Disclaimers and summary on first chapter
Notes: Horrible week, I apologize for the wait. Hope I didn't send you into withdrawal, staticrader. ;)
Chapter 53 -I Don't Want To Leave You-
Roger's POV (one month later)
I hug my mom tightly. She kisses me sadly, frowning at the two of us.
"You really have to leave?" She asks.
"Mom, we've been here a month!" I tell her gently.
"We've got rent to not pay." Mark jokes.
She smiles at us. "Are you sure you don't need any. . ."
"We're fine." We say in unison.
We might've stayed longer. It wasn't exactly hard to get used to living with her again. Not having to worry about basically anything relating to real life, or rent, or where we'd find money to pay for food or my AZT was nice. But we realized we'd never told anyone where we were going or that we were going at all when Mark called Maureen to check in. She yelled at him for a full five minutes before I wrested the phone from him. Her and Collins and even Joanne were apparently worried shitless, not knowing where we were. We realized how long we'd been away and decided to promise Maureen we'd be home a few days later so Mark could help Joanne with the setting up of another of her protests.
She hugged Mark as well, kissing his cheek when she let him go.
"Be good." She tells us. "And you, Roger Davis, are going to call me!"
I grin at her. "Sure, mom."
"Roger. . ."
"I will, I promise. I'll call."
"Take care of him." She tells Mark sadly.
He smiles. "I always do."
She hugs me again. "God knows he can't do it himself."
Though offended, I can't help but inwardly agree.
"Sure you don't want to visit your parents before we go?" I ask him as we get on the bus. I grin at him when he glares at me.
"Fuck off."
"Don't you want to hear all about Cindy's new baby?" I nudge him. "And be asked why you don't have one?"
He punches me in the arm and I laugh at him.
"And sip chardonnay in your parlor?"
"They're not that rich." He says, taking a seat. I sit beside him and lay my head on his shoulder, curling my body around his. He puts an arm around me and I close my eyes.
"Did you take your AZT?" He asks.
"Shit, no. I forgot." I say apologetically.
"Roger!"
"I know, I know." I mutter, pulling away and reaching in my bag.
"You can't forget anymore, Rog." He says, quietly.
"You didn't remind me."
"I shouldn't have to remind you! You should care more than you do!"
"Hey, I care!"
He rolls his eyes. "You don't act like you do."
"How do you want me to act, Mark? What do you want me to do?"
"Stop denying what's happening to you! You're the only one that doesn't seem to notice you're sick! You think I'm the one that needs help accepting it, but I did that a long time ago. But how long were you feeling bad before we actually took you to the hospital? Are you trying to kill yourself? Why can't you just admit you need help?"
I take my AZT and shove the bottle back in the bag.
"Fuck you."
"Stop it, Roger. Talk to me."
I glare at him. "You don't understand! You don't get it and you never will! I don't want to think about it! I don't want to have to deal with it! Would you? If you knew you were dying would you want that as the focal point in your life?"
He says nothing but looks away and slowly shakes his head. As an answer or at my behavior I don't know. I sigh and reach for his hand.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't pretend it's not happening, but I mean it when I tell you I don't want to think about it." I look up at him slowly. "I need you though, I'll admit that."
"You've never needed me." He says sadly.
"I've always needed you."
As soon as we get inside the loft I watch Maureen crush Mark in an enthusiastic embrace, if you could call it that. I laugh when he groans but when she kisses him I all but growl at her.
"What's been up your ass? You're such a bitch lately." She scoffs, glaring at me. Feeling my mouth twitch into a smile I start laughing. Mark smacks me in the chest, but I only laugh harder, not really remembering what was funny.
"What'd you do to him?" Maureen asks in awe, watching my hysterics.
"Well," Mark says awkwardly.
She claps her hands together. "You're together again! I knew it! Collins, you owe me a dollar!"
Collins comes out of the kitchen. "You owe me a dollar, Maureen. You said your Marky would never waste his time on that crazy junkie again."
I glare at her and she smiles shyly.
"It was before I knew you as a person?" She offers.
I roll my eyes and hold out my arms and she hugs me and kisses me quickly on the cheek.
"Is Joanne here too?" Mark asks her. Maureen shakes her head. "Not yet. She'll be here after work."
"Are you staying?" He asks Collins looking hopeful. To our relief he nods.
