Hello once again! Here's another chapter, hope you like. It's kind of, well as the name suggests, awkward (what a funny word, say that holding your tongue!) and I hope I never have to sit through a dinner like this one. TV dinners all the way is what I think, (hee hee) Enjoy!
Chapter 5: An awkward dinner
Squall picked up a tea towel and wiped his hands. I sat myself on the edge of one of the lavender lounges that matched the bed. I sat there uncomfortably, as wary as a cat that had just seen a dog in the bushes. He lazily sat on a couch opposite mine; he looked totally relaxed as though nothing in the world could trouble him.
"What's the matter, Quisty? You look like you've seen a ghost."
He took these words as a chance to be near me and in an instant he was beside me, his arm draped around my shoulders, playing with the purple strap of my singlet top. I couldn't help it; I broke. I had to tell him that these games had to stop.
"I know, Squall… I know." I whispered into his hand, I couldn't bear eye contact.
"What do you know?" he embraced me suddenly in a swamping hug, and I buried my head deeply into his shoulder. His fingers danced along my backbone as though trying to control them from doing anything worse.
"I know what we did." I said so fast, I wasn't sure if he understood. He pulled back from me so suddenly I almost fell off the couch. His eyes looked downcast, staring at the cream carpet.
"Zell told you." He said almost inaudibly, it was more a statement rather than a question.
But still I nodded. I breathed out.
"What are we going to do, Quistis?" he asked hoarsely.
There was a moment of awkward silence.
"Move on, I guess. Pretend it never happened." I said; that's what I wanted to do, forget it. Squall lifted his head to meet his eyes with mine.
"I can't." And I knew now… neither could I.
*
Dinner went painfully slowly, but luckily Rinoa didn't seem to notice the way Squall and I were acting as though the other person wasn't there. Well, at least that's what I was doing. As for Squall, I wasn't so sure.
Rinoa chattered so much with bits and pieces filling in for the idle conversations Squall and I made no attempt to make. Dinner was a curry that was a bit too spicy for my liking and seemed to burn all the way down my throat. I had no appetite for food, after my and Squall's conversation.
Dessert was chocolate mousse which I normally would have loved, but the sweetness of it made my head swirl and it was unenjoyable.
"Oh Quistis, guess what?" Rinoa said as she collected up the dessert bowls like a perfect host.
I didn't get a chance to guess. "Squall and I have been thinking of going on a holiday!"
"Really? Where?" My voice strained with the effort to make it a little happy sounding.
"Well I want to go to Esthar but stupid Squall here doesn't want to leave the Garden, says it needs him." I took a look at Squall, he looked up and met my gaze, there was something there, but I couldn't place it.
Squall sighed. "I'm sorry Rinoa, but I just can't go off and leave."
I could tell they had had this conversation numerous amounts of times.
"I'm sure Quistis would fill in for you?" Rinoa said, giving me the look 'say yes or else.'
I was just about to reply and say 'sure' when Squall cut in.
"No. We couldn't give Quistis such a big burden, Rinoa just because I'm not going doesn't mean that you can't go." All of a sudden I could feel tension in the room.
"That's just it. You don't want to go anywhere with me! I feel like I'm the burden…" She smacked the tea towel down on the floor. I had never seen her lose her temper so quickly.
"Quistis, I think you should leave. I need to talk to my husband in private." Her voice came through clenched teeth as though if she opened them something terrible would leap out. I could take a hint. I got up and left, and didn't look back.
Inside my cabin, I huddled up in my doona and tried to forget everything, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't forget. Squall's words tickled me like an invisible feather. I dangerously let my thoughts wonder and it led me to the land of nod.