Disclaimers and summary on first chapter
Notes: I must say, staticrader deserves some kind of prize for reviewing every chapter since she started reading this crazy story. Lol. Kudos to all my other devoted readers as well, especially any who have checked out my new story: No Need To Endure Anymore. I'm really starting to enjoy writing it, but I understand it's not for everybody. However, if you're feeling charitable, give it a chance. Without further ado, I present chapters 49 and 50. Thanks to those who review and my silent readers. I appreciate it.
Chapter 49 -I Love Everything About You-
+Roger's POV+
Not a minute after we step off the bus I'm being crushed in a surprisingly strong hug from a woman I don't remember being quite so short. I wrap my arms around her as well. She cries into my shirt, holding me painfully tight. Finally she pulls back and looks up at me.
"Jesus, you're taller!" She says in awe.
I laugh shyly and look down at my hands.
"Oh!" She says suddenly, looking past me. "I remember you! Oh honey, you didn't tell me you were bringing someone!" She gives me a swat on the arm and goes to hug Mark.
"Look at you! Oh you're all grown up! And so handsome!" She gives him a kiss on the cheek while he blushes horribly. I smirk at his reaction and he scowls at me.
"I can't believe you're still together. That's great, that's just great!" She gives Mark a playful smack too. "You didn't make him call me?"
To my short lived relief Mark laughs, but I hear a bitter edge in it.
"No one can really make Roger do anything."
I glare at him but she doesn't even notice our disagreement. He glares back, but then I see his face soften and he reaches for my hand. I let him take it because I don't want to fight with him in front of my mom, but inwardly I want to push him away.
"Well, come on." She says, starting to walk and wiping at her eyes. "I can't believe you're here."
We follow her to her car, listening to her questions, occasionally answering a few when she gives us a second to talk. She drives back, chattering happily and I let her talk, trying to decide how best to tell her about my life. Or at least what's left of it. Mark looks over at me worriedly and rests his hand on my arm. Unlike before when I resented his contact I move my arm and let my hand slip into his. He knows what I'm thinking of. He kisses my cheek, leans against me. We don't say anything for the rest of the ride.
+++
"Roger, do you still drink coffee?" She calls from the kitchen.
"Sure, mom."
Mark casts another worried glance over at me when I sigh heavily and rest my head in my hands.
"Hey Rog, you ok?" He asks, laying a hand on my back.
I sit up, nodding.
"Great, I'm great."
When he won't stop I give him a false grin and pull him into my lap. I kiss him quickly and lay my head against his.
"I'm fine, Marky. Don't worry so much."
"Are you going to tell her?" He asks softly.
"Tell me what?" My mom asks with a smile as she hands me a mug of coffee and Mark what smells like tea. He hastily climbs off of me but remains close at my side. I direct a glare over at him and he gives me a shamefaced smile in return.
"Well, uh, mom. I have to tell you something." I say, running a hand through my hair. I was not ready for this yet. Completely unprepared. "It's uh, it's not good."
Her smile fades a little. She sets down her mug.
"What is it?"
I sigh and look into my mug. I feel Mark take my hand.
"I really messed up when I left." I say quietly. "I mean, I did a lot of stupid shit. Shit. I mean, I made a lot of mistakes." Inwardly I beat myself. No way I say it sounds good. But then again, it's not good, so why should it?
She looks understanding so far, but raises an eyebrow. "Like what?"
Shit. This is what she won't like. Who would? "Well, like, uh, with drugs."
She glares at me. "Roger. . ."
"I know, ok? I know! But I was stupid and I was lonely and I mean, that's no excuse but that's, well. . ." I shrug. "That's why."
"What kind of drugs?" She asks me, still angry but her gaze has softened.
I close my eyes. Feel Mark's grip tighten. "Like, heroin."
"Heroin?" She asks, appalled. "You were using heroin?" She gives Mark a hard look. "It is 'was' right? Not anymore?" I'm hurt that she looks at Mark for verification, like I wouldn't tell her the truth. Mark nods. She looks back at me.
"So you left here to be a drug addict? That's why you never called me? Why I didn't know where you were?"
She's actually angry with me. I hadn't expected such a violent reaction. Disappointment though, sure. She keeps going, calling me irresponsible and chastising me for leaving in the first place. And Mark, how did it happen? How long? She keeps asking him, like I couldn't answer. Like I couldn't be trusted to answer.