"Yeah. Got here about a week ago. I'm staying for a while." He gives me a strong pat on the shoulder. "Good to see you, Rog."
"Roger." I correct him automatically. "You too."
"How've you been?" He asks. "How's Mimi?"
I cringe. I hadn't thought about her in a while and feel guilty because of it. I shrug and turn away.
"Haven't seen her."
Mark senses my mood and changes the subject.
"Any performances lately, Mo?"
"That we've been fortunate enough to miss?"
She smacks my arm.
"Unfortunate! Horrible we weren't here, really!"
She laughs at me. "Oh I've missed you!" She kisses my cheek again. "I'm sorry I'm such a bitch."
Mark pouts. "You never apologize to me for being a bitch."
"Because you take it." I tell him. "And I don't think we'd have her any other way." I say, smiling at her fondly.
Maureen starts talking to Mark about her protest next week and what she wants him to do. Collins asks me about drugs and I shrug and tell him I'm clean. Mark wouldn't be with me if I wasn't.
"How've you been, health wise?" he asks softly.
I shrug again. "They upped my dosage." I tell him. I sigh. "Whatever. It doesn't matter."
He narrows his eyes at my lack of concern but says nothing.
Joanne comes up later with two large cheese pizzas. She kisses Maureen quickly, then hurries to set them down on the table. I take a small piece, but I'm not really in the mood to eat. I stare at it for a moment then sigh and force it down quickly. All this shit has sort of killed my appetite in the past few weeks. Joanne looks hurt when I get up to leave.
"Not hungry, Roger?" She asks.
I shrug. "Sorry. I guess I'm just not."
I can feel Mark watching me as I retreat to our room. A minute later he's sitting next to me on the bed. He lays his hands on my shoulders.
"What's wrong?"
I shrug. "I don't know. I'm not hungry."
He sighs. "Roger, you're never 'not hungry'. It's something else."
"I don't know, Mark!" I close my eyes and try to calm myself down. Finally I open my eyes and look over at him hesitantly.
"Don't get pissed, alright?"
He nods.
"I was just," I sigh. "I was thinking about Mimi."
His expression doesn't change.
I sigh again. "And about all this, about being sick. I just, I don't want to leave you." I say sadly.
"Roger," He says gently. "You've got plenty of time." He moves closer. I push him away.
"That's what you're denying, Mark!" I say furiously. "I don't!"
"Calm down."
"Fuck you."
I hear him get up angrily. "Fine. Find Mimi, die together. I'm sick of your shit, Roger!"
He leaves the room and I hear him being consoled by the others. I lay back on the bed. I don't want to fight with him like this. I close my eyes. And I don't really want to be back with Mimi. I just want to know she's all right. She told me she'd call. She asked me if she could. She'll call, so I can watch her die. Suddenly I'm very sorry for yelling at Mark. If I want anyone to be with me I have to stop all this shit. Mark is very tolerant, but even he won't put up with me sometimes. And everyone else, they just shake their heads and wonder at how he does it.
I pull myself off the bed and cautiously open the door. Mark is sitting by himself looking very put out. Maureen is trying to get him to smile but she's failing miserably so I step out of the room and go to him. Maureen glares at me but I ignore her.
"Mark?" I say softly. When he doesn't look at me I take his hand. "Marky, c'mon look at me."
I entwine my fingers with his. "I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean it. You know I didn't."
"You never do." He says sadly.
I drop his hand angrily. "Well what about you? You and Mimi can die together? Did you mean that?"
He shakes his head but says nothing. I hate that he's making me say this in front of everyone. I take a deep breath and try to control myself. Usually that helps, he's more understanding if I'm not yelling at him.
"I'm sorry. I can only say it so many times, Mark."
He glares at me. "Well say it again!"
"I'm sorry!"
He lowers his gaze, everyone else watches us like we're a fucking soap opera. I try to ignore that they're there. I take Mark's hands in mine, kiss his forehead gently.
"I love you. I know I fuck up a lot, but I love you. And you love me. That's enough, isn't it?"
He smiles sadly, coming around. "I hope so."
I try to ignore the clapping that Maureen starts when I kiss him gently.
Notes Continued: Sorry again for the wait, and for making them fight. It's kind of fun, and I think it's sort of necessary. Well anyway, join me for chappie 54!
