John just smiled and waited for me to start. He knew this was going to be difficult. I set my hands on his shoulders and looked in his eyes.
"I know everything isn't my fault, but I was always told that it was and the repetition just made it stick. I automatically blame myself even when logically there is no way it could be my fault. John, I trust you way more than I trust anyone else. I've just never realized it until this incident brought me here, to your care. I wish everything was going to be okay, but there is no guarantee and there never is. You are the one thing constant in my life. I need you to help me and I'm always going to depend on you."
I kissed him lightly, mostly to keep myself from crying again. I never cried as much as I had the past few days.
"I have demons in my past and obstacles in my future, but I know you can help me. Please, John, I need you."
"I'll always be here for you," he replied when he was sure I was finished. "Always."
"You make me whole," I admitted. "I don't even want to think about where I'd be without you."
John smiled and started stroking one of my hips absently, "Then don't."
I rocked into his touch instinctively. "I don't ever want to be without you."
"I know," he told me calmly. "I feel the same way. I just- you have to remember your promise now, you hear me?"
I nodded. I was really rocking against him now. "It'll probably kill me though."
John just kissed my forehead.
"So where do we go from here?" I asked cautiously.
"I was thinking that I'd take you into the bedroom and prove to you that I love you," he leered. We both knew that he had nothing to prove, but neither of us were going to complain either.
"Just do me here," I pleaded, grinding against his hand and hip.
"No," he grated, stilling my motions. "We're going to the bed and we're going to do this right."
I smiled and climbed off him. John rose to his feet and ushered me back into his room. I settled on the bed and watched him climb on top of me. He kissed me. It was gentle yet purely possessive. He slipped his hand down to my thighs. I tensed in instinctive fear.
"Berto?" he pressed gently. I looked up at him. "I could never hurt you."
"I know," I whispered.
"Then. . ." He idly traced his fingertip over my thigh.
I relaxed into his touch. "Instincts overriding rationalities."
He smiled the way he always did when I used big words. It wasn't that he didn't understand; it was that he hated it but loved that I used it against him. He placed another warm kiss on my lips before continuing his ministrations.
"This time it's gonna really mean something," he promised.
"It always does," I smiled.
He stroked the skin around the bandage on my side. "Aye, that's true too."
I tilted my head asking for a kiss. John leaned up and kissed my forehead teasingly. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. Then I set to marking his neck for all to see.
"God-" he muttered.
I let him up and looked at the dark bruise. "No one else can have you now."
"I wouldn't do that to you. Now, are you ready to get some action?"
"I'm sure you are," I teased.
"It's because I'm near you," he amended, sinking back down to concentrate on my stomach again.
"Do you ever take the blame, Sparky?"
"I would if it really was my fault. . ." The rest of his words were lost in my boxers.
After that, I got lost in the sensations and feelings emitting from my lover. The only thing I knew for sure was that John was mine and I was his. It was definitely going to be a good night.
A bit later, I lay still as I caught my breath again. John rolled over and looked at me. I smiled up at him. He noted my heartbeat before settling down next to me, "Are you going to be okay, Sunny?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Just give me a minute, Sparky."
"I'm still not used to having someone have to recover," he put in, playing with my sweaty hair.
"I'm still not used to that," I replied, looking at him with drowsy eyes. John smiled. He knew that he was my first male lover and my first significant other to ever make it anywhere near this stage of a relationship.
John pulled me against him; "I never want to lose you... to anyone."
I relaxed in his grip, genuinely feeling safe. "I never want to be without you."
"Get some sleep, kid."
"I'm not tired."
John snorted, "Bullshit."
"But-"
"If you have anymore nightmares, stay in them as long as you can." He set his cheek against the back of my neck. "Feel free to wake me up, OK? I'll be fine to sit with you for a while."
"Sure."
"Good."
John pulled the sheet up to our waists before spooning around me. He wrapped his top arm around my waist.
"Relax, Berto. I won't let anything happen to you."
The sincerity in his voice and the fact that he called me by my name were the only reasons I could relax. He pressed a kiss against the base of my neck as a reward. His other hand tangled into my hair.
"John?"
"Yeah, kid?"
I almost admitted that I loved him, but fear overcame all reason. "Nothing."
"OK. Go to sleep now."
I sighed to myself before allowing my eyes to slip shut. Sleep quickly came to me.
I startled back to awareness sometime later as a dream abruptly came to an end. I tried to catch my breath and lower my heart rate, but the images just kept playing across my memory. I was glad to feel John's arms wrapped tightly around my waist in a protective, caring manner. I found myself relaxing into the bed as I realized that once again I was safe.
I resisted the automatic shudder as the dream flickered across my memory again. John had left at Magneto's beckoning just like the first time, but something was different this time. He had returned to save me from all of my assailants. He'd come back and together we had managed to get away with only minor injuries. I suppressed a truly happy smile.
I felt oddly reassured at the dream and the warm body I could feel pressed against my back. I settled against him even more as I realized that everything was really going to be okay.
If I had thought to turn around, I would've noticed that he was awake and watching me. He'd awaken when I started struggling in my sleep but simply had wrapped his arms around my waist to keep it from getting worse. He'd known all along that I would need his touch the most if I was going to get out of that nightmare. He watched me and wondered if I was going to look at him.
I never even thought to turn around. For all I knew, my lover was still asleep. I let my eyes drift shut, content with the way things were. As drowsiness began to override my senses again, I whispered those three little words that had often caused me so many problems:
"I love you."
TBC