the tea I am used to." She said. "But it's close."
"I see you've met Neelix." I said.
"Yes." This time Mia did smile faintly. "He's very curious and talkative."
I smiled. "That's Neelix."
I drank the tea, letting the warmth and the taste sooth me. I felt slightly better after that and sank tiredly back into the blankets. "The tea should help you sleep." Mia said. "And don't worry about your Captain. If there is one thing I've learnt about you humans from Earth, it is that you are stubborn, wilful and incredibly hard to kill."
I smiled faintly at that, as I felt myself drifting off to sleep. "You sound as if you find that annoying." I said.
"No." Mia answered. "Just unsettling. No matter how many times I can think you are dead, you just keep turning up again."
And that was true. Time and time again, Voyager and her crew had thwarted death and survived. Her Captain was no different. I tried to open my eyes to look at Mia again, but my eyes refused to open and then I fell asleep.
The next thing I was aware of was slowly blinking my eyes open and forcing my exhausted body to sit up. I needed to see how the search was going. I blinked a couple of times to try and get my eyes to focus. As I did I spotted Mia sitting cross legged on the floor with her eyes closed. I looked at her and felt a stab of sympathy. She had that tired and haggard look of someone who hasn't had time to grieve. I knew that look simply because it had stared at me out of the mirror for a long time.
As I watched, Mia's startling eyes flickered open. "Hello." She said.
"Hello." I echoed.
Because Mia was still only wearing a tank top and trousers, I could see the hard muscles beneath her golden skin and the startling and complex tattoos on her arms and shoulders. Unconsciously, my hand came up and traced my own tattoo on my forehead. Mia smiled slightly when she noticed and rose gracefully to her feet. "Where did you get that?" she asked softly.
"I took it after my tribe was killed to honour my father and my ancestors." I said as I felt the familiar pang of sadness and regret.
"That's why I took these, too." Mia said, indicating a series of complex bands around each of her arms.
"And why you fight." I stated rather than asked.
"Yes." Mia agreed, looking at my curiously. "You know what its like, don't you?"
Mia's tone was wistful when she said that, and it surprised me. I realised that, whether she knew it or not, she wanted someone to understand what she was going through and just to listen to her. Like Kathryn had done for me. At her name I felt a stab of sadness mixed with hope, although I only ever dared use her nae in my head. She had to be out there somewhere. She had to.
I dragged my thoughts away from my Captain and looked back at Mia. And for the first time, I noticed the innocence in her eyes. "How old are you, Mia?" I asked.
"I'm eighteen in Earth years." She replied.
I almost started at that. She was so young! And you didn't realise how young she was because she sounded and acted so much older. "I was sixteen when the Goa'uld killed my people." She added softly.
"I was older when my tribe was killed." I said. "Although that didn't make it any easier. Not did the fact that I had rebelled against my father's teachings, believing the past was not important."
"But it is." Mia said, her tone understanding. "The past is the most important thing we have."
"No." I said. "The future is. Without the past we can make the same mistakes and loose some of what we are, but without the future we loose everything. We loose hope."
"Hope?" Mia said harshly, her voice full of pain. "Hope is an illusion."
I shook my head sadly. "Hope is very real, Mia." I told her. "Hope gives us strength and holds us together when we would otherwise fall apart."
"No!" Mia snapped. "Hope makes the pain worse. Do you know how long I hoped that someone else had survived the attack? Hoped that I was not the only one? Only to have that hope destroyed as I buried my family, my friends and my people?"
"I have a good idea." I said as I remembered the weeks after seeing my planet ripped apart. "Just as I know why you swore revenge on your enemies. Why you are willing to hunt them down to extinction. Because you believe you have nothing left. But you do, Mia."
"What do I have?"
"Hope. Hope that you will find others to love, just like you loved your people. That you will find new friends. A new family. It will never be the same, but that does not mean it is not as worthwhile."
"And your friends on Voyager?" Mia whispered, her voice barely audible. "Do they make it better?"
"Yes." I said. "Because I know I am loved, and my friends helped me to understand that even had I been there, I could not have saved my people – and no matter how many Cardassians I kill, it's not going to bring them back."
I smiled softly as I thought of everything they had done for me. They were my family and they would do anything for me, just as I would do anything for them.
"I miss them so much." Mia whispered in a broken voice, tears streaming down her face. "How can I feel anything like that again?"
She broke into noisy sobs at that and I stood up and did the only thing I could to give her comfort. I wrapped my arms around her and held her as she grieved for everyone she had lost. A while later the door swished open and Tuvok entered. "Commander?" he asked.
