Chapter 8 - Hunger
Entering Pearadyne alone gave Josie some kind of sick thrill. She was allowed anywhere; no one tried to stop her. She was tempted to use this to her advantage. But, no, she had important things to do. One problem was that she was being thrown in a containment cell over night, just to make sure she could be trusted.
"Vaughn!" She called out when she saw him on her way to the cell. "Vaughn, over here!"
He didn't need to be called anymore, he ran over to her. "Josie, what are you doing here? Is this a sabotage thing? Did you come to sabotage Pearadyne to save the Mirror-people?"
"No, I came here to run away," she replied. "Why are you here?"
He avoided her eyes at first, and was tempted to lie. He fought the temptation. "I'm here to see an experiment. It'll be good."
"Your dad has very strange bonding ideas," she said sarcastically.
He laughed. "I know. Still, this one will be... different."
She nodded slightly. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go. I'm spending the night in a containment cell. You're dad and I still don't like or trust each other very much."
"Oh my god, you're the test subject?" He asked.
"I guess so."
"Why?" This genuinely surprised him.
"I need to be away from here. As in somewhere else," she replied. "I assume we'll be seeing each other tomorrow at the experiment?"
"I'm coming with you."
She didn't say anything. She didn't have to.
"I'll get us some food, and then I'll meet you in there," Vaughn said. "And don't worry, all the security monitors and stuff will be off."
About half and hour later, Josie sat in the containment cell, waiting for Vaughn to return with food and drink. She was regretting it already. There was no way she was going to deny that. She was regretting everything she'd down. Most of all agreeing to spend a day in the containment center so she could be kept under tabs. At least they'd shut off the security monitors for her.
"I'm back," Vaughn announced entering the large room and handing her a bag filled with food. "We've got... pizza... what I think might be some kind of stir fry... and some chocolate."
"I guess I'll take the pizza," Josie muttered grabbing a piece. "Why are you staying with me?"
"I don't want you to get lonely," Vaughn told her gently. "I want to be with you, I mean, you're going. You're actually going tomorrow. Leaving. Probably forever. And I love you."
She stopped chewing. "I know," she said swallowing. "I don't... I can't stay though. I can't do what Josie2 said I would, I'm to weak."
Vaughn couldn't help but laugh. "You're not weak Josie."
"I am! I'm weak, and... and pathetic! I'm going to leave you all because I'm scared, and I don't really want to!" She threw the pizza slice into the bag. "I'm never going to get do so much! I'm sixteen! I don't want a destiny! I don't want a greater purpose!
"I... I'm never going to graduate, or go to university, or go holidaying around the world. I'll never get the chance to see everyone like Madison and Stew get their comeuppance. I won't... I'll never get you. It's so unfair—why? Why do I have to have the greater purpose? Why does fate have to screw me over? You all say your there for me but no one is. No one can help me. That's why I'm leaving. And a part of me doesn't care.
"A part of me just wants you all to feel what I feel. The fear, the uncertainty. The pain. You will all get a chance at life. I won't.
"I'm sixteen years old. I don't want to die." Here voice was suddenly very small.
Vaughn held her close. "Living for now? That's what some people would do. They'd use this as an excuse to make some stupid choice, like commit a crime or do something immature, but you're not. You're strong. You never give up."
"But I want to."
He pulled her face close and looked directly into her eyes. "Fighting is hard. But it's what mankind does. It's what we always do. No matter how stupid it seems. No matter how petty, we fight. We never give up. So that's what we should do—fight."
"Vaughn I can't."
He kissed her softly on the forehead. "Of course you can. That's what I love about you."
She pulled away slightly. "I can't do this."
He didn't stop her.
"I shouldn't. It's... I'd just be taking advantage of you."
Vaughn took her hand and squeezed it slightly. "I don't care. Take a chance."
She kicked the bag of food to the far end of the room. She leaned in close to Vaughn and placed her lips on his. He wrapped her in his arms and let the fire overtake them. While they kissed passionately, she moved her hands under his shirt and rubbed his back as the passion pushed them up against the wall.
