Disclaimers and summary on first chapter
Notes: Rated. . . R! Most definitely. :P enjoy!
Chapter 32 -I'm Never Going To Be Ready-
+Mark's POV+
I stare at him unbelieving. I move out of his reach and look away.
"I can't believe you! I told you I'm not ready for anyone to know! What don't you understand?"
He narrows his eyes. "Don't talk to me like that, Mark. I didn't tell her, I'm asking you if I can. It's not like my mom is going to announce to the world we're together. She's not going to care and it would be easier for us and especially for me to not hide it anymore."
He sighs and shakes his head. "Maybe you don't mind lying to your parents, but I do."
"You lie all the time! You told me yourself she doesn't know where you go when we go to the city!"
"That's different, Mark! She wouldn't even care if she knew I did stuff like that. This is totally different, I love my mom and I care about her and it's bad for me when she asks if anything's happening in my life and I have to say no!"
"Fine, whatever. Go ahead and tell her."
He hesitantly comes near me and I glare at him when he reaches for my hand. He brings it up to his lips and gently kisses the back.
"Please, I want you to be there with me."
His eyes are pleading, if I say no he might actually beg me, and despite how appealing the thought is, I sigh and nod slowly.
Excited, he wraps his arms around me and my mouth is briefly crushed by his.
"I love you!"
He pushes me backwards on his bed and curls up beside me, his head on my shoulder.
I smile despite myself.
"I love you too."
+++
Later that night I hear Roger's mom pull up outside. I poke him in the arm but he doesn't move. When I poke him harder he grunts and rolls dangerously close to the edge of the bed. My arm tingles from having his body on it for several hours. I reach for him and pull him by his shirt back onto the bed.
He opens his eyes sleepily.
"What?"
"Your mom's home. I thought she didn't get in till the morning."
Already off the bed he shakes his head.
"Her hours change all the time. C'mon let's go!"
I hold back in shock.
"Now?"
He nods. "Yeah, let's go!"
Hesitantly, I climb off of his bed and follow him downstairs. His mom is making coffee. When she hears us she turns and gives us a brief smile.
"You boys want some coffee?"
Roger looks at me but I shake my head.
"Just for me then, mom."
"Oh that's right, Mark likes tea. You want some of that, hun?"
"Ok." I say cautiously. She already knows me better than my parents do.
"Just go have a seat at the table, it'll all be ready in a minute."
True to her word, a few minutes later Roger and I are both handed steaming mugs. She takes a seat as well, with her own coffee.
"What'd you do today, hun?" She asks Roger, genuinely interested.
Roger looks over at me and I manage a very small, but hopefully evident smile. He returns it, though his is significantly larger, especially when I gather my courage and grab his hand under the table.
"Actually, mom, we, uh, wanted to tell you something."
She smiles. "Ok."
He takes a deep breath and squeezes my hand beneath the table. I look away.
"Me and Mark, we're, uh, well, we're together."
She stares. "You mean like. . ."
He swallows. "Like he's my boyfriend, yeah." I can tell he's nervous. I squeeze back on his hand.
I close my eyes and wait but nothing happens.
"Ok." She says slowly. "For how long?"
"Since the first time you met him."
She frowns for a minute, but her face brightens when she sees the effect it had upon us.
"Well that's fine, I'm just hurt you didn't tell me sooner, Roger."
"Oh. Well. . ." He starts but I cut him off.
"That's my fault. I didn't want anyone to know."
"His dad is really against it." Roger says quickly.
She smiles at me and her tired face looks so pleasant it fills my chest with warmth.
"Poor dear." She says. She beams at the two of us. "Well that's fine, as long as you're both happy together. Be good to each other, and you," She points at me. "Are always welcome here."
She stands with her mug and comes up behind us, kissing first Roger and then me on the cheek.
"I'm going to bed, boys. Long day today and tomorrow too, I'm sure."
Even before her footsteps fade on the stairs, Roger turns to me, grinning.
"See! I told you she wouldn't care! Besides, she likes you anyway. She'd probably adopt you if she really knew how your father is. Or if we had the money." He adds thoughtfully.
"Or if it wouldn't make the concept of 'us' slightly strange." I say dryly.
He laughs, his honest, loud, pure energy of a laugh and I could fall in love with him again. He pulls me into his arms and kisses me. I press my body against his.
"Do you have any more. . ." He whispers in my ear.
"Roger! You mom will be down the hall!" I say, stepping back slightly.
He chuckles and tilts my chin up with his finger.
"You worry too much." He kisses my forehead.
"Besides, no. You have them."
He's pulling on my hands and I follow him, somewhat reluctant. But when he grins again I give up and we walk up the stairs together.
In his bedroom he lies back on his bed and pulls me on top of him.
"I want you to make love to me, Mark." He says softly.
I'm taken aback. "I don't know, I don't know how. . ."
He laughs. "And you think I did?"
"Well. . . It's gonna hurt you know."
He gives me a stern look. "You told me it doesn't."
I shrug. "Not really anymore, the first time though, and. . ."
