Disclaimers and summary on first chapter
Notes: I've had this chapter written since I posted the last few, it was the chapter before this in Mark's POV that kept it from being posted. Hope you enjoy it now. Thanks for reading/reviewing!
Chapter 29 -He's No Longer Mine-
+Roger's POV+
I stare at the wall, the white, clean wall. Alone in this room, only the bed I'm laying on.
I beat on the sides of my legs, covering bruises from the morning and nights before with new ones. The medicines they keep giving me make me sick. And in a combination of those and my early withdrawal symptoms I haven't managed to go more than a few hours without throwing up. I miss Mark. When I sit here beating my hands bloody on the wall I know it could all be solved if he was here. I grab at my stomach and fall back onto the bed. But Mark's not here. I think I'm going to be sick again. Frantically I assess the room, but there's nothing to use. Not being able to hold it in anymore I lean over the side of the bed in desperation and throw up on the floor. It's disgusting because it's just blood and stomach acid mixed with that horrible shit they keep giving me. They wanted to inject me with something, something they said would really help the pain, but the nurse couldn't find a safe vein to put the needle in. If I ever shoot up again, after this, that's it. I'll give myself completely over to heroin, because I can never do this again.
I let out an alien sounding cry of pain as another wave of sickness hits me. I grip the sheets on the bed tightly, then clench my fists so hard my worn nails leave little crescent shaped wounds on my palms. I feel the tears coming again and soon I'm bawling.
The nurse opens the door.
"Mr. Davis? We can hear you down the hallway. It's been almost a week, please contain yourself." I hear her sigh in exasperation. "I suppose I'll have to send for someone to clean that up." The door closes behind her. I barely noticed her presence. They're very critical and generally disapproving here. It was the same nurse that couldn't find a vein when I first got here. I glare at the closed door and then turn my head to look up at the ceiling again. I wish I could say that having Mark is worth this, but it doesn't matter anymore because he's no longer mine.
+++ -after rehab-
I stand outside the door, my shaking hand poised to knock. I suppose I should knock. I haven't lived here in over a month after all. I hear a giggle from inside and a guy laugh. I don't recognize that voice as either Mark or Collins, or even that Benny asshole. I knock on the door.
I hear Maureen gasp and someone run to the door.
"Who's there?" She asks, harshly.
"Roger." I say.
"Holy fuck!" She opens the door, her eyes wide.
"Are you, you know, clean?" She asks me, hiding half behind the door.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm clean." I tell her.
The door opens the rest of the way. I stagger backwards and drop my bag as she wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek. I try to push her off, not really in any mood to be touched. She steps back, smiling. It's rather un-Maureen behavior.
"What's wrong with you?" I ask her.
"I'm just happy to see you." She says smiling. I pick up my bag and start to walk into the loft. She holds up her hands.
"Don't go in there."
"Why not? Is Mark here?"
She shakes her head. "No, um. Roger you should come back later."
"Later? Maureen I've been in rehab for a month. It's my first day out and I'd rather not spend it walking around outside when I can be here. My guitar's still there right?"
She narrows her eyes. "Who's fault is that, you fucking junkie? Just go away!"
I stare at her in shock. I crack my knuckles and am about to retort when she looks at the ground, then back up at me, biting her lip, her face desperate.
"Please, Rog. . ."
"Roger." I correct her fiercely.
"Roger. Please, just go. I really need to you to. . ."
"Maureen! What are you doing out there?" A shirtless guy comes out of her bedroom. A guy I don't know that certainly isn't Mark.
"Who are you?" He asks, annoyed. He nudges her. "Baby, c'mon."
I glare at both of them. "Baby? Maureen? Are you still with Mark?" I ask her, my voice shaking with anger. No wonder she didn't want me to come in, I had caught her cheating.
"Mark?" The guy asks confused. "Oh right, the little guy with the glasses. She won't be much longer, right?" He grabs a hold of her arm, his tone harsh.
She looks at me when she talks. "Actually, Josh, I think this is the last time I should see you."
Josh glares at me as if the situation is my fault. He lets go of her arm, pushing her away roughly. She stumbles into the wall, almost falling. "Fine, bitch. You'll be back, you always are." He goes back into the loft and picks up his shirt from the couch. I take one look at Maureen's face and drop my bag, following him inside. I grab him roughly and though I'm not nearly as strong as I used to be, I manage to push him out of the loft.
"Don't talk to her like that, and don't come back." I yell after him. Maureen gestures toward a duffle bag on the floor by the door, which I take to be his. I pick it up and throw it down the stairs after him. I go over to her and put my arm around her shoulders and lead her to the couch.
"You ok?" I ask her. She nods, but won't look me in the eye.
I sigh heavily. "How long has this been going on?"
She bites her lip. "Well. . ."
"Just don't say before I left."
"I never actually broke up with him."
I push her away. "What the hell is wrong with you? Is he the only one?"