Josie deepened the kiss further, tears rolling down her cheek. He began to pull off Vaughn's shirt—
"—Smash cut! Lucas yelled triumphantly. "That's what it is! I knew I'd heard it before. A smash cut is where someone who has been abducted—or experimented on—remembers nothing of the event. It's where they remember seconds before it, and then nothing until seconds after it."
"And? How is that different to short term memory loss?" Corrine asked.
"Because it's like a smash cut in a movie," Mirror-Lucas told her. "When you're directing something, when you cut to the next scene with no break, no time no warning it just happens half way through the action and immediately, in the next scene there is also action of some kind. Which is what happens when you have a smash cut memory."
"Being in a school for the arts help, huh?" Corrine said, surprised Mirror- Lucas had said so much so un-Mirror-Lucas like.
He nodded. "Yeah, I guess. Becoming more like him probably helped as well. I feel more inclined to act and save everyone. Especially Josie."
John interrupted their discussion. "What does this have to do with anything?"
Lucas shrugged. "Not much. I just had something to prove to Marshall."
"Yeah, yeah, you were right," Marshall said unhappily.
"That's good and all, but can we focus on how to return the realities to their rightful... realities?" John asked.
"Destroy the power source of whatever's manipulating the wormhole," Mirror- Marshall said, barely audible. "If something's manipulating the wormhole, that's what's stopping us from being able to manipulate its energies ourselves to get back..."
"So we go into Pearadyne and destroy it? Stealthily of course," Lucas asked.
"I guess."
"'I guess?'" Corrine parroted. "You guess? You should know! You're all pooh- pooh John Wayne pooh-pooh! And now you don't even have a way to get in."
"Calm down Corrine," Mirror-Marshall said weakly. For some reason, he was worse than any of them. Of course, he'd had less contact with any of them thanks to Josie2. "It's not Solid Snake's fault."
John froze when he was called this. "What do you know?"
"Only what Josie-two told me," Mirror-Marshall assured him. "Something similar to Le infant teribble, I believe."
"How does she know this?"
"One of the superiors worked at Pearadyne," a female voice told him.
Josie2.
"What?!" They cried in unison.
"One of the superiors worked at Pearadyne," she repeated, with no intent to be any less vague.
"Which one?" Lucas asked.
"I don't know. I don't even know what gender they are. I never met them per se," Josie2 said slightly regretful as she left.
Mirror-Josie looked in the mirror, staring at her reflection. Disgusted with herself. She'd become an imitation. She wasn't herself anymore. She was just a fake.
She slumped forward her head leaning on the mirror. "If I'm not me, who am I?" She asked herself. "I can't do this. I can't just be a second string Josie. I need to do something..."
Swiftly she turned away from the mirror and left the room. She had some searching to do. He helped Josie2 become what she was—admittedly, she was a sneaky, conniving, manipulative, somewhat skanky and depressing girl now—but she wasn't in anyone's shadow.
Josie2 was her own person. Mirror-Josie wasn't anymore. This world had done more bad than good. But if she wasn't herself could she even go back to where she came from?
"I hate this place."'
She thought of Josie—the one she'd become like. The dominant personality of this world.
"I hate you."
Josie2 found the Pearson residence empty. She wasn't surprised by this fact, but rather she was gladdened by it. Now she had a chance to find a way into Pearadyne with no interruptions. She headed straight for the den. The desk was covered in folders and papers.
She looked over them closely.
Nothing much, just papers that outlined Pearadyne's goals, PR advertisements, experiment data, profiles on the science club members, and experiment data from months before the explosion—but this was off the side. An unofficial experiment. These were the only records of it. Sarah Pearson had signed them. This was her experiment. Something off to the side of Pearadyne's real goals. Something that was involved with the explosion.
She was about to skip over the document when she read the names of those involved.