"Mark! Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?" He asks me desperately. This is exactly what I had always hoped to avoid, his face is stricken with guilt.
"It wasn't bad, Rog. And there has to be a first time or it wouldn't have happened again."
I kiss his forehead. "Don't worry about it. If I had really wanted you to stop I would have said so."
He looks half convinced and kisses my lips gently.
"I still want you to. . ."
"But your mom. . ."
"It's fine, Mark. She's probably already asleep, she's so tired, she won't even notice."
Wanting desperately to trust him and for him to know what I feel with him I give in.
+++
"Am I doing this right?"
"You haven't even done anything yet!" He says, laughing.
"Shut up." I say defensively, but I'm grinning.
I watch his face hesitantly. He rubs my arms and smiles.
"It's ok, I trust you."
Those words probably mean more than when he says he loves me. In this moment we're not just stupid high school kids experimenting, I see us as a real couple and as weird as it may still be Roger is my boyfriend. I kiss him quickly and position myself the way I've seen him do in the past.
He gasps when I enter him and his grip on my arms tightens significantly. He closes his eyes and I can tell he's trying to relax. I lean over and gently kiss his forehead and then his lips. He opens his eyes and gives me a small smile. It feels really good to be inside of him and I'm encouraged to continue. I go slow, like he does, stopping if his grip becomes unbearable or if he makes a noise of particular pain. Eventually though, I can tell he's getting used to it and starting to sort of enjoy it. After one especially loud moan I clap my hand over his mouth.
"Shut up!"
His only response is to wink at me. I roll my eyes at him and pull my hand away, but he just grins.
Later, my head pressed against his chest, listening to his soft, textured breathing, the comfort I felt earlier waivers. The fact that Roger uses words like 'love', 'trust' and 'make love', means something. Well, first of all it means he's far more mature than I am, but it means something else I'm almost afraid to admit. What happens when Roger realizes that I'm never going to be ready to hold his hand when we go out, or be together at school or actually tell my parents the truth? I keep telling him 'soon' and 'someday' but what if that never comes?
I love him and I trust him too, but I don't trust myself yet.
He groans.
"Marky?" He whispers.
"What?"
"My ass hurts."
I grin. "Poor baby."
He chuckles softly and pulls me closer to him.
"Stay here over the weekend?" He asks me.
"Sure."
I feel his lips on my forehead.
"Good."
He buries his face in my hair and a few moments later I hear his breathing steady. I close the last inch of space between us and settle in.
+++
Notes Continued: It's just too much damn fun making them do naughty things for me to go back to an actual storyline. :P
Notes: Rated. . . R! Most definitely. :P enjoy!
Chapter 32 -I'm Never Going To Be Ready-
+Mark's POV+
I stare at him unbelieving. I move out of his reach and look away.
"I can't believe you! I told you I'm not ready for anyone to know! What don't you understand?"
He narrows his eyes. "Don't talk to me like that, Mark. I didn't tell her, I'm asking you if I can. It's not like my mom is going to announce to the world we're together. She's not going to care and it would be easier for us and especially for me to not hide it anymore."
He sighs and shakes his head. "Maybe you don't mind lying to your parents, but I do."
"You lie all the time! You told me yourself she doesn't know where you go when we go to the city!"
"That's different, Mark! She wouldn't even care if she knew I did stuff like that. This is totally different, I love my mom and I care about her and it's bad for me when she asks if anything's happening in my life and I have to say no!"
"Fine, whatever. Go ahead and tell her."
He hesitantly comes near me and I glare at him when he reaches for my hand. He brings it up to his lips and gently kisses the back.
"Please, I want you to be there with me."
His eyes are pleading, if I say no he might actually beg me, and despite how appealing the thought is, I sigh and nod slowly.
Excited, he wraps his arms around me and my mouth is briefly crushed by his.
"I love you!"
He pushes me backwards on his bed and curls up beside me, his head on my shoulder.
I smile despite myself.
"I love you too."
+++
Later that night I hear Roger's mom pull up outside. I poke him in the arm but he doesn't move. When I poke him harder he grunts and rolls dangerously close to the edge of the bed. My arm tingles from having his body on it for several hours. I reach for him and pull him by his shirt back onto the bed.
He opens his eyes sleepily.
"What?"
"Your mom's home. I thought she didn't get in till the morning."
Already off the bed he shakes his head.
"Her hours change all the time. C'mon let's go!"
I hold back in shock.
"Now?"
He nods. "Yeah, let's go!"
Hesitantly, I climb off of his bed and follow him downstairs. His mom is making coffee. When she hears us she turns and gives us a brief smile.
"You boys want some coffee?"
Roger looks at me but I shake my head.
"Just for me then, mom."
"Oh that's right, Mark likes tea. You want some of that, hun?"
"Ok." I say cautiously. She already knows me better than my parents do.
"Just go have a seat at the table, it'll all be ready in a minute."
True to her word, a few minutes later Roger and I are both handed steaming mugs. She takes a seat as well, with her own coffee.
"What'd you do today, hun?" She asks Roger, genuinely interested.
