Warning? What warning? *innocent look* Seriously, all there is here is a teeny bit of shounen-ai and some Shakespearean confusion. You'll see. =^_~=

Disclaimer: I wrote a letter to Santa Claus and asked for a set of five Gundam pilots for Christmas. He wrote back sending me a 200-page "booklet" on copyright laws and infringement suits, and said there was nothing he could do about it and how would I like a nice Gamecube instead? I'm currently thinking it over...

~~~~~~~~~~

Episode Thirty-One: Comfort and Joy

"For aught that I could ever read, could ever hear by tale or history, the course of true love never did run smooth." ~Lysander, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"

December 25th, 1901

The bells rang out on Christmas morning, chiming out their message of joy from all corners of London, and dragging the sleepy-eyed from their dreams of making merry among thousands of twinkling lights. Every one of Bridlewood's residents wore their Sunday best to attend morning mass, and were easily the classiest-looking group in the whole cathedral. The traditional sermon of peace on Earth and goodwill toward men was well-received by the cheery crowd, and after the service full of bells, choirs and carols, they poured back out into the cold city, warming up from the inside out.

Within minutes, there was a bustling knot of people in felt hats and fur-lined coats milling around on the snow-covered front lawn of the church, nearly two hundred in all. Relena placed herself strategically in the centre of it where she could greet as many well-wishers as possible, while Treize and Otto hung back a bit, preferring to guard her from a distance.

Fidgeting out of boredom, Treize took out his wallet and checked something inside, as if suspecting one of the faithful parishioners might be capable of picking his pocket. "Still there..." he muttered to himself.

Otto noted his odd behaviour and leaned over to whisper in his ear. "What's still there?"

Treize maintained his best stone face despite his high level of aggravation. "That braided brat's settlement money. His solicitor insisted that I bring it with me this morning, so I can only assume we're driving straight to his office next."

The two men fell silent and let their eyes glaze over as the mob of merry ladies exchanged friendly kisses and holiday hugs, until a lightning bolt of brown and black parted the waves and streaked towards its tall, auburn-haired target. Treize suppressed a groan as the much-hated pest bounced up to him wearing a smug smile.

"Did you bring it?" Duo asked.

"Of course," Treize said, looking away proudly.

"Perfect! Come on!" The boy grabbed Treize by the arm and pulled him away from Otto with surprising strength. Even more surprising was the Count's lack of resistance, but he was caught entirely off-guard as Duo dragged him to a clearing populated by a handful of men in middle-class suits. They all seemed to be waiting for Duo, and there was even a camera set up on a tripod. Quite the reception.

"...what's this?" Treize asked defensively, shying away from the camera.

"This is an auspicious occasion, isn't it?" Duo whispered back to him. "Thought I'd invite a few interested individuals to witness you forking over that king's ransom, mostly the press." He smiled and poked Treize in the ribs. "Wouldn't want you skipping out with the money and having it splashed all over the newspapers, now would we?"

Treize snarled as the boy sauntered over to greet the pack of reporters, and just as he thought he couldn't stand any more self-important children showing him up, he caught a glimpse of Heero standing behind them all, smirking slightly. The Count seethed.

"Right, gentlemen," a thirty-ish reporter said in a pleasant but commanding voice, "we'd all like to get home before the turkey cools, so let's look lively! Mr. Maxwell, I'd like you standing over here, and Father Dobbins, if you could stand next to him...lovely!" As the first man arranged a tidy photograph with the church in the background, a second led Treize to stand next to Duo, on the opposite side from a tall, portly, bearded man with white hair, wearing a priest's collar.

Out of nowhere, Mr. Marlowe, the Peacecraft family solicitor and overseer of Duo's lawsuit, stepped forward and tried unsuccessfully to coax a smile out of Treize. "We can wrap this up in a few minutes, sir, provided you've brought the settlement money as instructed."

Keeping his eyes fixed like death rays on Duo's smiling face, Treize took out his wallet a second time and produced a cheque. Marlowe and the reporters watched carefully as he handed it over to the boy, who inspected it with the fastidious care of a well-practised accountant.

"Swiss francs, eh?" Duo said with a grin. "Interesting..." Not looking the least bit surprised, for he knew Treize had no money banked anywhere in England, Duo reached into his own pocket and took out a slip of paper with dozens of sets of numbers scribbled on it. He looked back and forth between the paper and the cheque, calculating out loud. "So, that'd be...times sixteen and a half...divided by...and carry the seven...fifty-one pounds, eight shillings. Goodness me, you overpaid!" The grin grew, after a comic gasp, and he turned to address the reporters. "But I'm sure the Count won't mind the added expense since this money is going straight to the orphans of St. Basil's."

"Quite right!" the first reporter chimed in. "You don't mind that a bit, do you, sir?" They all stared at Treize.

Fighting a burning sensation on the back of his neck, the Count shook his head. "I'd be only....too happy."

The reporters scribbled in their notebooks, and the lead man began barking out directions again. "Now for this shot, I want you, Mr. Maxwell, shaking the hand of Father Dobbins with your right hand, and giving him the cheque with your left. We'll let the banks deal with the currencies later...Father, if you could move in a little bit...and Count, er...Kushrenda, if you could just slot yourself into the background somewhere...that's fine. Hold that pose!" Tiny snowflakes were gently falling, and sat picturesquely on everyone's head except the Count's, as he was boiling over with rage and melted all snow within an inch of his reddening face.

"Don't worry about your math," Duo whispered to him with a smirk. "I had a rough time figuring out exchange rates when I started out, too. You'll get it eventually."

"And, smile please!"

Duo and Father Dobbins smiled for the camera. Treize stormed off, and no one seemed to miss him. He skirted around the crowd, who had taken quite an interest in the photo session, and returned to the only friendly piece of territory around for miles, next to Otto. The house steward peeked at Treize from under his old top hat with a surprised face.

