Chapter 11: Calling You at 3 am

I don't give a damn about you

No nothing can change my mind, no way

I'm happy just to let you walk away

Don't think about you at night I'm happy to be alone, it's ok

Three months past and Alexandra Springer found herself in bed, a month shy of her wedding day, wide awake as Randy snored next to her. Today had been important to her, she'd finally picked up her wedding dress and had tried it on. It seemed different on her at home, in her bedroom, then it ahd in the brightly lit shop. She looked like a child playing dress up. Alex had thrown herself into the wedding and every aspect had been organised to military precision. It all ran through her head. The 17th of next month ar the Ash Hotel. 250 guests, three bridesmaids dressed in navy blue, three groomsmen. Her mother was walking her down the aisle. She still had several RSVP's to get, including John's. Alex had been quiet proud of herself, in the time that had lapsed since getting engaged she'd hardly thought about John. But before she got too smug her inner voice would remind her that she hadn't had time to think about him. she was either working or organising the wedding. Save for now, at almost three in the morning. John was still running rampant through her mind, for one reason or another.

"Do you think he'll come to the wedding?" her inner voice asked.

"I don't know."

"Don't you think it was slightly underhanded, sending him an invatation. Like saying, look, I really did it. I survived without you."

"But I did." Alex replied out loud. "And what's wrong with asking him to come a celebrate me getting married?"

Her inner voice tutted loudly. "I give up. You know that. I really fucking give up trying to help you. You haven't got a fucking clue what you want."

The inner voice fell silent and Alex closed her eyes in hopes of getting some sleep.Her inner voice kicked in again, suddenly.

"You'd better decied what you want Alex, and quickly. Because soon you'll be married and then what will you do?"

Nothing, Alex thought, her eyes still shut. Nothing and like it.

John was still wide awake, sitting at his computer desk with his instant messenger up on the screen, although no-one was online at that ungodly hour. Alex's name was still at the top of his list although she hadn't been on for months. In his hands was the wedding invatation. Alex's name in gold script caught the light and winked up at him. He didn't want to go, although he knew he should. To wish her luck, to show there where no hard feelings. But then again, why should he have to watch the women he loved marry someone else ? He was undecided, and people at work constantly asked. They where just as interested in John's decision as the wedding. Torrie had taken to talking about it loudly whenever he was in hearing distance. Joh thought back to the night a few months ago, when he'd go to her appartment and banged on the door, shouting his apologise hoping it wasn't too late, hoping she'd come out. He wondered, like he ahd about so many other things, what would of happened if she'd just opened the door. It made his heart twinge.

Calling you at 3 am

And I'm standing here right outside your dooor

And I don't think that my heart can take much more

Scared of cracking up again I just want it to be like it was before

Cos I don't think that my heart could take much more

John took out the ivory coloured card that had accompanied the invataion and took a pen. He circled the option that apologised, but he wouldn't be able to attend Alexandra Elizabeth Springer's wedding to Randy Keith Orton on the 17th of next month. John put the card back in the envelope and leaned back in his chair.

"Sorry Alex." He said out loud.