Roger looks over at me and I manage a very small, but hopefully evident smile. He returns it, though his is significantly larger, especially when I gather my courage and grab his hand under the table.
"Actually, mom, we, uh, wanted to tell you something."
She smiles. "Ok."
He takes a deep breath and squeezes my hand beneath the table. I look away.
"Me and Mark, we're, uh, well, we're together."
She stares. "You mean like. . ."
He swallows. "Like he's my boyfriend, yeah." I can tell he's nervous. I squeeze back on his hand.
I close my eyes and wait but nothing happens.
"Ok." She says slowly. "For how long?"
"Since the first time you met him."
She frowns for a minute, but her face brightens when she sees the effect it had upon us.
"Well that's fine, I'm just hurt you didn't tell me sooner, Roger."
"Oh. Well. . ." He starts but I cut him off.
"That's my fault. I didn't want anyone to know."
"His dad is really against it." Roger says quickly.
She smiles at me and her tired face looks so pleasant it fills my chest with warmth.
"Poor dear." She says. She beams at the two of us. "Well that's fine, as long as you're both happy together. Be good to each other, and you," She points at me. "Are always welcome here."
She stands with her mug and comes up behind us, kissing first Roger and then me on the cheek.
"I'm going to bed, boys. Long day today and tomorrow too, I'm sure."
Even before her footsteps fade on the stairs, Roger turns to me, grinning.
"See! I told you she wouldn't care! Besides, she likes you anyway. She'd probably adopt you if she really knew how your father is. Or if we had the money." He adds thoughtfully.
"Or if it wouldn't make the concept of 'us' slightly strange." I say dryly.
He laughs, his honest, loud, pure energy of a laugh and I could fall in love with him again. He pulls me into his arms and kisses me. I press my body against his.
"Do you have any more. . ." He whispers in my ear.
"Roger! You mom will be down the hall!" I say, stepping back slightly.
He chuckles and tilts my chin up with his finger.
"You worry too much." He kisses my forehead.
"Besides, no. You have them."
He's pulling on my hands and I follow him, somewhat reluctant. But when he grins again I give up and we walk up the stairs together.
In his bedroom he lies back on his bed and pulls me on top of him.
"I want you to make love to me, Mark." He says softly.
I'm taken aback. "I don't know, I don't know how. . ."
He laughs. "And you think I did?"
"Well. . . It's gonna hurt you know."
He gives me a stern look. "You told me it doesn't."
I shrug. "Not really anymore, the first time though, and. . ."
"Mark! Why didn't you tell me I was hurting you?" He asks me desperately. This is exactly what I had always hoped to avoid, his face is stricken with guilt.
"It wasn't bad, Rog. And there has to be a first time or it wouldn't have happened again."
I kiss his forehead. "Don't worry about it. If I had really wanted you to stop I would have said so."
He looks half convinced and kisses my lips gently.
"I still want you to. . ."
"But your mom. . ."
"It's fine, Mark. She's probably already asleep, she's so tired, she won't even notice."
Wanting desperately to trust him and for him to know what I feel with him I give in.
+++
"Am I doing this right?"
"You haven't even done anything yet!" He says, laughing.
"Shut up." I say defensively, but I'm grinning.
I watch his face hesitantly. He rubs my arms and smiles.
"It's ok, I trust you."
Those words probably mean more than when he says he loves me. In this moment we're not just stupid high school kids experimenting, I see us as a real couple and as weird as it may still be Roger is my boyfriend. I kiss him quickly and position myself the way I've seen him do in the past.
He gasps when I enter him and his grip on my arms tightens significantly. He closes his eyes and I can tell he's trying to relax. I lean over and gently kiss his forehead and then his lips. He opens his eyes and gives me a small smile. It feels really good to be inside of him and I'm encouraged to continue. I go slow, like he does, stopping if his grip becomes unbearable or if he makes a noise of particular pain. Eventually though, I can tell he's getting used to it and starting to sort of enjoy it. After one especially loud moan I clap my hand over his mouth.
"Shut up!"
His only response is to wink at me. I roll my eyes at him and pull my hand away, but he just grins.
Later, my head pressed against his chest, listening to his soft, textured breathing, the comfort I felt earlier waivers. The fact that Roger uses words like 'love', 'trust' and 'make love', means something. Well, first of all it means he's far more mature than I am, but it means something else I'm almost afraid to admit. What happens when Roger realizes that I'm never going to be ready to hold his hand when we go out, or be together at school or actually tell my parents the truth? I keep telling him 'soon' and 'someday' but what if that never comes?
I love him and I trust him too, but I don't trust myself yet.
He groans.
"Marky?" He whispers.
"What?"
"My ass hurts."
I grin. "Poor baby."
He chuckles softly and pulls me closer to him.
"Stay here over the weekend?" He asks me.
"Sure."
I feel his lips on my forehead.
"Good."
He buries his face in my hair and a few moments later I hear his breathing steady. I close the last inch of space between us and settle in.
+++
Notes Continued: It's just too much damn fun making them do naughty things for me to go back to an actual storyline. :P