"Everyone's saying he's donated the money to the orphanage he grew up in," Otto said. "That's rather sporting of him, don't you think? Fifty pounds is a lot of money."

Treize stared straight ahead. "Fifty-one pounds, eight shillings."

"You overpaid him? Why would you do a fool thing like that?"

".........shut up, Otto." And then he stormed off again.

**********

Once the family was settled back in the house and had warmed themselves with a cup of hot cocoa, preparations began for their traditional Christmas feast. It was a practice peculiar to the Peacecraft family for many years that the entire household, staff included, would dine together in the ballroom and discuss how to decorate it for the annual gala that evening. A magnificent nine-foot tall Christmas tree had been set up and adorned in the ballroom the night before, and Relena was certain that it was the finest specimen of greenery to be found in the whole neighbourhood, but there was still much to be done.

Half of the staff were helping Duo set up a long table and chairs, glassware, silverware and plates for the midday meal, while the other half were bringing down boxes of decorations from the attic, and of course, the family themselves were lounging in the parlour, so at first, nobody answered the unexpected doorbell. It rang three or four times before Bethany happened to notice as she was racing around with boxes of garlands, and she made a detour to answer it. Standing on the front step and looking very anxious was a young man in a forest green frock coat and tan trousers, with a lustrous lion's mane of tawny brown hair, a small, wrapped box in one hand, and his green top hat in the other.

"How d'you do?" he greeted her in a posh but relaxed voice. "I've come to make my apologies to her Ladyship, but my uncle's sudden illness prevents me from attending her party this evening." The lad's eyes were a shining, multi-hued hazel that betrayed disappointment and worry despite his cordial half-smile.

"Yes, sir," Bethany said, "shall I fetch her to the door?"

The young man was about to say 'yes please' when a white-haired gentleman with thick sideburns poked his head out of a carriage parked by the side of the road and shouted to him. "Marcus! Enough o' yer blatherin', get back in the coach! We've got a schedule t'keep!"

"Coming, Grandfather!" the young man called over his shoulder. Feeling pressed for time, he held the little box out to Bethany, looking most apologetic. "Please...see that her Ladyship receives this. My uncle is the Earl of Chichester, if she has any difficulty remembering me...we danced together at the fancy dress ball, her and I."

"Marcus!"

Bethany took the box from the lad, whom she judged to be no more than eighteen, and acknowledged his hurried, desperate look with a quick nod. Young Marcus thanked her and dashed back to the waiting carriage, a very fine one, even compared to Relena's. Bethany shut the door and went straight to the ballroom, turning the little box over in her hands and admiring the ornate red and green paper. She picked an empty bough on the Christmas tree and delicately balanced the box on its stiff green needles, then went back to work. On the bough right next to that one was another little box, surprisingly similar in size, shape, and appearance.

Since all the humans were very busy with human activities, the animals of the family were feeling a little neglected, and hence, a little bored. Shadow dealt with this in a very mature manner by hanging around the kitchen, watching the people scurry back and forth, and waiting for them to drop scraps of food. Anna Maria and Frederick, however, took the more juvenile route to end their ennui, and had a fight.

It was unclear where and when it started, but a white and tan ball of hissing, spitting, growling fur bounced around the halls, scrambled into the ballroom, ,and sped directly for the Christmas tree. Trowa and Elsie were in the vicinity and spotted the blur as they were setting up candles on the temporary dinner table, but were too slow to avoid a minor catastrophe when Anna Maria took a flying leap into the tree. Presents fell from the shaking branches as the fluffy white cat burrowed deeply into the green boughs, trying to escape the barking terrier below. Elsie dropped what she was doing and ran over to intervene; Trowa followed close behind and crouched down next to Frederick, holding him back while Elsie bravely extracted the manic cat from the tree.

"Blimey! Wot's got into these two!?" she whined. "'Ere, put 'em in sep'rate rooms while I clean this mess up." She gave Anna Maria to Trowa and set about fixing the disorder the animals caused.

Trowa tucked Anna Maria under one arm and Frederick under the other, while they flattened their ears and snarled. He carried them out, talking in gentle tones and trying to emote a feeling of tranquillity to them. "Now, calm down...this is the season of goodwill, and that means no biting..."

Meanwhile, Elsie reassembled the gifts and decorations fairly quickly, but found she had two left over. Two small boxes, about the same size, about the same shape, with nearly identical wrapping paper. On the floor were two gift tags, both addressed to Relena, one from Heero and one with a name Elsie didn't recognize. It was impossible to tell which tag had fallen off which gift. Impasse.

After a little thought, Elsie decided that, since she had a fifty-fifty chance of getting it right, and since both gifts were destined for the same person anyway, it didn't much matter which gift bore which sender's name. She assigned a random tag to each box, put them back on the tree, and went about her business.

**********

Lord Peacecraft began many Christmas traditions at Bridlewood, ones that Relena was determined to uphold. One was that instead of the family and servants eating not only in separate rooms but at separate times, everyone should share a communal meal at the same table, with all the food laid out at once so there was no need for table service. Duo's fine feast, on which he had lovingly laboured for days, was greeted with delight all around the table. There seemed enough to feed a gathering twice their size, with soups, vegetables, salads, potatoes, and desserts all piled together in fine china bowls, between baskets of freshly baked rolls and four-course place settings. The crown jewel, placed near the head of the table, was a huge, plump goose, stuffed and roasted to perfection; Relena cordially asked Treize to carve it in her father's stead.

All throughout the meal, furtive looks were being secretly tossed around the table under the cover of polite dinner conversation. Duo and Relena threw sidelong glances in Heero's direction quite often, Treize maintained sporadic eye contact with both Otto and Dorothy, and Heero swapped the occasional glare with Wufei, who had been invited to sit on Relena's right hand as her honoured guest.