"Mom, I'm dying." I say loudly, forcing her to look me in the eye. She stops talking, staring at me for a long moment.
"What?"
"I said, I'm dying. Because I was a drug addict for 4 years, I have HIV, which will become AIDS, which will probably kill me before I'm 30!" I tell her, my voice rising against my will.
"Roger, calm down." Mark says softly.
My mother is staring at me in disbelief. "You have AIDS?" She asks.
"Not yet, but I will eventually."
She raises a hand to her mouth, her anger gone. "Oh baby. . ."
She comes over and stands near me, wraps her arms around me. Warmth in that embrace, I've forgotten what it was like to have her around. Mark squeezes my hand.
I start to tell her everything. Everything I told Mark, and everything that's happened since then. The time with April in our first apartment, finally giving into her and her drugs when my grief got to be too much, about April dying, her note, living on the street. Finding Mark again, withdrawal, his help. Leaving him, coming back, giving him up, wanting him back. Tell her about Mimi, who I still love, my little girl with the pretty eyes, sick like me. Tell her about Mimi leaving, how it was me and Mark again. Tell her about now.
She kisses my cheek. "My baby. You've had it hard on your own."
I like her babying significantly more than her criticism. Even though I know most if not all of this has been my fault, it's nice to have people like her that will occasionally let me be the victim.
"I'm ok, right now though, mom. Really."
"For a long time, yet." Mark assures her, himself, me.
My beeper goes off.
"Take your AZT." Mark says automatically as I go to shut it off. I move away from my mom just a little to reach the bag at my feet.
"What's that?" She asks when I pull the bottle out.
"AZT." I tell her. "Supposedly, it's what keeping me around."
Mark gives me a dirty look for that one, but I just turn away and smile at my mom. I take one and shove the bottle back into my bag.
+++
"You two can stay in your old room." She says, smiling sadly. "I haven't touched anything, I promise. Just dust in there occasionally."
"Alright." I kiss her on the cheek. "Night, mom."
Almost immediately I fall down onto my mattress, covering my face with my hands. Mark sits on the mattress next to me.
"How do you think that went?" I ask him, peering through the cracks between my fingers.
He shrugs. "As good as can be expected." He says.
I pull him down beside me and he snuggles up to my side, resting his head against my shoulder. At first he rests his hand on my stomach, but as we lay there in silence it starts to slide down my body. He rests it on my inner thigh, then slowly moves it up again.
"What exactly are you initiating?" I ask him, grinning over at him.
He kisses me slowly. "Only if you want to risk it."
"Are you kidding?"
Kiss. My arm goes around him, pull him on top of me. Run my hands down his back. He kisses my neck, nipping at the skin.
"Make love to me, Marky. . ."
"I know," He whispers. "You like it when I do. That's what you always say."
Kiss. He pulls away and I watch him reach from the bed to retrieve something. Open the box, lays one on the bed, kisses me again. I pull his shirt over his head, he pushes his glasses back up his nose. Rests his hands on my sides, his hands warm, my skin feeling cold.
I watch his body move over mine, touch my fingers against his abdomen. He takes one of my hands in his, our fingers locking together. He wraps his other hand around a more intimate part of my anatomy.
"Hey," I say softly. "You really shouldn't do that without a condom."
"Shut up." He says. "It doesn't matter."
And later his breathing matches mine, hindered gasps, rough and soft. I grab his arm with my other hand, tighten my grip on the one he holds.
He kisses me gently, lays down beside me and pulls my body against his.
"I love you. All of you. I love everything about you."
"Even when I'm an asshole?"
He yawns. "Especially when you're an asshole."
"Well in that case I love you too. Even when you follow me around with your stupid camera and force me to take my AZT."
He laughs softly, moves closer. I feel my eyes closing.
+++
I open my eyes, suddenly hit with a strong feeling of nausea. I rush to the bathroom, collapse in front of the toilet. Don't open my eyes until I'm done. I'm disgusted by the fact that probably half of what I just threw up was blood. I wipe at my mouth quickly, see my shaking hand stained red. I clean myself, throw water on my face. I don't feel sick anymore. Not physically. I shake my head at my reflection, head back to bed, praying I didn't wake up mom or Mark. Just when things get good, I think. But that's ridiculous. I feel fine.
+++
Notes Continued: Don't hate me. I'm not gonna kill him or something. I don't think. . . ;) lol. Poor Roger. I love him so. Chapter 50, anyone?
