OMG!! EVERYONE, FORGIVE ME!!! *kneels and bows so low my forehead touches
the ground* I AM SOOOOOO SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG! Please, I apologize
profusely!
ClassicElfRyoko: Haha, sweet and evil is how everything should be!
Midnight Scribble: You're about the only one who feels sympathy for Claire ^.^ lol
Dazma: Lo and behold, I have written more!
Kaelin77: Ride off into the sunset, eh? lol I'll do what I can to give them a somewhat happy ending - it'll be hard though!
Redeve: Well, it's nice you're giving this couple a try!
Cbdbz247: I have no idea why I take so long - I am truly sorry! *bows down humbly*
Volk Zyta: Well...*makes a face* I don't know if I would call how things get 'better'... But there will be some happiness sometime!
A-chan5: THANK YOU!!! *hugs*
Bloody Love: I'm sorry I didn't get this out very soon... Keep on reviewing!
TigerTiger2: Thanks, I think... lol
Pimpin Satan: I LOVE YOU! thank you so much for the review AND the e-mail - please keep on reviewing, I really value your opinion.
AnimeAngel707: Thanks a bunch! Keep on reviewing!
Light-of-Halo: Well, I'm flattered this helps you. I'll continue it, of course, but I'm sorry I'm not too quick about it... I'll try and get faster!
Zithromax: Well, I can see how much you hate Claire, so I'll prevent her from screwing anything else up from now on. ^.^
Mange: I'm so sorry it took me so long!
Dark Phoenix: *cries* I love Shin too! I don't know why I hurt him like that! I'll be sure to make it up to him!!
Theyreallyloveme: You're suggestions were great, I think I might just do as you advised...
~~~~~
"I have to get out of here," I whispered to Vicious that night, trying to discern his expression though the dark of the unlit room muted his features and blotted his skin, moonlight that shifted across the stone cold face dappling it as well. "It's driving me crazy. I feel guilty. I feel trapped."
Vicious said nothing. He was standing by the doorway, as if hovering between the decision to hear me out or leave. His expressionless eyes bored into me across the distance.
"I want to leave." I think my voice trembled, fingers clutching tighter at the sheets on the bed that I sat on. "I cannot live here."
For a moment Vicious kept up his silent treatment and then slowly sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and letting his frown deepen. "You want me to leave the syndicate?" he murmured, arching an eyebrow. "After I've worked so hard to rebuild it?"
"Do you expect me to stay when everyone is out to get me?!" I cried, almost jumping to my feet before remembering my sore hip and sprained wrist. My neck had been hurting lately as well, probably from a little whiplash.
"I can protect you," he replied simply.
"I HATE THIS PLACE!" I shouted, tears springing to my eyes. Why couldn't Vicious understand? Why couldn't I explain better?
Vicious walked over and carefully sat down beside me, that 'Benjamin' expression of his slowly spreading over his face. That sympathetic and loving look I had become so attached too. "It'll be ok," he promised quietly, gently kissing me on the cheek. "Just give it a few days. Please? I know you can learn to like it."
It was so rare when he reverted back to that personality, I just couldn't argue for fear he'd retreat into Vicious mode again. "Alright," I agreed in a whisper, and leaned my head onto his broad shoulder.
~~~~~
A few days turned into a few weeks, and then a few months. Nothing really changed. I hated the place more than ever. Most days I locked myself in the room Vicious had given to me, and the few times I did emerge, I hid by Vicious' side, feeling too alone and too awkward to socialize with anyone but him.
I missed Shin, who I only ever saw from a distance. I missed Jet, and even Ed - they probably had taken me for dead - and, surprisingly, I was still missing Spike.
Vicious and Benjamin, inhabitants of the same body, seemed to have a schedule worked out. Granted, I did not know what this schedule was, exactly, but Benjamin would emerge on good days and Vicious would fade significantly only to rise to the surface not too long after. I could have the same conversation with the same man and get two different answers, depending on the day.
I wasn't the only one who realized all this. Some of the syndicate members of higher positions worried about their leader's mood swings. Vicious was made aware of this by Desma first, and then by some other men I never really got associated with - Benjamin never worried but his counterpart did.
One morning I just woke up and looked back on all the time I had wasted and how far Vicious and I had gotten and decided nothing was working for me at the syndicate. As the pressure had grown, Benjamin had begun to fade, to become less loving and more worrisome, and Vicious was aggressive, angry, and untouchable. He never even looked at me anymore, it seemed.
