TITLE: Best Kept Secrets.
AUTHOR: Cathie McMath.
EMAIL: penrithpanther_03@yahoo.com.au
RATING: I'm going to bump it up to PG-15. Just because I felt like it.
CONTENT: Heavy language, and the usual violence one comes to expect in WWE fics. Also some sexual references abound.
SUMMARY: Lita falls in love with a guy her big brother can't stand, and another cunning diva is out to cause trouble.. Jeff/Lita pairing. Trish, Kurt, Christian and more.
DISCLAIMER: Still not Vince McMahon. Still owning nothing. Still very, very jealous.
DISTRIBUTION: Just email me first and let me know if you want it.
FEEDBACK: Always welcome. Please, feel free to send me lots and lots of praise!
~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Eyes wide and scared, her breaths ragged, Lita watched as Jeff's heart broke right in front of her. She watched as his face crumbled and his shoulders sagged and he stopped breathing. She watched as he opened his mouth to say something, but only a choked sob escaped his lips. She watched, still laying on the bed underneath Test's body, as she destroyed Jeff Hardy.
Test gave a melodramatic sigh, brushing away a stray strand of hair from Lita's face gently before rolling off from on top of her, and sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked directly at the pained Hardy, who's eyes were still fixed on the redheaded woman. "I'm sorry Jeff. I never meant for you to find out about Lita and I this way."
Slowly, Jeff tore his gaze away from Lita. He set his glare on the tall canadian. Tears brimming in his eyes, he ground his teeth together harshly and swallowed hard before speaking. "Get out, Test." His voice at a heavy whisper, laced with thick emotion. "Get out."
Standing from the bed, Test smirked to himself as he stepped across the room to retrieve his clothes. He pulled his jeans on, and then made his way towards the door, carrying his other items of clothing in his arms. He paused as he stood beside Jeff, and he turned his head towards the smaller man slightly. "I am sor-"
"Just. Go." A tear slipped down his cheek as he set his jaw, trying to keep his lip from quivering. "Please."
And then Test was gone, the sound of the door shutting behind him sharply filling the air in the room.
Lita was sitting up in bed, clutching the bed sheets to her naked chest. Strands of fiery, unruly hair hung in her face as she watched Jeff intently, a grim frown marring her face. She wanted to run to Jeff's side, wipe away the tears in his eyes and tell him that it wasn't real. That she would never touch another man besides him. She wanted to hold him, and have him hold her, until all the badness went away and only they were left standing together.
Instead, she stayed in the bed, silent. She knew she could not comfort him, could not tell him the truth, otherwise this would have all been for nothing. It was tearing her apart, watching him in front of her now, yet she knew this was what had to happen. This was the result she needed. She needed Jeff to hate her. She needed him to leave her alone. And it was working. She could tell just by looking into his piercing green eyes, that he didn't even want to look at her anymore.
"H-h-how..." He sucked in a breath, unable to complete his sentence. He dropped his head, squeezing his eyes shut, and then suddenly his gaze was upon her again, his frown intensified and more tears falling from his eyes. "How... c-could you have se... how could you s-sleep - how could you do this?"
She didn't reply. She wasn't sure she could speak without breaking down into a blubbering mess. So she stayed silent, pressing her lips together firmly in a vain attempt to keep her composure. Jeff stepped closer to her, and she felt a painful jolt run through her. It was as if his pain was so strong, that it was jumping from him straight into her heart. Or maybe that was simply her own pain, heightened by the look he was giving her.
A tiny whimper fell past his lips, and he brought the back of his palm to his face, wiping away the wet tears from his cheeks. "Why would you do... I-I don't understand? ... why?"
Biting forcefully on the inside of her cheek, feeling the rush of blood flow from the wound into her hot mouth, Lita spoke. "I didn't mean for you to find out."