Notes: I must say, staticrader deserves some kind of prize for reviewing every chapter since she started reading this crazy story. Lol. Kudos to all my other devoted readers as well, especially any who have checked out my new story: No Need To Endure Anymore. I'm really starting to enjoy writing it, but I understand it's not for everybody. However, if you're feeling charitable, give it a chance. Without further ado, I present chapters 49 and 50. Thanks to those who review and my silent readers. I appreciate it.
Chapter 49 -I Love Everything About You-
+Roger's POV+
Not a minute after we step off the bus I'm being crushed in a surprisingly strong hug from a woman I don't remember being quite so short. I wrap my arms around her as well. She cries into my shirt, holding me painfully tight. Finally she pulls back and looks up at me.
"Jesus, you're taller!" She says in awe.
I laugh shyly and look down at my hands.
"Oh!" She says suddenly, looking past me. "I remember you! Oh honey, you didn't tell me you were bringing someone!" She gives me a swat on the arm and goes to hug Mark.
"Look at you! Oh you're all grown up! And so handsome!" She gives him a kiss on the cheek while he blushes horribly. I smirk at his reaction and he scowls at me.
"I can't believe you're still together. That's great, that's just great!" She gives Mark a playful smack too. "You didn't make him call me?"
To my short lived relief Mark laughs, but I hear a bitter edge in it.
"No one can really make Roger do anything."
I glare at him but she doesn't even notice our disagreement. He glares back, but then I see his face soften and he reaches for my hand. I let him take it because I don't want to fight with him in front of my mom, but inwardly I want to push him away.
"Well, come on." She says, starting to walk and wiping at her eyes. "I can't believe you're here."
We follow her to her car, listening to her questions, occasionally answering a few when she gives us a second to talk. She drives back, chattering happily and I let her talk, trying to decide how best to tell her about my life. Or at least what's left of it. Mark looks over at me worriedly and rests his hand on my arm. Unlike before when I resented his contact I move my arm and let my hand slip into his. He knows what I'm thinking of. He kisses my cheek, leans against me. We don't say anything for the rest of the ride.
+++
"Roger, do you still drink coffee?" She calls from the kitchen.
"Sure, mom."
Mark casts another worried glance over at me when I sigh heavily and rest my head in my hands.
"Hey Rog, you ok?" He asks, laying a hand on my back.
I sit up, nodding.
"Great, I'm great."
When he won't stop I give him a false grin and pull him into my lap. I kiss him quickly and lay my head against his.
"I'm fine, Marky. Don't worry so much."
"Are you going to tell her?" He asks softly.
"Tell me what?" My mom asks with a smile as she hands me a mug of coffee and Mark what smells like tea. He hastily climbs off of me but remains close at my side. I direct a glare over at him and he gives me a shamefaced smile in return.
"Well, uh, mom. I have to tell you something." I say, running a hand through my hair. I was not ready for this yet. Completely unprepared. "It's uh, it's not good."
Her smile fades a little. She sets down her mug.
"What is it?"
I sigh and look into my mug. I feel Mark take my hand.
"I really messed up when I left." I say quietly. "I mean, I did a lot of stupid shit. Shit. I mean, I made a lot of mistakes." Inwardly I beat myself. No way I say it sounds good. But then again, it's not good, so why should it?
She looks understanding so far, but raises an eyebrow. "Like what?"
Shit. This is what she won't like. Who would? "Well, like, uh, with drugs."
She glares at me. "Roger. . ."
"I know, ok? I know! But I was stupid and I was lonely and I mean, that's no excuse but that's, well. . ." I shrug. "That's why."
"What kind of drugs?" She asks me, still angry but her gaze has softened.
I close my eyes. Feel Mark's grip tighten. "Like, heroin."
"Heroin?" She asks, appalled. "You were using heroin?" She gives Mark a hard look. "It is 'was' right? Not anymore?" I'm hurt that she looks at Mark for verification, like I wouldn't tell her the truth. Mark nods. She looks back at me.
"So you left here to be a drug addict? That's why you never called me? Why I didn't know where you were?"
She's actually angry with me. I hadn't expected such a violent reaction. Disappointment though, sure. She keeps going, calling me irresponsible and chastising me for leaving in the first place. And Mark, how did it happen? How long? She keeps asking him, like I couldn't answer. Like I couldn't be trusted to answer.