When the entire family had eaten their fill, but before the sedating effects of overstuffing could kick in, Relena rose from her chair and made an announcement. "I wanted to save this until we were all together, and before we go on with the decorating, I'd like to share it with you now." She took a battered envelope out of a pocket in her skirt and held it reverently to her heart. "It's a letter I received a few days ago...from my brother."

Arthur, Quatre, and the three older housemaids gasped in joy, while the others wore expressions of mild curiosity. It had been some time since there had been any news from the battlefield, and in spite of the brave face Relena put on every day, they knew she was deeply worried. All eyes were upon her as she opened the envelope, cleared her throat, and read the words that flowed from her brother's pen.

"'My dear sister...I hope this letter finds you well, and reaches you in time for the holidays, especially since this Christmas will be a very difficult time for you...without Father. I know...that he'd be very proud of you and the way you're managing the estate, as am I.'" Already, she was blinking back tears, and the housemaids mirrored her action. "'The battle is going well, and our commanders feel that victory is imminent. For my service to the regiment, I have been granted a field commission, raising my rank from Second Leftenant to Captain, and the best news of all is that our regiment may be one of the first to come home!'" Fired up by the excitement in Relena's voice, most of her audience cheered and chattered excitedly...all except two.

Something in the letter tripped an alarm in Heero's brain. Second Leftenant to Captain? A two-rank promotion for someone so young is very unusual... He looked past Doris to Treize and saw that he also had heard something in the letter that made him think. Perhaps the thought that her brother could come home sooner than Treize expects. If he has any sinister work left to be done in this house, having another Peacecraft around would be a severe hindrance.

"'Send my warmest regards to Otto and Uncle Treize, and my heartfelt affections to the staff,'" Relena continued, her voice starting to crack a bit from unshed tears. "'Wish them all a Happy Christmas for me. All my love.......Milliardo.'" The tears of joy finally fell, and as she sat stiffly and proudly back into her chair, all the housemaids and Quatre besides leapt forward to offer her hugs and to say how happy they were for her. Heero easily noticed that Treize and Dorothy were exchanging glances, and decided to keep an eye on them both as much as possible that evening.

**********

The quality of Noin's life had been on a downward slide for several weeks, since the day Lord Jeffrhyss decided that she knew too much to roam freely about the countryside. Backed up by the threat of revealing her secret to the newspapers, he forced her to leave her position at the post office, as well as Mr. and Mrs. Trimble's cottage, and to take up residence in his underground chamber of horrors beneath the unobtrusive farmhouse. Now she was spending her days typing out page after page of calculations of some sort, and was rarely allowed outdoors.

Once she was finished her day's quota of work, she could read the letter that came for her on Friday, since it was kept from her temporarily as a form of insurance. She took a large stack of finished papers to his Lordship's giant oak desk, quickly swapped them for the letter, and retreated to the farthest corner of the cavernous room to read it by the light of a single candle. Knowing that if she used up that candle, she wouldn't get another until the end of the week, she read fast.

'My dearest angel...we have high hopes that the war will soon be over. New ground is captured from the enemy every day, and with each advance I think about going home...about coming back to find you. I've been promoted to Captain, so our future together may be a little more secure, if your family continues to object to me. Please write soon...I miss your letters terribly.'

Noin lowered her hands into her lap and sighed. What am I supposed to write? 'My life's been taken over by a madman, wish you were here'? I doubt he'd even let me write to you or anyone else. I'm trapped here... Before she could start crying over the misery of her situation, she finished reading the letter and concealed it in her dress. Her tiny room was subject to periodic searches, but she herself was off-limits, thankfully.

She took a long look around the dreary room that had become her prison, so full of dusty books, charts, and boxes that a person could just barely move from one end to the other without losing any toes. It was no place to spend Christmas. Summoning together a few scraps of courage, she stood and walked slowly to Lord Jeffrhyss' desk, where the haggard old man was intently studying some political maps.

"Master?" she said softly, wincing bitterly at the word. He didn't seem bothered about acknowledging her, but she went on anyway. "I've finished my work...and I was wondering if I could go into town for awhile."

Jeffrhyss didn't even look up. "If you're bored, there's plenty more typing where that came from."

"I'm not bored," Noin insisted, "I just want to go out for awhile. The whole town is gathering at the Rose and Crown by now, and...and the Trimbles will be wondering where I am..."

"You have already made your excuses to the Trimbles," Jeffrhyss said between page turns. "To do so a second time would be wasteful."

"But it's Christmas." As soon as she said it, she regretted it. Nobody stood up to his Lordship without paying a terrible price, and she knew she'd made a mistake as soon as those dark, round spectacles turned upwards, slowly. Noin took a step back, expecting the heavy wooden cane to come flying across the desk at her.

"Christmas," Jeffrhyss spat. "Yes, of course, the one day each year when all mankind extends both arms in friendship...and tomorrow morning, the good citizens will cut in front of each other in the market, let their children and animals trample other people's property, and have their shouting matches over who was first to park his horse and cart in front of the fruit stalls. Hypocrites!" Noin flinched as he shouted, and seemed to give up on the idea of momentary escape.

While he stared at his work and she stared at the floor, a third voice surprised them both, floating down the stairwell from the main level. "At Christmas play and make good cheer, for Christmas comes but once a year!" They both looked up as the voice was followed by footsteps, and into the flickering orange lamplight walked the mushroom-haired man.

Jeffrhyss was not amused. "How did you get in?"

The mushroom-haired man waved his pipe in the air nonchalantly. "Your doorman seems to have achieved a state of invisibility. I asked him very nicely to tell me how he did it, but he wouldn't answer me. Is he chronically shy?"