"I have decided to leave," I told him one morning over breakfast. He was looking worn and drinking coffee, not even glancing up at me as I said those words. "You can go with me or stay here. Either way, I'm not staying."
He set down his coffee cup gently and shut his eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. Eyes closed, head tilting back tiredly, he mumbled disinterestedly, "Where will you go?"
"I don't know. Anywhere is better than here."
His chin dipped down again and his eyelids fluttered upwards as he revealed those sleepy orbs to stare levelly at me. "You want me to throw all this away?" he asked.
We'd had this conversation before.
I rose from the table, pushing a thick fall of black hair from my face. In my time at the syndicate it had grown out a few inches past my shoulders. I opened my mouth to tell him something angry, but quickly decided against it, shut my mouth, and turned on my heel. If I wasn't important enough to Vicious to make him leave a place that would eventually kill him, so be it.
His voice halted me just as I was passing through the doorway. "Because," he called out softly, "I'll miss you if you go..."
~~~~~
We didn't tell anyone I was going. Heck, Vicious and I didn't even discuss when I would depart or where to. It was an understanding between both of us that we would be miserable apart, but I would simply be smothered to death if I remained by his side.
One night, some days after our discussion, it seemed there was a lingering sense of nostalgia between us, for we spent all of breakfast reviewing many memories of our time together, and then he hugged and kissed me goodbye before going on his rounds of the syndicate. I spent the day in my room, gently testing my newly healed wrist and walking about, marveling at how it felt not to have pulled muscles and an out of joint back anymore. Then, I called for Desma and ordered him to prepare a special lunch for Vicious and I. He looked at me like I was crazy but smiled and nodded like he understood.
"This is lovely," Vicious said in an almost dull voice when we sat down at our private, out of the way table in one of the fancier restaurants up town. Desma had made reservations, had pulled out a suit for Vicious, and borrowed a dress for me. The man across from me looked a bit out of place in a tuxedo, his colorless hair laying over is broad shoulders, pale skin glowing in the candlelight.
I smiled. "I know. It is, isn't it?"
Vicious took my hand and his face become gentle. Benjamin. "I could live the rest of my life like this," he said quietly. "With you. Having special meals together and loving one another. Let's stay together always, Faye. Let's never part."
My lips stretched into a weak smile, and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. "Always, Vicious. Always..."
~~~~~
After lunch, Vicious and I walked the halls of the syndicate, my arm tucked in his, wondering how long this good mood would last. Already he was a bit distant, his gaze wondering about the walls and gazing through the people we passed. I think we both realized that I would be leaving soon. The time was approaching.
"My life is tied in so deeply with the syndicate," Vicious murmured, glancing over at me with a frown. "I cannot escape. I'm so sorry I can't give you a normal life."
My head tilted to lean onto his shoulder and I sighed, sliding my hand into his, entwining our fingers. "Would you like a normal life, Vicious? Would you like having a normal life and then coming home to me every night?"
He paused. "Yes, I think I would."
"I would be a house wife."
"You'd be a cute house wife." Momentarily, he grinned. If I had blinked, I would've missed it, missed this expression that lit up his whole face and made him look strangely beautiful. "We could've had children. We cannot do that here."
"No. Certainly isn't a place to raise kids, is it? Hey, honey, where are the kids? Oh, they're out back by the shooting range."
I was rewarded with a chuckle from the usually hard-hearted man. "Children would've been nice though." And then he sobered. "But I can't imagine the kind of dead beat father I would've been. Although I imagine that most human beings, somewhere in their heart, desire offspring."
It was like peering into Vicious' soul and seeing that, despite who he was, he sometimes had second thoughts and wanted for the life he now could never have. Was it all because of me? Or had it always been so, and I was just someone who had caused the feelings to arise?
For a moment, we walked on in silence, and then, it happened. My heart stopped as I saw the figure coming around the corner. He was tall and thin and broad-shoulders with jet-black hair and green eyes. Handsome and young and so terribly angry and harsh looking. He glared at us, and even though I wanted to tell him that the look was killing me, I merely looked back to Vicious and tried to smile.
Shin nodded sharply at Vicious and then hurriedly turned the next corner. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his skin was a shade lighter than I remembered. His lips had been pressed to a thin line.
"Shin could've given you a normal life," Vicious muttered, suddenly sounding bitter. His eyes were narrowed, the gray irises hard as stone. "And I'm sorry I took that away from you..."
