There are some things in life that are hard to understand. I can't help but think that some would be easier if I was a different person. If had two different eyes. But I want to say the way I am. Why are those things so difficult to comprehend when I'm me? Do I lack the intelligence or is the Great One just trying to hide them from me for a reason? Out of all these things that are tough to have a handle on, I have the biggest problem wit the one called love. Just thinking about it makes me feel immensely stupid.

            What was that? The guy I just spent the last three hours or so with was not the Ash I thought I knew. This Ash, this new Ash, I liked better than the old one. He was fun, spoke his mind, treated me like a person, looked me in the eye. He brought out the real me. I didn't feel I had to wear my mask. It was comfortable. I hope that Ash felt the same.

            I was driving home when I hit a patch of traffic. Leaning father back in my seat, I turn up the music (Hitomi Yaida). It was just past dusk, so every car had its lights on. The opposite lane of cars wasn't backed up. Sets of lights after sets of lights flashed by. Those headlights reminded me of my life only a few months ago. I went by without caring what was around me. I just zipped by, looking forward to the fact that someday it'll all be over. I was naïve.

            My current self is like the traffic. I have the common sense to stop and take time to look around. To wait. To think before I speak or do something. To look deeper into what's going on, and maybe find my answer before a question is needed. I liked this. I felt more in tune. With what, I wasn't sure. But for now, that didn't matter.

            I didn't get home until ten thirty. Lily and Violet were in the living room watching T.V., while Daisy was in the kitchen making mochi. They didn't really notice me coming home late. Deep inside, I doubt they cared. Would Lily even care? I just spent this lovely summer's night with her boyfriend. She was the one who was always so against me claiming happiness. Does she know her guard slipped down? Does she know I broke the barrier? I smile victoriously to myself as I climb the stairs and go straight to the bathroom.

            I fill the tub up with steaming hot water, add some mineral salts and soothing oils, topped with bubbles. Putting my hair in a high ponytail and wrapping a towel around my forehead and tying it in the back, I light some candles and take of my clothes that still smelled of cotton candy and corn dogs. I slip into the water. The father I submerged the better I felt. A little bit of the bubbles ran over the side of the tub. There was no better way to finish an already spectacular evening. I sigh happily, letting the therapeutic air inflate my lungs before setting it free.

            Sitting there, allowing my mind to wander, I wondered what Ash wanted to talk to me about tomorrow morning. He sure was acting strange before I left. As gross of a comparison it is; it looked as if he was trying to hold in gas. Strange boy. Yes, I was still drawn to him. It's as if my heart believes in something that will most likely never exist. It reminds me of a time when Mother and Father were still around, at Christmas. I wanted this certain sweater as a present really bad. It was dark blue and made of woven wool, so it was warm and fuzzy. I opened all my gifts Christmas morning, just waiting for the box that would reveal that sweater. It never came. I was so disappointed. Looking over at my sister, I then realized that Lily had gotten the sweater I so desired. She was holding it up to herself happily, giggling. My only mistake was that I didn't bring the problem up. I was passive. That won't happen again. I'm determined to show Lily that I can get what I want. And now, it's Ash's recognition. I wasn't just 'Lily's little sister'; I was my own person.

            I went to bed that night feeling extremely rejuvenated.

******

            The beeping of my alarm clock drove into my head, creating a slight pounding sensation. I opened my eyes with a moan and check the time. Nine o'clock on the dot. I pull myself up and out of bed and then get dressed. A pair of khaki Capri's and an evergreen v-neck t-shirt, accenting my eyes. For just waking up, I felt pretty.

            I leave my room quietly and go downstairs, not sure if my sisters were up yet or not. The sun was coming through the small glass window in the front door and creating a carpet of light for me to walk across to the kitchen. I grab one of Daisy's mochi, which were sitting out in a dish on the counter. Slipping on some sandals, I walk out the front door and head to the park.

