Chapter Four
Long after Hao was asleep Anna lay listening to the storm. The light from the kitchen flickered every now and then sending shadows into the room. There was one great shadow that crawled towards her threateningly, massive and back engulfing the room. Again and again it advanced, about to surround her, but each time a surge of electricity brightened the kitchen lights. Yet though it never reached her still she cowered, feeling as if all the cold and wind was gathered in that shadow.
She slept a while, falling in and out consciousness, all of a sudden she opened her eyes and the shadow was Yoh. Slowly he advanced on her, the shadow and light dancing behind him, resembling little snakes that were moving closer to her. She lay frozen, paralysed. He was over her now, so close that she could have reached out and touched him. Already it felt like a deadly grasp was tightening on her throat. She tried to scream but her lips were locked. Hao beside her slept on casually.
Suddenly a gleam of light revealed his face. No trace of threat or anger rested on his face-only calm, and stone like hopelessness. That was like Yoh. He began to withdraw, and frantically she tried to call him back. "It isn't true- not really true- listen Yoh-"but the words clung frozen to her lips. The only things heard was the shriek of the wind and rain pounding the house.
She jolted up, startled now and awake. So real he had seemed there, standing close to her, so vivid the sorrow in his face, that at first she could not make herself understand that she had only been dreaming. Even though it was only a dream Anna had to repeat over and over again in her head that Yoh was at Manta's. It was only her mind, her imagination, distorted into a horrible nightmare of the dread of his return. But he wouldn't come. Hao was right, in a storm like this. They were safe, alone. No one would ever know. It was only fear, morbid and irrational; it was only her sense of guilt that drove her to imagine such things.
Anna wept silently, the house shuddered and quailed, and a chill crept in again. Without wakening Hao she slipped out of the bed to turn up the heat. But the warmth was a long time coming. Anna wrapped a blanket around herself to stop her shivering. She sat in the dark thinking of what had happened. She remembered the shadow that was Yoh. She saw him bent towards her, then retreating, his features pale and clouded with unaccusing grief. She re-lived there six years together and in retrospect, found them to be years of worth and dignity.
She slowly made her way over the window and watched the snowfall to the ground creating a slushy mess on the streets. The wind howling loudly like an angry wolf, sending cold air into the house.
Suddenly Anna asked herself, hadn't there been other storms? And through the worst of them hadn't Yoh always reached her?
Clutched by the thought she stood rooted a minute. It was hard now to understand how she could have so deceived herself- how a moment of passion could have quieted within her not only conscience but reason and discretion too. How could she have slept with Hao, everything just happened so fast. She wished that Yoh had come home before this had happened. Yoh always came. There could be nothing that would stop him. He was strong, inured the cold. She looked at the clock, it was almost twelve. It was madness to go on like this- to wait. While there was still time she must waken Hao, and hurry him away.
But in the bedroom again, standing at Hao's side, she hesitated. In his detachment from it all, in his quiet, even breathing, there was such sanity, such realism. For him nothing had happened; nothing would. If she wakened him he would only laugh and tell her to listen to the storm. Anna sat on the edge of the futon while Hao slept, his back turned to her. She sat there long past midnight; either Yoh had crashed or had not set out at all. She new that in his devotion, there was nothing foolhardy. He would never risk driving in a storm like this, or sacrifice his life to endanger their future. They were both safe. No one would ever know. She must control herself- be sane like Hao.
For comfort she let her hand rest a while on Hao's shoulder. It would be easier were he awake now, with her, sharing her guilt; but slowly as she watched his handsome face in the dimmed light she came to understand that for him no guilt existed. Just as there had been no passion, no conflict. Nothing but the sane appraisal of their situation, nothing but the expectant little smile, and the arrogance of features that were different from Yoh's. She cringed, remembering how quickly she had fixed her eyes on those features, how she had tried to believe that so handsome and young Hao was, so different from Yoh that must have been her justification.
In the darkness of the room Hao's features were still young, still handsome. No longer her justification- she knew now- Yoh was the man- but wistfully still, wondering sharply at their power and tyranny, she touched them a moment with her fingertips again.
Anna could not blame him. There had been no passion, no guilt; therefore there could be no responsibility. Suddenly looking down at him as he slept, half-smiling still, his lips relaxed in the conscienceless complacency of his achievement, she understood that thus he was revealed in his entirety- all there ever was or ever could be. Yoh was the man. With him lay all the future. For tonight, and the rest of their days and years to some, she would try to make amends for what she had done.
Not being able to stand still she walked back to the kitchen and watched at the storm gradually began to spend itself. The snow stopped falling and the wind was silent, giving one last worn out moan.
The paramedics found him the next day, less than a mile from their house. He had spun out on his motorcycle crashing head on with a cement barrier. They told Anna that he probably never suffered; the collision would have killed him instantly.
"It is very odd I must agree with you," the one paramedic said to the other as they stood outside the door of the hospital room.
"What is odd?" Anna asked, managing to find her voice.
"Well that he went out in a storm like this, but what is stranger is that no skid marks were found at the accident. It looked as if he didn't try and stop at all, just took the barrier head on. But maybe with all the rain and snow it was difficult to see."
She looked past them a moment, then as if to herself said simply. "If you knew him, though- Yoh would try and make it home in this storm."
It was later, when they had left her a while to be alone with him that she reached down and touched his hand. Her eyes dimmed; still it was such a strong and patient hand. Then her eyes grew wide and clear transfixed on his hand. On the palm, was a smear of brown paint.
The End.
Bet you didn't see that coming at the end. Hope you liked it. Well it's more like I hope you understood the ending. If not just tell me and I can clarify it for ya.
