Chapter 14:
As Ryan got out of Summer's car, he could hear Sandy yelling at Kirsten. Without thinking he headed down to the beach. He climbed aboard the "Summer's Breeze" and sat.
"So buddy, this is some pretty fucked-up stuff," Ryan said out-loud. "I mean, you get us all dependant on you and then you just leave. I trusted you man! I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't not trust you, you know? Then you left. You abandoned me, just like all the others. Like my dad, like Trey, like my mom. WHY DOES MY FAMILY KEEP LEAVING ME?" Ryan screamed at the sky.
"Dude, sorry. It's just been a long-ass week without you. I don't suppose you'd consider coming home, huh? 'Cause I'm sure heaven's nice and all, but do they have PlayStation? I know you don't believe in heaven, but I've got to man. 'Cause I can't wrap my brain around the thought of you just being totally gone. That's heavy shit, and I'm really sick of heavy shit," Ryan sighed.
"I miss you Seth. It's weird not hearing you yammering during breakfast, or following me around. School's a lonely place without you. I've been hanging out with Summer and Anna, they're cool girls. I'm not that guy though, you are," Ryan laughed cynically.
"Jesus Cohen, you must be loving this. It's all about you Oh-Self- Centered-One. Always. I wonder if it'll be like this forever. Damn, forever's a long time," Ryan kicked the boat in frustration. "Which reminds me dude, what am I gonna do about your parents? They're fighting all the time. Your dad is drinking a lot and Kirsten..." Ryan sighed in frustration. "I don't know what to do man. They love you so much. You know that right? They love you like crazy and they miss their son *so* bad," Ryan's voice was tinged with pain. "Summer misses you too. And Anna. I don't know what to do about them either. They need me I think, and I guess I need them too. But... hell. You know what Seth? I'm just going to say it and for once you're going to have to keep a secret. I think I'm falling for Summer, and for Anna. They're both so strong, and beautiful, and loving, and taken. They're both still in love with you. You're my brother and my best friend, I'm not going to act on any of this. I just, I figured you have a right to know," Ryan shrugged. "I feel weird, talking this much. My throat's starting to hurt. Guess you get used to it after awhile. I don't want to get used to it, I'm not cut out to be a talker. Even if I was, I don't want to take your place. I feel like I kind of have already. I mean, the Cohen's had one son, and they still do. How long before people forget that for awhile there were two of us? Or me hanging out with Summer and Anna. That used to be you. That should still be you," Ryan muttered. "I should be the one that died, not you. You have a girlfriend who loves you, a best friend who misses you like crazy, a family that's falling apart without you. It should have been me, Seth. Everything would be so much better if I would have died instead of you!" Ryan kicked violently at the boat and smashed his hand into the railing. "Fuck. It's freezing out here. I miss being able to talk to you in the house. I guess I still could, but that would be weird. Weirder. A little more talking-to-myself than talking to you. Anyway, I should probably get going, but we'll hang out later." Ryan got out of the boat and climbed the steep path back to the house.
As Ryan got out of Summer's car, he could hear Sandy yelling at Kirsten. Without thinking he headed down to the beach. He climbed aboard the "Summer's Breeze" and sat.
"So buddy, this is some pretty fucked-up stuff," Ryan said out-loud. "I mean, you get us all dependant on you and then you just leave. I trusted you man! I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't not trust you, you know? Then you left. You abandoned me, just like all the others. Like my dad, like Trey, like my mom. WHY DOES MY FAMILY KEEP LEAVING ME?" Ryan screamed at the sky.
"Dude, sorry. It's just been a long-ass week without you. I don't suppose you'd consider coming home, huh? 'Cause I'm sure heaven's nice and all, but do they have PlayStation? I know you don't believe in heaven, but I've got to man. 'Cause I can't wrap my brain around the thought of you just being totally gone. That's heavy shit, and I'm really sick of heavy shit," Ryan sighed.
"I miss you Seth. It's weird not hearing you yammering during breakfast, or following me around. School's a lonely place without you. I've been hanging out with Summer and Anna, they're cool girls. I'm not that guy though, you are," Ryan laughed cynically.
"Jesus Cohen, you must be loving this. It's all about you Oh-Self- Centered-One. Always. I wonder if it'll be like this forever. Damn, forever's a long time," Ryan kicked the boat in frustration. "Which reminds me dude, what am I gonna do about your parents? They're fighting all the time. Your dad is drinking a lot and Kirsten..." Ryan sighed in frustration. "I don't know what to do man. They love you so much. You know that right? They love you like crazy and they miss their son *so* bad," Ryan's voice was tinged with pain. "Summer misses you too. And Anna. I don't know what to do about them either. They need me I think, and I guess I need them too. But... hell. You know what Seth? I'm just going to say it and for once you're going to have to keep a secret. I think I'm falling for Summer, and for Anna. They're both so strong, and beautiful, and loving, and taken. They're both still in love with you. You're my brother and my best friend, I'm not going to act on any of this. I just, I figured you have a right to know," Ryan shrugged. "I feel weird, talking this much. My throat's starting to hurt. Guess you get used to it after awhile. I don't want to get used to it, I'm not cut out to be a talker. Even if I was, I don't want to take your place. I feel like I kind of have already. I mean, the Cohen's had one son, and they still do. How long before people forget that for awhile there were two of us? Or me hanging out with Summer and Anna. That used to be you. That should still be you," Ryan muttered. "I should be the one that died, not you. You have a girlfriend who loves you, a best friend who misses you like crazy, a family that's falling apart without you. It should have been me, Seth. Everything would be so much better if I would have died instead of you!" Ryan kicked violently at the boat and smashed his hand into the railing. "Fuck. It's freezing out here. I miss being able to talk to you in the house. I guess I still could, but that would be weird. Weirder. A little more talking-to-myself than talking to you. Anyway, I should probably get going, but we'll hang out later." Ryan got out of the boat and climbed the steep path back to the house.