"Come in, Tuvok." I said, releasing my hold on Mia, even as she pulled me closer.
She looked up at me with anguish filled silver eyes. "I...I don't..."
"Shh." I stopped her. "You can."
I knew very well the doubts that would be floating around her head right now. How could anything be the same? But she had begun to grieve and that was the important thing. I spotted movement behind Tuvok and Daniel slipped into the room. He looked at me and then at Mia.
"Hey Mia." He said softly, and held out his arms.
Mia looked at me again, and wiped her eyes. "Thank you, Commader. For understanding." She said, before turning to Daniel.
The two of them looked at each other, both in pain and both beginning to grieve. Daniel put his arms around Mia and guided her to the couch as I slipped out. The door swished shut behind me. "Get Harry to keep and eye on them." I told Tuvok.
"I will." He replied. "We have completed the detailed scans, Commander." He continued. "But we have found no sign of the missing crew."
He held up a hand, stopping me before I could interrupt. "But there is one planet we have been unable to scan. Ions in the atmosphere prevent our scanner from penetrating very far. I suspect that it could also be hampering any communications signals from the surface of the planet."
"Do you think that's where they are?" I asked him.
"I believe so." Tuvok said. "I have been over my readings of the explosion and believe there might have been a small burst of energy just before the Cube was destroyed. The burst is consistent with a transporter beam."
I took a deep breath and felt real hope blossom inside me. "What can we do?"
"I would suggest sending a pilot in the Delta Flyer to do a visual scan of the planet. The scanner may also be able to work within the atmosphere."
"Good idea." I said. "Thank you Tuvok."
Tuvok simply nodded and returned to his post. Sometimes I wondered what we would do without Tuvok. I know his constant presence and calm always helped me when situations got tense. And I know it would be even more so for Kathryn, since Tuvok was an old friend. The thought of her name brought me back to the present.
"Ensign Madison." I called.
"Aye, sir?" Madison said from the helm.
"Prep the Delta Flyer. You'll be piloting the shuttle. We're going to see if we can get some scans of that planet." I vaguely motioned to the large planet in the viewscreen.
"Aye, sir!" Madison said, excitement clear in her voice.
In fact, at my words the entire bridge crew perked up. Could we really have found the Captain? I hope so, more than I was willing to admit. Kathryn was more to me than just my Captain. I'm not sure I could finish this journey without her.
"Tuvok, can you manage to take command for a few more hours?" I asked softly to the Vulcan. "If you can't, I understand. You've done so much already."
"I'll be fine, Commander." Tuvok said. "But I think it's a good idea for you to accompany Ensign Madison. Your skills will no doubt be needed."
"Thank you again, Tuvok." I said. Then I smiled softly. "I think the ship might have fallen apart without you."
And then I got a surprise. Tuvok actually blushed. And I felt honoured to have seen such emotion from a Vulcan. They usually do not even show other from their own species such things. "Go Commander." He said.
I nodded and turned to walk to the docking bay. "Ensign Madison," I said over my comm. link. "I'll meet you at the Delta Flyer in 5 minutes. How long until we can leave?" "I'll be ready by the time you get here, sir." Madison said.
I smiled properly for the first time in what seemed like days. They were out there, and I was going to find them. No matter what.
DANIEL:
I blinked my eyes sleepily as I sat up on the couch, the blankets pooling around my waist. It took me a while to work out where I was. Harry's quarters. And they fit him well, with the elegant décor and musical instruments. I sighed and ran my hand over my face. I wasn't feeling much better, despite the sleep. I was vaguely aware of being plagued nightmares again, but I couldn't really remember what they were. I didn't know whether that was a good thing or not, the not remembering. I blinked back sudden tears. Janet would have known.
Just as I was about to get up and go back to the bridge, the door swished open and Harry entered. Harry looked almost the opposite of his normal neat and calm self. His uniform was rumpled and he looked upset. I got to my feet. "Harry, what happened?" I asked softly.
He looked at me, faintly surprised. "I didn't mean to wake you."
"You didn't." I replied.
Harry sat down on the couch with a sigh and rubbed his temples. Then he looked at me with pain in his brown eyes. "I'm sorry Daniel." He said. "While you were sleeping, the Borg Cube left orbit. We gave chase, but before we could really do anything, the Cube exploded."
I took a moment to digest the information. I couldn't help but give a small smile. I could almost guarantee that jack was responsible, at least in part, for the explosion. He wasn't a man to just sit around and wait. "Are they on board?" I asked.
Harry looked at me, his expression tortured. "No, Daniel..." he trailed off. "They're dead."
