Syaoran looked ahead of him, a strong, indifferent look reflected in his eyes.
"Hi mom," he said, sounding a little lazy and weary.
Yelan Li walked with natural poise towards her only son, and a bright smile adorned her face. "Syaoran," as the mother and son met, they hugged briefly and pulled away, studying each other. "How have you been?"
"Great," he replied considerately.
Sakura shifted beside him, a little nervous for that was her second time meeting his mother. "Hello, Mrs. Li. It's nice to see you again," she bowed.
"Sakura," Yelan's voice shifted over to hers. "How are you, darling?"
"I'm doing well," she smiled back. "How was the trip?"
"Dreadful!" She laughed and hooked her arm around Sakura's. "Now, let's go to your car. I assume…you do have a car?" She sent a questioning look to Syaoran, who merely nodded behind them. Nodding, she faced Sakura once again. "Syaoran can grab my suitcases. How about we get reacquainted?"
Sakura nodded eagerly and sent Syaoran an apologetic look as they walked to the parking lot.
Syaoran watched the two most important women in his life, and unconsciously swallowed the lump forming in his throat. At least one worry of his was gone; his mother and the woman he planned to spend the rest of his life with got along very well. But then again, there was another concern linked to that. If they got closer in the 3 days Yelan would stay…she would be telling Sakura the past. The one thing he dreaded for the last few days. Hell, the last few years since he met her.
----
Eriol stared out the window, the rain trickling down the pane at ease. He had just received a call from Syaoran about Yelan arriving in their town, and honestly, Eriol's thoughts were jumbled. Maybe because Syaoran sounded too upset or worried that got him confused. Or maybe it was because he was worried for Sakura, and how the two would get along. But he knew it was the former rather than the latter. A pale hand travelled to his shoulder, gently turning him around.
Eriol sent a tired look towards his wife. "What are you doing up? It's only 6:30 in the morning," he murmured.
"I didn't find my husband in bed," she said teasingly, winding her arms around his waist. Her eyes travelled to the creases on his forehead. "What's the matter, Eriol?"
"As you know, Aunt Yelan's back," he started.
She nodded.
He gave a small sigh. "I'm just thinking why Syaoran sounded so miserable on the phone. I mean, he didn't sound like he was sad or depressed or anything. I mean that he sounded upset and really annoyed by her arrival. I'm happy that she's back, you know, but there's just something bugging him, I know it."
"Maybe it's because he's just worried how Sakura will get along with his mother now that it's only the three of them," Tomoyo reasoned.
"Could be," Eriol said doubtfully, "but I don't think that's it." He stared down at Tomoyo. "Is it just me or have the two fought a lot more than before?"
Tomoyo locked her eyes on him. "What are you saying?" She asked a little suspiciously.
"Nothing." He defended, "Just…just noticing something."
"Actually…" she interrupted. "Wait, come to think of it, yes…I have noticed it." Her eyes reflected concern. "What do you think is the matter with them?"
"I don't know…I've got to think about any possible things Syaoran could be feeling right now. Well, I think one reason he might be getting angry is because he's feeling the pressure of proposing to Sakura coming to a close, and that commitment scares the hell out of him," Eriol said intensely.
"But that doesn't fit with why he's so uncomfortable, as you say, with his mom here," Tomoyo added.
"Good point," he sat on the couch with her following. "If that's not it…it seems like he's afraid of something."
"Why are you so concerned for him? I think he can handle it himself," she said quietly.
"I know, but I have a gut feeling that whatever Syaoran's afraid of…I know about it," he muttered.
Tomoyo stroked his chest. "Do you think it's got something to do with his past? That's alw-"
He suddenly stood up. "Oh my god…" Eriol whispered at the mention of Syaoran's past. "His dad."
"Eriol?" Tomoyo frowned. "His dad? What about his dad?"