Long after Hao was asleep Anna lay listening to the storm. The light from the kitchen flickered every now and then sending shadows into the room. There was one great shadow that crawled towards her threateningly, massive and back engulfing the room. Again and again it advanced, about to surround her, but each time a surge of electricity brightened the kitchen lights. Yet though it never reached her still she cowered, feeling as if all the cold and wind was gathered in that shadow.
She slept a while, falling in and out consciousness, all of a sudden she opened her eyes and the shadow was Yoh. Slowly he advanced on her, the shadow and light dancing behind him, resembling little snakes that were moving closer to her. She lay frozen, paralysed. He was over her now, so close that she could have reached out and touched him. Already it felt like a deadly grasp was tightening on her throat. She tried to scream but her lips were locked. Hao beside her slept on casually.
Suddenly a gleam of light revealed his face. No trace of threat or anger rested on his face-only calm, and stone like hopelessness. That was like Yoh. He began to withdraw, and frantically she tried to call him back. "It isn't true- not really true- listen Yoh-"but the words clung frozen to her lips. The only things heard was the shriek of the wind and rain pounding the house.
She jolted up, startled now and awake. So real he had seemed there, standing close to her, so vivid the sorrow in his face, that at first she could not make herself understand that she had only been dreaming. Even though it was only a dream Anna had to repeat over and over again in her head that Yoh was at Manta's. It was only her mind, her imagination, distorted into a horrible nightmare of the dread of his return. But he wouldn't come. Hao was right, in a storm like this. They were safe, alone. No one would ever know. It was only fear, morbid and irrational; it was only her sense of guilt that drove her to imagine such things.
Anna wept silently, the house shuddered and quailed, and a chill crept in again. Without wakening Hao she slipped out of the bed to turn up the heat. But the warmth was a long time coming. Anna wrapped a blanket around herself to stop her shivering. She sat in the dark thinking of what had happened. She remembered the shadow that was Yoh. She saw him bent towards her, then retreating, his features pale and clouded with unaccusing grief. She re-lived there six years together and in retrospect, found them to be years of worth and dignity.
She slowly made her way over the window and watched the snowfall to the ground creating a slushy mess on the streets. The wind howling loudly like an angry wolf, sending cold air into the house.
Suddenly Anna asked herself, hadn't there been other storms? And through the worst of them hadn't Yoh always reached her?
Clutched by the thought she stood rooted a minute. It was hard now to understand how she could have so deceived herself- how a moment of passion could have quieted within her not only conscience but reason and discretion too. How could she have slept with Hao, everything just happened so fast. She wished that Yoh had come home before this had happened. Yoh always came. There could be nothing that would stop him. He was strong, inured the cold. She looked at the clock, it was almost twelve. It was madness to go on like this- to wait. While there was still time she must waken Hao, and hurry him away.
But in the bedroom again, standing at Hao's side, she hesitated. In his detachment from it all, in his quiet, even breathing, there was such sanity, such realism. For him nothing had happened; nothing would. If she wakened him he would only laugh and tell her to listen to the storm. Anna sat on the edge of the futon while Hao slept, his back turned to her. She sat there long past midnight; either Yoh had crashed or had not set out at all. She new that in his devotion, there was nothing foolhardy. He would never risk driving in a storm like this, or sacrifice his life to endanger their future. They were both safe. No one would ever know. She must control herself- be sane like Hao.
For comfort she let her hand rest a while on Hao's shoulder. It would be easier were he awake now, with her, sharing her guilt; but slowly as she watched his handsome face in the dimmed light she came to understand that for him no guilt existed. Just as there had been no passion, no conflict. Nothing but the sane appraisal of their situation, nothing but the expectant little smile, and the arrogance of features that were different from Yoh's. She cringed, remembering how quickly she had fixed her eyes on those features, how she had tried to believe that so handsome and young Hao was, so different from Yoh that must have been her justification.
In the darkness of the room Hao's features were still young, still handsome. No longer her justification- she knew now- Yoh was the man- but wistfully still, wondering sharply at their power and tyranny, she touched them a moment with her fingertips again.
Anna could not blame him. There had been no passion, no guilt; therefore there could be no responsibility. Suddenly looking down at him as he slept, half-smiling still, his lips relaxed in the conscienceless complacency of his achievement, she understood that thus he was revealed in his entirety- all there ever was or ever could be. Yoh was the man. With him lay all the future. For tonight, and the rest of their days and years to some, she would try to make amends for what she had done.
Not being able to stand still she walked back to the kitchen and watched at the storm gradually began to spend itself. The snow stopped falling and the wind was silent, giving one last worn out moan.
The paramedics found him the next day, less than a mile from their house. He had spun out on his motorcycle crashing head on with a cement barrier. They told Anna that he probably never suffered; the collision would have killed him instantly.
"It is very odd I must agree with you," the one paramedic said to the other as they stood outside the door of the hospital room.
"What is odd?" Anna asked, managing to find her voice.
"Well that he went out in a storm like this, but what is stranger is that no skid marks were found at the accident. It looked as if he didn't try and stop at all, just took the barrier head on. But maybe with all the rain and snow it was difficult to see."
She looked past them a moment, then as if to herself said simply. "If you knew him, though- Yoh would try and make it home in this storm."
It was later, when they had left her a while to be alone with him that she reached down and touched his hand. Her eyes dimmed; still it was such a strong and patient hand. Then her eyes grew wide and clear transfixed on his hand. On the palm, was a smear of brown paint.
The End.
Bet you didn't see that coming at the end. Hope you liked it. Well it's more like I hope you understood the ending. If not just tell me and I can clarify it for ya.