Disclaimers and summary on first chapter
Notes: Guess who's going to see RENT? Yeah, that's right, me. Oh yes. RENT virgin. Waves hands frantically. I'm positively wetting my pants at the idea of it. Oh and by the way, there's a guy in my school that looks like Adam Pascal. A young, very happy Adam Pascal. With brown hair. He's my high school Roger. Lol. High school Mark is just sort of a cute little nerd that lives in my head. Fun for all. Since I wrote my history paper instead of fanfiction yesterday, I decided to give you guys a second chapter today for making you wait. ;) thanks for everything!
Oh yes and you'll all be happy to know this is (possibly) the last Mimi chapter. She might pop up later in the story if I feel inclined to stick her there, but her romance with Roger is over as far as I'm concerned. May the boinkage commence! Ha!
Chapter 43 -To Say Goodbye-
+Roger's POV+ (a few days later)
There's a knock on our door. Mark and I are sitting on the table, me holding my guitar, him his camera, both of us quiet. He looks over at me and I set my guitar down and go to open it. Mimi is standing on the other side of it, nervous, her hands clasped in front of her. I throw a glance back at Mark and he shrugs. I wasn't ready for this, not yet. I didn't think Mimi would be the first to apologize, she never is. I lay my hand on her shoulder and lead her away from the door.
"Let's go downstairs." I tell her.
She nods and we walk down them together, my hand sliding off of her shoulder to clasp her hand. She lets us into her apartment and we sit together on the couch, still holding hands. I'm really reluctant to tell her what I have to say. I know that I do love her, and that I'm going to hurt her with it.
"I love you, Roger." She says softly. "But. . ."
But? She's not supposed to be the one with the 'but', that's me.
I look over at her. "But what?"
She bites her lip. "I'm sorry, Roger. I really am. But I'm leaving. I called my mom and she helped me find a good rehab, she's gonna help me pay for it. I'm gonna get better."
"Don't be sorry for that, baby, that's good for you."
"I'm sick, Roger. I'm really sick. I went to the doctor. My T-Cells suck, unless I do something I've got a couple of months, if I stop this, the heroin, and stop working, maybe a year." She says, her voice thick, but otherwise calm and even.
I stare at her in shock. A year, maybe?
"Mimi. . ."
"I don't think I can do it if I'm here. I'm gonna live with her afterwards. But. . ." She sniffs and blinks away a few tears. "When I get sick, you know, will you come see me? I really would want to see you before. . ."
"Yes. I mean, you shouldn't even talk about that. But God, I can't believe you're leaving."
"I have to, Roger. I have to stop, I have to get better." She gives me a sad smile. "I'm not good for you anyway. We both know that."
"When are you leaving?" I ask her.
"Tomorrow, if I pack all the crap I want tonight."
"Tomorrow. . ." I squeeze tightly on her hand. I wasn't ready for this, to completely give her up yet. She slides closer to me on the couch, wrapping her arms around me and laying her head on my shoulder. I sit there motionless, absorbing all of this.
"Stay here with me tonight?" She asks. "Help me pack?"
I nod. "Yeah, course I will." I kiss her forehead gently and pull myself out of her arms.
"I'll be right back, ok?" I ask her. She nods and smiles sadly and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. I go back upstairs, Mark's waiting by the door, his eyes hopeful, but worried.
"What happened?" He asks.
"She's leaving." I tell him, grabbing my guitar. "To go to rehab."
He watches me. "Rehab? She's going to get clean?"
I nod. "Then she's going to live with her mother. She's leaving." I sigh, still not used to the idea, and look back at him. "Her doctor said she's got a year, tops."
He says nothing. I put my guitar strap over my shoulder and hold it under my arm, against my side.
"What are you going to do?" He asks me carefully.
"I'm staying there tonight, no listen to me." He had rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "To help her pack."
"Why are you bringing your guitar?"
"I want to play her her song again." I tell him, shrugging.
"Are you going to sleep with her?" He asks quietly.
"Jesus, Mark! No! I'd just like to spend time with her! She's leaving!"
He sighs. "I'm going to lose you, aren't I?"
I walk over to him and take his hands in mine.
"No you're not. I'm yours now, I promise this time. I'm not going to get scared and back out and I'm not going to hurt you again." I kiss his forehead gently. "Tonight. To say goodbye. That's it, I promise."