One name from the experiment caught here eye; John Angus.
Josie2 slipped the documents in her bag. She searched for a few more minutes before she found what she was after. Design schematics. These were copies. They were dated.
Her eyes went wide.
This had been done before. Dimensional travel and manipulation. They were trying to pull a Farscape minus the space travel. Fifteen years ago. And it had failed.
"Mankind is the only race capable of hating itself," she said as she pocketed them as well.
The Janitor was surprised to see Mirror-Josie standing in the doorway. He quickly returned to his stony faced demeanor.
"Why are you here?" He asked the girl.
"Fear. Self-loathing. Stupidity."
He smiled bitterly. "Rather angry are you?"
"You seem to know more than you're letting on," she commented. "What do you know about this fading identity bull."
"You will continue to fade until you no longer exist as yourself. At all, you will cease to be. Simple as that," he replied. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. That isn't what I'm asking. Why? Why does it have to happen to me?" She asked. "I don't act like this! I don't wear these clothes!"
The Janitor signaled to a chair. "Sit." A command, not an offer.
"If I change, if I become her then I'm not me! Her thoughts, whims and desires are represented by both of us! What I was ceases to exist."
"Because you become like Josie? That is an idealistic mistake," he told her angrily. "You are Josie. Your world exists as a compliment to this one. All of you, one and the same. A fraction of the other. Nothing more."
"Nothing more?" She screamed. "How dare you!"
"Are you ashamed?"
"What?"
"Are you ashamed of losing your identity? Are you ashamed that this is the real you?" He asked.
She stood up. "This is not the real me!"
"When will you people realize, though, that it is," the Janitor said. "There are hundreds of truths. But each person has only one. They can deny it as much as they want, but it remains that—the truth."
"This was a waste of time," she muttered. "I should never have come here."
"You cannot stop it," he warned. "If you return to your reality you are merely extending the pain. Face it. Don't run away from it. Face it. Don't let the emptiness inherent in human souls overtake you."
She said nothing and ran.
Entering Pearadyne alone gave Josie some kind of sick thrill. She was allowed anywhere; no one tried to stop her. She was tempted to use this to her advantage. But, no, she had important things to do. One problem was that she was being thrown in a containment cell over night, just to make sure she could be trusted.
"Vaughn!" She called out when she saw him on her way to the cell. "Vaughn, over here!"
He didn't need to be called anymore, he ran over to her. "Josie, what are you doing here? Is this a sabotage thing? Did you come to sabotage Pearadyne to save the Mirror-people?"
"No, I came here to run away," she replied. "Why are you here?"
He avoided her eyes at first, and was tempted to lie. He fought the temptation. "I'm here to see an experiment. It'll be good."
"Your dad has very strange bonding ideas," she said sarcastically.
He laughed. "I know. Still, this one will be... different."
She nodded slightly. "I'm sorry, but I've got to go. I'm spending the night in a containment cell. You're dad and I still don't like or trust each other very much."
"Oh my god, you're the test subject?" He asked.
"I guess so."
"Why?" This genuinely surprised him.
"I need to be away from here. As in somewhere else," she replied. "I assume we'll be seeing each other tomorrow at the experiment?"
"I'm coming with you."
She didn't say anything. She didn't have to.
"I'll get us some food, and then I'll meet you in there," Vaughn said. "And don't worry, all the security monitors and stuff will be off."
About half and hour later, Josie sat in the containment cell, waiting for Vaughn to return with food and drink. She was regretting it already. There was no way she was going to deny that. She was regretting everything she'd down. Most of all agreeing to spend a day in the containment center so she could be kept under tabs. At least they'd shut off the security monitors for her.
"I'm back," Vaughn announced entering the large room and handing her a bag filled with food. "We've got... pizza... what I think might be some kind of stir fry... and some chocolate."
"I guess I'll take the pizza," Josie muttered grabbing a piece. "Why are you staying with me?"