Notes: Horrible week, I apologize for the wait. Hope I didn't send you into withdrawal, staticrader. ;)
Chapter 53 -I Don't Want To Leave You-
Roger's POV (one month later)
I hug my mom tightly. She kisses me sadly, frowning at the two of us.
"You really have to leave?" She asks.
"Mom, we've been here a month!" I tell her gently.
"We've got rent to not pay." Mark jokes.
She smiles at us. "Are you sure you don't need any. . ."
"We're fine." We say in unison.
We might've stayed longer. It wasn't exactly hard to get used to living with her again. Not having to worry about basically anything relating to real life, or rent, or where we'd find money to pay for food or my AZT was nice. But we realized we'd never told anyone where we were going or that we were going at all when Mark called Maureen to check in. She yelled at him for a full five minutes before I wrested the phone from him. Her and Collins and even Joanne were apparently worried shitless, not knowing where we were. We realized how long we'd been away and decided to promise Maureen we'd be home a few days later so Mark could help Joanne with the setting up of another of her protests.
She hugged Mark as well, kissing his cheek when she let him go.
"Be good." She tells us. "And you, Roger Davis, are going to call me!"
I grin at her. "Sure, mom."
"Roger. . ."
"I will, I promise. I'll call."
"Take care of him." She tells Mark sadly.
He smiles. "I always do."
She hugs me again. "God knows he can't do it himself."
Though offended, I can't help but inwardly agree.
"Sure you don't want to visit your parents before we go?" I ask him as we get on the bus. I grin at him when he glares at me.
"Fuck off."
"Don't you want to hear all about Cindy's new baby?" I nudge him. "And be asked why you don't have one?"
He punches me in the arm and I laugh at him.
"And sip chardonnay in your parlor?"
"They're not that rich." He says, taking a seat. I sit beside him and lay my head on his shoulder, curling my body around his. He puts an arm around me and I close my eyes.
"Did you take your AZT?" He asks.
"Shit, no. I forgot." I say apologetically.
"Roger!"
"I know, I know." I mutter, pulling away and reaching in my bag.
"You can't forget anymore, Rog." He says, quietly.
"You didn't remind me."
"I shouldn't have to remind you! You should care more than you do!"
"Hey, I care!"
He rolls his eyes. "You don't act like you do."
"How do you want me to act, Mark? What do you want me to do?"
"Stop denying what's happening to you! You're the only one that doesn't seem to notice you're sick! You think I'm the one that needs help accepting it, but I did that a long time ago. But how long were you feeling bad before we actually took you to the hospital? Are you trying to kill yourself? Why can't you just admit you need help?"
I take my AZT and shove the bottle back in the bag.
"Fuck you."
"Stop it, Roger. Talk to me."
I glare at him. "You don't understand! You don't get it and you never will! I don't want to think about it! I don't want to have to deal with it! Would you? If you knew you were dying would you want that as the focal point in your life?"
He says nothing but looks away and slowly shakes his head. As an answer or at my behavior I don't know. I sigh and reach for his hand.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't pretend it's not happening, but I mean it when I tell you I don't want to think about it." I look up at him slowly. "I need you though, I'll admit that."
"You've never needed me." He says sadly.
"I've always needed you."
As soon as we get inside the loft I watch Maureen crush Mark in an enthusiastic embrace, if you could call it that. I laugh when he groans but when she kisses him I all but growl at her.
"What's been up your ass? You're such a bitch lately." She scoffs, glaring at me. Feeling my mouth twitch into a smile I start laughing. Mark smacks me in the chest, but I only laugh harder, not really remembering what was funny.
"What'd you do to him?" Maureen asks in awe, watching my hysterics.
"Well," Mark says awkwardly.
She claps her hands together. "You're together again! I knew it! Collins, you owe me a dollar!"
Collins comes out of the kitchen. "You owe me a dollar, Maureen. You said your Marky would never waste his time on that crazy junkie again."
I glare at her and she smiles shyly.
"It was before I knew you as a person?" She offers.
I roll my eyes and hold out my arms and she hugs me and kisses me quickly on the cheek.
"Is Joanne here too?" Mark asks her. Maureen shakes her head. "Not yet. She'll be here after work."
"Are you staying?" He asks Collins looking hopeful. To our relief he nods.