"Dead?" I repeated dumbly, my brain refusing to accept it.
"We can't find any trace of them anywhere." Harry said. "Seven, B'Elanna, the Captain...they're just gone."
I sat down on the couch, feeling...nothing. I was empty inside. Completely hollow. And then I felt something snap within me, as if that was the final straw and I just crumpled. Tears poured down my face as images flashed through my mind. Jack looking bored in a briefing. Sam smiling with excitement as she discovered something in her lab. Teal'c raising an eyebrow in puzzlement at some human saying. Janet bossing around a team of Marines. Images of what we used to be. What I used to be.
My world contracted to the images in my head and the pain in my heart. Everything else ceased to exist. Finally everything I had refused to feel for the past year found a way out and I couldn't stop it. Nor did I really want to. I felt a wave of absolute despair wash over me, as if nothing was worth living for anymore. They were all gone: Janet, Jack, Sam, Teal'c, General Hammond, Riley...
The world I had once inhabited was gone too. Destroyed because the people that I had considered family were gone. And I missed them so much. Their smiles. Their jokes. Jack's sarcastic wit. Sam's brilliance. Teal'c's eyebrow. Even Janet's needles. I had a deep craving and need to see and experience it all again, despite my despair, despite being far from home, despite their deaths.
Then I felt a surge of anger, not just directed at the Goa'uld and the Borg, who were responsible fro their deaths, but at *them*. How dare they die! How could they just let go? Damn it, why didn't they fight? Why did they have to die?
A detached part of me knew that the anger was irrational, that they didn't choose to die. They didn't give up. If they could have, they would be right here next to me. But that part of my mind had no effect or control over the emotions I was feeling. I was consumed by grief and irrational anger, and it was drawing me ever closer to madness.
"Daniel?" a soft voice asked, as a hand comfortingly gripped my shoulder.
I opened my eyes without having realised I shut them and stared at Harry's blurred and concerned face. And the words just poured out. "He was my best friend. He held me together when I would have just fallen apart." I whispered, my voice harsh with pain and grief. "And he was the last reminder of who I once was, what I once did."
My voice cracked on the last word, and the tears fell faster. "Now I'm the only one left."
"Tell me." Harry said softly.
And I did. Everything came out. The first time I ever saw the Stargate. My work to decode it. Metting Jack for the first time. The suicide mission to Abydoss. His depression over Charlie's death. Sha're, my wife. The first time I met Sam. Our first meeting with the Goa'uld. How Teal'c helped us against Apophis. The races we've helped. The Asgard. Sha're son. Oma. How Jack and Sam finally admitted their feelings towards each other. Falling in love with Janet. General Hammond going missing. Jack cradling Sam in his arms as she died. Teal'c trying to help us escape with his last breath. Janet's final words to me: Don't get into trouble, love. The weeks of pain at the hands of the Goa'uld. Being rescued. Meeting Riley and Mia. And my pledge to destroy the Goa'uld.
All the way through my epic story, Harry had listened with a respectful and pain-filled expression. After another minute, he finally spoke. "That's an amazing story, Daniel."
I looked over at him, wiping the tears from my face. "No more that yours."
Harry smiled softly. "We just got lost. You're saving the entire human race."
"No. We destroy the Goa'uld. We've stopped helping those who need it. We're nothing special."
And we weren't. Yes, we'd seen pain, but so had the crew of Voyager. The difference was that they were still helping people. We had just given up.
"How can you say that?" Harry asked, surprised. "After all the Goa'uld you've stopped? All the people you've helped?"
"We used to help people." I said. "Now we hold our pain around us like a shield, letting nothing in." I looked at Harry, mentally begging him to understand. "We stopped caring."
Harry looked at me for a minute, puzzled. "But how could you stop caring?"
I smiled at that. A real, honest smile and my soul suddenly felt lighter. Harry looked at me even more puzzled than before. "What?" he asked me.
"You remind me of a rather innocent and idealistic man who once tried to save the entire universe. He lost his innocence and many friends, and gave up. But the he found new hope thanks to new friends."
Harry smiled softly. "Have you really found new hope, Daniel?"
"Yes, Harry." I said. "Oh, yes."
* * *
CHAKOTAY:
I sat in the command chair and watched the bridge around me. Three hours and nothing. Tom, B'Elanna and the Captain had seemingly disappeared along with our new friends. Kathryn. Her beautiful face floated in my mind for a second. I just couldn't believe they were dead. They couldn't be. She couldn't be.
"You need rest Commander." Tuvok said from behind me, breaking into my thoughts.
