RILEY:

I lay curled on the bunk, not wanting to move. This couldn't be real. I felt the pain in my chest and didn't want to believe it. Conner was gone. My husband was gone. I could hope for anything else. I just couldn't. Tears fell down my cheeks and wet the pillow. Hope could be crushed so easily. I wouldn't survive if that happened to me again. I just couldn't.

Memories filled with intense pain flashed before my eyes. The torture, waking up and seeing him again...until one day he wasn't there anymore. Just a crumpled body that held no light, no love, no soul. A body that I had stared at for hours, looking at the broken face of my love. I couldn't do that again.

"Get up!" a voice snapped.

I didn't reply. "GET UP!" the voice roared.

I rolled to my feet in a swift movement, and swung, barely halting my fist before it hit B'Elanna in the face. "Go away!" I growled.

"No." B'Elanna looked at me, her eyes hard. Then she grinned. "You're going to have to make me leave."

I stood there, angry and frustrated, my fist still hovering above B'Elanna face. "Don't make me hurt you." I said coldly.

B'Elanna's grin turned predatory. "Go ahead." She said. "Hit me."

As angry as I was, I couldn't see any reason not to. I just wanted to be left alone. I couldn't deal with this. So I drew back my other fist and swung at her. She dodged nimbly back. Growling, I leapt off the bed and swung again and again and again. B'Elanna dodged each time, never once striking back. My swings were clumsy and fuelled by anger, but I couldn't stop. I just wanted to be left alone...because then no one could hurt me. I could pretend this wasn't happening to me.

Slowly I stopped swinging, and sank to the floor, tears streaming down my face. "I can't do this!"

"Yes you can." B'Elanna said.

"No! I can't!" I yelled at her. "I can't live through that pain again."

"You can, and you will." B'Elanna said. "It might not seem like it, but you will."

I shook my head, still sobbing. "It's too hard!"

"Life is hard!" B'Elanna snapped, out of patience. "That's what makes living worthwhile. You can't know happiness if you don't know pain!"

I surged to my feet and glared up at her. "What do you know?!" I snapped.

B'Elanna just glared at me. Then she reached her hand back and backhanded my across the face. Stunned by the blow, my head snapped to the side. I just looked at B'Elanna. "Wake up!" she snapped.

I stood there, the right side of my face throbbing, and just blinked. I stood like that for about ten minutes. And slowly I felt like I was waking up. Everything began to seem clearer to me. Conner was alive! Why was I crying? Even if it wasn't true...no, I wouldn't think about that. He was alive. He was alive!

I reached up a hand and touched my cheek bone. "Thanks." I said. "I think."

"No problem." B'Elanna said. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah." I said, then I winced. "Well, kind of. That's one hell of a punch."

"Yeah, sorry about that." She said.

"I'll be alright." I said. "I think I'll live."

"Oh, you will." B'Elanna said seriously. "Now, let's go join the others."

JANEWAY:

I took a deep breath. I couldn't believe I was doing this. My stomach tied itself in knots as I tried to appear calm. I watched everyone get up to leave. It was now or never. "Chakotay, can I have a word with you?" I said and hated how unsure I sounded.

"Of course." He answered.

I looked around me at the filled room and shook my head. "Not here."

He nodded and followed me as I headed for my ready room. When we got there, I went and sat on my desk. I didn't really want to sit behind it, but I needed a moment to gather my thoughts. I looked at Chakotay and took a deep breath. He was looking at me, curiosity in his eyes. I smiled softly as I simply looked at him. He was a very handsome man.

"Captain?" he asked when he saw me smile.

Damn it, I didn't know what to say! I growled softly and leapt up. I began pacing the room. What was I supposed to say to him? "I don't know how to say this!" I snarled.

"Now, that doesn't sound much like Captain Janeway." Chakotay remarked.

I shot him a glare as I turned, my hands on my hips. "Well it is!" I snapped.

Then I closed my eyes. This was not going well. He had barely said two words to me, and I was already snapping at him. "What is it?" he asked softly.

I opened my eyes and saw the concern in his. That was my undoing. I owed it to him to just tell the truth. 'Here goes,' I thought.

"Chakotay, I have to tell you the truth." He opened his mouth to speak, but I held up my hand to halt him. "Let me finish. Please. This is just something I have to say." I paused for a second. "I can understand it you don't feel the same, but you have to know."