"Mom, I'm dying." I say loudly, forcing her to look me in the eye. She stops talking, staring at me for a long moment.
"What?"
"I said, I'm dying. Because I was a drug addict for 4 years, I have HIV, which will become AIDS, which will probably kill me before I'm 30!" I tell her, my voice rising against my will.
"Roger, calm down." Mark says softly.
My mother is staring at me in disbelief. "You have AIDS?" She asks.
"Not yet, but I will eventually."
She raises a hand to her mouth, her anger gone. "Oh baby. . ."
She comes over and stands near me, wraps her arms around me. Warmth in that embrace, I've forgotten what it was like to have her around. Mark squeezes my hand.
I start to tell her everything. Everything I told Mark, and everything that's happened since then. The time with April in our first apartment, finally giving into her and her drugs when my grief got to be too much, about April dying, her note, living on the street. Finding Mark again, withdrawal, his help. Leaving him, coming back, giving him up, wanting him back. Tell her about Mimi, who I still love, my little girl with the pretty eyes, sick like me. Tell her about Mimi leaving, how it was me and Mark again. Tell her about now.
She kisses my cheek. "My baby. You've had it hard on your own."
I like her babying significantly more than her criticism. Even though I know most if not all of this has been my fault, it's nice to have people like her that will occasionally let me be the victim.
"I'm ok, right now though, mom. Really."
"For a long time, yet." Mark assures her, himself, me.
My beeper goes off.
"Take your AZT." Mark says automatically as I go to shut it off. I move away from my mom just a little to reach the bag at my feet.
"What's that?" She asks when I pull the bottle out.
"AZT." I tell her. "Supposedly, it's what keeping me around."
Mark gives me a dirty look for that one, but I just turn away and smile at my mom. I take one and shove the bottle back into my bag.
+++
"You two can stay in your old room." She says, smiling sadly. "I haven't touched anything, I promise. Just dust in there occasionally."
"Alright." I kiss her on the cheek. "Night, mom."
Almost immediately I fall down onto my mattress, covering my face with my hands. Mark sits on the mattress next to me.
"How do you think that went?" I ask him, peering through the cracks between my fingers.
He shrugs. "As good as can be expected." He says.
I pull him down beside me and he snuggles up to my side, resting his head against my shoulder. At first he rests his hand on my stomach, but as we lay there in silence it starts to slide down my body. He rests it on my inner thigh, then slowly moves it up again.
"What exactly are you initiating?" I ask him, grinning over at him.
He kisses me slowly. "Only if you want to risk it."
"Are you kidding?"
Kiss. My arm goes around him, pull him on top of me. Run my hands down his back. He kisses my neck, nipping at the skin.
"Make love to me, Marky. . ."
"I know," He whispers. "You like it when I do. That's what you always say."
Kiss. He pulls away and I watch him reach from the bed to retrieve something. Open the box, lays one on the bed, kisses me again. I pull his shirt over his head, he pushes his glasses back up his nose. Rests his hands on my sides, his hands warm, my skin feeling cold.
I watch his body move over mine, touch my fingers against his abdomen. He takes one of my hands in his, our fingers locking together. He wraps his other hand around a more intimate part of my anatomy.
"Hey," I say softly. "You really shouldn't do that without a condom."
"Shut up." He says. "It doesn't matter."
And later his breathing matches mine, hindered gasps, rough and soft. I grab his arm with my other hand, tighten my grip on the one he holds.
He kisses me gently, lays down beside me and pulls my body against his.
"I love you. All of you. I love everything about you."
"Even when I'm an asshole?"
He yawns. "Especially when you're an asshole."
"Well in that case I love you too. Even when you follow me around with your stupid camera and force me to take my AZT."
He laughs softly, moves closer. I feel my eyes closing.
+++
I open my eyes, suddenly hit with a strong feeling of nausea. I rush to the bathroom, collapse in front of the toilet. Don't open my eyes until I'm done. I'm disgusted by the fact that probably half of what I just threw up was blood. I wipe at my mouth quickly, see my shaking hand stained red. I clean myself, throw water on my face. I don't feel sick anymore. Not physically. I shake my head at my reflection, head back to bed, praying I didn't wake up mom or Mark. Just when things get good, I think. But that's ridiculous. I feel fine.
+++
Notes Continued: Don't hate me. I'm not gonna kill him or something. I don't think. . . ;) lol. Poor Roger. I love him so. Chapter 50, anyone?