He nods, though I can tell he still doesn't like the idea of me going. I kiss him again and go to the door. I stop with my hand on the knob and look back at him.
"I love you." I say.
He doesn't turn around. He goes into his bedroom and closes the door. Sighing, I start downstairs and let myself back into Mimi's apartment.
+++
We go through her stuff, packing what she wants to keep in two suitcases and a backpack, mostly clothes and makeup, and the rest we decide to donate to Salvation Army. Exhausted, we lay on her bed, finishing a bag of popcorn she'd made that we'd found in her closet.
"I'm gonna miss you, Roger." She says softly.
"Me too. Miss you, I mean." She laughs briefly and reaches for my hand.
"I've always loved you." I tell her.
"Me too. Loved you, I mean." She says, giggling. I grin at her and lean over and kiss her cheek. She turns her head and tries to kiss me but I remember my promise to Mark.
"No, Mimi we shouldn't. . ."
"One more time, Roger. Let me kiss you one more time."
When I don't pull away she kisses me, her lips soft on mine. She keeps it innocent, sweet, almost friendly. When she pulls away she starts crying. I pull her into my arms and hold her tightly.
"It's ok, baby, don't cry. You're doing this for you, so you can be better."
"What about you?" She asks me, looking up, her eyes glistening.
It's not the time or the place to tell her. There's no reason to. I kiss her forehead.
"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, you get better."
"I meant it, Roger. Will you come see me when I'm. . ."
"Yes, baby. You call me, I'll come see you. I'll sit next to you and hold your hand and tell you you're beautiful." I smile at her. "Cause you are."
She sniffs. "Play me my song, Roger. Please?"
I untangle myself from her and pick up my guitar. I play her her song, the one that brought her back only so she could leave me again. She smiles at me as I play and when I finish I set it down again and lay down beside her. She moves closer, pressing her body against mine and I wrap my arms around her.
+++
In the morning I kiss her goodbye and hug her tightly.
"How are you getting there?" I ask her.
"She's going to come get me. She's borrowing someone's car, a neighbor's I think."
I nod. "Are you going to be ok?"
She nods.
"Call me if you need to. It's ok."
She hugs me again.
"You should go. Really. I have to call her."
I kiss her forehead and hesitantly head toward her door. I look back at her for moment, then start out and up the stairs. I wonder if Mark is up yet. And if he's still upset with me.
His door is closed so I knock on it.
"What?"
"Can I come in?"
He sighs. "Yeah."
I open the door and go in and sit beside him on his bed. He's still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, his hair is disheveled, and he looks exhausted.
"Did you sleep at all?" I ask him.
He shakes his head. "Not really."
Cautiously I put my arm around him and he leans against me.
"I'm sorry, Marky."
He shrugs. "It's ok." He sighs. "Are we. . ."
"Do you want to be?"
He nods. "I really do."
I kiss his forehead. "Me too."
His arms go around my waist and we hold each other for a while in silence.
"Hey, Mark?"
"Hm?"
"I think I want to go home for a while, see my mom." I had been thinking about it since I had come back from Santa Fe.
"Oh." He says quietly.
"I want you to come with me if I do."
"Oh." He says again. "Ok."
"I feel bad," I tell him. "All I ever do is send her postcards. Bad ones too."
He smirks. "You're really not that great at keeping in touch."
I smile. "No, not really."
We're both quiet for a moment.
"Do we have any money?" I ask him.
He shrugs. "Maybe. Probably not much. Enough to buy food, maybe. Why?"
I get up and check the jar in the kitchen where we usually pool any money we have together. There's ten singles in there. I go to my guitar case and dig deep in the pocket and come up with another $3.50, most of it in change. I go back to Mark's room.
"C'mon, we're going out." I tell him.
He stares at me. "Roger, we can't. . ."
"We've got plenty of food for awhile and fuck the rent, c'mon, we're going out."
When he still doesn't move I roll my eyes and pull him off of his bed by the hand.
"Where are we going?" He asks.
I shrug. "Don't know. It'll be fun though, I promise."
He gives me a doubtful look but follows me down the stairs and outside.
+++
Notes Continued: Where do they go? Find out next chapter cause I don't know yet! Ha! Hope you've enjoyed, thanks for reading/reviewing.