            It was a gorgeous day and it was already quite warm. The sunlight was shining through the trees, making the leaves appear heavenly. It felt like it was all a dream. I haven't been this happy in a long time. Why now? Yes, it was a beautiful morning. Was that enough to bring a smile upon my face? Apparently. Since when had I been so gullible to pleasure? I find myself giggling. I liked it.

            Before I knew it, I was at the park entrance. I start towards the bridge over the creek. Everything distracted me. The way the grass alternated from shamrock green to glistening gold because of the yellow sun. The way the sparrows circled around each other in midair as they chirped their song. Every sound and movement seemed sharper and my attention was drawn to it immediately. Is this what you call in-tune with nature? Probably not, but, oh well.

            Reaching the bridge I could see that Ash was already there. It was only nine-thirty. Why so early? I walk up to him and say hello. He looks over at me with the strangest expression on his face. Again, this wasn't the Ash I knew. What happened to the cocky, lively guy who's being used by my horridly beautiful sister?

            "Doushita?" I ask. "You look as if someone just died."

            "Eh, I don't know what's wrong with me." Ash replies. "I feel so gay. The bad gay. Guys shouldn't think this much."

            "Well," I try to point out. "At least you're thinking. Most guys don't care."

            Ash doesn't say anything.

            So, I continue. "What did you want to talk to me about? If it's something my sister did, I'll go talk to her for you. Oh, wait! It isn't something I did last night is it?"

            Ash hesitates. "Yes. It is something you did last night."

            I bite my bottom lip, and worry rose in my throat without a second thought. What did I do? What did I say? Ah, shimatta!

            Ash faces me and walks a little closer. "You opened up my eyes, Misty. My mind. I started to think about my relationship with Lily and what it truly meant to me. I was so happy last night, getting to know the real you. It was like I could be the real me too. The rest of the night, I couldn't think straight. I cursed it so many times."

            "What are you trying to say?" I ask.

            "What I'm trying to say is; whenever I think of Lily I feel like a child with its babysitter. But when I'm with you, I feel free of that leash. I feel somewhat manly." Ash says. "Misty, I've developed feelings for you. It was something I couldn't stop."

            My eyes bulge as goose bumps crawl up my arms. Legs numb. "Yume da. Yume da!" I whisper to myself.

            Ash looked angry and confused. "I'm sorry, but…" He walks closer again, until he was right in front of me. "I'm sorry, but, can I kiss you?"

            I almost choke. "I don't know. Can you?"

            Ash grins slightly. "May I?"

            I nod my head once. "Yes. You may."

            I close my eyes halfway as he slowly descends his gentle lips towards my own. Everything felt so unreal! How could this be happening? I was enjoying myself, but I was betraying my sister. I completely dislike her greatly, but this still doesn't feel right. But what could I do now? He was about a centimeter from my face. I told him that he could kiss me; if I pulled away, he would feel totally rejected. Ah, Chikusho!!

            His lips touch mine.

            I sit up so quickly; I could have sworn I was hit by a bolt of lightening. The curtains over my bedroom window ripple in the slight breeze. Sunlight streamed through the crack and slithered across the floor. My eyes were open so wide, if I tried to blink they would surely pop out of their sockets. I turn my head (because my eyes wouldn't work correctly) to look upon my bedside clock. Nine thirty. It was a dream. Just a dream. Yokata! Demo…

            I get out of bed and get dressed in the same outfit that I was wearing in that dream. I wake down the steps in the same quiet fashion and take the exact some mochi sitting on the dish in the kitchen. Dreams are the strangest thing of the human mind. They show us different things with different meanings when they are the same thing in reality. I suppose it just interprets the true depth of any human psychosis. All the same, I would have to get over it. It was time to leave for the park.

___________

As requested, here are the Japanese Romanji Translations!

Doushita – What's the matter?

Shimatta – Shit

Yume da – It's a dream/ I'm dreaming

Chikusho – Damn it

Yokata – Thank Goodness

Demo – But