Work of fanfiction
The first rule of…
"I am Kenshin Himura."
"Kaoru Kamiya."
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The girl looked him up and down. "So you're the sarcastic ass all the girls complain about. I must admit, I would have never thought it was you."
Kenshin bowed theatrically. "Sarcastic bastard, first class, Kenshin Himura, at your service. And, I'm sorry, but should I know you?"
Sano rested his head on his arms, which he had placed on Kenshin's head. "She transferred into our school at the beginning of the year. Two weeks."
"Sano, off." He tapped his chin. "Well, Ms. Kamiya, you are a record holder. Normally I won't talk to a new student for at least two months. You win some pocket lint. But as I am wearing hakama, you will have to wait on that."
She laughed. "And what, pray tell, is the record for longest time spent without speaking."
Sano's eyes lit up. "Yumi. Two years, two weeks. She was in our first homeroom class. Kenshin has still not said a word to her."
Kaoru's eyebrows went up. "Are you really that anti-social?"
"No, I just hate sluts. And she's absolutely whore-ible."
She groaned good-naturedly. "Oh! That's really bad!" She laughed.
Sano looked over at Kenshin with a huge grin on his face. "Not bad looking, reacts in all the correct ways to your humor, a martial artist to boot…Kenshin, I think we've found you a girlfriend."
"Shut it Sano or I tell her how you used to like Yumi." He smirked. "Oh, whoops, how did that slip out?" Kaoru was cracking up, bent double over her arms.
Sano got a hurt look on his face. "Low blow, Kenshin." His face suddenly brightened. "But great delivery. I concede. The winner, and still champion, is Kenshin Himura, sarcastic bastard, first class."
While Kaoru calmed down, Kenshin took a look around. The small boy that had come in behind Kaoru was talking to Aoshi and Hyottoko, showing them something in his fist. Saitou glared at them. "Well, are you two going to fight? Or do I have to kick you out?"
Kenshin was beginning to like this place. "We'll fight. Will you lend her your iaito?" Kaoru straightened up and held out her hand. Saitou handed over the blunted sword and stood back.
"Go at it!"
Kaoru, having her sword already drawn, lunged at Kenshin, who countered with a battoujutsu that Kaoru barely blocked. Even with the block, the force of the blow was enough to throw her back a couple of feet. Kenshin held his sword out in front of him one-handed, urging her to attack. She obliged with a powerful two-handed blow towards his head. He parried it to the side, slamming his blade into her stomach. She coughed, then came at him again, recovering so quickly that Kenshin was caught by surprise, her blade slashing across his ribs. Pain blossomed along the line of the stroke, making Kenshin gasp involuntarily. He attacked again, hitting her legs, before her sword slammed into his shoulder. Soon they had both forgot about blocking, about dodging, their only concern was attacking one another. They were pouring out all their tension upon the other person, lost in the fight. Somehow, their bodies had enough sense to only hit in places that were covered by clothing. After all, they didn't want someone inquiring about the source of the wounds. It was glorious! And, all too soon, it was over. Kaoru's sword dropped from her grip, and she slumped towards the floor. Kenshin snapped out of it, catching the girl before she hit the ground.
As Kenshin kneeled with the girl in his arms, he gazed in wonderment, at the club. It was a separate world, a Cloud 9 that required no drugs, just four simple rules. Rule 1: You do not talk about fight club. Rule 2: You do not talk about fight club. Rule 3: You do not talk about fight club. Rule 4: If this is your first night at fight club, you have to fight. Suddenly, Kenshin knew, no matter what happened at school, it didn't matter. He had fight club. Saitou walked up behind him, taking a drag on his cigarette. The tall man smirked. "So, Mr. Himura, I gather we will be seeing you again?"
Kenshin looked up at the greasy-haired man. "Oh, FUCK yes."
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Kenshin winced as he walked through the halls, his hip grating slightly inside its joint. Just get to the room Kenshin-my-boy. Then you can sit down and relax.
"Hey sarcastic asshole," came a fairly good-natured voice from behind him.
That voice sounds familiar. Have I beat you up before? Kenshin put on a mobile "Jack Sparrow" expression and spun around, imitating the half-drunken movement of a fictional Disney pirate captain. "Sarcastic bastard, as it were, Miss Kamiya."
Bingo. Kaoru burst into laughter, bending over and clutching at her ribs. She pointed a finger at him. "Not fair. That hurts."
Kenshin started singing. "We're kenkaku, and iceblocks, and greasy-haired twits. Swing hard, baka-deshi, ki-yah! We thrust and we slash, and we jump across roofs. Swing hard, baka-deshi, ki-yah! Ki-yah, ki-yah, a martial artist's life for me. Ki-yah, ki-yah, a martial artist's life for me."
Kaoru was laughing so hard that she had to grab onto Kenshin's shoulders for support. Kenshin chuckled as he grinned down at the raven-haired girl.
Rather unfortunately, this was when Sano showed up. "Wow Kenshin, you're a smooth operator. Already got her hanging off of you." This observation was met with a pair of fists. Sano fell backwards, groaning. "Orrro."
Kenshin glared down at him. "Hey! That's my word! You owe me fifty bucks for use of the word 'oro'!" Kenshin rubbed his fist. "Do you want me to punch you again?"
Sano opened his eyes to see Kenshin and Kaoru glaring down at him. "Yipe!"
"Stupid rooster-headed, thick-skulled imbecile! Do you have a death wish or something?"
"For the death of others, yes."
"Right-o, Black Mage. No time for a stab-fest now," smirked Kenshin.
Kaoru looked over at the red-haired boy. "He even smells as bad as described."
Kenshin smiled back. "Yeah, but he's out of costume."
Kaoru chuckled. "How bout it, Sano? Up for a Hadoken?"
Sano groaned. "The punches knocked my Level 9 spell slot for a loop. Nope."
Kenshin reached down and pulled his taller friend up. "Well, let's get to class, boring as it is." The trio walked off towards class, hissing and wincing at twinges of pain from the night before.
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A/N: Well, we're on our way. Next chapter, we'll have some more in-school action, and possibly another visit to the club, with a nice long fight scene or two. Perhaps some romantic tension, and as always, more sarcasm that your yearly recommended allowance for a 20,000 calorie-a-day diet. And as for the last few jokes, read the webcomic "8-bit theater".