Jeff's eyes widened, his mouth open in shocked silence at Lita's admission. She didn't give an excuse, or try to explain anything. Her statement was cold and so.. not Lita. He felt more tears prick harshly at his eyes. "How long?"
Feeling as though she was going to throw up, Lita answered, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "A month, at least. Maybe more."
A heavy breath rushed out of Jeff's lungs as his knees buckled, and he ducked his head, feeling the tears starting to come more freely now. He wiped ferociously at his eyes, growing angrier and angrier with each tear that he shed.
"I couldn't stop it, Jeff. Test gave me what I needed."
His head snapped back up, eyes trained on the woman before him who had just spoken. His eyes now red and swollen, he focused on her, his frown brutal. He could barely find the voice to speak back. "And what was that?"
She swallowed, raising her head slightly, trying to force herself to feel strong and defiant. "A decent lay."
His stomach lurched at the chill in her voice. He felt dizzy as he heard her words. How could Lita, HIS Lita, be saying this? How could it be possible? A suppressed sob left his lips, clutching at his breath. "Y-you cheated on me, betrayed me, destroyed our relationship - our FRIENDSHIP..." He paused, roughly raking a hand through his hair. "... you ruined everything we had, all for sex?"
A second passed. "Yes."
"I don't believe you." He mumbled hoarsely. "That's not who you are. I know you, Lita! Now tell me the truth!"
"That is the truth, Jeff."
"No! It's not true!" He shook his head fiercely. "I KNOW you!"
Hoping to God she wouldn't cry, Lita drew in a deep breath. "Maybe, then, I'm just not who you thought I was."
"Yes you are... y-you're exactly who I think you are! I know you Lita, I know you! And what you're saying is not who you are... it's not the truth..."
"Actually, it's the most truth I've said to you in a long time." Lita felt her voice catch, and tried to clear her throat quickly. No show of emotion could be apparent, otherwise Jeff would see right through her in a second. "I'm being me for the first time in a very long while. You're seeing and hearing the real Lita now."
"No."
"Haven't you ever wondered why I never actually said, 'I love you', out loud? It's because I never did love you." She felt as though her insides were on fire.
Jeff growled through the tears that traced down his skin. "I don't believe you... I don't..."
Her voice actually breaking now, Lita closed her eyes in frustration, hurt and sadness. "God, you are such a fucking stubborn fool, Jeff Hardy! I DON'T LOVE YOU! How much more clearer do I have to make it before you get it through your thick skull?!"
Flinching visibly from her outburst, Jeff took a step back. He sucked in some shallow breaths, as if he found it hard to breathe. His chest was rising and falling quickly, and he placed a hand over his heart. He kept his gaze away from Lita, unable to look at her. "That's clear enough."
And before Lita could say anything else, he stepped out of the door, closing it gently behind him. Alone in her hotel room, Lita exhaled, unknowing that she had even been holding her breath. And with the air from her lungs, also came the tears. Hot, salty, guilty, self loathing tears. The redheaded diva's sobs echoed through the empty hotel room as she laid down, exhausted, and cried herself to sleep.
***
A loud, relentless banging woke Lita from her restless sleep. She opened her swollen eyes, glancing at the clock beside her. 4:37 am. Her heart jolted as the thought of Jeff being the one who was banging on her door entered her mind. She didn't know if she could survive another confrontation with him.
The thumping on her door did not pause, did not cease, instead they grew louder, heavier and faster. Quickly wrapping a robe around her naked form, Lita rose to the door and swung it open. She shivered at the sight of the man behind the door.
"Matt."
Storming into her room and slamming the door behind him, Matt Hardy whipped around to face Lita, his finger pointing at her in anger and accusal. "You swore that you would NOT hurt him! You swore to me, Lita! Do you remember that? Do you?"
Shaking, her eyes cast downwards, she nodded. "I remember."
"And yet, my baby brother is in our hotel room at the moment, crying his goddamn eyes out BECAUSE YOU HURT HIM!" The dark haired man glared daggers at Lita. "Can you see why I'm pretty furious with you?"
