I can blame no one but myself. Over the past month, I have dug a humongous hole in which I now sit and contemplate my downfall. Maybe it is because I'm not mature enough. Maybe I'm just too blind toward the woman's heart. It's such an enigma. Women are men's downfall, that's it! So, why bother? Because I think I…I think I…love her. I'm in love with Misty, okay? There! I said it! I admit it! And it's tearing me apart…

Last night when I got home, I went straight to bed. I fell asleep right away, but it wasn't a terribly sound sleep. I was awaken in the middle of the night by a dream. It was a strange, foreboding, and wonderful dream. The vision I had showed me at the bridge in the park. Misty comes and we begin to talk; I remember acting quite shy about it. Towards the end, I slowly advance on her and bestow a kiss. After our lips touch was when I woke up. I was covered in a cold sweat. What if that was actually going to happen? If I did start to approach Misty with those intensions, would I be able to control and stop myself? That is why I am worried. But a promise is a promise. I will meet her in the park at ten. If it happens; it happens. So be it.

That's where I am now. The bridge over the creek. I was tempted to just go to Misty's house, but I wasn't positive that she'd be the one who'd answer the door. If anybody else did, I probably wouldn't have thought of a decent excuse. If I asked to see Misty, what would they think? So, it was overall a better idea to just come here first and wait it out. Did I ever mention how much I hate waiting?

I look down at my wristwatch and see that it was quarter to ten. The second I look up, I see Misty out of the corner of my eye. She was waiting at the base of the bridge, looking quite timid. I was happy to see her, yet when I took in everything, I was sort of freaked out. She was wearing the same outfit that she was in my dream. Something deep down was waiting, yearning, for her to come up to me and say, 'Doushita? You look as if someone just died'. But she didn't.

"Ohayou." Misty smiles as she comes on the bridge.

"Ohayou." I say back. "Thanks again for coming to meet me."

"Don't mention it." Misty says. Her voice sounded happy. "It's a beautiful morning."

"Yes it is. Though it's pretty hot out."

"It's the middle of summer, of course it's going to be hot." Misty replies.

"Eh, you're right. That was a stupid thing for me to say." I put a hand behind my head.

Misty just shakes her head and then pauses, as if trying to decide whether or not to say what is on her mind. "So, uh…What did you want to talk about?'

The only thing that filled my mind was the dream. I couldn't remember what I really wanted to talk to her about! I had all the words planned out yesterday and now I can't even remember what day yesterday was. Ah, Chikusho! I need to tell her, but I have no idea how. I have to call things off with Lily, but I have no courage. Come on, Ash! Just say what needs to be said. Bring it out calmly and rationally. Don't spaz; stay cool. Try not to blow it. Wakatta!

I clear my throat. "Oh, that. Um, well, to start off… I had a good time last night."

"Me too." Misty says. "I should still be thanking you for the extra ticket. I usually don't get treated to things."

"You're welcome." I say by habit and it made me sound like an idiot. "But, um, I was wondering if I could ask you for some advice again."

Misty was looking more relieved by the minute. I wasn't quite sure why though. "Okay. Ask away."

Okay, first thing first. "I was thinking about my relationship with Lily lately. I just feel like such a kid with its babysitter."

Misty's posture tightens.

"What is it?" I ask when I see this.

Misty quickly loosens. "Koretoitta. Gomen. Continue."

"I, uh, really feel like things aren't working like they should. I don't want to be dragged around on this leash anymore. I want to call things off with Lily."

"Break up with her?" Misty said to make sure she had what I said correct.

"Yeah." I say sort of quietly.

"Uh, okay." Misty wrings her hand in her other. "If you don't mind me asking,…Why?"

Oh, shoot. I was afraid she'd ask that.

"I don't feel the same way that I used to about her. I realized that I liked her to begin with only for her looks and, like you said before, her body. I truly was a dick-less bag of shit." I reply.

Misty stifles a laugh. "I forgot about calling you that."

My hearing started to get muted by the sound of my heart pounding in my ears. I had to say it now. It was the best opportunity I would get. I just told her that I didn't like her sister anymore, but did she believe me? Ah, who knows? Right now, it didn't matter if she did or not. It also didn't matter if she replied to what I had to say. What mattered is that I said it and that she knew. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't be able to be the courage to tell her again.

"Misty, that was only one of the reasons I asked you to meet me here today." I begin.

"There's two?"

"Yes," I reply. "Now, please, just hear me out on this. You don't have to say anything about it if you don't want to. I wouldn't blame you either."