"I don't want you to get lonely," Vaughn told her gently. "I want to be with you, I mean, you're going. You're actually going tomorrow. Leaving. Probably forever. And I love you."
She stopped chewing. "I know," she said swallowing. "I don't... I can't stay though. I can't do what Josie2 said I would, I'm to weak."
Vaughn couldn't help but laugh. "You're not weak Josie."
"I am! I'm weak, and... and pathetic! I'm going to leave you all because I'm scared, and I don't really want to!" She threw the pizza slice into the bag. "I'm never going to get do so much! I'm sixteen! I don't want a destiny! I don't want a greater purpose!
"I... I'm never going to graduate, or go to university, or go holidaying around the world. I'll never get the chance to see everyone like Madison and Stew get their comeuppance. I won't... I'll never get you. It's so unfair—why? Why do I have to have the greater purpose? Why does fate have to screw me over? You all say your there for me but no one is. No one can help me. That's why I'm leaving. And a part of me doesn't care.
"A part of me just wants you all to feel what I feel. The fear, the uncertainty. The pain. You will all get a chance at life. I won't.
"I'm sixteen years old. I don't want to die." Here voice was suddenly very small.
Vaughn held her close. "Living for now? That's what some people would do. They'd use this as an excuse to make some stupid choice, like commit a crime or do something immature, but you're not. You're strong. You never give up."
"But I want to."
He pulled her face close and looked directly into her eyes. "Fighting is hard. But it's what mankind does. It's what we always do. No matter how stupid it seems. No matter how petty, we fight. We never give up. So that's what we should do—fight."
"Vaughn I can't."
He kissed her softly on the forehead. "Of course you can. That's what I love about you."
She pulled away slightly. "I can't do this."
He didn't stop her.
"I shouldn't. It's... I'd just be taking advantage of you."
Vaughn took her hand and squeezed it slightly. "I don't care. Take a chance."
She kicked the bag of food to the far end of the room. She leaned in close to Vaughn and placed her lips on his. He wrapped her in his arms and let the fire overtake them. While they kissed passionately, she moved her hands under his shirt and rubbed his back as the passion pushed them up against the wall.
Josie deepened the kiss further, tears rolling down her cheek. He began to pull off Vaughn's shirt—
"—Smash cut! Lucas yelled triumphantly. "That's what it is! I knew I'd heard it before. A smash cut is where someone who has been abducted—or experimented on—remembers nothing of the event. It's where they remember seconds before it, and then nothing until seconds after it."
"And? How is that different to short term memory loss?" Corrine asked.
"Because it's like a smash cut in a movie," Mirror-Lucas told her. "When you're directing something, when you cut to the next scene with no break, no time no warning it just happens half way through the action and immediately, in the next scene there is also action of some kind. Which is what happens when you have a smash cut memory."
"Being in a school for the arts help, huh?" Corrine said, surprised Mirror- Lucas had said so much so un-Mirror-Lucas like.
He nodded. "Yeah, I guess. Becoming more like him probably helped as well. I feel more inclined to act and save everyone. Especially Josie."
John interrupted their discussion. "What does this have to do with anything?"
Lucas shrugged. "Not much. I just had something to prove to Marshall."
"Yeah, yeah, you were right," Marshall said unhappily.
"That's good and all, but can we focus on how to return the realities to their rightful... realities?" John asked.
"Destroy the power source of whatever's manipulating the wormhole," Mirror- Marshall said, barely audible. "If something's manipulating the wormhole, that's what's stopping us from being able to manipulate its energies ourselves to get back..."
"So we go into Pearadyne and destroy it? Stealthily of course," Lucas asked.
"I guess."
"'I guess?'" Corrine parroted. "You guess? You should know! You're all pooh- pooh John Wayne pooh-pooh! And now you don't even have a way to get in."
"Calm down Corrine," Mirror-Marshall said weakly. For some reason, he was worse than any of them. Of course, he'd had less contact with any of them thanks to Josie2. "It's not Solid Snake's fault."