"Matt, you don't understand... I had to..."
"Oh, so you HAD to fuck around with Test behind Jeff's back? Well then, that's okay! All is freakin' forgiven!" He spat, his voice laced with sarcasm.
Lita frowned, her eyes still on the floor. "It's complicated... I can't tell you why I did what I did, but -"
"No, I don't want to hear your shit! I listened to it once before, and you broke my brother's heart. I told you he was in love with you. I told you to please, be careful with his heart. And you SWORE you would never hurt him." Matt scoffed. "Well, he's pretty damn hurt at the moment. He's hurting from the inside out.. So bad that he just won't stop throwing up. He just keeps retching and retching and retching..."
"I'm so, so... sorry."
"Hell no!! You have absolutely NO right to be sorry!" Matt's eyes blazed as he yelled, his voice gravely and strong. He paused as he saw Lita begin to cry, tears spilling over her eyelids from her hazel orbs. "And you have no right to cry over him, either. You gave up that right when you screwed around behind his back, you selfish, heartless bitch."
The elder Hardy turned, and made his way to the door, but before he left the room, he turned back to Lita. He watched as she tried to control the sobs that racked her body. He shook his head at her. "And you know what the thing that tears me apart inside is?"
Lita looked up at him with tear filled eyes, unsure of whether she wanted to hear what he had to say.
"Even after what you did to him; cheat, lie, abuse him, use his trust... after all of your shit, he still can't bring himself to hate you." Matt gave a unbelieving, slight chuckle. "He even told me to shut the hell up after I called you a self serving, good for nothing slut."
Her mouth wide, her eyes brimming with tears, Lita felt her heart soar at that news. Even after all the horrible things she had just said to him, Jeff still could not say a bad word about her. That thought made her cry even more.
"After all of your shit, he still can't hate you. And you don't deserve that from him." And with that, Matt walked out the door, leaving Lita alone once again.
AUTHOR: Cathie McMath.
EMAIL: penrithpanther_03@yahoo.com.au
RATING: I'm going to bump it up to PG-15. Just because I felt like it.
CONTENT: Heavy language, and the usual violence one comes to expect in WWE fics. Also some sexual references abound.
SUMMARY: Lita falls in love with a guy her big brother can't stand, and another cunning diva is out to cause trouble.. Jeff/Lita pairing. Trish, Kurt, Christian and more.
DISCLAIMER: Still not Vince McMahon. Still owning nothing. Still very, very jealous.
DISTRIBUTION: Just email me first and let me know if you want it.
FEEDBACK: Always welcome. Please, feel free to send me lots and lots of praise!
~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Eyes wide and scared, her breaths ragged, Lita watched as Jeff's heart broke right in front of her. She watched as his face crumbled and his shoulders sagged and he stopped breathing. She watched as he opened his mouth to say something, but only a choked sob escaped his lips. She watched, still laying on the bed underneath Test's body, as she destroyed Jeff Hardy.
Test gave a melodramatic sigh, brushing away a stray strand of hair from Lita's face gently before rolling off from on top of her, and sitting on the edge of the bed. He looked directly at the pained Hardy, who's eyes were still fixed on the redheaded woman. "I'm sorry Jeff. I never meant for you to find out about Lita and I this way."
Slowly, Jeff tore his gaze away from Lita. He set his glare on the tall canadian. Tears brimming in his eyes, he ground his teeth together harshly and swallowed hard before speaking. "Get out, Test." His voice at a heavy whisper, laced with thick emotion. "Get out."
Standing from the bed, Test smirked to himself as he stepped across the room to retrieve his clothes. He pulled his jeans on, and then made his way towards the door, carrying his other items of clothing in his arms. He paused as he stood beside Jeff, and he turned his head towards the smaller man slightly. "I am sor-"
"Just. Go." A tear slipped down his cheek as he set his jaw, trying to keep his lip from quivering. "Please."