"Ash, you're starting to ramble." Misty puts a hand out.

"Uh, sorry." I take a breath and look her square in the eye. Her beautiful aqua eyes. Kirei…I could just melt in them.

"What is it?" Misty asks.

"Misty…Watashi wa…" It was so much harder than I thought it would be. I was only on the first few words! Ah, Kami-sama, help me. "Watashi wa…" Get on with it!! "Watashi wa anata ga suki-desu!"

A film seemed to cover her eyes. She stood still, not moving, possibly not even breathing. A warm breeze swept by, carrying some of her hair with it. I couldn't keep my gaze away from her. Now that I said it, I didn't feel relieved at all! I felt horrible. What have I done? She's probably thinking: 'Oh my gosh, that scum bag? He loves me? What do I do now? I don't want him to feel bad, but who would seriously love someone like him back?'. My insides felt like molasses. Everything was slowly and thickly running to my feet. My heart stayed though, pounding loudly. Oh, Misty. Misty, Misty! What did I do?

I unfreeze. "Gomenasai!!"

Misty opens her mouth to say something but another voice from behind her interrupted.

"Ash! Hiya! What are you doing out here so early?"

I finally look around Misty and see Lily standing on the path about twenty feet away. How long had she been there? How much did she hear? I didn't know what to do. I knew that I had to break things off with Lily. Misty knew that I was planning on it. She was probably waiting for me to walk up to Lily and lay it down flat. I had pulled together all of my courage just to say what I just did to Misty. I didn't know how much I had left.

"Lily." My voice cracks horribly.

Misty turns around as well. "Lily."

Lily smiled, but it didn't look as pretty as it usually did. It looked almost evil. She walked up in her stiletto heels and stood right next to Misty as if waiting for me to compare.

"Morning, Sugar." Lily says.

Sugar? That's a new one. "Hi."

Misty purposely looked down at the ground. "Um, I'll leave you two alone. I need to get home to get ready for work anyway. You can stop in for some ice cream or a snow cone if you want, Ash." She takes one of her hands and waves it quickly. "Ja'ne."

With that, Misty turned and walked off the bridge and down the path back to town. I couldn't help but watch her until I could see her no more. Finally, a sound penetrated the pounded in my ears. It was Lily tapping her foot on the wood. I shake my head quickly.

"Ash, what's the matter? You're off in dreamland." Lily says.

I swallow hard and remember the look on Misty's face when she left. "Lily, I have to talk to you about something."

Lily tilts her head, making her shiny hair swoosh to one side. "What is it?"

My courage seemed to be increasing twofold by the second. "I can't help but feel that you're treating me like some child."

"What are you talking about?" Lily walks closer to me. "You're my man." She takes her pointer finger and runs it down my chest. "My big, strong man."

Lily leans in and rests her lips on mine, but I do not kiss her back. I hold my mouth as tight as I possible could without puckering. Oh, this was hard. The smell of her shampoo wafted towards my nose. It smelt of kiwis with a hint of lemon. Heavenly. Lily pulls away and smiles, but then stops when she sees that I wasn't smiling back at her. I saw this flash behind her eyes.

"Ash," She says. "You're not telling me something."

"I think that it's time that we don't see each other anymore." I say with less confidence than I was aiming for.

"You're breaking up with me?!" Lily almost screams. She caught the attention of fellow park-goers. She starts to cry. I could tell that it was fake… At least I think it was.

Everyone was beginning to stare.

"Lily, calm down." I whisper.

"Calm down?" She says louder. "Ash, how could you do this? After all the time we spent together? I won't bear it!"

I didn't know what to do. We hardly spent any time together. That was one of the problems. But I had this feeling that she was switching things around to make her sound like the victim.

"Lily, can we talk about this somewhere else?"

Lily stops crying for a moment. "You're the one who brought it up!"

"Lily, I…didn't think you would react this way for one. But, please, understand that I can't take it anymore! I keep on making dates and you stand me up." I try to prove my point.

"Fine." Lily stomps one of her heels. "You want to talk about this somewhere else? Come by my place later and we'll sort this all out, okay?" She smiles. "Ash, please think this over! I love you."

My legs get wobbly for a second. But the way she said I love you sounded like she was talking to her puppy.

"Fine." I say and walk off the other end of the bridge and out of the park.

*****

Later that day, I drove down to the strip mall and head straight to the KawaiiYuki. The jingle bell signals my entrance and I see Hatsu behind the counter playing paddleball. He puts it down at looks at me with a flaunting eye. He leans his elbow on the counter and rests his chin in the palm of his hand.