"Yeah. Got here about a week ago. I'm staying for a while." He gives me a strong pat on the shoulder. "Good to see you, Rog."
"Roger." I correct him automatically. "You too."
"How've you been?" He asks. "How's Mimi?"
I cringe. I hadn't thought about her in a while and feel guilty because of it. I shrug and turn away.
"Haven't seen her."
Mark senses my mood and changes the subject.
"Any performances lately, Mo?"
"That we've been fortunate enough to miss?"
She smacks my arm.
"Unfortunate! Horrible we weren't here, really!"
She laughs at me. "Oh I've missed you!" She kisses my cheek again. "I'm sorry I'm such a bitch."
Mark pouts. "You never apologize to me for being a bitch."
"Because you take it." I tell him. "And I don't think we'd have her any other way." I say, smiling at her fondly.
Maureen starts talking to Mark about her protest next week and what she wants him to do. Collins asks me about drugs and I shrug and tell him I'm clean. Mark wouldn't be with me if I wasn't.
"How've you been, health wise?" he asks softly.
I shrug again. "They upped my dosage." I tell him. I sigh. "Whatever. It doesn't matter."
He narrows his eyes at my lack of concern but says nothing.
Joanne comes up later with two large cheese pizzas. She kisses Maureen quickly, then hurries to set them down on the table. I take a small piece, but I'm not really in the mood to eat. I stare at it for a moment then sigh and force it down quickly. All this shit has sort of killed my appetite in the past few weeks. Joanne looks hurt when I get up to leave.
"Not hungry, Roger?" She asks.
I shrug. "Sorry. I guess I'm just not."
I can feel Mark watching me as I retreat to our room. A minute later he's sitting next to me on the bed. He lays his hands on my shoulders.
"What's wrong?"
I shrug. "I don't know. I'm not hungry."
He sighs. "Roger, you're never 'not hungry'. It's something else."
"I don't know, Mark!" I close my eyes and try to calm myself down. Finally I open my eyes and look over at him hesitantly.
"Don't get pissed, alright?"
He nods.
"I was just," I sigh. "I was thinking about Mimi."
His expression doesn't change.
I sigh again. "And about all this, about being sick. I just, I don't want to leave you." I say sadly.
"Roger," He says gently. "You've got plenty of time." He moves closer. I push him away.
"That's what you're denying, Mark!" I say furiously. "I don't!"
"Calm down."
"Fuck you."
I hear him get up angrily. "Fine. Find Mimi, die together. I'm sick of your shit, Roger!"
He leaves the room and I hear him being consoled by the others. I lay back on the bed. I don't want to fight with him like this. I close my eyes. And I don't really want to be back with Mimi. I just want to know she's all right. She told me she'd call. She asked me if she could. She'll call, so I can watch her die. Suddenly I'm very sorry for yelling at Mark. If I want anyone to be with me I have to stop all this shit. Mark is very tolerant, but even he won't put up with me sometimes. And everyone else, they just shake their heads and wonder at how he does it.
I pull myself off the bed and cautiously open the door. Mark is sitting by himself looking very put out. Maureen is trying to get him to smile but she's failing miserably so I step out of the room and go to him. Maureen glares at me but I ignore her.
"Mark?" I say softly. When he doesn't look at me I take his hand. "Marky, c'mon look at me."
I entwine my fingers with his. "I'm sorry, ok? I didn't mean it. You know I didn't."
"You never do." He says sadly.
I drop his hand angrily. "Well what about you? You and Mimi can die together? Did you mean that?"
He shakes his head but says nothing. I hate that he's making me say this in front of everyone. I take a deep breath and try to control myself. Usually that helps, he's more understanding if I'm not yelling at him.
"I'm sorry. I can only say it so many times, Mark."
He glares at me. "Well say it again!"
"I'm sorry!"
He lowers his gaze, everyone else watches us like we're a fucking soap opera. I try to ignore that they're there. I take Mark's hands in mine, kiss his forehead gently.
"I love you. I know I fuck up a lot, but I love you. And you love me. That's enough, isn't it?"
He smiles sadly, coming around. "I hope so."
I try to ignore the clapping that Maureen starts when I kiss him gently.
Notes Continued: Sorry again for the wait, and for making them fight. It's kind of fun, and I think it's sort of necessary. Well anyway, join me for chappie 54!