Chapter three

            A glance at the clock told me that it was time to head over to Claudia's for the BSC meeting. I sighed and stood up and stretched . As I ran a brush through my wavy hair I carefully inspected my appearance. It was odd I knew I ddin't look any different but I felt so different , and I couldn't pinpoint how I felt different. Older maybe?

No.

I just felt like I knew more? I had experienced something I never had before and honestly as I though more and more about it the more I wanted to relive the feelings and emotions. I felt bad that I had cheated on Logan. The last thing iw anted to do was hurt him But I felt like what had happened with Sam was somehow right. That it was right that it was him.

Whatever I really didn't have time to analyze anymore. Maybe just maybe a heart to heart with my friends would help.

It took a few minutes to walk over to Claudia's. I arrived and let myself in calling out a hello to Janine whom was apparently home for the weekend from Yale. I clattered up the stairs to Claud's room relieved that I wasn't the last person there. I had enough going on then to have to deal with a Kristy punctuality lecture.

"Stacey I'm glad you're here"

Mary Anne smiled softly as she patted the spot beside her on the bed "Is everything all right? I saw Logan after school and he said that you'd skipped out on cheerleading. We were wondering if you'd make it here."

 I smiled a tight smile prepared to brush off the concern showing on her face, but I couldn't do it.i n about 2 seconds I found myself breaking down in tears. With Mary Anne's comforting arm across my shoulder  I sobbed openly. From the gasps of surprise I heard around the room I knew my friends were surprised at my outburst and, the following silence told me they were at a loss for what to do.

"What's wrong Stace? Is it you're dad? , Mom ? Are you getting sick again?" Claudia asked worriedly as she hurried to my side.

I took some deep breaths not believing that I had just broke down like that. I sat up and slowly wiped my eyes offering a weak smile to the girls.

"I'm sorry guys" I paused taking a deep breath "I've been walking around avoiding people all day and Mary Anne was just the first to ask. I'm dying to tell you guys what's going on, I need help , and opinions and to share this but…" I paused looking around I looked down at my hands to steady myself.

"I'm afraid of what you'll think"

"Whatever it is Stacey ," Dawn started to say "We won't judge" a glance at the others in the room confirmed that they agreed with Dawn.  I softly said what I needed to say.

"isleptwithsomeone……"

"What?" Kristy asked "We can't hear you, plus you're mumbling" Leave it to Kristy to forget tact.

I knew the girls wouldn't judge the fact that I'd had sex, with the exception of Jessi , Mal and Kristy they all had. But they would judge what I did to Logan. There's was no getting around that.

"Promise you guys won't tell anyone I told you this..anyone at all?"

"Promise" Claudia said and, it was echoed by the others.

"Promise that you won't hate me?"

"Oh Stace we could never hate you" Mary Anne stated the concern filling her voice again.

"Ok, I'm not a virgin anymore"

"That's great for you and Logan " Mary Anne began…"why would we hate you?"

Uh oh. I though here's the tough part…."It wasn't with Logan?"

"What?!" was exclaimed through out the room , Jessi and Mal looked like they were watching a soap opera unfold , Mary Anne looked stricken , Claudia and Dawn looked curious and, Kristy looked like she  was thinking.

"Who?" Dawn managed to squeak out.

Several moments of silence followed. I hesitated to Speak and could feel th tears start to well up again.

Quietly and deliberately Kristy started to speak. "It was Sam wasn't it?"

I nodded looking everywhere but in her eyes. "How'd you guess?" I felt the tears start to slip down again as I awaited to reactions of those in the room.

"Oh Stace " She exclaimed . her voice slightly more emotional than usual. "He came home when Charlie and I were eating breakfastt and Charlie started to tease him about not coming home last night. He was saying that Sam had probably hooked up with some random girl to "get some". Sam got all red and mad at Charlie saying that he'd spent the night with the only girl who would ever mean anything and, that Charlie needed to watch what he said" she shrugged. "I just put it together."

I was relieved that it had apparently meant something to Sam but, that made me all the more confused.  I jeard sniffling beside me and knew Mary Anne had turned on the waterworks. Sure enough I saw the tears slipping down her face as she tried to stop them.

"I'm sorry Stacey" she choked out 'It's not that I'm judging but I can only imagine how Logan will take this. You are going to tell him right?"

Leave it to Mary Anne to state what I didn't want to even think about.

I shrugged staring at the bedspread

"I guess I have too but things are so great with him"

Dawn spoke up softly

 "Things couldn't have been that great if you slept with Sam"

She had raised a valid point . Yet another I didn't want to think about Sam had held a special place in my heart since I was 13. In a way I think that had something to do with what happened. Jessi , mal and Claudia had all yet to venture and opinion when the phone started to ring. Ever the businesswoman Kristy shifted into president mode. We conducted out 30 minute meeting non-stop. Afterwards we all sat around not wanting to leave. And not knowing what to say. I finally stood up and looked around meeting everyone's gazes straight on.

"I'm not sure if I made a mistake or not" I started letting the pent up tears once again flow "But if I did I know I need ot own up to it. I also need to work through part of it on my own. I'll call you guys ok?"

All stood to offer me a hug before leaving which I gratefully accepted. Claudia whispered a soft "call me if you need anything" before I left. As I headed home I was sure of a few things: 1. These girl would be there for me no matter what.2. I needed to talk with Logan and with Sam soon and,3 I needed to figure out what I wanted before I talked to either one.