"I don't have a doorman," Jeffrhyss snorted.

"Thank heaven for that, I thought he was ignoring me." The man twitched his moustache back and forth expertly, walked up to Noin and elbowed her like an old chum. "He's not very good with sarcasm, is he?" Noin held back a smile as he took off his own spectacles and grinned stupidly at Jeffrhyss. "Well? Aren't you going to introduce us?"

Jeffrhyss grumbled and glanced up from his work. "His name is Giorgenson, and he's a nuisance."

"Professor Giorgenson," the mushroom-haired man corrected, gallantly bending down to kiss Noin's weary hand.

Noin nearly fell over from shock. 'Professor'? He certainly hides it well...but I was right about them knowing each other. She smiled for him. "Lucrezia."

"Charmed." Giorgenson released her hand gently, then turned on Jeffrhyss with a scowl. "Now what's this about you not letting this exquisite flower go out for the evening? It is Christmas, after all!"

"It would be unwise of you to meddle," Jeffrhyss warned him, "and you should be grateful for her presence. If not for the fact that there is a lady in the room, I might have shot you where you stood."

Giorgenson chuckled. "Oh come off it. In forty-five years, you've never been able to kill me. You hate to hear it, but you're too soft-hearted. Now get off your damn high horse and let this young lady come to the pub with me for a drink."

They did indeed know each other, better than Noin could have ever imagined. She held her breath as the pair of old warriors stared each other down, until Jeffrhyss snapped his eyes back down to the maps and snorted a second time. "Return to me by midnight."

Noin blinked, wide-eyed, and marvelled at the persuasive weight this Giorgenson fellow held over her master's head. Before Jeffrhyss could change his mind, the curious gentleman stowed his pipe in his pocket, linked her arm with his, and promptly escorted the baffled lady straight out of the cottage, down the path, and into the village to join in the jubilant Christmas celebrations. As the evening wore on, they stuck together, and saw fit to tell each other many fascinating things about themselves, irreversibly strengthening their alliance.

**********

Night fell upon the manor, and with only a few moments left until the guests began to arrive, Relena was putting her cheerful but nervous energy to good use by checking over some last-minute details. In the front hall, she called Heero to her so she could pin a sprig of holly to his lapel, a thinly-veiled excuse to be in close proximity with him. Notwithstanding, he knew when to stand still and keep his mouth shut.

"It was so wonderful, getting that letter," she said dreamily as she poked the holly stem through his buttonhole. "You know...Milliardo has always wanted the same secure future for me that Father did...to marry well and carry on the Peacecraft legacy here with my new family. Do you think that's best for me?"

Heero twitched. Why does she keep asking me these things? Isn't that what Dorothy is for? "It's not for me to say, m'lady. Such a thing ought to be your decision."

"But you don't disagree with it?"

"...not specifically, no."

Relena smiled. "I'm so glad to hear that. Now, off you go to greet the guests. I'll be in the ballroom." She swept past him in her white lace gown, adorned with greenest ivy, and floated up the stairs. Lately, Heero never knew what she expected of him, and found the loss of control...unnerving.

The guests soon began trickling in, however, and it served Heero well to take his mind off things for awhile. It had seemed like such a simple mission when he arrived in June, but there were now so many extra complications that he actually welcomed the opportunity to shut his brain off and take the hats and coats of the aristocrats streaming in the front door.

The evening turned out to be a very pleasant one, with singing, dancing, kisses under the mistletoe, and tray after tray of Duo's canapés and petit-fours. Relena invited exactly one hundred and fifty guests, and all but one came, knowing the remarkable reputation Bridlewood had for throwing holiday bashes; there was even a small orchestra in the corner, who had been playing the Peacecraft Christmas galas for nearly twenty years, and provided the finest of every kind of music one could want.

Whenever possible, the servants were encouraged to put down their trays of food and drink to join in the festivities, an echo of his Lordship's desire to eliminate class boundaries, if only for one day a year. It was during one of these intervals that Heero paused to sample a glass of rosé wine, from one of half a dozen bottles brought by a guest who owned a winery. Somewhere between the hors d'oeuvres table and the south wall, a woman in a navy blue velvet dress caught up with him. "Having a good time, Heero?"

He looked up in surprise at hearing his own name from one of the guests instead of a finger-snap and 'You there! Boy!', then saw that it was Sally. He hadn't seen her come in, but was grateful to see her at all. "I find it...agreeable. I'm not an enthusiast of social occasions."

"Yes, I saw you hiding behind the giant blancmange," Sally quipped, pointing to one of Duo's mammoth sugary desserts. "I'm a bit late, but I made it after all...had a young gentleman keep me waiting."

"Indeed?" Heero asked slyly, raising an eyebrow.

Sally took a sip of her own red wine and nodded. "Seven pounds, five ounces, born about forty-five minutes ago. Just goes to show that mother nature doesn't recognize human holidays." Heero flicked his eyebrows up in agreement. Sally made a quick survey of the room, made eye contact with Duo some distance away, and nudged the conversation forward. "Duo really seems to be flourishing here. Looks like he's found his niche, doesn't it? It's wonderful to see him so happy, and with so many friends."

"Mm," Heero agreed through his tipped wineglass.

"He...seems to be very fond of you...in particular."

Heero paused with his goblet in mid-air, analysing the change in tone and cadence of her voice, then tipped it back the rest of the way and drained it. "On what evidence have you based this assumption?" he asked mechanically.