She shakes her head, curling against the other side of the couch. I realize I'm not treating her any better than Josh was. I run my hand through my hair, not knowing how to handle the situation.
"Does Mark know?" Idiot. Of course Mark doesn't know.
"Are you going to tell him?"
Her head snaps up and her eyes are wide and sad.
"No! And you can't either! It'll break his heart!"
"You'll break his heart you mean." I push away and stand up. "God, Maureen, how could you? What is wrong with you? I knew you used to fool around a lot but, it's Mark! How long have you been friends with him? How could you do that to him?" I start pacing, unable to stand still. "Is it worth it? Huh? Is some random guy worth it for you? Will he treat you better than Mark will? Will he love you like I'm sure Mark does? Fuck, you're stupid."
"Fuck you, Roger!" She yells, then pushes past me crying. I turn to watch her leave and come face to face with Mark. He's staring at me in awe, confusion and hurt. Cautiously he comes closer.
"Are you. . ." He starts, softly.
I nod. "All better." I say sarcastically. I sigh. "Look, Mark. I don't know what you heard. . ."
Before I finish he has wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight embrace.
"I missed you." He whispers.
I resist the urge to kiss his cheek or even his lips. He pulls back and goes to sit on the table. I follow him and hop up beside him. He sniffs and I see his shoulders shake and it doesn't take me much longer to realize that he's crying.
"Oh, Mark! Don't! It's not worth it, please. . ."
"You don't think so, you weren't here, Rog. I love her, I really do. I knew, don't think I didn't. But the fact that it's happening here, that she thinks I don't know, that she thinks she's protecting me by not telling me. . ."
I lay my arm around his shoulders and he moves closer. I stiffen when I feel his lips on my neck.
"I love you, Roger. I can't believe I let you talk me into thinking otherwise."
I shake my head and pull away. "Mark, I told you. I can't do this. I'm not good for you anymore. I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"But you're. . ."
"That doesn't change the kind of person I am, Mark. And how do you know I won't start it again? What's stopping me?"
"Me." He says quietly, in a whisper. I stand up and pick up my bag.
"I love you too." I tell him softly, before I start walking into my old room.
"Collins and Benny are gone." He says. "You have your own room now."
I don't bother to let the information process completely, I simply change direction toward the other room, leaving him alone on the table.
+++
Notes Continued: This ends on a pretty down note. As usual, this is typically the more depressing half of the story. Read M/R in high school for some happy feelings. . . at least for a little while longer.
Notes: I've had this chapter written since I posted the last few, it was the chapter before this in Mark's POV that kept it from being posted. Hope you enjoy it now. Thanks for reading/reviewing!
Chapter 29 -He's No Longer Mine-
+Roger's POV+
I stare at the wall, the white, clean wall. Alone in this room, only the bed I'm laying on.
I beat on the sides of my legs, covering bruises from the morning and nights before with new ones. The medicines they keep giving me make me sick. And in a combination of those and my early withdrawal symptoms I haven't managed to go more than a few hours without throwing up. I miss Mark. When I sit here beating my hands bloody on the wall I know it could all be solved if he was here. I grab at my stomach and fall back onto the bed. But Mark's not here. I think I'm going to be sick again. Frantically I assess the room, but there's nothing to use. Not being able to hold it in anymore I lean over the side of the bed in desperation and throw up on the floor. It's disgusting because it's just blood and stomach acid mixed with that horrible shit they keep giving me. They wanted to inject me with something, something they said would really help the pain, but the nurse couldn't find a safe vein to put the needle in. If I ever shoot up again, after this, that's it. I'll give myself completely over to heroin, because I can never do this again.
I let out an alien sounding cry of pain as another wave of sickness hits me. I grip the sheets on the bed tightly, then clench my fists so hard my worn nails leave little crescent shaped wounds on my palms. I feel the tears coming again and soon I'm bawling.
The nurse opens the door.
"Mr. Davis? We can hear you down the hallway. It's been almost a week, please contain yourself." I hear her sigh in exasperation. "I suppose I'll have to send for someone to clean that up." The door closes behind her. I barely noticed her presence. They're very critical and generally disapproving here. It was the same nurse that couldn't find a vein when I first got here. I glare at the closed door and then turn my head to look up at the ceiling again. I wish I could say that having Mark is worth this, but it doesn't matter anymore because he's no longer mine.
+++ -after rehab-
I stand outside the door, my shaking hand poised to knock. I suppose I should knock. I haven't lived here in over a month after all. I hear a giggle from inside and a guy laugh. I don't recognize that voice as either Mark or Collins, or even that Benny asshole. I knock on the door.
I hear Maureen gasp and someone run to the door.
"Who's there?" She asks, harshly.
"Roger." I say.
"Holy fuck!" She opens the door, her eyes wide.
"Are you, you know, clean?" She asks me, hiding half behind the door.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm clean." I tell her.