~~~~~
Shin was on watch duty again. He shut off the cameras in Vicious' room so he wouldn't have to watch his enemy. The same girl from the other night was with him. What was her name? Julie...Jewel...Judy...Judith? Yes, it was Judith. She was the opposite of Faye - short and blonde and tan with chocolate brown eyes. Cute.
He didn't speak to her. Shin never spoke to anyone anymore.
Judith must've been reading his mind somehow because, out of the blue, she spoke. "You hate it here, don't you?"
"Yes."
"I do too."
He peered over at her quizzically. "Wanna do something about it?"
"Like what?"
"Well, you've got some connections, don't you?"
"I guess you could say that..."
And for the first time since the whole trauma over Faye, Shin smiled.
~~~~~
Stale memories and dreams that we both wanted but could not share remained like a bitter taste in my mouth when I curled up on Vicious' bed, lying my head on his pillow and breathing in deeply, smelling the faint scent of his shampoo. Peppermint. I didn't know what to think of that - the smell of the stuff almost made me want to cry, but I didn't. I just looked over at where Vicious was standing, brushing his hair, with his fingers, as usual, and smiled slightly. "Come to bed."
He raised an eyebrow but didn't disobey. In fact, he didn't even undress - just walked over, fully clothed, and lay down with me. One arm slipped about my waist, the other cupped the back of my head to press my face into his chest, and he murmured, "Tomorrow morning, I'll take you someplace special for breakfast."
We both knew that I would not make that appointment.
"Sounds good," I whispered, and closed my eyes to impress the feel of lying in his arms into my memory. I began to stroke my fingers over his hair, knowing it would lull him to sleep, and continued to do so even after his eyelids drooped low and then closed, his breathing becoming steady. Then, cautiously, I pulled away and stood.
My bags were packed by the door. Before going to them, I stooped and tucked my hair behind my ear, kissing Vicious on the forehead. "Bye, baby," I whispered fondly, and was almost surprised to see a tear fall from my eye and splash onto his cheek. I had not even realized I had been crying. Quickly, I wiped a sleeve across my eyes, sniffled, and turned to grab my jacket.
"Goodbye, Syndicate," I said a bit louder, addressing the room in general and looking one last time upon the man who was sound asleep in the bed, looking almost innocent and child-like in his current state. Then, with a grim finality, I hefted the bags up and into my one hand and closed the door with the other.
~~~~~
I'll try to update a lot sooner than last time - REVIEW!!!
ClassicElfRyoko: Haha, sweet and evil is how everything should be!
Midnight Scribble: You're about the only one who feels sympathy for Claire ^.^ lol
Dazma: Lo and behold, I have written more!
Kaelin77: Ride off into the sunset, eh? lol I'll do what I can to give them a somewhat happy ending - it'll be hard though!
Redeve: Well, it's nice you're giving this couple a try!
Cbdbz247: I have no idea why I take so long - I am truly sorry! *bows down humbly*
Volk Zyta: Well...*makes a face* I don't know if I would call how things get 'better'... But there will be some happiness sometime!
A-chan5: THANK YOU!!! *hugs*
Bloody Love: I'm sorry I didn't get this out very soon... Keep on reviewing!
TigerTiger2: Thanks, I think... lol
Pimpin Satan: I LOVE YOU! thank you so much for the review AND the e-mail - please keep on reviewing, I really value your opinion.
AnimeAngel707: Thanks a bunch! Keep on reviewing!
Light-of-Halo: Well, I'm flattered this helps you. I'll continue it, of course, but I'm sorry I'm not too quick about it... I'll try and get faster!
Zithromax: Well, I can see how much you hate Claire, so I'll prevent her from screwing anything else up from now on. ^.^
Mange: I'm so sorry it took me so long!
Dark Phoenix: *cries* I love Shin too! I don't know why I hurt him like that! I'll be sure to make it up to him!!
Theyreallyloveme: You're suggestions were great, I think I might just do as you advised...
~~~~~
"I have to get out of here," I whispered to Vicious that night, trying to discern his expression though the dark of the unlit room muted his features and blotted his skin, moonlight that shifted across the stone cold face dappling it as well. "It's driving me crazy. I feel guilty. I feel trapped."
Vicious said nothing. He was standing by the doorway, as if hovering between the decision to hear me out or leave. His expressionless eyes bored into me across the distance.
"I want to leave." I think my voice trembled, fingers clutching tighter at the sheets on the bed that I sat on. "I cannot live here."
For a moment Vicious kept up his silent treatment and then slowly sighed, crossing his arms over his chest and letting his frown deepen. "You want me to leave the syndicate?" he murmured, arching an eyebrow. "After I've worked so hard to rebuild it?"