"That night he came to see me, to ask for help investigating Lord Peacecraft's death...he stayed a bit longer, and we talked for awhile. Your name kept popping up." Sally had decided long before then that she wouldn't tell Heero any of the things they had spoken about, even though Duo never swore her to secrecy. They had discussed many topics that frequently revolved around Heero; most of what Sally heard was at least mildly shocking, but she kept an open mind, and Duo's sincerity was so overwhelming that she couldn't help but accept his feelings. Now, she wanted Heero's side of the story, if she could get it. "He calls you his best friend. I was just casually wondering if you felt the same way about him."

Heero shrugged. "It would be more correct to say he's my only friend."

"Oh no you don't," Sally admonished him sharply. "Word games don't work on me, mister, and you know it. Come on..." She put both their wineglasses on a nearby table and led him to a row of chairs lined up against the wall, choosing the two farthest away from the crowd. "Now...I know you two are friends, but...if there's anything else, anything you don't feel comfortable discussing with him...I'm here to listen, and I would be even if you weren't my patient."

"Are you asking me this in an official capacity?" he asked.

The woman grinned, crossed her legs and leaned one elbow on the back of the chair. "Well, Lord knows I'd never turn down any of your money. What you paid me for patching you up after that street fight redecorated my whole sitting room." She was very pleased to see a faint smile from her patient. "But if it's doctor-patient privilege you're after, you've got it."

Heero briefly wished he had his wineglass back so he could fiddle with it and keep his hands busy, but instead he leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and laced his fingers together, sighing. "I keep feeling...unusually protective of him," he began softly. "When he tells me something unpleasant about his past, it upsets me, and yet just being in his presence can bring my stress levels down faster than anything else I know of. I spend hours trying to educate him every day, and it's occasionally frustrating, but when he gets something right...and looks so pleased with himself...seeing him happy always makes me feel better, regardless of whatever else has gone wrong that day. That, and.....I've come to rely on his presence at night so much that I can't sleep when he's not there." When he looked up at her, she saw it written on his face that he subconsciously wondered if he was going insane. "What does it mean?"

Sally's heart was just about breaking as she watched him struggle to understand what was happening to him, mostly because she knew and couldn't bring herself to tell him. She had just begun searching her mental catalogue of good bedside manners for some comforting words to carry him through until Duo was ready to open up, when suddenly the music stopped and an announcement rang out from the centre of the dance floor. "Attention, please! Ladies and gentlemen, it's nine o'clock, and you know what that means! Get out your presents!" At Relena's words, the crowd immediately flew to the outskirts of the ballroom to retrieve piles of packages from under chairs.

I had been explained by Otto to the newer members of staff that all guests were required to bring at least one present to give to someone, anyone, so that there was a prolonged session of gift-giving in which everyone could participate, another Peacecraft family tradition. It was also the time when the family and staff opened their own presents from each other, as it had been done at the manor since the annual Christmas parties began. The band broke into another round of merry tunes as the guests happily passed around gifts and a long bout of joyous unwrapping began.

The Bridlewood mob made their way to the tree, and Otto, as always, played Father Christmas, as he was often the only one tall enough to reach the highest presents on the tree. Hilde found herself with a lovely new scarf and a pot of rouge, Arthur a repair kit for his bagpipes, a ship in a bottle for Trowa--some assembly required--and an archery set for Quatre, and on and on. There seemed no end to the cornucopia of riches set aside for them.

Treize was off in a corner, presenting a string of pearls to Lady Une, and soon after he'd fastened it around her swan-like neck, they slipped out to the balcony and weren't seen again for some time. Dorothy smiled as she watched them leave, then glanced over at Quatre for the umpteenth time, looking for a way to get near him, but Trowa was having none of it. Every time she looked their way, he scooted Quatre in the opposite direction. Though Quatre didn't truly celebrate Christmas the way the others did, it was a good way to keep his mind off his troubles, and Dorothy was very near the top of that list.

In another corner, Duo was unwrapping something squarish and rather heavy from Heero, and his eyes glittered when he saw what it was--a stack of phonograph recordings of Sousa marches and Dixieland, a perfect piece of Americana. Heero was equally impressed with Duo's gift to him, a set of gilt-edged books containing a collection of writings by Rudyard Kipling; he'd never before had the option of reading purely for leisure, so this was indeed a treat.

"Awesome! Can we move the phonograph into the kitchen so I can listen to these while I work? Duo asked cheerily.

"I don't see why not," Heero mused, admiring the embossed leather book covers. While Duo was reading all about the life of John Philip Sousa on the back of a record sleeve, Heero took him gently by the arm and whispered in his ear. "I have something else for you...not here, later."

Duo shivered with anticipation. "It's a date."

The commotion caused by a group of well-dressed girls sitting around Relena was growing in intensity as her Ladyship opened box after box, and as her entourage gasped at each gift in admiration. Eventually she came to a small square box in red and green paper, and read the tag aloud to her friends. "Marcus...oh! I know! The Earl of Chichester's nephew! I danced with him a few times at the Lord Chamberlain's ball...he came dressed as...some Greek person or other. He was a good dancer, and ever so polite..."

The pack of girls chattered about this Marcus fellow, remarking on his good manners, superb looks, and well-known wealth as Relena opened the box. There, on a red velvet cushion, was an exquisite pair of pink and white cameo earrings, edged in 24-karat gold, complete with a little certificate of authenticity from a High Street jeweller. Relena and the others oohed and ahhed over them as she held them up, and they promptly provided a mirror so she could put them on her dainty ears then and there.

As Heero watched the scene, he came to a slightly uncomfortable conclusion. If those earrings were from some person named Marcus, then he was in for a bit of an awkward moment, for he was absolutely positive that he had bought an identical pair of earrings for Relena, a token to keep his place in the house, as the swan pendant had been. He shrugged mentally; Heero wasn't the sort of person to be embarrassed by a duplicate gift, and anyway, if she ever lost one, at least she'd have a spare pair. Perfectly sensible.

