My dreams are filled of blue skies, endless sunlight, cleansing winds, and faceless love. The only time I'm happy is when I sleep. My biggest fear is waking up and having to face the real world and my unpleasantly true life. I tend to sit alone on the windowsill and watch the seasons float by. Spring bursts into Summer; Summer gets swept into Fall; Fall unwillingly gets seduced by Winter; Winter melts back into Spring. Every day I watch these changes happen as I get left behind. Running to keep up, I only trip and fall and lag. Constantly…longingly…waiting for that subtle hand to pick me up and help me continue my struggle and journey.

            It's lovely, isn't it? The sky. The sea. The rain. The ice. The wind. The snow. All cold; all blue. All the signals of life's never-ending and boring cycle. People associate rain with gloom. I love gloom. I've grown to enjoy its presence. The heavy and lonesome burden of painful sadness. My eyes mark my burden. The deepest shade of blue, like the very center of the deepest ocean.

            My hair is an uncomfortable shade of flamed orange. Bright means happiness, which I have none of, so why this exotic mat of fire? Why couldn't I have the color of my sister's? A violent yet brilliant tone of indigo. I tend to find myself growing green with envy.

            My sisters. Not only do they spark my jealousy, but also my rage. They have been blessed with all I've hoped for. It has taken me fifteen years to realize that I've been wishing on their star and not my own. As I sit by my window, I watch them take everything from me with one wave of their manicured hands. They just don't heed it. They don't care.

            Every once in a while, more often then I would like, the strong odor of hair spray, perfume, and cosmetics float down the hall and squeeze their way through the cracks in my door. The buzz of the hair dryer interrupts my thoughts. Eventually, I can hear a car pull up the gravel driveway and the opening and closing of the front door. My sister's shrill giggles echo throughout the main hall before being shut out by her exit. Another date was successfully on its way.

            I get up from my desk chair and go sit by the window. The dark haired boy helps my sister into the passenger seat before getting in on his side and backing out of the driveway, then zooming down the street. More would be on the way to retrieve the other two sisters.

            I can't help but think that I have been deprived. Can you blame me? My eldest sister, Daisy, says I am too young. I think she's too old, bordering on twenty-two. The second one, Violet; with the hair I desire so much, says it is my own fault. I can almost bring myself to agree. Lily, only two years older than me just laughs in my face. I fear she is my greatest enemy.

            It's true. My strongest hope has been the warm and solid embrace of a man. I want to sit on his lap as he wraps his long arms around me. I want to fall asleep  to the therapeutic aroma of his cologne and him to give my forehead a kiss goodnight. I secretly hunger for the feeling and knowledge of being wanted and cared for. And, possibly…do I dare say? I long to be missed when my spot is not filled.

            Once again, right around six o'clock in the evening, I have the house to myself. All three of my sisters are off on their dates having fun while they laugh, giggle, flirt, and drain another man's wallet. I leave my room and head down to the kitchen for a bite to eat in pure silence. I get to the bottom of the stairs and look in the small mirror hanging on the wall. I had forgotten to brush my hair this morning. I sigh and continue my walk to the kitchen.

            Sitting on the counter was a small note attached to some money. I pick up the note and gaze upon Violet's handwriting which explained about the extra change.

            "She wants me to order out." I say to myself. My voice was raspy…I hadn't used it in a long time.

            I pick up the phone and call into the local take-out restaurant. The bell tone signals twice before I get an answer.

            "Thank you for calling, what may I do for you?"

            I clear my throat. "I'd like to place an order for delivery."

            "Yes, sir! May I have your address?" The person replied.

            I sigh. "645 Watercrest. And it's Ma'am."

            I could hear the person coughing on the other line. "I'm sorry, Miss! What may I get for you today?"

            "I'll have the Unagi Top Raman special. Could you possibly go light on the leeks?"

            "Certainly, Madam. Would you like anything else with that?"

            "No thanks, that's enough. Bye."

            "Have a good night, Ma'am."

            I put down the phone and put the money into my jeans pocket. I imagine what type of food my sister's are eating tonight for dinner. A gourmet meal at some fancy place with spectacular fruit desserts and cakes. I'm not complaining about the food I'm getting, no. They get to eat in wonderful company. I get the television set. 

            I go to the bathroom and decide to comb my hair out for the delivery person. I don't want them to think I'm some animal, even though I know I have no chance getting their attention. They'll just collect their money and leave. I straighten my yellow t-shirt so it doesn't show my pale midriff. Ogling over my scrawny body I sigh once more and realize that Violet was right. It is my own fault that I so miserable and alone like this. Just look at me. I'm horrible to look at. I walk away from the mirror and choose to give the delivery person a large tip for just having to see such a creature.