Eriol stayed quiet for a few seconds, and then walked to the window once again, staring out the sky. "When he was like 13 or something, his dad died in a car crash. I wasn't there, so I don't remember much about it. But all I can remember is after that crash, Syaoran changed completely. Before, he was a guy who laughed and smiled like normal kids, but then…he became so involved in his work and became the loner in school, never talking or anything. I was his only friend. His dad died, and I might not be right, but I think Syaoran feels guilty for it."
"Guilty? Why?" She was utterly confused.
Eriol's eyes continued to stare out the pale blue shade of sky.
"Eriol, answer me. Why would Syaoran feel guilty about his dad's death?"
"Syaoran never told me what really happened. All I remember is that when I came back from my trip in England, he wasn't the same…"
"…And he continued to grow up like that," Tomoyo finished softly.
Eriol nodded half-heartedly.
----
A day had passed, and Sakura, Syaoran, and Yelan were traveling around the tourist spots in their city. Once, Sakura was about to question Syaoran's father's absence in the Christmas party, and thought against it, believing that he was away in some sort of business trip. But then again, Syaoran had never mentioned his father ever since they became friends. Sakura shrugged it off, however, confusing herself as to why she was even bothering to think about his father. Not that she didn't care about the man, because she did.
During this time, Sakura and Yelan were having tea in the living room. Syaoran had decided to take a bath, letting his worries, stress, and everything else pass.
"Sakura dear?" Yelan asked with a look of light concern.
Sakura blinked her thoughts and returned her attention to Syaoran's mother. "Sorry, Mrs Li! I was just thinking..." she trailed off.
"That's all right," she smiled. "So how is life with my Syaoran? Has it been great? Horrible? How would you describe it?"
"Oh," that caught her. Sakura blushed and held her hands together as a smile showed on her face. "It's been wonderful," she murmured truthfully.
"Has it? That's good to hear. When Syaoran was a little boy, he was very hard to live with…always shutting doors on our faces, ignoring our questions, and really never saying a word…but I still love him despite that. He changed over the years, hasn't he?"
She nodded, but had a question of her own. "Why was he like that?" She asked curiously. "When the four of us lived together, he never really smiled. Or at least if he tried, they never reached to his eyes. Even now…I haven't actually seen him smile a real smile. Why is that, if you don't mind my asking?"
Yelan's eyes widened. "You mean he hasn't told you?"
Sakura looked at her with a puzzled look in her eyes. "Told me what?"
"About his father." She stared back at Sakura with the same puzzlement and surprise. "I figured he hasn't told you, since you didn't ask about his father this Christmas."
"His father?" Her heart pounded automatically. "No…Syaoran never mentioned anything to me about his father. Why? What happened to him, Mrs. Li?"
"Oh dear." She put the teacup down on the coaster, her hands shaking slightly. "He hasn't told you? Are you sure?"
"U-uh, I think so…"
"I don't believe it." She whispered to herself.
"Mrs. Li?" Sakura asked once again, staring at the woman's trembling hands.
She shook her head and sent a grim smile to the baffled Sakura. "I think you should talk with Syaoran about this. Let's talk about something else, hmm?"
"Oh, uh…sure." Ok. She was very confused. What had just happened? Was there something going on in the family she didn't know about?
----
Dinner that night became a little more tense than usual. Syaoran wasn't familiar with the happenings that afternoon. He ate the dinner Sakura prepared for 2 hours quietly, but glimpsed at the two for more than 10 times. He was never one to begin conversation in the dinner table. He always just expected Sakura to, and now that he was given the spotlight to begin the conversation, he definitely didn't want it. Syaoran sighed to himself and drink his water. During it, he glanced at his mother, who was eating the food with complete manners. He then focused on Sakura. She was looking worried and confused at her food. He had enough.
Syaoran put the glass down loudly. The women jumped in their seats and stared at him in surprise. "Ok." He said in an almost dangerous voice. "What happened this afternoon? Yesterday, you were talking to each other non-stop, and now, you're not even saying anything. What happened?" He sent glares at them both.
Sakura was about to take a sharp intake of breath, but decided to forget it and continued to eat. "Nothing happened."
"Yes, nothing happened," Yelan echoed, continuing to eat as well.