"Do you expect me to stay when everyone is out to get me?!" I cried, almost jumping to my feet before remembering my sore hip and sprained wrist. My neck had been hurting lately as well, probably from a little whiplash.
"I can protect you," he replied simply.
"I HATE THIS PLACE!" I shouted, tears springing to my eyes. Why couldn't Vicious understand? Why couldn't I explain better?
Vicious walked over and carefully sat down beside me, that 'Benjamin' expression of his slowly spreading over his face. That sympathetic and loving look I had become so attached too. "It'll be ok," he promised quietly, gently kissing me on the cheek. "Just give it a few days. Please? I know you can learn to like it."
It was so rare when he reverted back to that personality, I just couldn't argue for fear he'd retreat into Vicious mode again. "Alright," I agreed in a whisper, and leaned my head onto his broad shoulder.
~~~~~
A few days turned into a few weeks, and then a few months. Nothing really changed. I hated the place more than ever. Most days I locked myself in the room Vicious had given to me, and the few times I did emerge, I hid by Vicious' side, feeling too alone and too awkward to socialize with anyone but him.
I missed Shin, who I only ever saw from a distance. I missed Jet, and even Ed - they probably had taken me for dead - and, surprisingly, I was still missing Spike.
Vicious and Benjamin, inhabitants of the same body, seemed to have a schedule worked out. Granted, I did not know what this schedule was, exactly, but Benjamin would emerge on good days and Vicious would fade significantly only to rise to the surface not too long after. I could have the same conversation with the same man and get two different answers, depending on the day.
I wasn't the only one who realized all this. Some of the syndicate members of higher positions worried about their leader's mood swings. Vicious was made aware of this by Desma first, and then by some other men I never really got associated with - Benjamin never worried but his counterpart did.
One morning I just woke up and looked back on all the time I had wasted and how far Vicious and I had gotten and decided nothing was working for me at the syndicate. As the pressure had grown, Benjamin had begun to fade, to become less loving and more worrisome, and Vicious was aggressive, angry, and untouchable. He never even looked at me anymore, it seemed.
"I have decided to leave," I told him one morning over breakfast. He was looking worn and drinking coffee, not even glancing up at me as I said those words. "You can go with me or stay here. Either way, I'm not staying."
He set down his coffee cup gently and shut his eyes for a moment, inhaling deeply. Eyes closed, head tilting back tiredly, he mumbled disinterestedly, "Where will you go?"
"I don't know. Anywhere is better than here."
His chin dipped down again and his eyelids fluttered upwards as he revealed those sleepy orbs to stare levelly at me. "You want me to throw all this away?" he asked.
We'd had this conversation before.
I rose from the table, pushing a thick fall of black hair from my face. In my time at the syndicate it had grown out a few inches past my shoulders. I opened my mouth to tell him something angry, but quickly decided against it, shut my mouth, and turned on my heel. If I wasn't important enough to Vicious to make him leave a place that would eventually kill him, so be it.
His voice halted me just as I was passing through the doorway. "Because," he called out softly, "I'll miss you if you go..."
~~~~~
We didn't tell anyone I was going. Heck, Vicious and I didn't even discuss when I would depart or where to. It was an understanding between both of us that we would be miserable apart, but I would simply be smothered to death if I remained by his side.
One night, some days after our discussion, it seemed there was a lingering sense of nostalgia between us, for we spent all of breakfast reviewing many memories of our time together, and then he hugged and kissed me goodbye before going on his rounds of the syndicate. I spent the day in my room, gently testing my newly healed wrist and walking about, marveling at how it felt not to have pulled muscles and an out of joint back anymore. Then, I called for Desma and ordered him to prepare a special lunch for Vicious and I. He looked at me like I was crazy but smiled and nodded like he understood.
"This is lovely," Vicious said in an almost dull voice when we sat down at our private, out of the way table in one of the fancier restaurants up town. Desma had made reservations, had pulled out a suit for Vicious, and borrowed a dress for me. The man across from me looked a bit out of place in a tuxedo, his colorless hair laying over is broad shoulders, pale skin glowing in the candlelight.
I smiled. "I know. It is, isn't it?"
Vicious took my hand and his face become gentle. Benjamin. "I could live the rest of my life like this," he said quietly. "With you. Having special meals together and loving one another. Let's stay together always, Faye. Let's never part."
My lips stretched into a weak smile, and I felt tears roll down my cheeks. "Always, Vicious. Always..."