"So, it's Ash." Hatsu says. "Haven't seen you in a while. What have you been up to?"

"Not much." I get his question out of the way. "Is Misty here?"

"One minute, let me check." Hatsu says and disappears into the backroom.

I wait there in little lobby, counting the tiles on the floor. I pace a few times and browse through the bakery window and then the ice cream. Hatsu sure was taking a while. He finally comes out and resumes his paddleball.

"Well?" I ask.

Hatsu looks up as if he just noticed me. "She says she's not here."

For some reason, I felt rage. Only for an instant. The next, I felt horrible again. That sinking feeling in my stomach like someone dropped a rock down my throat. I felt almost dizzy. I look around Hatsu at the door that lead to the backroom.

"Misty!" I call out.

Hatsu gets off his stool and puts the paddleball down. "Look here, Ash. If the lady doesn't want to talk, she doesn't want to talk! I don't know what you did to her, but she's acting pretty shook up about something. She won't tell me. So, I have to ask you. Tell me."

"It's none of your business, Mr. Tsuyama." I lean a little farther over the counter.

"Misty is my best friend, of course it's my business! I actually care if she's hurt, unlike most people in this damned world!" Hatsu says to my face. "If you even knew what she's been through, then maybe you'd understand."

"Of course you understand." I say.

"Then tell me, Mr. Ketchum," Hatsu continues. "Why is she acting like this? Tell me, or as God is my witness, I will tear you limb from limb until you spill the information."

I was about to answer him when the backroom door swung open and Misty came out. She didn't even look at me. She just went over to the bakery window and slid back the glass to pick out a muffin.

"Drop it, Hatsu." She says faintly. Her eyes were a little puffy underneath.

"Misty," Hatsu says and goes over to her. He drops his voice and whispers some words and Misty replies with a simple yes or no.

I go over to the bakery counter and try to get her attention. "Misty."

She finally turns her eyes on me and they no longer held that azure beauty. They were more like an ice. A timorous ice.

"I'm sorry." I say sincerely. "I just had to tell you."

Misty closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. "You don't have to apologize to me." She then started to walk back towards the backroom. I follow the counter with her.

"Misty,"

"It was nice of you." Misty says, obviously trying to shake me off. "But, I should be apologizing for actually believing what you said. It's not possible. Someone like me."

"It's the truth!"

"No." Misty says more firmly.

"I wouldn't say it unless I meant it!"

"Yamette, kudasai!" Misty closes her eyes and says resolutely.

"Misty! Please believe me."

"Just go away." Misty opens her eyes and tears fall.

I felt like I could protest no longer.

Misty goes back into the backroom whispering to herself. "Koware souni naite ita anata ga

itsumo no youni waratte iru no o tatta miteru yo."

Hatsu looks over at me. "She basically means that you're a fake." He goes back to his paddleball. "You going to buy something or just stand there all day?"

"Yaro." I mutter under my breath.

I leave the store without answering the bloke. I couldn't wait to get into my car and turn up ZEEBRA on my Cd deck. I felt like a pile of crap. I truly did love Misty, but she doesn't believe me! Did I really treat her bad? Did I do something wrong? Was it because I was going out with Lily? Oy, I don't know! But, not matter what, I had to get her to believe me. I wasn't quite sure how I'd do it, though. The way Hatsu talked about Misty, it's as if he felt the same way about her that I did. He was competition. I felt threatened. Men are animals, we'll ram horns if we have to.

I then remembered that Lily wanted me to stop by so we could sort out our little break up. I wasn't leaving until she understood completely that I did not want to be in this anymore. If I had to yell and scream and walk away from her groveling, I will. I will prove that I love Misty more than Lily. Misty opened up my eyes. My mind. I'm not going to be some coward anymore. I'm going to lay down the line. I'm going to be a man. But, how? Ah, shimatta. I'm going to be in this hole for a while.

-----

As requested, here are the Japanese Romanji Translations!

Doushita - What's the matter

Ohayou - Good Morning

Wakatta - I understand/ All right/ I get it /etc.

Koretoitta - Nothing

Gomen - Sorry

Kirei - Pretty

Watashi wa - I

Kami-sama - God

Watashi wa anata ga suki-desu - I Love you

Gomenasai - I'm Sorry

Ja'ne - See you later

Yamette, kudasai - Stop it, please

"Koware souni naite ita anata ga Itsumo no youni waratte iru no o

Tatta miteru yo" - "You, who could weep when scared, smiled all the time, for show only."

Yaro - bastard

Shimatta - shit