Hey people. A warning: This is all about Keanu Reeves and how he needs some serious acting lessons. Anybody read MAD magazine? You'll see what I mean. I think they were actually being serious when they made up that part with him playing a tree as a kid and sucking. Anyway, I'm going to make fun of all of the movies, even though I liked the first one. ................................................................................................................................................
Acting Lessons?
Keanu: The computer is... (Whispered) line?
Director: JESUS CHRIST!! WE WENT THROUGH THIS AT LEAST TWENTY TIMES!! YOU STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY??
Keanu: You just ruined it! The whole scene is ruined AGAIN!
Director: (sighs) CUT!
...
Director: OK, take 10, aaaaaaaaand, ACTION!
Keanu: The computer is talking! It is saying 'Knock knock, Neo,'
(A knock knock breaks through his thoughts)
Keanu: Who could THAT be? (Puts finger to chin and looks up to the sky with a questioning look)
Director: CUT! Where the hell did that come from?
Keanu: What?
Director: That vacant look you just pulled.
Keanu: What vacant look I just pulled?
Director: (puts hands up in the stance of "I give up")
...
Director: OK, we are going to give this one last try. Take 20, aaaaaaaaand ACTION!
Keanu: (gets up, answers door) Hello! You wanted your (gasp) illegal program?
Director: (winces at the gasp, but does not say anything)
Guy At The Door (GATD): Yeah, you got it? I got your money.
Keanu: Wait a second (goes to his bookshelf, fiddles a bit with the books, and gets a program from his pocket)
GATD: Thanks man! You're a lifesaver, man. Hey, you wanna go with us (points to girlfriend, who is hanging off his neck) to a dance club?
Keanu: Sorry, I have... (Looks at the girl, and realizes she has a tattoo of a white rabbit on her shoulder. Keanu has always had a weakness for white bunnies) Bunny....bunny....
Director: (rolls eyes)
GATD: Sorry?
Keanu: Bunny!
GATD: Bunny?
Keanu: Bunny!
GATD: (gives him a seriously worried look) Are you coming?
Keanu: Bunny!
GATD: I'll take that as a yes.
...
Director: Don't go off the script TOO much this time, Keanu. Aaaaaaaaand ACTION!
Keanu: (stares blankly into space) (in dance club)
A Girl: Neo...Neo...The Matrix has you Neo...
Keanu: Huh?
A Girl: THE MATRIX HAS YOU.
Keanu: You were the person on my computer (OBVIOUS).
A Girl: Yes. You want many questions answered, don't you? (Comes closer)
Keanu: Who are you? And why can you read minds?
Trinity: My name is Trinity. I don't read minds.
Keanu: But...but...
Trinity: (whispers) Shut up! Look, I need you to come with me. We need to free your mind from the Matrix....
Keanu: (whistles idly) Yes?
Trinity: Good, good. (Takes arm, and drags off towards the door)
...
Director: Keanu, are you done reading your script?
Keanu: I'm still on the first sentence! Don't rush me!
Director: Too bad! Put it down and get on the stage.
Keanu: (puts down script reluctantly and gets in front of the camera)
Director: Aaaaaaaaand ACTION!
Keanu: Who's that dude in the black coat that looks like he's from the Mafia?
Trinity: That's Morpheus. He knows more than you could imagine...or wait...can you think at all, Neo?
Keanu: Not really.
Morpheus: That's beside the point. Do you want to know what the Matrix is, Neo?
Keanu: Uh...I'm not so sure...
Trinity: (adopts a man's voice) Why, yes I do Morpheus.
Morpheus: OK then, let's go!
...
Director: Keanu, in this scene you are supposed to do what?
Keanu: I am supposed to swallow a pill and touch a mirror.
Director: Good boy! Here, get the treat! (Throws a snack thing up in the air)
Keanu: Yummy! (Catches the treat and eats)
Director: Aaaaaaaaand ACTION!
Morpheus: Do you want to get out of Wonderland Neo? Or do you want to follow the white rabbit?
Keanu: Bunny! Ahem, I mean, I choose to know what the Matrix is.
Morpheus: Here, swallow this pill. (Holds out red pill)
Keanu: (swallows pill) (winces at taste)
Morpheus: Come.
Keanu: (follows)
Morpheus: (whispers) Touch the mirror!
Keanu: (Touches mirror, it breaks more) Hey! It's supposed to be pretty!
Morpheus: (brings out wand, waves it, and it fixes) You fixed the mirror, not me, remember that. You did that because you are The One. Now touch it again.
Keanu: (touches) Ewww! Silver is going up my arm!
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real?
Keanu: ARGGGGGH!!!
Morpheus: Good, that means you are The One.
Keanu: Neck is cold...silver stuff up neck...COLD... (Goes to the machine world thing)
........................................................................................................