Relena moved on to another small, square box; the wrapping paper was very similar, but the name on the tag was not. She read the tag, allowed the others to read it, and in complete unison, they all looked over at Heero and giggled coquettishly. Heero looked around desperately for a tray of nibbles he could take to the other side of the room in a great hurry.

As Relena opened the second box, the reaction from the girls jumped several steps upward in volume. They all inhaled deeply, then began squealing in ecstasy, bouncing up and down and hugging Relena from all sides. In a flash, she leapt up, ran full-speed over to Heero and threw her arms around him, spinning them around under a sprig of mistletoe hanging from a chandelier. They were drawing a lot of attention suddenly, and two of the stares they received were from Duo and Hilde, who stood on opposite sides of the ballroom.

"Oh, Heero, I knew you understood!" Relena chirped. "I never would have believe you wanted to move so quickly, but then I opened this, and...oh, I just can't contain myself! Thank you!" She embraced him again, at such an angle that Duo could clearly see the poor boy was flabbergasted.

As soon as she let go, Heero reached for the little square box in her hand. "Wait a minute, what--"

"However could you have afforded it?" she cried with elation. "It must have taken all your wages from the last six months and then some!" She opened the box to admire the present some more, and Heero got his first look at what 'he' had given her...a beautiful diamond ring. His eyes bulged.

"M'lady, I think you've got the wrong--"

"I suppose we'll have to start looking for a new butler soon," she said dreamily, as she slipped the ring on her finger, "and I hope you won't think it gauche of me if don't want to keep it a secret. Everyone!" The whole room froze. "As you all know, it's been a difficult year for our family..."

Duo squeezed between two portly barons to join the inner circle of spectators. He threw a wide-eyed, questioning shrug at Heero, and Heero returned it.

"...but the year ahead is going to be filled with endless joy and good fortune..."

As she coiled her arm around his, Heero kept looking back and forth between the diamond ring and the cameo earrings. He was sure he'd put the right tag on the right box...

"...as Heero and I would like to announce our engagement!"

The ballroom exploded into cheers and applause from a crowd already too drunk to notice that he was the same boy who served them their drinks only moments before. Heero began to experience a swirling kind of tunnel vision, accompanied by a knot in his stomach and a severe ringing in his ears, and at the end of the tunnel was Duo, arms folded and looking perplexed. Without warning, Heero felt pressure on his arms, saw a golden blur in front of his face, and then pressure on his lips as Relena kissed him firmly and confidently under the mistletoe, amid more applause.

Reaction among the staff was varied. Otto was livid, Trowa and Quatre couldn't believe their ears or their eyes, Wufei ignored them all in favour of a painting on the north wall, and worst of all, Hilde scampered out the back door to the balcony, tears streaming down her face. Only Duo saw her run away, and promised himself he'd go give her a pep talk...as soon as he straightened Heero out.

The chef shoved his way through the crowd and was stopped three feet from Heero by a large diamond ring with a hand attached. "Isn't it lovely?" Relena cooed, displaying her ring finger for the guests' perusal.

"Yeah, that's great. Um.....mind if I steal the groom away for a celebratory drink?" Duo asked, looking pitifully at the pale white version of Heero who was still trying to string two words together into a coherent sentence.

"Well, I don't see any harm in that. Off you go, dear!" She gave Heero a little peck on the cheek and resumed trying to see her own reflection in the largest facet of the diamond. Duo had to drag the poor boy away, for he had temporarily forgotten how to put one foot in front of the other in order to achieve forward locomotion. Shell shock will do that do a person.

The gap they left behind was quickly filled by a very irate Otto, who leaned down almost far enough to bump noses with Relena. "Study. Now."

Relena gasped at his angry tone as if she'd been slapped across the face, but dutifully followed him out of the ballroom and down the hall to the study. Treize and Lady Une, evicted from the balcony by a Hilde in tears, came back in a state of confusion, were joined by Dorothy, and they all swarmed after Relena like curious bees. When they all congregated in the study, away from hundred of prying eyes and ears, Otto turned on the girl with the ferocity of an injured mountain lion.

"What in God's name are you doing, girl!? Do you have any concept of the mistake you're making!? I demand that you return that ring and...and dismiss that parasite immediately!!"

Relena's jaw hit the floor. "No! Why should I!?"

"M'lady, I think you've let the Christmas spirits go to your head," Dorothy said politely, "particularly the spirits known as port, gin, and sherry, if you catch my drift."

"I am not intoxicated!" the girl shouted. "Heero gave me this ring because he knows, as well as I do, that Bridlewood needs a safe, stable family unit at its core. He's charming, well-educated, and we get along splendidly. I need someone at my side to help me run this house, and he's the perfect choice!"

"Isn't that what you brother is there for?" Dorothy asked. "You act as if you're the last of the Peacecrafts and your name is about to die out!"

"I don't know if my brother will be there or not, do I!?" Relena exclaimed with more tears in her voice. "I never expected father to be taken away, but he was! I know better than to count on my brother coming back alive and well, because you can't know the future!"

Lady Une was next to add her two cents. "My dear, you've overlooked one inescapable fact, that this boy is still staff. Anyone can be charmed by the good manners he uses when opening the door for the likes of us, but it's just a pretty facade. You can scrub and scrub all you want with peroxide and a wire brush, but he's still common underneath. Really, what will people say if you go through with this? Do you imagine you're doing this estate a favour by marrying the first thing in trousers that gives you a bit of attention?"

Bleary-eyed and desperate, Relena turned to her uncle, who had yet to voice an opinion on the matter. "Tell them they're being cruel for no reason, Uncle! Tell them, please!"

Treize thought it over for a moment, then smiled warmly. "My dear.....I wish you both every happiness." The other three adults gaped in shock. "And as my wedding present, I'd like to send you both on an extended honeymoon, anywhere in the world. Money is no object."