And then Test was gone, the sound of the door shutting behind him sharply filling the air in the room.
Lita was sitting up in bed, clutching the bed sheets to her naked chest. Strands of fiery, unruly hair hung in her face as she watched Jeff intently, a grim frown marring her face. She wanted to run to Jeff's side, wipe away the tears in his eyes and tell him that it wasn't real. That she would never touch another man besides him. She wanted to hold him, and have him hold her, until all the badness went away and only they were left standing together.
Instead, she stayed in the bed, silent. She knew she could not comfort him, could not tell him the truth, otherwise this would have all been for nothing. It was tearing her apart, watching him in front of her now, yet she knew this was what had to happen. This was the result she needed. She needed Jeff to hate her. She needed him to leave her alone. And it was working. She could tell just by looking into his piercing green eyes, that he didn't even want to look at her anymore.
"H-h-how..." He sucked in a breath, unable to complete his sentence. He dropped his head, squeezing his eyes shut, and then suddenly his gaze was upon her again, his frown intensified and more tears falling from his eyes. "How... c-could you have se... how could you s-sleep - how could you do this?"
She didn't reply. She wasn't sure she could speak without breaking down into a blubbering mess. So she stayed silent, pressing her lips together firmly in a vain attempt to keep her composure. Jeff stepped closer to her, and she felt a painful jolt run through her. It was as if his pain was so strong, that it was jumping from him straight into her heart. Or maybe that was simply her own pain, heightened by the look he was giving her.
A tiny whimper fell past his lips, and he brought the back of his palm to his face, wiping away the wet tears from his cheeks. "Why would you do... I-I don't understand? ... why?"
Biting forcefully on the inside of her cheek, feeling the rush of blood flow from the wound into her hot mouth, Lita spoke. "I didn't mean for you to find out."
Jeff's eyes widened, his mouth open in shocked silence at Lita's admission. She didn't give an excuse, or try to explain anything. Her statement was cold and so.. not Lita. He felt more tears prick harshly at his eyes. "How long?"
Feeling as though she was going to throw up, Lita answered, trying to keep her voice from breaking. "A month, at least. Maybe more."
A heavy breath rushed out of Jeff's lungs as his knees buckled, and he ducked his head, feeling the tears starting to come more freely now. He wiped ferociously at his eyes, growing angrier and angrier with each tear that he shed.
"I couldn't stop it, Jeff. Test gave me what I needed."
His head snapped back up, eyes trained on the woman before him who had just spoken. His eyes now red and swollen, he focused on her, his frown brutal. He could barely find the voice to speak back. "And what was that?"
She swallowed, raising her head slightly, trying to force herself to feel strong and defiant. "A decent lay."
His stomach lurched at the chill in her voice. He felt dizzy as he heard her words. How could Lita, HIS Lita, be saying this? How could it be possible? A suppressed sob left his lips, clutching at his breath. "Y-you cheated on me, betrayed me, destroyed our relationship - our FRIENDSHIP..." He paused, roughly raking a hand through his hair. "... you ruined everything we had, all for sex?"
A second passed. "Yes."
"I don't believe you." He mumbled hoarsely. "That's not who you are. I know you, Lita! Now tell me the truth!"
"That is the truth, Jeff."
"No! It's not true!" He shook his head fiercely. "I KNOW you!"
Hoping to God she wouldn't cry, Lita drew in a deep breath. "Maybe, then, I'm just not who you thought I was."
"Yes you are... y-you're exactly who I think you are! I know you Lita, I know you! And what you're saying is not who you are... it's not the truth..."
"Actually, it's the most truth I've said to you in a long time." Lita felt her voice catch, and tried to clear her throat quickly. No show of emotion could be apparent, otherwise Jeff would see right through her in a second. "I'm being me for the first time in a very long while. You're seeing and hearing the real Lita now."
"No."