John froze when he was called this. "What do you know?"
"Only what Josie-two told me," Mirror-Marshall assured him. "Something similar to Le infant teribble, I believe."
"How does she know this?"
"One of the superiors worked at Pearadyne," a female voice told him.
Josie2.
"What?!" They cried in unison.
"One of the superiors worked at Pearadyne," she repeated, with no intent to be any less vague.
"Which one?" Lucas asked.
"I don't know. I don't even know what gender they are. I never met them per se," Josie2 said slightly regretful as she left.
Mirror-Josie looked in the mirror, staring at her reflection. Disgusted with herself. She'd become an imitation. She wasn't herself anymore. She was just a fake.
She slumped forward her head leaning on the mirror. "If I'm not me, who am I?" She asked herself. "I can't do this. I can't just be a second string Josie. I need to do something..."
Swiftly she turned away from the mirror and left the room. She had some searching to do. He helped Josie2 become what she was—admittedly, she was a sneaky, conniving, manipulative, somewhat skanky and depressing girl now—but she wasn't in anyone's shadow.
Josie2 was her own person. Mirror-Josie wasn't anymore. This world had done more bad than good. But if she wasn't herself could she even go back to where she came from?
"I hate this place."'
She thought of Josie—the one she'd become like. The dominant personality of this world.
"I hate you."
Josie2 found the Pearson residence empty. She wasn't surprised by this fact, but rather she was gladdened by it. Now she had a chance to find a way into Pearadyne with no interruptions. She headed straight for the den. The desk was covered in folders and papers.
She looked over them closely.
Nothing much, just papers that outlined Pearadyne's goals, PR advertisements, experiment data, profiles on the science club members, and experiment data from months before the explosion—but this was off the side. An unofficial experiment. These were the only records of it. Sarah Pearson had signed them. This was her experiment. Something off to the side of Pearadyne's real goals. Something that was involved with the explosion.
She was about to skip over the document when she read the names of those involved.
One name from the experiment caught here eye; John Angus.
Josie2 slipped the documents in her bag. She searched for a few more minutes before she found what she was after. Design schematics. These were copies. They were dated.
Her eyes went wide.
This had been done before. Dimensional travel and manipulation. They were trying to pull a Farscape minus the space travel. Fifteen years ago. And it had failed.
"Mankind is the only race capable of hating itself," she said as she pocketed them as well.
The Janitor was surprised to see Mirror-Josie standing in the doorway. He quickly returned to his stony faced demeanor.
"Why are you here?" He asked the girl.
"Fear. Self-loathing. Stupidity."
He smiled bitterly. "Rather angry are you?"
"You seem to know more than you're letting on," she commented. "What do you know about this fading identity bull."
"You will continue to fade until you no longer exist as yourself. At all, you will cease to be. Simple as that," he replied. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. That isn't what I'm asking. Why? Why does it have to happen to me?" She asked. "I don't act like this! I don't wear these clothes!"
The Janitor signaled to a chair. "Sit." A command, not an offer.
"If I change, if I become her then I'm not me! Her thoughts, whims and desires are represented by both of us! What I was ceases to exist."
"Because you become like Josie? That is an idealistic mistake," he told her angrily. "You are Josie. Your world exists as a compliment to this one. All of you, one and the same. A fraction of the other. Nothing more."
"Nothing more?" She screamed. "How dare you!"
"Are you ashamed?"
"What?"
"Are you ashamed of losing your identity? Are you ashamed that this is the real you?" He asked.
She stood up. "This is not the real me!"
"When will you people realize, though, that it is," the Janitor said. "There are hundreds of truths. But each person has only one. They can deny it as much as they want, but it remains that—the truth."
"This was a waste of time," she muttered. "I should never have come here."
"You cannot stop it," he warned. "If you return to your reality you are merely extending the pain. Face it. Don't run away from it. Face it. Don't let the emptiness inherent in human souls overtake you."
She said nothing and ran.