"So do you." I said as I turned towards him.
"Indeed." He agreed in his normal level tone. "But I suggest it is more important for the commander of the ship to rest, than the tactical officer."
I looked at his expression, or what there was of it. "I know." I agreed.
Tuvok nodded. "Then perhaps you should. I will contact you as soon as we know anything."
I smiled tiredly at Tuvok. "Thank you."
For the past couple of hours, ever since the Borg Cube had exploded, we had been constantly scanning everything in the area for some sign of our missing crew. But we had found nothing. Despite that, no one was giving up. Captain Janeway was a woman who had never left a member of the crew behind. She had never stopped trying to find a way home. So no one was going to give up on her.
I stood up and walked into the Captain's ready room. I would just curl up on the couch for a few hours, and I would be close to the bridge if the needed me. The door swished shut behind me and I sank down onto the nearby couch. I was so tired I could barely keep my eyes open, but I didn't think I could get any sleep. My thoughts were just too chaotic.
I heard the door swish open and Mia walked in carrying a mug of tea. She walked over and handed it to me. "You look like you need this." She said.
"Thank you." I replied gratefully.
I took a sip of the hot, soothing liquid and was pleasantly surprised at the sweet, tangy taste. I looked at Mia curiously and could have sworn I saw a ghost of a smile pass over her face. "It's not the same as the tea I am used to." She said. "But it's close."
"I see you've met Neelix." I said.
"Yes." This time Mia did smile faintly. "He's very curious and talkative."
I smiled. "That's Neelix."
I drank the tea, letting the warmth and the taste sooth me. I felt slightly better after that and sank tiredly back into the blankets. "The tea should help you sleep." Mia said. "And don't worry about your Captain. If there is one thing I've learnt about you humans from Earth, it is that you are stubborn, wilful and incredibly hard to kill."
I smiled faintly at that, as I felt myself drifting off to sleep. "You sound as if you find that annoying." I said.
"No." Mia answered. "Just unsettling. No matter how many times I can think you are dead, you just keep turning up again."
And that was true. Time and time again, Voyager and her crew had thwarted death and survived. Her Captain was no different. I tried to open my eyes to look at Mia again, but my eyes refused to open and then I fell asleep.
The next thing I was aware of was slowly blinking my eyes open and forcing my exhausted body to sit up. I needed to see how the search was going. I blinked a couple of times to try and get my eyes to focus. As I did I spotted Mia sitting cross legged on the floor with her eyes closed. I looked at her and felt a stab of sympathy. She had that tired and haggard look of someone who hasn't had time to grieve. I knew that look simply because it had stared at me out of the mirror for a long time.
As I watched, Mia's startling eyes flickered open. "Hello." She said.
"Hello." I echoed.
Because Mia was still only wearing a tank top and trousers, I could see the hard muscles beneath her golden skin and the startling and complex tattoos on her arms and shoulders. Unconsciously, my hand came up and traced my own tattoo on my forehead. Mia smiled slightly when she noticed and rose gracefully to her feet. "Where did you get that?" she asked softly.
"I took it after my tribe was killed to honour my father and my ancestors." I said as I felt the familiar pang of sadness and regret.
"That's why I took these, too." Mia said, indicating a series of complex bands around each of her arms.
"And why you fight." I stated rather than asked.
"Yes." Mia agreed, looking at my curiously. "You know what its like, don't you?"
Mia's tone was wistful when she said that, and it surprised me. I realised that, whether she knew it or not, she wanted someone to understand what she was going through and just to listen to her. Like Kathryn had done for me. At her name I felt a stab of sadness mixed with hope, although I only ever dared use her nae in my head. She had to be out there somewhere. She had to.
I dragged my thoughts away from my Captain and looked back at Mia. And for the first time, I noticed the innocence in her eyes. "How old are you, Mia?" I asked.
"I'm eighteen in Earth years." She replied.
I almost started at that. She was so young! And you didn't realise how young she was because she sounded and acted so much older. "I was sixteen when the Goa'uld killed my people." She added softly.
"I was older when my tribe was killed." I said. "Although that didn't make it any easier. Not did the fact that I had rebelled against my father's teachings, believing the past was not important."
"But it is." Mia said, her tone understanding. "The past is the most important thing we have."
"No." I said. "The future is. Without the past we can make the same mistakes and loose some of what we are, but without the future we loose everything. We loose hope."
"Hope?" Mia said harshly, her voice full of pain. "Hope is an illusion."
I shook my head sadly. "Hope is very real, Mia." I told her. "Hope gives us strength and holds us together when we would otherwise fall apart."