"Haven't you ever wondered why I never actually said, 'I love you', out loud? It's because I never did love you." She felt as though her insides were on fire.
Jeff growled through the tears that traced down his skin. "I don't believe you... I don't..."
Her voice actually breaking now, Lita closed her eyes in frustration, hurt and sadness. "God, you are such a fucking stubborn fool, Jeff Hardy! I DON'T LOVE YOU! How much more clearer do I have to make it before you get it through your thick skull?!"
Flinching visibly from her outburst, Jeff took a step back. He sucked in some shallow breaths, as if he found it hard to breathe. His chest was rising and falling quickly, and he placed a hand over his heart. He kept his gaze away from Lita, unable to look at her. "That's clear enough."
And before Lita could say anything else, he stepped out of the door, closing it gently behind him. Alone in her hotel room, Lita exhaled, unknowing that she had even been holding her breath. And with the air from her lungs, also came the tears. Hot, salty, guilty, self loathing tears. The redheaded diva's sobs echoed through the empty hotel room as she laid down, exhausted, and cried herself to sleep.
***
A loud, relentless banging woke Lita from her restless sleep. She opened her swollen eyes, glancing at the clock beside her. 4:37 am. Her heart jolted as the thought of Jeff being the one who was banging on her door entered her mind. She didn't know if she could survive another confrontation with him.
The thumping on her door did not pause, did not cease, instead they grew louder, heavier and faster. Quickly wrapping a robe around her naked form, Lita rose to the door and swung it open. She shivered at the sight of the man behind the door.
"Matt."
Storming into her room and slamming the door behind him, Matt Hardy whipped around to face Lita, his finger pointing at her in anger and accusal. "You swore that you would NOT hurt him! You swore to me, Lita! Do you remember that? Do you?"
Shaking, her eyes cast downwards, she nodded. "I remember."
"And yet, my baby brother is in our hotel room at the moment, crying his goddamn eyes out BECAUSE YOU HURT HIM!" The dark haired man glared daggers at Lita. "Can you see why I'm pretty furious with you?"
"Matt, you don't understand... I had to..."
"Oh, so you HAD to fuck around with Test behind Jeff's back? Well then, that's okay! All is freakin' forgiven!" He spat, his voice laced with sarcasm.
Lita frowned, her eyes still on the floor. "It's complicated... I can't tell you why I did what I did, but -"
"No, I don't want to hear your shit! I listened to it once before, and you broke my brother's heart. I told you he was in love with you. I told you to please, be careful with his heart. And you SWORE you would never hurt him." Matt scoffed. "Well, he's pretty damn hurt at the moment. He's hurting from the inside out.. So bad that he just won't stop throwing up. He just keeps retching and retching and retching..."
"I'm so, so... sorry."
"Hell no!! You have absolutely NO right to be sorry!" Matt's eyes blazed as he yelled, his voice gravely and strong. He paused as he saw Lita begin to cry, tears spilling over her eyelids from her hazel orbs. "And you have no right to cry over him, either. You gave up that right when you screwed around behind his back, you selfish, heartless bitch."
The elder Hardy turned, and made his way to the door, but before he left the room, he turned back to Lita. He watched as she tried to control the sobs that racked her body. He shook his head at her. "And you know what the thing that tears me apart inside is?"
Lita looked up at him with tear filled eyes, unsure of whether she wanted to hear what he had to say.
"Even after what you did to him; cheat, lie, abuse him, use his trust... after all of your shit, he still can't bring himself to hate you." Matt gave a unbelieving, slight chuckle. "He even told me to shut the hell up after I called you a self serving, good for nothing slut."
Her mouth wide, her eyes brimming with tears, Lita felt her heart soar at that news. Even after all the horrible things she had just said to him, Jeff still could not say a bad word about her. That thought made her cry even more.
"After all of your shit, he still can't hate you. And you don't deserve that from him." And with that, Matt walked out the door, leaving Lita alone once again.