"I hate hearing that," he retorted at the both of them, causing them to stop eating and frowning back at him.
"You say it too, you know!" Sakura replied, pouting. She crossed her arms in front of her chest. "And besides, it's not like you'll tell me anyway!"
"Tell you what??" He stared hard at her, as if reading her mind. "Sakura…"
"I think I'll go to my room now, if you don't mind," Yelan stood up with her plate and glass. "Goodnight, you two."
They continued to stare at each other. Then the sound of a door closing shut echoed in the house, but they continued to stare, until Sakura broke it, standing up with her utensils and plate. "You're washing the dishes, so I'm cleaning up the table."
He stood up and stopped her, closing his hands on her wrists. "What's going on, Sakura? Tell me." He searched her eyes for something.
Sakura let the plates go as he let go of her hands, and looked into his eyes. "Just…never mind…"
"Tell me now." He demanded.
"What happened to your father?" She blurted out. Realizing now that she couldn't turn back, she held his gaze.
Syaoran froze as his eyes widened. "My father…"
"Yes. Why didn't you ever tell me about him?"
For a moment, he still seemed stunned, but then he swallowed and set his jaws. "He is none of your business." He turned around and started to walk out of the dining room, when he turned around again, remembering another thought. "How the hell did you start thinking about him??"
"Your mother mentioned him," Sakura replied, this time a little softer.
"My…mother." He said disbelievingly.
Sakura began to walk over to him. "Look…" She began quietly. "I'm not even mad at you, Syaoran. I'd just…I just want to know what happened…won't you tell me?"
He put up a hand to stop her in her tracks.
She stopped and watched him carefully. "Syaoran-"
"My father's got nothing to do with you. He's none of your business, so don't bring him up." He faced her with cool, dark eyes…similar to those eyes she saw in their first encounter.
"Look, I know I'm not a part of your family, but I do love you, and I want to know people in your life…your past…anything about you. So all I'm asking is for you to…" She sighed. "Syaoran, I'm not trying to pry into your business, but you never tell me anything about your life! How am I supposed to get to know you more when you keep shutting that part of your life from me??"
His stare lessened, but he still looked rigid. "I'm going to bed." He then turned around and walked away.
Sakura stared at his retreating back, feeling her heart break little by little.
----
The following day, Syaoran was cooped up in the bedroom, not even bothering to go to work. Of course, Sakura called in sick as well, but he didn't know that. Sakura chose to completely ignore him that night, both sleeping at their side of the bed rather stiffly. Early the next morning, Sakura woke up earlier than he did, called her work and said she'd be absent for two days or so, and continued to sleep on the couch. When Syaoran woke up, he walked to the bathroom, washed up, and returned to the bedroom, glad for the privacy.
That afternoon, the tension of the house was thicker than the previous. Syaoran and Sakura hadn't spoken to each other, neither one surrendering. Yelan had noticed this, and quite frankly, she was upset and tired of it. She had only spent 3 days in that once warm and loving home, and completely turned it around, bringing constant arguments and just plain apprehension. Of course, Yelan didn't know anything that happened in Syaoran's life, so she wasn't exactly the only one at fault. Syaoran should have told Sakura…well, he seemed pretty serious about her, wasn't he? Wasn't it his duty to tell her?? Now that they had been together for what…half a year or maybe even more?
Yelan stood up from her seat on the couch and entered the kitchen where Sakura was on the dining table, writing some sort of journal. "Dear?" Yelan asked softly.
Sakura glanced up from her in surprise, but managed to form a small smile.
"Did I interrupt you?"
"Oh, no, no, not at all," she gathered her things and stood up. "I was just…catching up on my journal."
Yelan nodded. "If you're not busy, could I have a chat with you right now?"
"Yeah, sure," Sakura murmured.
"Great. Let's go in the living room, shall we?"
Sakura followed the woman out of the kitchen, and then glanced cautiously at the stairs leading to the bedrooms.
Yelan noticed this. "He's still here."
She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding.
"…Though I haven't seen him the whole day."
