XVIII
Even though the turtles wanted to keep talking about Sasha's newfound memories, and the dangers of Aadrano working with the Shredder, Sasha refused to talk to them until her tea was finished. She needed time to think to herself, to try to sort things out with her memories.
Aadrano...that name stirred up all kinds of feelings within her. She felt a longing for him, like anyone would for a lost sibling, but she also felt a deep hatred as well. She remembered sitting around and talking with him while they waited for their next assignments. She remembered sitting and talking with Lucifer too, and the other angels that rebelled. They had all been such great friends...perhaps too great. Everyone had trusted Lucifer; everyone had loved him. So when he had started suggesting that maybe the Master wasn't the only one who should have all the power over the Universe, no one really disputed the idea. Except for Sasha. Sasha had always been close to Master, much closer than the rest of them. And Gabriel and Michael had been close to the Master as well, so when Lucifer started whispers of rebellion, they joined Sasha on the outskirts of the group, and finally left the group altogether, and Sasha followed with a heavy heart.
After the rebellion, the only time Sasha saw any of her old friends was when she was sent to put a stop to them. They had lost most of their power after being thrown from heaven, and so she could easily handle them. She shuddered as she remembered how many of her former friends she had run through with her saber. She pushed the thought away. She didn't want to think about it.
Instead, she turned her focus on Michelangelo, who was leaning against a counter, playing punch-for-punch with Raphael. The young turtle laughed and grinned as he and his brother horsed around. It made Sasha glad to see him so happy. If she were to ever fall in love, like humans did, he would be the type of person she would chose to fall in love with: happy, easy going, positive—something to combat all the dying she saw on a daily basis.
Dying...she grimaced at the thought. She had never complained about her job of releasing souls, but lately it had begun to weigh down on her. Sasha found herself actually longing for situation she had been in just minutes before, where she did not remember that she was an angel, but she thought she was just a normal person. She silently wished that she could become anything but the Angel of Death, and then quickly rebuked herself. Someone had to do her job. And just because it wrenched her heart every time she had to tell a little kid that they wouldn't see Mommy or Daddy again, or an elderly person that their grandchild would never know them—just because she nearly broke down crying every time something like that happened—it did not mean that Sasha had the right to throw in the towel. It simply meant that she had to suck it up, suppress her emotions, and concentrate solely on the task at hand. Forget about the people, Sasha, they're just humans, they have to die anyway.
"Sasha? Are you okay?" Donatello's voice seemed to reach Sasha's ears from far away, slowly pulling her back, away from her thoughts. As she surfaced, Donatello went on: "Nice one, Raphael. If she is an Angel, she's probably never used any type of pharmaceutical drug or other. That Valium you gave her probably sent her into shock."
"I'm fine," Sasha said, shaking her head briskly to clear it. "I was just thinking. What's up?"
"Do you remember anything else?" Leonardo asked, sitting down across the table from her.
"Besides every person I've seen die?" she asked, a slight tremor in her voice. The turtles all gave her confused and worried looks. She laughed. "Never mind. Besides releasing people's souls, I fight the Dark Angel and his demons. They're the ones I use my saber on. I've never killed a human with it, but I've killed plenty of demons."
"But still no memory of the Shredder or the Foot clan?" Leonardo asked.
Sasha thought for a moment, and then her eyes went wide. "The Foot Clan! I know that organization! I've released a lot of souls that they killed. But I still have no idea who Shredder is."
Leonardo frowned. "That tells us nothing. Are you sure you don't remember what the Shredder wants you to answer?" Sasha shook her head and he sighed. "Well, then we'll just have to stay on guard and hope you remember before Aadrano decides to take any action." He stood up and looked around the room. "I'll be in the dojo if anyone needs me."
The meeting broke up. Leonardo went to the dojo, Raphael went to watch TV, and Donatello disappeared into his lab. Sasha and Michelangelo were left in the kitchen to fend for themselves. Neither of them spoke for a while and simply enjoyed each other's company.
"Are you really an Angel, Sasha?"
The girl looked up at the ceiling. "Yeah, Mikey, I am."
"Do you like being an angel?" He walked over and sat down across the table from Sasha. Her eyes remained fixed on the ceiling.