"But? She's not supposed to be the one with the 'but', that's me." This line provided me with much amusement while I was proofreading. And yes Roger, what a butt you have. ;)
Notes: Guess who's going to see RENT? Yeah, that's right, me. Oh yes. RENT virgin. Waves hands frantically. I'm positively wetting my pants at the idea of it. Oh and by the way, there's a guy in my school that looks like Adam Pascal. A young, very happy Adam Pascal. With brown hair. He's my high school Roger. Lol. High school Mark is just sort of a cute little nerd that lives in my head. Fun for all. Since I wrote my history paper instead of fanfiction yesterday, I decided to give you guys a second chapter today for making you wait. ;) thanks for everything!
Oh yes and you'll all be happy to know this is (possibly) the last Mimi chapter. She might pop up later in the story if I feel inclined to stick her there, but her romance with Roger is over as far as I'm concerned. May the boinkage commence! Ha!
Chapter 43 -To Say Goodbye-
+Roger's POV+ (a few days later)
There's a knock on our door. Mark and I are sitting on the table, me holding my guitar, him his camera, both of us quiet. He looks over at me and I set my guitar down and go to open it. Mimi is standing on the other side of it, nervous, her hands clasped in front of her. I throw a glance back at Mark and he shrugs. I wasn't ready for this, not yet. I didn't think Mimi would be the first to apologize, she never is. I lay my hand on her shoulder and lead her away from the door.
"Let's go downstairs." I tell her.
She nods and we walk down them together, my hand sliding off of her shoulder to clasp her hand. She lets us into her apartment and we sit together on the couch, still holding hands. I'm really reluctant to tell her what I have to say. I know that I do love her, and that I'm going to hurt her with it.
"I love you, Roger." She says softly. "But. . ."
But? She's not supposed to be the one with the 'but', that's me.
I look over at her. "But what?"
She bites her lip. "I'm sorry, Roger. I really am. But I'm leaving. I called my mom and she helped me find a good rehab, she's gonna help me pay for it. I'm gonna get better."
"Don't be sorry for that, baby, that's good for you."
"I'm sick, Roger. I'm really sick. I went to the doctor. My T-Cells suck, unless I do something I've got a couple of months, if I stop this, the heroin, and stop working, maybe a year." She says, her voice thick, but otherwise calm and even.
I stare at her in shock. A year, maybe?
"Mimi. . ."
"I don't think I can do it if I'm here. I'm gonna live with her afterwards. But. . ." She sniffs and blinks away a few tears. "When I get sick, you know, will you come see me? I really would want to see you before. . ."
"Yes. I mean, you shouldn't even talk about that. But God, I can't believe you're leaving."
"I have to, Roger. I have to stop, I have to get better." She gives me a sad smile. "I'm not good for you anyway. We both know that."
"When are you leaving?" I ask her.
"Tomorrow, if I pack all the crap I want tonight."
"Tomorrow. . ." I squeeze tightly on her hand. I wasn't ready for this, to completely give her up yet. She slides closer to me on the couch, wrapping her arms around me and laying her head on my shoulder. I sit there motionless, absorbing all of this.
"Stay here with me tonight?" She asks. "Help me pack?"
I nod. "Yeah, course I will." I kiss her forehead gently and pull myself out of her arms.
"I'll be right back, ok?" I ask her. She nods and smiles sadly and wipes her eyes with the back of her hand. I go back upstairs, Mark's waiting by the door, his eyes hopeful, but worried.
"What happened?" He asks.
"She's leaving." I tell him, grabbing my guitar. "To go to rehab."
He watches me. "Rehab? She's going to get clean?"
I nod. "Then she's going to live with her mother. She's leaving." I sigh, still not used to the idea, and look back at him. "Her doctor said she's got a year, tops."
He says nothing. I put my guitar strap over my shoulder and hold it under my arm, against my side.
"What are you going to do?" He asks me carefully.
"I'm staying there tonight, no listen to me." He had rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "To help her pack."
"Why are you bringing your guitar?"
"I want to play her her song again." I tell him, shrugging.
"Are you going to sleep with her?" He asks quietly.
"Jesus, Mark! No! I'd just like to spend time with her! She's leaving!"
He sighs. "I'm going to lose you, aren't I?"
I walk over to him and take his hands in mine.
"No you're not. I'm yours now, I promise this time. I'm not going to get scared and back out and I'm not going to hurt you again." I kiss his forehead gently. "Tonight. To say goodbye. That's it, I promise."
He nods, though I can tell he still doesn't like the idea of me going. I kiss him again and go to the door. I stop with my hand on the knob and look back at him.