"Oh ok," Sakura replied quietly and kept her hands together as she stared at her feet. "What did you want to talk to me about, Mrs. Li?"
Yelan watched her shift nervously. "You don't need to worry. Syaoran's always been one to hold a grudge."
"I know," she glanced up at Yelan with a smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I just don't want him to hold a grudge on me."
"I take it last night didn't go too well?"
She shook her head. "It went horrible."
"I figured as much," Yelan concluded. "I have a feeling Syaoran won't ever tell about you his father…so I will."
Sakura's eyes shot up to the woman in front of her. "You will?"
"I think it's time for me to relive the memories once more…and because I want to make your situation better. I hate being the reason why my son is upset and distressed."
"It's ok…"
"Yes, well…" Yelan shook that thought away. "Thirteen years have passed, but the memory of that day is still so clear in my mind…" She looked down at her hands to remember, and when she was ready, looked up at Sakura, and began.
"Hiroshi, Syaoran's father, and I were very much in love when we married. We had been together for about 2 years before he proposed to me, and he did it so romantically, I cried all night," Yelan chuckled lightly. "After we got married, I had Syaoran's sisters, who by the way, were such handfuls. Hiroshi loved them all equally and dearly, but I knew he wanted a son to carry on his name. After years of trying, I finally bore a child once again, and this time it was a boy. He was so happy, and so were the girls. They had a little brother, and they were old enough to take care of him too. When Syaoran was born, I never saw Hiroshi happier than he was when he held Syaoran in his arms. Ever since then, they shared a relationship stronger than that of a normal father and son. And back then, Syaoran was a gentle, cheerful boy, who smiled, but only gave it to those who deserved it. He always smiled for me, for his father, and for his sisters. I hold those memories dear to my heart."
Sakura smiled, but her lips were slightly quivering. Syaoran smiled a lot when he was a kid…she never knew. Her thoughts led to the fact that she didn't know a lot about him and his childhood, and that scared her.
"When Syaoran was 12 years old, Hiroshi and I were at our 40's already. Our daughters were in their 20s, but they still lived with us. As you can imagine, it was such a hectic home. For weeks, Hiroshi would talk to me about beginning to teach Syaoran to drive, because he believed that Syaoran was ready, that the boy was old enough, but… for some reason, Hiroshi was afraid. He…He was afraid that he would die soon, and that he needed to teach Syaoran many things a man needed to know to support a family. Of course, I never believed him. I thought he was crazy to believe such a thing. And remember, Syaoran was only 12 years old at the time. I couldn't imagine what Hiroshi was explaining to me! He expected a lot from the poor boy, but…the odd thing was… he didn't pressure him. Quite the opposite, really," Yelan said in a soft voice.
"Hiroshi was patient, teaching Syaoran step by step, and he waited for a few months more before he would begin teaching Syaoran how to drive. I could see from Syaoran's face that he wanted to learn everything, he wanted to become the man his father was, and so he would work hard everyday and make us proud. When Syaoran turned 13, Hiroshi began to teach him parts of a vehicle. I knew Hiroshi would be careful with Syaoran, so I let them continue on with their lessons." She took a deep breath. Unconsciously, Sakura herself held her breath, anticipating a fearful end to this story.
"A few months later, Hiroshi took Syaoran for a drive." Yelan stopped and looked down at her hands. They were cold and clammy, and Sakura realized the awful memories were beginning to flood back into Yelan's mind. "I'm sorry," Yelan murmured. "I haven't…I haven't been able to tell this story in a long time…"
"It's ok," Sakura assured. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"No," Yelan smiled sadly. "I do…but just give me a moment."
Sakura nodded and looked down at her own hands. She didn't know what to expect…but from what she had heard before, whatever happened to Syaoran's dad had something to do with a car crash. Her throat clogged up, so she glanced away, willing the tears to go away.
"I'm ready," the woman whispered and raised her eyes once again. "It was a beautiful day…the sun was shining so brightly, the autumn breeze was just beginning to take its toll on the city…and the leaves were falling to the drying grass so gracefully. Even the little things I could remember. I was staring out the window when it happened." Those words stung both their hearts.