"No," she said. "I don't like it." She turned her eyes to the young turtle across the table from her and gave him small, sad smile. "I'm the Angel with the most hellish job. I get to watch people die. Every death that has ever occurred I have witnessed. The ones I like best are the ones when the person is old and has lived a full life and is ready to die. I hate the ones when I have to take a child—they have so much to live for, but they can't. The worst ones though...those were the ones at Hiroshima and Nagasaki." She closed her eyes at the memory. "Most of those people, it took me along time to find their souls because their bodies had been vaporized. The others...it's horrifying what humans do to each other. Until this century, I could stand my job. I mean, at least the Black Plague wasn't used to kill a certain group of people, and a sword can only kill one person at a time. Humans weren't made to be vaporized or gassed. I wasn't made to deal with it. But I'm not going to quit. I'm not going to turn into another Lucifer—refusing the Master. I'm not going to be like my brother."
Michelangelo frowned. He reached over the table and placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up into his eyes. "Listen, Sasha, it'll be alright, ok? You're stronger than them. You won't give up. I can see it in your eyes. And if things ever get really bad, you can always talk to someone."
Sasha gave a small smile at that. "The angel of Death asking for advice from a mortal. Yeah, like the others would ever let me live that down."
Mikey returned her smile, and reluctantly removed his hand from her shoulder. He was really beginning to like her.
"Hey, Mikey, what can you tell me about this Shredder person?"
"Nothing good." Michelangelo proceeded to tell her of his family's archenemy, the leader of the Foot Clan. All the while he talked, the frown on Sasha's face grew. After he finished, she was silent for a while, and sat staring up at the ceiling.
Finally, after almost twenty minutes, she turned her eyes back to Michelangelo. "I can't do this to you all," she said. "I can't stay here. Aadrano is too dangerous, and by staying here, I'm putting you all in danger. You all shouldn't have to deal with my problems."
"Sasha, if we didn't want to deal with your problems, we wouldn't have let you stay," Mikey said. "Listen, whatever Shredder wants, we can help you with it, ok? Don't give up hope on us just yet."
Sasha looked into his eyes, searching for a moment. She then gave a small smile and a nod. "Hope is my middle name."
Even though the turtles wanted to keep talking about Sasha's newfound memories, and the dangers of Aadrano working with the Shredder, Sasha refused to talk to them until her tea was finished. She needed time to think to herself, to try to sort things out with her memories.
Aadrano...that name stirred up all kinds of feelings within her. She felt a longing for him, like anyone would for a lost sibling, but she also felt a deep hatred as well. She remembered sitting around and talking with him while they waited for their next assignments. She remembered sitting and talking with Lucifer too, and the other angels that rebelled. They had all been such great friends...perhaps too great. Everyone had trusted Lucifer; everyone had loved him. So when he had started suggesting that maybe the Master wasn't the only one who should have all the power over the Universe, no one really disputed the idea. Except for Sasha. Sasha had always been close to Master, much closer than the rest of them. And Gabriel and Michael had been close to the Master as well, so when Lucifer started whispers of rebellion, they joined Sasha on the outskirts of the group, and finally left the group altogether, and Sasha followed with a heavy heart.
After the rebellion, the only time Sasha saw any of her old friends was when she was sent to put a stop to them. They had lost most of their power after being thrown from heaven, and so she could easily handle them. She shuddered as she remembered how many of her former friends she had run through with her saber. She pushed the thought away. She didn't want to think about it.
Instead, she turned her focus on Michelangelo, who was leaning against a counter, playing punch-for-punch with Raphael. The young turtle laughed and grinned as he and his brother horsed around. It made Sasha glad to see him so happy. If she were to ever fall in love, like humans did, he would be the type of person she would chose to fall in love with: happy, easy going, positive—something to combat all the dying she saw on a daily basis.
Dying...she grimaced at the thought. She had never complained about her job of releasing souls, but lately it had begun to weigh down on her. Sasha found herself actually longing for situation she had been in just minutes before, where she did not remember that she was an angel, but she thought she was just a normal person. She silently wished that she could become anything but the Angel of Death, and then quickly rebuked herself. Someone had to do her job. And just because it wrenched her heart every time she had to tell a little kid that they wouldn't see Mommy or Daddy again, or an elderly person that their grandchild would never know them—just because she nearly broke down crying every time something like that happened—it did not mean that Sasha had the right to throw in the towel. It simply meant that she had to suck it up, suppress her emotions, and concentrate solely on the task at hand. Forget about the people, Sasha, they're just humans, they have to die anyway.
