Chapter 10:
The phone rang as Anna was finishing her Trig homework. She didn't feel like talking much, but she picked up the phone anyway.
"Hello?"
"Anna?" Summer sounded like she had been crying.
"Yeah. What's going on Summer?" Anna asked with concern.
"I, um, I did something dumb," Summer admitted.
"How dumb?" Anna asked. "Are you drunk?"
"Not that dumb. I just wondered if you want to come over and talk," Summer asked.
"Why? Isn't that what Marissa is for?" Anna didn't mean to be mean, she just didn't understand what Summer wanted.
"This isn't really a Marissa conversation," Summer elaborated. "Will you come? Please?"
"Sure. Of course," Anna agreed wondering what she was getting herself into. "I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Okay, good," Summer hung up.
Anna grabbed her purse and headed for Summer's.
Summer was wearing a formal dress when she opened the door. Her make- up was streaked down her face and her hair was a mess. Anna hugged her tightly.
"Thanks for coming Anna," Summer said graciously.
"I'm happy to do it," the formalness of this greeting was strange. "Summer...?"
"Let me hold on to my dignity, please Anna?" Summer's grace and poise affected Anna.
"Of course," Anna nodded. Summer gestured for Anna to follow her into the kitchen. Two glasses of water were waiting and Summer sat.
"I thought you might respect that, my clinging to dignity," Summer observed, and she struck Anna as so much older.
"You just make such a romantically tragic figure," it was half joke and Anna knew it was inappropriate when she said it. Summer nodded.
"That's what you meant at school when you said looking at me made you want to cry, isn't it?" Summer pressed. Anna nodded.
"It has to suck for you. But I, everyone really, see you as part of a real-life Romeo and Juliet and it's hard to remember that what's happened is real. That Seth is really gone and never coming back," Anna explained.
"That's the difference between you and me," Summer stated. "You don't have to cling to dignity."
"I don't see what you mean," Anna admitted.
"You're so confident, comfortable in your own skin. For you, diginity is on the inside and it couldn't slip away if you wanted it to. My dignity is all based on appearances. That's why we're in the kitchen, and not upstairs," Summer took a deep breath. "I have something to show you."
The two girls, who were both feeling a little older than is strictly girlish, made their way upstairs. Summer opened the door to her bedroom.
The candles have been extinguished and the bed has been lain in, but it's obvious to Anna that something had happened here. Summer sat at the foot of her bed and gestured for Anna to sit with her.
"I told you about the letter Seth left me. Well I decided to open it," Summer began.
"Oh," Anna was beginning to understand why Summer had called her.
"It seemed wrong to just rip it open, so I did something dumb," Summer continued, burying her face in her hands.
"What?" Anna put her arm around her friend. "What did you do?"
"You'll think it's pathetic," Summer murmered. "This was a bad idea."
"Whatever it is, I won't think it's pathetic," Anna assured Summer. "But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"I went on a date. My last date with Seth," Summer blurted out and saying it made everything hurt even more.
"That isn't pathetic Summer, it's sweet."
"It's weird. It's creepy," Summer grumbled.
"It isn't. Remember how I told you about the e-mail I got from Seth?" Anna waited for Summer's nod. "Well, I didn't tell you, I e-mail him back. Everyday."
"You do?" Summer sniffled.
"Yeah. And the other day, after the funeral, Ryan and I took Seth's boat out for a sail," Anna revealed. "So if you're pathetic, we're all pathetic."
"Really? I'm not the only one?" Summer was relieved.
"Nope. None of us got a chance to say goodbye. We're all just doing the best we can," Anna told Summer.
"Good to know." Summer sat up straight, her face a mask of serenity. The smeered make-up the only indication that Summer had been hurting.
"I hate when you do that," Anna muttered.
"What?"
"'Maintain your dignity'. You just put up a wall and it's like nothing happened," Anna observed.
"So?"
"Something *did* happen just now. Something clicked between us and now you're pretending like it didn't. It makes me feel unsteady Summer. Like I don't know who you'll be next time I see you," Anna admitted. To Summer it felt like talking to Seth and Anna felt like she was speaking for Seth.
"I'll be the same. What do you mean?" Somehow Summer needed to keep this conversation going.
"Okay, like if I go home and have an upsetting dream about Seth, can I call you? If I see you at school tomorrow and wave, will you wave back? I don't know who you are so I don't know who to be for you," Anna summarized.
"I don't know who I am either Anna!" Summer embraced Anna and began to cry.
"That's okay, that we can work on," Anna assured as she stroked Summer's head.