Relena hugged him with joy and whimpered into his tuxedo shirt. "I knew you wouldn't let me down...thank you so much." With that, she dried her eyes, turned on her heel while glaring at Otto and Lady Une, and marched back out to the ballroom to be with her guests. The recipients of the glares followed her, intending to give them even more pieces of their minds, but Dorothy stayed behind to give her piece to Treize.

"What did you say that for? Are you trying to ruin her reputation deliberately?"

Treize leaned in close and grinned evilly. "Think about it...she gets married, goes away for a month or more and takes that nosy brat with her, Otto insists on going with them as a chaperone, and the house will finally be unguarded. The staff will deteriorate into sloth and lethargy, leaving the way clear for us to conduct a detailed search of the house."

"But you don't have the blueprints!" Dorothy whined. "It's going to take longer than one honeymoon's worth to find what we're looking for! Are you going to keep paying for sun-soaked holidays and cruises until we succeed? We'll be operating at a loss!"

"Have faith in me, Madam Baroness," Treize said in a silken voice. "Once the three of them are out of the way, I don't think we'll have much difficulty in getting what we came for, but we have to hurry this wedding along as soon as we can before the brother comes home, or we'll have him to get rid of as well."

**********

Duo thumbed through the small green book in the library, quite calmly, considering the circumstances. After reading a few sideline topics in a very relaxed manner, he found what he was looking for. "Yep, here it is, traditional uses of mistletoe. Christmas kisses...ward off evil spirits...symbol of peace among the Druids, blah blah blah...oh, here we go. 'A kiss under the mistletoe may also be used to seal a promise of marriage, as dates back to Spain of the...bunch of capital letters century.'" Duo put the book down and looked up. "Are those Roman numerals?"

".....hn..." The only other person in the room wasn't in a talkative mood, slumped deeply into a wing-back chair with a twice-drained brandy glass on the table next to him.

"Well, it's in here. People get engaged under the mistletoe. It's rare, but it happens. Guess she must've read it in here and figured she could make use of it. 'Course the ring was probably the real clincher..." Duo waited for any response, even a grunt, but heard nothing. "You want another brandy?"

Heero had one hand sloppily splayed over his closed eyes and finally spoke in between slow, deep breaths. "How.....in the world.....could I not have known....what she was doing?"

Duo didn't really want to bring it up, but he genuinely wanted to know. "Do you think maybe...that stuff Jeffrhyss is giving you is affecting your judgement?" Though the wing chair was facing away from Duo, he could sense its occupant slumping further down into it, and deduced that he really didn't want Duo to know what went on during his clandestine visits to Cloverderry Glen. "Look, it doesn't take a genius. You're wasted by the time Thursday morning comes around, you go pay a friendly visit to your local megalomaniac, and come back looking at the dining room wallpaper like the sunflowers are coming to life and dancing the polka. You think I don't notice?"

As Duo walked around to stand next to the wing chair, Heero took the hand off his eyes and looked up at him in horror. "I don't, do I?"

Duo grinned and pulled up a chair for himself. "Okay, I exaggerate...but you do come back a little spacey. I try to keep you out of sight in the kitchen somewhere until you level off."

Heero went back to sulking and staring at the carpet. "It's no excuse for not realizing she set me up until it was too late." There was so much more he wanted to express on the subject, but somehow he felt that Duo was the last person he could discuss it with. The very thought of marrying Relena and moving down to the third floor filled him with a bizarre anxiety that got worse, not better, when he thought of Duo, alone and freezing in that drafty attic bedroom.

"If you ask me, you've had this coming for awhile," Duo observed. Heero glared at him in confusion. "Not the engagement part, just being tricked into something. Think about it. You make your living tricking people into doing and saying things they wouldn't otherwise, and the law of averages has to put one over on you eventually."

That carefree grin was starting to get on Heero's nerves, and he wasn't at all sure why. "How can you be so.....okay with this?"

"You're not okay with it?"

"Of course not!"

"Alright..." Duo leaned forward on the arm of Heero's chair, raising an eyebrow. "Tell me why."

Why? The question echoed and clattered around Heero's brain as he tried to pick out exactly which thoughts out of the whirlwind he should present to Duo. "Relinquishing my position as butler could mean a drastic decrease in my ability to watch Treize." That sounded good.

Duo stared back at him, studying those azure gems for anything second-guessed, anything held back, and found it without much difficulty. There was more than one reason why Heero was reacting badly to the 'engagement', but the reasons were of a peculiar variety that Heero didn't know how to express, if he could identify them at all. Duo would be more than happy to help him through the process. "Heero...do I look worried?"

Slowly, Heero shook his head. Duo picked the boy's hand up off his lap and clutched it snugly, suspending it between them. "You wanna know why I'm not worried? Because I know it's your job to keep Relena happy, otherwise you'll be out on your ear, away from Treize, and your mission could fail. I know you're going to play along with this engagement because you have to, and I know Relena's not getting any more out of it than that. This is your job, but it has nothing to do with how you feel, so I'm not afraid." Duo softened his expression, his grip, and his voice all at once. "We're best friends, right?"

For once, Heero didn't need to think twice. "Yes, we are."

Duo nodded. "We spend more time with each other than with anyone else. We share everything. We tell each other...almost everything," he said with a smirk. "Would you want to change that? Would you want it to disappear?"

They traded gazes for several seconds, and Duo wondered if he wasn't being specific enough for Heero to understand, but he know he couldn't be too specific without scaring him away. At long last, it seemed to click into place, and to the chef's delight, Heero shook his head. "No."

"That's why I'm not worried!" Duo exclaimed. "You and me come as a package deal. We're a unit. That's why you shouldn't be worried about this whole engagement thing either, because I know, deep down, you really don't want to break up that unit. Because I know what we mean to each other." Even if you don't.