"Hiroshi and Syaoran practiced driving for about two weeks, and they would go out and drive in a secluded area for about an hour. Hiroshi allowed Syaoran to drive the empty roads, but that was it. That day, Syaoran urged his father to take him for a drive, believing that he was really ready. I had an aching feeling in my heart, but I couldn't do anything. Hiroshi believed in his son so much that he wouldn't listen to me. He pleaded with me to allow him and Syaoran to go to a drive and finally test Syaoran's skills. I couldn't bear to see him upset, so I let them go, but I made Hiroshi promise me to come back safe and sound. He gave me a lingering kiss and whispered in my ear…'I love you,' as if…as if he knew he wouldn't…wouldn't ever come back." Yelan felt her throat clog up, feeling tears surface her eyes, but she blinked them away, forcing herself to continue, to let it all out. "I…I ignored it…and continued to tell him to ease off pressure on Syaoran…and to tell the boy to just…be patient and…drive safe." Yelan paused. "I said goodbye to them at the garage door. The girls said goodbye as well. We…we watched them drive out…and they were both grinning at us in happiness. I…I…" She looked away, tears sparkling her eyes. "At that moment, in my heart…I felt…that that was the last time I would say goodbye to…to him."
Sakura's face had lowered, her eyes already shedding tears. She could only imagine how awful this was for the Li family. Yelan's shoulders were shaking, but there were no cries coming from her mouth. She was silently crying, but she continued to talk. Sakura's respect for the woman heightened because of her strength and bravery.
"They left early that day, so I got a call…at about 2 in the afternoon. They said an accident had happened, and that Syaoran and Hiroshi were involved in it. The girls and I rode quickly to the hospital, where the doctor told me."
"Doctor, what happened?? Where is my husband??" Yelan cried, tears streaming down her face, her hair bedraggled.
"Mrs. Li, please sit down," the doctor urged in a solemn voice, holding her arms.
"No!" She shrugged his hands off and clutched at the doctor's clothes. "Please tell me what happened!!"
The doctor avoided her gaze and sighed heavily, lowering his hands. "Your husband and son were in an-"
"I know that! That's what you told me in the phone! What else happened??" She almost shrieked.
"Your husband…he died seconds after the accident."
Yelan's body froze, her eyes unfocused, yet tears ran down her cheeks. Her voice was hoarse as she tried to speak, as a quivering hand travelled up to her mouth. She lost control of herself and fell on the floor, crying in pain. The doctor squatted and faced her, rubbing her back. She continued on for more than a few minutes, but when she quieted down, the doctor explained.
"I thought it was Syaoran's fault that they got into an accident…that it was because Syaoran was driving the car, and so they swerved…or hit something…but he wasn't driving the car. Hiroshi was…they were heading to the area where they usually drive," Yelan whispered, recalling what the doctor had said to her.
An already-crying Sakura glanced at Yelan in confusion. If Syaoran hadn't been driving the car, why would he act as if he blamed himself for the accident?
"You see," she began, "weeks and days before this, Hiroshi had been suffering from headaches, but we both ignored it. We…we thought that it was because of stress from work, and all he needed was a lot of sleep. It turned out we were both wrong." She said gravely.
It was then she slowly realized what had happened. "Oh no…please don't tell me…"
"He had an aneurysm." Her voice broke. Sakura could hear the tears. "It was a time bomb waiting to happen, and…it chose to explode that day…a blood vessel…in his brain had diluted." Yelan stood up and faced her back from Sakura, unable to show the woman her weakened state. She held her arms and cried. "And what made it even worse was that Syaoran suffered from short-term memory loss, forgetting everything that happened when they were driving…" Yelan breathed. "I lost both men in my life that same day. When the doctor and I told him what happened…he believed it was his fault, that he had been the one driving, and that he killed his father, and from that day on, he wouldn't talk to anyone. He shut his heart out from the world, and he wouldn't let me explain what really happened. He still doesn't know…" Yelan whispered.