~~~~~
After lunch, Vicious and I walked the halls of the syndicate, my arm tucked in his, wondering how long this good mood would last. Already he was a bit distant, his gaze wondering about the walls and gazing through the people we passed. I think we both realized that I would be leaving soon. The time was approaching.
"My life is tied in so deeply with the syndicate," Vicious murmured, glancing over at me with a frown. "I cannot escape. I'm so sorry I can't give you a normal life."
My head tilted to lean onto his shoulder and I sighed, sliding my hand into his, entwining our fingers. "Would you like a normal life, Vicious? Would you like having a normal life and then coming home to me every night?"
He paused. "Yes, I think I would."
"I would be a house wife."
"You'd be a cute house wife." Momentarily, he grinned. If I had blinked, I would've missed it, missed this expression that lit up his whole face and made him look strangely beautiful. "We could've had children. We cannot do that here."
"No. Certainly isn't a place to raise kids, is it? Hey, honey, where are the kids? Oh, they're out back by the shooting range."
I was rewarded with a chuckle from the usually hard-hearted man. "Children would've been nice though." And then he sobered. "But I can't imagine the kind of dead beat father I would've been. Although I imagine that most human beings, somewhere in their heart, desire offspring."
It was like peering into Vicious' soul and seeing that, despite who he was, he sometimes had second thoughts and wanted for the life he now could never have. Was it all because of me? Or had it always been so, and I was just someone who had caused the feelings to arise?
For a moment, we walked on in silence, and then, it happened. My heart stopped as I saw the figure coming around the corner. He was tall and thin and broad-shoulders with jet-black hair and green eyes. Handsome and young and so terribly angry and harsh looking. He glared at us, and even though I wanted to tell him that the look was killing me, I merely looked back to Vicious and tried to smile.
Shin nodded sharply at Vicious and then hurriedly turned the next corner. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his skin was a shade lighter than I remembered. His lips had been pressed to a thin line.
"Shin could've given you a normal life," Vicious muttered, suddenly sounding bitter. His eyes were narrowed, the gray irises hard as stone. "And I'm sorry I took that away from you..."
~~~~~
Shin was on watch duty again. He shut off the cameras in Vicious' room so he wouldn't have to watch his enemy. The same girl from the other night was with him. What was her name? Julie...Jewel...Judy...Judith? Yes, it was Judith. She was the opposite of Faye - short and blonde and tan with chocolate brown eyes. Cute.
He didn't speak to her. Shin never spoke to anyone anymore.
Judith must've been reading his mind somehow because, out of the blue, she spoke. "You hate it here, don't you?"
"Yes."
"I do too."
He peered over at her quizzically. "Wanna do something about it?"
"Like what?"
"Well, you've got some connections, don't you?"
"I guess you could say that..."
And for the first time since the whole trauma over Faye, Shin smiled.
~~~~~
Stale memories and dreams that we both wanted but could not share remained like a bitter taste in my mouth when I curled up on Vicious' bed, lying my head on his pillow and breathing in deeply, smelling the faint scent of his shampoo. Peppermint. I didn't know what to think of that - the smell of the stuff almost made me want to cry, but I didn't. I just looked over at where Vicious was standing, brushing his hair, with his fingers, as usual, and smiled slightly. "Come to bed."
He raised an eyebrow but didn't disobey. In fact, he didn't even undress - just walked over, fully clothed, and lay down with me. One arm slipped about my waist, the other cupped the back of my head to press my face into his chest, and he murmured, "Tomorrow morning, I'll take you someplace special for breakfast."
We both knew that I would not make that appointment.
"Sounds good," I whispered, and closed my eyes to impress the feel of lying in his arms into my memory. I began to stroke my fingers over his hair, knowing it would lull him to sleep, and continued to do so even after his eyelids drooped low and then closed, his breathing becoming steady. Then, cautiously, I pulled away and stood.
My bags were packed by the door. Before going to them, I stooped and tucked my hair behind my ear, kissing Vicious on the forehead. "Bye, baby," I whispered fondly, and was almost surprised to see a tear fall from my eye and splash onto his cheek. I had not even realized I had been crying. Quickly, I wiped a sleeve across my eyes, sniffled, and turned to grab my jacket.
"Goodbye, Syndicate," I said a bit louder, addressing the room in general and looking one last time upon the man who was sound asleep in the bed, looking almost innocent and child-like in his current state. Then, with a grim finality, I hefted the bags up and into my one hand and closed the door with the other.
~~~~~
I'll try to update a lot sooner than last time - REVIEW!!!