Heero thought it over, and not only did he feel somewhat better, the anxieties seemed to make more sense. Relena was unknowingly forcing him to choose between herself Duo, in a way, and cleaving himself to one practically meant abandoning the other, although he wasn't entirely sure why. "You...do know that I didn't intend to 'give' her that ring...don't you? I gave her the earrings.....I'm sure of it..."

Duo suddenly slapped him lightly on the shoulder, shaking him out of a deeply contemplative state. "I helped you pick out those earrings, remember? I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen, the presents must've gotten mixed up, that's all! Now, put your game face on, get back out there, and find out who switched those gift tags, hm? They couldn't get up and walk from one box to another, could they?"

"....you're right," Heero agreed, finding a stronger, more stable voice within him at last. "I need to find out who did this."

"Atta boy!" Duo pulled him up out of the chair and hung an arm around his shoulders, steering him back towards the party. He knew that as soon as Relena saw Heero, she'd be welded to his arm for the rest of the night, but Duo still wouldn't worry. I won't give in to fear just because she's flaunting that ring to all the guests. She's no competition for our friendship.

**********

Relena truly did glue herself to Heero's side for the remainder of the evening, which meant that he couldn't watch Dorothy and Treize, keep an eye out for uninvited sisters of Quatre's, find out who Marcus was and who switched the gift tags, or anything else he hoped to get done that evening. He saw Duo emerge from the balcony doors at one point with an arm around Hilde, who was very red of eye but nodding at his words, which were too far away to hear; Heero wondered what exactly had made her so upset, but there was already too much on his plate to be concerned with her. Slowly but surely, this mess would be sorted out, of that he was firmly decided.

When all was said and done, it was well past one in the morning before the last group of guests left. Relena graciously gave the staff the following day off, and they were all looking forward to sleeping very late, without exception. Duo was feeling very smug as he changed into his pajamas, and with good reason. The food was a hit, his picture was in the paper, and he'd made enough ready-to-eat single-serving breakfasts and put them in the icebox that he could be the last one to get up the next morning and the family would still be fed.

He sat down on the bed, already shivering from the cold, and looked across the tiny room at Shadow, who had fallen asleep with one paw perched protectively on her catnip mousie, a Christmas present from Duo. He was watching her barely-twitching whiskers so intently that he almost didn't notice Heero come in and shut the door. The butler was already dressed in his green and black sleepwear and was carrying a large wrapped box.

Duo turned his head and broke into a huge grin when he saw the shimmering red and green papered parcel in the boy's hands. "Did you think I forgot?" Heero asked with a faint smile.

Duo just laughed and made himself comfortable, sitting cross-legged on the pillow end of the bed as Heero sat opposite him. "Nah, but you've got a lot on your mind lately..." The box was placed between them and nudged towards Duo with a gentle push. After twelve years of being allowed no personal likes or dislikes, Heero found that he genuinely enjoyed giving Duo presents, and savoured the giddy look of anticipation on the boy's face as he quickly but carefully opened the brightly-coloured box.

Inside was the most wonderful gift Duo had ever received, something he had longed for all his life, right after a family and a home--it was a blanket. A rich, plaid-patterned woolen blanket made of beautiful red, green and blue yarns, with fluffy tassels on two of its four edges. Eyes wide and sparkling, Duo lifted it gingerly out of the box and kneaded the fabric between his hands; it was thick and soft and wonderfully warm, just the thing to take the chill off in that frigid room.

"Oh, wow......I love it, Heero! Thank you!" He hugged the blanket to him, then narrowed his eyes at Heero with an odd little smirk. "Unless, of course, this is your subtle way of appeasing me so you can go back to your own bed..."

"Not exactly," Heero said, taking the blanket from him and shaking out the creases, "but I suppose I was secretly hoping for a little return on my investment." In one very grand motion, he swept the blanket around both their shoulders, drawing Duo close to him and away from the cold. Duo instinctively wrapped both arms snugly around Heero's waist, burying the side of his face into the other's chest, and before long, Heero had his arms around him to match. It was the warmest, coziest feeling either of them had known even since before the central heating failed, and neither one was keen to move.

Five minutes later, all was still quiet. "Shouldn't one of us turn out the lamp?" Duo mumbled sleepily into Heero's pajama top. The problem hung in the air for awhile, unanswered. The tidal wave of warmth and comfort overwhelmed their senses so much that the most massive problems like who was going to get up and attend to the lantern were insignificant.

Another few minutes passed. "It'll burn itself out eventually," Heero mumbled back, leaning his head against Duo's. Common sense told them both that even if nobody put out the light, they were going to fall asleep sitting up, and then fall over, but even that threat couldn't force them apart. It was much too comfy, much too warm right where they were.

Sometime between then and the morning, they must have settled down into a more comfortable sleeping position, but they couldn't remember it. One clear thing did lodge itself in Duo's memory, however, the thought that no matter how much Relena waved that diamond ring around or how tightly she clung to Heero's arm in front of the neighbours, Duo had absolutely nothing to worry about.


~~~~~~~~~~

Next, in Episode Thirty-Two: Relena has everything worked out for her future, from the centerpieces on the tables at her wedding to the names of her children, but Duo's not going to take it lying down. It's a tug-of-war for control of Heero's heart, and only one can win. Ring in the new year with the cast of Bridlewood Manor!

Yes, the real Zechs had the distinction of getting a two-rank promotion, and I saw no need to change that. =^_^= And as you may have guessed from the promo line, the next episode is coming out New Year's Eve, and I'll try to get it out in plenty of time for everyone to get out to their various assorted celebrations. =^_^= (and people! don't drink and drive or I'll come over and personally whack you with an enormous paper fan!)