----
Syaoran stared at the black void in the sky. It reflected exactly how he felt inside. He knew he was out of line yelling at Sakura, but she wanted to know about his past…about what he did. He couldn't let her know. Or else she would hate him and shun him…and then…he would get hurt again. Syaoran closed his eyes, hoping she would never know, hoping he could still hold onto her without her knowing his past. He stood up from his lying position on the bed and went to the window, continuing his gaze at the sky.
'Are you there, Dad?' He thought dejectedly. 'I think I'm going to hell because I killed you…I swear I didn't mean to…I loved you Dad…so much…and I would never…' He tore his eyes from the sky and punched himself inwardly. What the hell was he thinking?? Why was he talking to nothing?? The pain in his heart wouldn't go away, though. Syaoran fought an inward battle, and ended up staring at the sky once again. 'I don't know what to do, Dad…I love her so much…but I can't tell her anything about my past or she'll hate me. I'm so selfish, aren't I?' He shut his eyes, pushing back the emotion threatening to spill over his eyes.
Someone knocked at the door. Syaoran snapped out of his thoughts and jumped. He turned and saw nothing but darkness. He turned his back on the door once again and continued to stare outside. "It's open." He muttered loud enough for the person to hear. He heard a soft click, but nothing else. He didn't bother turning around. "What do you want?" He asked in a crisp, cold voice. He winced at his own voice. He didn't hear anything. Tempted to turn around and snap at the person, Syaoran tightened his fists and glared at the atmosphere. Suddenly, he felt slender arms wrapped around his waist, a warm body pressed to his. He swallowed at the inviting feeling and knew in his heart it was Sakura.
He lowered his head and held her arms. "Sakura?" He whispered in a pained voice.
"I'm so sorry, Syaoran!" She sobbed.
His eyes widened. She was crying?? He never thought he'd hurt her that much. "Oh my god…Sakura…please…" he didn't know what he was pleading, but he turned around and wrapped his arms around her waist, forcing hers to go around his neck. "Don't cry," he whispered in her ear, pulling her tightly. "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to hurt you."
She shook her head on his chest, but avoided his eyes. "You didn't do anything," she replied quietly.
"Then why are you crying?" He cherished the feeling of holding her in his arms. It felt so painfully right.
"Your mom told me what happened." She mumbled.
He froze, his arms stiffing up, his breath caught in his throat. She knew. Suddenly, Syaoran felt darkness closing up on him. He shut his eyes and let her go, backing away from her.
"Syaoran," she reached for him, but he pushed her away. "Syaoran, wait!" She called after him.
His jaws were clenched, as he was about to yank the knob open to get out of the room. Sakura ran and stopped him from doing so, blocking the doorway. Their eyes met and the cold, stony expression in Syaoran's eyes left for a moment, and then came back again. "You know."
She nodded, her eyes shimmering in tears. "And I'm so sorry about what happened…"
"No," he ordered, moving away from her. "I don't need pity. Especially from you." He muttered, feeling confused at the same time. Why the hell was she still there after she heard?? Didn't she already know that he was a killer?? "What are you doing here anyway?? Why don't you just go and leave me?? Don't play with my feelings and just go! I don't care!" He felt his heart pound recklessly, his throat clogging up in grief. A big void in his heart was developing as every second passed.
"Yes you do," she whispered in the dark and walked to him. "Syaoran…I'm not leaving you…"
"Why the hell are you doing this anyway??" He yelled. "You already know I killed my father, so you don't have to stay with me!"
"Syaoran," her voice was breaking.
He was determined to ignore it and keep himself away from her, though it was hurting him like hell. "I killed him, Sakura…you even heard it…why are you still here?" He asked in a dangerously low voice.
"You didn't kill him Syaoran," she whispered. "You weren't even the one driving!"
"How do you know?? You weren't there!!" He cried.
"How would you know yourself?? You suffered from short-term memory loss!" She cried, unable to bear the distance between them. She crossed the room and hugged him.