I looked straight at Chakotay and saw his puzzled expression. "I am the Captain of Voyager." I continued, trying to build up my courage. I truly cared for Chakotay and it was time he knew that. But actually telling him was harder than I thought it would have been. "And I have a duty to my crew."

I took a hesitant step forward. "But that's not all of who I am."

"I know that." Chakotay said. "You're a warm and passionate woman who I am honoured to call a friend."

"And I, you." I replied.

That was one of the things I loved about Chakotay. The way he was always willing to give me support and comfort. Then I sucked in a sharp breath. Loved. One of the things I loved about Chakotay. I loved him. I loved him. Where had that come from? And how was I going to tell him? Actually, when I thought about it, I knew why I loved him. He had always been there for me, through the good and the bad, offering comfort and support.

"I also know you are a Captain loyal to her crew." Chakotay said, breaking into my thoughts. "But I don't understand why you're telling me this."

"I'm telling you this because I don't have enough courage to say what I really want to." I said softly.

"That I find hard to believe. You're one of the bravest women I know."

"But not brave enough to tell you this." I said.

I looked into his warm brown eyes. I took a deep breath. I had to do this. I wanted to do this. "Chakotay...I care about you more than a friend should. I simply can't imagine my life without you anymore."

He looked at me, surprised. I closed my eyes and blurted it out. "Chakotay, I love you."

The words seemed to hand in the air. I heard him move forward in the silence. When his warm hand cupped my cheek, my eyes snapped open. Was this really happening?

"Kathryn?" he said. "You love me?"

"Yes." I breathed. "I love you Chakotay."

As I spoke, he broke into a massive grin. His beautiful brown eyes sparkled with joy. "I love you too." He whispered, and kissed me.

His lips were so tender and so right that it took a moment for his words to register. I love you too. He loved me! Joy sang through me as I reached up and threw my arms around his neck. At that moment, life was beautiful. Perfect.

The kiss deepened as he slid his tongue through my parted lips. I revelled in his taste. He was dark and sweet and mine. Mine. I liked the sound of that. His hands gently cupped my face, before fisting in my hair as the kiss grew more passionate.

I couldn't seem to get close enough to him. I pressed closer, feeling the warm, hard flesh beneath his uniform. It felt so good. He felt so good. I finally understood what Jack had meant. This was heaven. Slowly we broke apart, both of us breathing hard. I felt dazed. I couldn't think. "You love me?" I said stupidly.

"I always have." He replied.

I smiled. I felt so free. And I finally let go of Captain Janeway and became Kathryn. "Good." I said and dragged his lips back to mine.
RILEY:

"Do you think we should wait for the Captain and the Commander?" Harry asked.

The Colonel grinned. "No." he said. "They might be a while."

I shot a glance at Jack, as Daniel narrowed his eyes at Jack. "What the hell are you up to?" he asked.

"Nothing." Jack replied.

I didn't believe him. He had a sneaky look in his eyes. "Jack..." Daniel growled. It seemed like Daniel didn't believe him either.

"I'm afraid I agree with Daniel on this one, sir." I said. "What are you up to?"

"And what were you talking to the Captain about?" Daniel added.

Jack raised an eyebrow at us. "All I did was give her a nudge." He said.

"A nudge?" Tom asked.

A nudge? What did he mean? I looked from Jack's grinning face to Daniel's serious one. And then something dawned on Daniel's face. What was it? I shot a glance at Mia and she nodded her head towards Jack. Then she grinned. I still didn't know what was going on. What was so important about the Commander and Captain not joining us? And then my eyes widened in surprise. Oh. Oh. I looked at Jack and blinked.

"You didn't!" Daniel said from beside me.

Jack's grin widened. "I did." He said. "They deserve some happiness."

"Happiness?" B'Elanna snapped. "What are you talking about?"

"I believe you will find out soon enough." Tuvok said.

I looked at him. He knew. I could see it, and I could have sworn he was trying not to smile. I sighed. Jack would be Jack. I turned to Tom. "Are we going to start this holoprogram then?" I asked.

Tom, B'Elanna and Harry looked like they wanted to argue, but they didn't. "Computer, start program Paris Kim alpha 3." Tom said.

Suddenly we were in a large room and surrounded by Jaffa. I tensed. I could help it. They forced us to our knees, just as a tall man stalked into the room, his eyes flashing white. "I am your God! You dare defy me?!" he yelled.

I shared a glance with B'Elanna. She grinned back. This could be fun. A chance to show Voyager just what SG-1 was made of. I nodded slightly, counted to ten and lunged.