"I love you." I say.
He doesn't turn around. He goes into his bedroom and closes the door. Sighing, I start downstairs and let myself back into Mimi's apartment.
+++
We go through her stuff, packing what she wants to keep in two suitcases and a backpack, mostly clothes and makeup, and the rest we decide to donate to Salvation Army. Exhausted, we lay on her bed, finishing a bag of popcorn she'd made that we'd found in her closet.
"I'm gonna miss you, Roger." She says softly.
"Me too. Miss you, I mean." She laughs briefly and reaches for my hand.
"I've always loved you." I tell her.
"Me too. Loved you, I mean." She says, giggling. I grin at her and lean over and kiss her cheek. She turns her head and tries to kiss me but I remember my promise to Mark.
"No, Mimi we shouldn't. . ."
"One more time, Roger. Let me kiss you one more time."
When I don't pull away she kisses me, her lips soft on mine. She keeps it innocent, sweet, almost friendly. When she pulls away she starts crying. I pull her into my arms and hold her tightly.
"It's ok, baby, don't cry. You're doing this for you, so you can be better."
"What about you?" She asks me, looking up, her eyes glistening.
It's not the time or the place to tell her. There's no reason to. I kiss her forehead.
"I'll be fine. Don't worry about me, you get better."
"I meant it, Roger. Will you come see me when I'm. . ."
"Yes, baby. You call me, I'll come see you. I'll sit next to you and hold your hand and tell you you're beautiful." I smile at her. "Cause you are."
She sniffs. "Play me my song, Roger. Please?"
I untangle myself from her and pick up my guitar. I play her her song, the one that brought her back only so she could leave me again. She smiles at me as I play and when I finish I set it down again and lay down beside her. She moves closer, pressing her body against mine and I wrap my arms around her.
+++
In the morning I kiss her goodbye and hug her tightly.
"How are you getting there?" I ask her.
"She's going to come get me. She's borrowing someone's car, a neighbor's I think."
I nod. "Are you going to be ok?"
She nods.
"Call me if you need to. It's ok."
She hugs me again.
"You should go. Really. I have to call her."
I kiss her forehead and hesitantly head toward her door. I look back at her for moment, then start out and up the stairs. I wonder if Mark is up yet. And if he's still upset with me.
His door is closed so I knock on it.
"What?"
"Can I come in?"
He sighs. "Yeah."
I open the door and go in and sit beside him on his bed. He's still wearing the same clothes as yesterday, his hair is disheveled, and he looks exhausted.
"Did you sleep at all?" I ask him.
He shakes his head. "Not really."
Cautiously I put my arm around him and he leans against me.
"I'm sorry, Marky."
He shrugs. "It's ok." He sighs. "Are we. . ."
"Do you want to be?"
He nods. "I really do."
I kiss his forehead. "Me too."
His arms go around my waist and we hold each other for a while in silence.
"Hey, Mark?"
"Hm?"
"I think I want to go home for a while, see my mom." I had been thinking about it since I had come back from Santa Fe.
"Oh." He says quietly.
"I want you to come with me if I do."
"Oh." He says again. "Ok."
"I feel bad," I tell him. "All I ever do is send her postcards. Bad ones too."
He smirks. "You're really not that great at keeping in touch."
I smile. "No, not really."
We're both quiet for a moment.
"Do we have any money?" I ask him.
He shrugs. "Maybe. Probably not much. Enough to buy food, maybe. Why?"
I get up and check the jar in the kitchen where we usually pool any money we have together. There's ten singles in there. I go to my guitar case and dig deep in the pocket and come up with another $3.50, most of it in change. I go back to Mark's room.
"C'mon, we're going out." I tell him.
He stares at me. "Roger, we can't. . ."
"We've got plenty of food for awhile and fuck the rent, c'mon, we're going out."
When he still doesn't move I roll my eyes and pull him off of his bed by the hand.
"Where are we going?" He asks.
I shrug. "Don't know. It'll be fun though, I promise."
He gives me a doubtful look but follows me down the stairs and outside.
+++
Notes Continued: Where do they go? Find out next chapter cause I don't know yet! Ha! Hope you've enjoyed, thanks for reading/reviewing.
"But? She's not supposed to be the one with the 'but', that's me." This line provided me with much amusement while I was proofreading. And yes Roger, what a butt you have. ;)