"No!" Mia snapped. "Hope makes the pain worse. Do you know how long I hoped that someone else had survived the attack? Hoped that I was not the only one? Only to have that hope destroyed as I buried my family, my friends and my people?"
"I have a good idea." I said as I remembered the weeks after seeing my planet ripped apart. "Just as I know why you swore revenge on your enemies. Why you are willing to hunt them down to extinction. Because you believe you have nothing left. But you do, Mia."
"What do I have?"
"Hope. Hope that you will find others to love, just like you loved your people. That you will find new friends. A new family. It will never be the same, but that does not mean it is not as worthwhile."
"And your friends on Voyager?" Mia whispered, her voice barely audible. "Do they make it better?"
"Yes." I said. "Because I know I am loved, and my friends helped me to understand that even had I been there, I could not have saved my people – and no matter how many Cardassians I kill, it's not going to bring them back."
I smiled softly as I thought of everything they had done for me. They were my family and they would do anything for me, just as I would do anything for them.
"I miss them so much." Mia whispered in a broken voice, tears streaming down her face. "How can I feel anything like that again?"
She broke into noisy sobs at that and I stood up and did the only thing I could to give her comfort. I wrapped my arms around her and held her as she grieved for everyone she had lost. A while later the door swished open and Tuvok entered. "Commander?" he asked.
"Come in, Tuvok." I said, releasing my hold on Mia, even as she pulled me closer.
She looked up at me with anguish filled silver eyes. "I...I don't..."
"Shh." I stopped her. "You can."
I knew very well the doubts that would be floating around her head right now. How could anything be the same? But she had begun to grieve and that was the important thing. I spotted movement behind Tuvok and Daniel slipped into the room. He looked at me and then at Mia.
"Hey Mia." He said softly, and held out his arms.
Mia looked at me again, and wiped her eyes. "Thank you, Commader. For understanding." She said, before turning to Daniel.
The two of them looked at each other, both in pain and both beginning to grieve. Daniel put his arms around Mia and guided her to the couch as I slipped out. The door swished shut behind me. "Get Harry to keep and eye on them." I told Tuvok.
"I will." He replied. "We have completed the detailed scans, Commander." He continued. "But we have found no sign of the missing crew."
He held up a hand, stopping me before I could interrupt. "But there is one planet we have been unable to scan. Ions in the atmosphere prevent our scanner from penetrating very far. I suspect that it could also be hampering any communications signals from the surface of the planet."
"Do you think that's where they are?" I asked him.
"I believe so." Tuvok said. "I have been over my readings of the explosion and believe there might have been a small burst of energy just before the Cube was destroyed. The burst is consistent with a transporter beam."
I took a deep breath and felt real hope blossom inside me. "What can we do?"
"I would suggest sending a pilot in the Delta Flyer to do a visual scan of the planet. The scanner may also be able to work within the atmosphere."
"Good idea." I said. "Thank you Tuvok."
Tuvok simply nodded and returned to his post. Sometimes I wondered what we would do without Tuvok. I know his constant presence and calm always helped me when situations got tense. And I know it would be even more so for Kathryn, since Tuvok was an old friend. The thought of her name brought me back to the present.
"Ensign Madison." I called.
"Aye, sir?" Madison said from the helm.
"Prep the Delta Flyer. You'll be piloting the shuttle. We're going to see if we can get some scans of that planet." I vaguely motioned to the large planet in the viewscreen.
"Aye, sir!" Madison said, excitement clear in her voice.
In fact, at my words the entire bridge crew perked up. Could we really have found the Captain? I hope so, more than I was willing to admit. Kathryn was more to me than just my Captain. I'm not sure I could finish this journey without her.
"Tuvok, can you manage to take command for a few more hours?" I asked softly to the Vulcan. "If you can't, I understand. You've done so much already."
"I'll be fine, Commander." Tuvok said. "But I think it's a good idea for you to accompany Ensign Madison. Your skills will no doubt be needed."
"Thank you again, Tuvok." I said. Then I smiled softly. "I think the ship might have fallen apart without you."
And then I got a surprise. Tuvok actually blushed. And I felt honoured to have seen such emotion from a Vulcan. They usually do not even show other from their own species such things. "Go Commander." He said.
I nodded and turned to walk to the docking bay. "Ensign Madison," I said over my comm. link. "I'll meet you at the Delta Flyer in 5 minutes. How long until we can leave?" "I'll be ready by the time you get here, sir." Madison said.
I smiled properly for the first time in what seemed like days. They were out there, and I was going to find them. No matter what.