The door opens the rest of the way. I stagger backwards and drop my bag as she wraps her arms around me and kisses my cheek. I try to push her off, not really in any mood to be touched. She steps back, smiling. It's rather un-Maureen behavior.
"What's wrong with you?" I ask her.
"I'm just happy to see you." She says smiling. I pick up my bag and start to walk into the loft. She holds up her hands.
"Don't go in there."
"Why not? Is Mark here?"
She shakes her head. "No, um. Roger you should come back later."
"Later? Maureen I've been in rehab for a month. It's my first day out and I'd rather not spend it walking around outside when I can be here. My guitar's still there right?"
She narrows her eyes. "Who's fault is that, you fucking junkie? Just go away!"
I stare at her in shock. I crack my knuckles and am about to retort when she looks at the ground, then back up at me, biting her lip, her face desperate.
"Please, Rog. . ."
"Roger." I correct her fiercely.
"Roger. Please, just go. I really need to you to. . ."
"Maureen! What are you doing out there?" A shirtless guy comes out of her bedroom. A guy I don't know that certainly isn't Mark.
"Who are you?" He asks, annoyed. He nudges her. "Baby, c'mon."
I glare at both of them. "Baby? Maureen? Are you still with Mark?" I ask her, my voice shaking with anger. No wonder she didn't want me to come in, I had caught her cheating.
"Mark?" The guy asks confused. "Oh right, the little guy with the glasses. She won't be much longer, right?" He grabs a hold of her arm, his tone harsh.
She looks at me when she talks. "Actually, Josh, I think this is the last time I should see you."
Josh glares at me as if the situation is my fault. He lets go of her arm, pushing her away roughly. She stumbles into the wall, almost falling. "Fine, bitch. You'll be back, you always are." He goes back into the loft and picks up his shirt from the couch. I take one look at Maureen's face and drop my bag, following him inside. I grab him roughly and though I'm not nearly as strong as I used to be, I manage to push him out of the loft.
"Don't talk to her like that, and don't come back." I yell after him. Maureen gestures toward a duffle bag on the floor by the door, which I take to be his. I pick it up and throw it down the stairs after him. I go over to her and put my arm around her shoulders and lead her to the couch.
"You ok?" I ask her. She nods, but won't look me in the eye.
I sigh heavily. "How long has this been going on?"
She bites her lip. "Well. . ."
"Just don't say before I left."
"I never actually broke up with him."
I push her away. "What the hell is wrong with you? Is he the only one?"
She shakes her head, curling against the other side of the couch. I realize I'm not treating her any better than Josh was. I run my hand through my hair, not knowing how to handle the situation.
"Does Mark know?" Idiot. Of course Mark doesn't know.
"Are you going to tell him?"
Her head snaps up and her eyes are wide and sad.
"No! And you can't either! It'll break his heart!"
"You'll break his heart you mean." I push away and stand up. "God, Maureen, how could you? What is wrong with you? I knew you used to fool around a lot but, it's Mark! How long have you been friends with him? How could you do that to him?" I start pacing, unable to stand still. "Is it worth it? Huh? Is some random guy worth it for you? Will he treat you better than Mark will? Will he love you like I'm sure Mark does? Fuck, you're stupid."
"Fuck you, Roger!" She yells, then pushes past me crying. I turn to watch her leave and come face to face with Mark. He's staring at me in awe, confusion and hurt. Cautiously he comes closer.
"Are you. . ." He starts, softly.
I nod. "All better." I say sarcastically. I sigh. "Look, Mark. I don't know what you heard. . ."
Before I finish he has wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a tight embrace.
"I missed you." He whispers.
I resist the urge to kiss his cheek or even his lips. He pulls back and goes to sit on the table. I follow him and hop up beside him. He sniffs and I see his shoulders shake and it doesn't take me much longer to realize that he's crying.
"Oh, Mark! Don't! It's not worth it, please. . ."
"You don't think so, you weren't here, Rog. I love her, I really do. I knew, don't think I didn't. But the fact that it's happening here, that she thinks I don't know, that she thinks she's protecting me by not telling me. . ."
I lay my arm around his shoulders and he moves closer. I stiffen when I feel his lips on my neck.
"I love you, Roger. I can't believe I let you talk me into thinking otherwise."
I shake my head and pull away. "Mark, I told you. I can't do this. I'm not good for you anymore. I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"But you're. . ."
"That doesn't change the kind of person I am, Mark. And how do you know I won't start it again? What's stopping me?"
"Me." He says quietly, in a whisper. I stand up and pick up my bag.
"I love you too." I tell him softly, before I start walking into my old room.
"Collins and Benny are gone." He says. "You have your own room now."
I don't bother to let the information process completely, I simply change direction toward the other room, leaving him alone on the table.
+++
Notes Continued: This ends on a pretty down note. As usual, this is typically the more depressing half of the story. Read M/R in high school for some happy feelings. . . at least for a little while longer.