Before he could react, Syaoran held her tightly against him. The longing to hold each other was stronger than their feelings of anger and frustration. "Damn you for butting in," he muttered, stroking her hair.
"And damn you for not giving your mother a chance to explain what really happened!" She cried in his chest, punching him.
"What the hell are you talking about??" He said fiercely, still clutching onto her.
"Your dad didn't die because of you, Syaoran!" She cried. "He had an aneurysm that day…he was driving and while he was…a blood vessel in his brain burst."
The words stunned him. He had…he had an aneurysm?? "You're lying." He said blankly.
"No I'm not." She looked up at him, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Yelan's tried for so long to tell you, but she never got the chance…because you closed your heart too many times…"
"You mean…he…he had a brain…disease?" Syaoran's voice shook. "And I didn't know…for 13 years?"
Sakura nodded, her tears leaking out. "I'm so sorry, Syaoran."
"It wasn't my fault?" He whispered. "He died because…because of an…" Syaoran felt the tears on his cheeks.
"I'm so sorry…" she whispered.
"I need to talk…with my mom," he muttered, letting Sakura go.
She nodded, moving away from him.
He stared at her for a few seconds and then left the room, heading down the kitchen.
----
Later that night, or really early the next morning, Syaoran returned to the bedroom where Sakura was sleeping soundly. The blanket was wrapped around her body as she buried her face on the pillow. After the really long talk with his mom, Syaoran was drained, both physically and emotionally. All he wanted to do was lie down and get some sleep, but he knew he couldn't. He had carried a large burden in his heart, and having it gone wasn't something he could deal with overnight.
He sat on the bed and just thought about his father. He remembered the fun times, the worst times, everything he remembered about his father except for the accident. In a way, he was glad he didn't remember, because he knew he couldn't bear remembering something so heartbreaking as that. Syaoran breathed and felt better than he had in years. His heart was no longer shadowed by the darkness he felt.
Arms snaked across his waist, body draped over his back. Syaoran's body shuddered in response. He felt Sakura's breath on his neck, making him close his eyes at the feeling. Man…he was going crazy over this woman who accepted everything about him…even his unbearable past.
"Are you okay now?" She whispered, holding him tightly.
He nodded, his voice hoarse. "Mom and I talked about it."
"That's good."
"I'm sorry for everything, Sakura," he said, turning around and gathering her in his arms.
She sat on his lap and let her head fall on his shoulder, arms around his neck. "It's okay."
"No really," he possessively held her waist, his fingers absently stroking her bare skin. "I hurt you a lot these past few days. I don't deserve you," he muttered stubbornly, kissing her forehead.
She shook her head. "I've done so many horrible things too. I shouldn't have butted in when you said you didn't want to talk about it."
"You cried a lot too," he added, letting his hand stroke her cheek. "You're a big crybaby, you know that?"
"I'm not!" She cried in a muffled voice as she moved her head.
"You are. I don't think I've ever seen you cry so much these last two weeks." He held her tighter. "But it made me happy too, 'cos you cried on my shoulder…and I got more chances to hold you in my arms."
She blushed under his gaze. She made small circles on his chest. "You know…your mom told me you smiled a lot before your dad's death."
He nodded. "I did."
"You were a happy boy."
"I was."
"I'm glad," she sighed contentedly. "Even if you don't smile as much now, I'm glad you at least got to enjoy your dad's company. Your mom said you smiled only to those who deserved it," she whispered, and looked up at him, facing his eyes. "Do I deserve it?" She asked hopefully.
His chestnut eyes shook at her question. "Sakura…" He wasn't ready…not yet. He mustered up a tiny one.
She broke into a smile of her own and cuddled to him. "It's ok. At least you sent me a smile."
"Thanks for being so understanding," he whispered, brushing his lips with her nose.
Her eyes shone up at his. "Don't I get a reward for it?" She asked quietly.
He nodded.
"Will you give me a kiss?"
"Do you even have to ask?" He asked back and laid her down on the bed gently, closing down over her. His lips caught hers in a passionate, long, hard kiss.