There's a part of it. What'd you think? Good or bad? Fire welcome, because I honestly do not care.-Hunter-Green
Acting Lessons?
Keanu: The computer is... (Whispered) line?
Director: JESUS CHRIST!! WE WENT THROUGH THIS AT LEAST TWENTY TIMES!! YOU STILL HAVE NO IDEA WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO SAY??
Keanu: You just ruined it! The whole scene is ruined AGAIN!
Director: (sighs) CUT!
...
Director: OK, take 10, aaaaaaaaand, ACTION!
Keanu: The computer is talking! It is saying 'Knock knock, Neo,'
(A knock knock breaks through his thoughts)
Keanu: Who could THAT be? (Puts finger to chin and looks up to the sky with a questioning look)
Director: CUT! Where the hell did that come from?
Keanu: What?
Director: That vacant look you just pulled.
Keanu: What vacant look I just pulled?
Director: (puts hands up in the stance of "I give up")
...
Director: OK, we are going to give this one last try. Take 20, aaaaaaaaand ACTION!
Keanu: (gets up, answers door) Hello! You wanted your (gasp) illegal program?
Director: (winces at the gasp, but does not say anything)
Guy At The Door (GATD): Yeah, you got it? I got your money.
Keanu: Wait a second (goes to his bookshelf, fiddles a bit with the books, and gets a program from his pocket)
GATD: Thanks man! You're a lifesaver, man. Hey, you wanna go with us (points to girlfriend, who is hanging off his neck) to a dance club?
Keanu: Sorry, I have... (Looks at the girl, and realizes she has a tattoo of a white rabbit on her shoulder. Keanu has always had a weakness for white bunnies) Bunny....bunny....
Director: (rolls eyes)
GATD: Sorry?
Keanu: Bunny!
GATD: Bunny?
Keanu: Bunny!
GATD: (gives him a seriously worried look) Are you coming?
Keanu: Bunny!
GATD: I'll take that as a yes.
...
Director: Don't go off the script TOO much this time, Keanu. Aaaaaaaaand ACTION!
Keanu: (stares blankly into space) (in dance club)
A Girl: Neo...Neo...The Matrix has you Neo...
Keanu: Huh?
A Girl: THE MATRIX HAS YOU.
Keanu: You were the person on my computer (OBVIOUS).
A Girl: Yes. You want many questions answered, don't you? (Comes closer)
Keanu: Who are you? And why can you read minds?
Trinity: My name is Trinity. I don't read minds.
Keanu: But...but...
Trinity: (whispers) Shut up! Look, I need you to come with me. We need to free your mind from the Matrix....
Keanu: (whistles idly) Yes?
Trinity: Good, good. (Takes arm, and drags off towards the door)
...
Director: Keanu, are you done reading your script?
Keanu: I'm still on the first sentence! Don't rush me!
Director: Too bad! Put it down and get on the stage.
Keanu: (puts down script reluctantly and gets in front of the camera)
Director: Aaaaaaaaand ACTION!
Keanu: Who's that dude in the black coat that looks like he's from the Mafia?
Trinity: That's Morpheus. He knows more than you could imagine...or wait...can you think at all, Neo?
Keanu: Not really.
Morpheus: That's beside the point. Do you want to know what the Matrix is, Neo?
Keanu: Uh...I'm not so sure...
Trinity: (adopts a man's voice) Why, yes I do Morpheus.
Morpheus: OK then, let's go!
...
Director: Keanu, in this scene you are supposed to do what?
Keanu: I am supposed to swallow a pill and touch a mirror.
Director: Good boy! Here, get the treat! (Throws a snack thing up in the air)
Keanu: Yummy! (Catches the treat and eats)
Director: Aaaaaaaaand ACTION!
Morpheus: Do you want to get out of Wonderland Neo? Or do you want to follow the white rabbit?
Keanu: Bunny! Ahem, I mean, I choose to know what the Matrix is.
Morpheus: Here, swallow this pill. (Holds out red pill)
Keanu: (swallows pill) (winces at taste)
Morpheus: Come.
Keanu: (follows)
Morpheus: (whispers) Touch the mirror!
Keanu: (Touches mirror, it breaks more) Hey! It's supposed to be pretty!
Morpheus: (brings out wand, waves it, and it fixes) You fixed the mirror, not me, remember that. You did that because you are The One. Now touch it again.
Keanu: (touches) Ewww! Silver is going up my arm!
Morpheus: Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real?
Keanu: ARGGGGGH!!!
Morpheus: Good, that means you are The One.
Keanu: Neck is cold...silver stuff up neck...COLD... (Goes to the machine world thing)
........................................................................................................
There's a part of it. What'd you think? Good or bad? Fire welcome, because I honestly do not care.-Hunter-Green