"Sasha? Are you okay?" Donatello's voice seemed to reach Sasha's ears from far away, slowly pulling her back, away from her thoughts. As she surfaced, Donatello went on: "Nice one, Raphael. If she is an Angel, she's probably never used any type of pharmaceutical drug or other. That Valium you gave her probably sent her into shock."
"I'm fine," Sasha said, shaking her head briskly to clear it. "I was just thinking. What's up?"
"Do you remember anything else?" Leonardo asked, sitting down across the table from her.
"Besides every person I've seen die?" she asked, a slight tremor in her voice. The turtles all gave her confused and worried looks. She laughed. "Never mind. Besides releasing people's souls, I fight the Dark Angel and his demons. They're the ones I use my saber on. I've never killed a human with it, but I've killed plenty of demons."
"But still no memory of the Shredder or the Foot clan?" Leonardo asked.
Sasha thought for a moment, and then her eyes went wide. "The Foot Clan! I know that organization! I've released a lot of souls that they killed. But I still have no idea who Shredder is."
Leonardo frowned. "That tells us nothing. Are you sure you don't remember what the Shredder wants you to answer?" Sasha shook her head and he sighed. "Well, then we'll just have to stay on guard and hope you remember before Aadrano decides to take any action." He stood up and looked around the room. "I'll be in the dojo if anyone needs me."
The meeting broke up. Leonardo went to the dojo, Raphael went to watch TV, and Donatello disappeared into his lab. Sasha and Michelangelo were left in the kitchen to fend for themselves. Neither of them spoke for a while and simply enjoyed each other's company.
"Are you really an Angel, Sasha?"
The girl looked up at the ceiling. "Yeah, Mikey, I am."
"Do you like being an angel?" He walked over and sat down across the table from Sasha. Her eyes remained fixed on the ceiling.
"No," she said. "I don't like it." She turned her eyes to the young turtle across the table from her and gave him small, sad smile. "I'm the Angel with the most hellish job. I get to watch people die. Every death that has ever occurred I have witnessed. The ones I like best are the ones when the person is old and has lived a full life and is ready to die. I hate the ones when I have to take a child—they have so much to live for, but they can't. The worst ones though...those were the ones at Hiroshima and Nagasaki." She closed her eyes at the memory. "Most of those people, it took me along time to find their souls because their bodies had been vaporized. The others...it's horrifying what humans do to each other. Until this century, I could stand my job. I mean, at least the Black Plague wasn't used to kill a certain group of people, and a sword can only kill one person at a time. Humans weren't made to be vaporized or gassed. I wasn't made to deal with it. But I'm not going to quit. I'm not going to turn into another Lucifer—refusing the Master. I'm not going to be like my brother."
Michelangelo frowned. He reached over the table and placed a hand on her shoulder. She looked up into his eyes. "Listen, Sasha, it'll be alright, ok? You're stronger than them. You won't give up. I can see it in your eyes. And if things ever get really bad, you can always talk to someone."
Sasha gave a small smile at that. "The angel of Death asking for advice from a mortal. Yeah, like the others would ever let me live that down."
Mikey returned her smile, and reluctantly removed his hand from her shoulder. He was really beginning to like her.
"Hey, Mikey, what can you tell me about this Shredder person?"
"Nothing good." Michelangelo proceeded to tell her of his family's archenemy, the leader of the Foot Clan. All the while he talked, the frown on Sasha's face grew. After he finished, she was silent for a while, and sat staring up at the ceiling.
Finally, after almost twenty minutes, she turned her eyes back to Michelangelo. "I can't do this to you all," she said. "I can't stay here. Aadrano is too dangerous, and by staying here, I'm putting you all in danger. You all shouldn't have to deal with my problems."
"Sasha, if we didn't want to deal with your problems, we wouldn't have let you stay," Mikey said. "Listen, whatever Shredder wants, we can help you with it, ok? Don't give up hope on us just yet."
Sasha looked into his eyes, searching for a moment. She then gave a small smile and a nod. "Hope is my middle name."