The phone rang as Anna was finishing her Trig homework. She didn't feel like talking much, but she picked up the phone anyway.
"Hello?"
"Anna?" Summer sounded like she had been crying.
"Yeah. What's going on Summer?" Anna asked with concern.
"I, um, I did something dumb," Summer admitted.
"How dumb?" Anna asked. "Are you drunk?"
"Not that dumb. I just wondered if you want to come over and talk," Summer asked.
"Why? Isn't that what Marissa is for?" Anna didn't mean to be mean, she just didn't understand what Summer wanted.
"This isn't really a Marissa conversation," Summer elaborated. "Will you come? Please?"
"Sure. Of course," Anna agreed wondering what she was getting herself into. "I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Okay, good," Summer hung up.
Anna grabbed her purse and headed for Summer's.
Summer was wearing a formal dress when she opened the door. Her make- up was streaked down her face and her hair was a mess. Anna hugged her tightly.
"Thanks for coming Anna," Summer said graciously.
"I'm happy to do it," the formalness of this greeting was strange. "Summer...?"
"Let me hold on to my dignity, please Anna?" Summer's grace and poise affected Anna.
"Of course," Anna nodded. Summer gestured for Anna to follow her into the kitchen. Two glasses of water were waiting and Summer sat.
"I thought you might respect that, my clinging to dignity," Summer observed, and she struck Anna as so much older.
"You just make such a romantically tragic figure," it was half joke and Anna knew it was inappropriate when she said it. Summer nodded.
"That's what you meant at school when you said looking at me made you want to cry, isn't it?" Summer pressed. Anna nodded.
"It has to suck for you. But I, everyone really, see you as part of a real-life Romeo and Juliet and it's hard to remember that what's happened is real. That Seth is really gone and never coming back," Anna explained.
"That's the difference between you and me," Summer stated. "You don't have to cling to dignity."
"I don't see what you mean," Anna admitted.
"You're so confident, comfortable in your own skin. For you, diginity is on the inside and it couldn't slip away if you wanted it to. My dignity is all based on appearances. That's why we're in the kitchen, and not upstairs," Summer took a deep breath. "I have something to show you."
The two girls, who were both feeling a little older than is strictly girlish, made their way upstairs. Summer opened the door to her bedroom.
The candles have been extinguished and the bed has been lain in, but it's obvious to Anna that something had happened here. Summer sat at the foot of her bed and gestured for Anna to sit with her.
"I told you about the letter Seth left me. Well I decided to open it," Summer began.
"Oh," Anna was beginning to understand why Summer had called her.
"It seemed wrong to just rip it open, so I did something dumb," Summer continued, burying her face in her hands.
"What?" Anna put her arm around her friend. "What did you do?"
"You'll think it's pathetic," Summer murmered. "This was a bad idea."
"Whatever it is, I won't think it's pathetic," Anna assured Summer. "But you don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"I went on a date. My last date with Seth," Summer blurted out and saying it made everything hurt even more.
"That isn't pathetic Summer, it's sweet."
"It's weird. It's creepy," Summer grumbled.
"It isn't. Remember how I told you about the e-mail I got from Seth?" Anna waited for Summer's nod. "Well, I didn't tell you, I e-mail him back. Everyday."
"You do?" Summer sniffled.
"Yeah. And the other day, after the funeral, Ryan and I took Seth's boat out for a sail," Anna revealed. "So if you're pathetic, we're all pathetic."
"Really? I'm not the only one?" Summer was relieved.
"Nope. None of us got a chance to say goodbye. We're all just doing the best we can," Anna told Summer.
"Good to know." Summer sat up straight, her face a mask of serenity. The smeered make-up the only indication that Summer had been hurting.
"I hate when you do that," Anna muttered.
"What?"
"'Maintain your dignity'. You just put up a wall and it's like nothing happened," Anna observed.
"So?"
"Something *did* happen just now. Something clicked between us and now you're pretending like it didn't. It makes me feel unsteady Summer. Like I don't know who you'll be next time I see you," Anna admitted. To Summer it felt like talking to Seth and Anna felt like she was speaking for Seth.
"I'll be the same. What do you mean?" Somehow Summer needed to keep this conversation going.
"Okay, like if I go home and have an upsetting dream about Seth, can I call you? If I see you at school tomorrow and wave, will you wave back? I don't know who you are so I don't know who to be for you," Anna summarized.
"I don't know who I am either Anna!" Summer embraced Anna and began to cry.
"That's okay, that we can work on," Anna assured as she stroked Summer's head.