Warnings: Porn. =o.o= Don't look at me like that.

Disclaimer: I know, from traipsing through every store, mall, and boutique in the Greater Toronto Area, that nobody has Gundam pilots for sale. I even offered to pay retail instead of the supposed sale price, but they still said no. Therefore, I cannot possibly own these magnificent examples of manhood, or the chicks they hang out with. Do not sue me. I have no money except that miniscule amount reserved for presents.

~~~~~~~~~~

Episode Sixty-Nine: Crossed Wires

"Whenever I'm caught between two evils I always take the one I've never tried before." [sic] ~Mae West

December 24th, 1902

Many days' examination of the information brought back from France yielded some answers, but mostly questions. While Duo and Heero had retrieved a greater volume of material, the papers gathered by Quatre and Wufei pertained more closely to Hassan and Cinq's yearly schedule, and were therefore deemed more pressing for evaluation. Several days in a row, the team gathered in their reserved meeting room at Catharine's Place, poring over every scrap, and piecing together their next objective. Papers were spread out all over the heavy wooden table, making it difficult to find a place to put brunch when it finally arrived.

"You all look so serious lately," Yasmeen said as three pairs of hands quickly shuffled papers so she could put her platter of sliced fruit and cheese cubes down. "Should I assume that things aren't going well?"

"Things are going slowly," Trowa said with exaggerated deceleration.

"But it's better than going backwards," Quatre added in a hopeful voice. He pulled out the chair next to him for Yasmeen, and she gratefully sat down, smoothing out the white apron over her cornflower blue dress. Not long after Quatre's sisters were discovered to be working in the pub, the question had arisen over whether or not to make them privy to any of the team's secret meetings. Heero had decided, with solid support from the others, that as long as they were discussing matters that directly related to the plight of the Winner family, Yasmeen could sit in on such meetings as the girls' formal representative.

Yasmeen patted her brother's shoulder sympathetically. "I'm sure all your hard work will pay off someday, and then we can all breathe easier."

Directly across from Quatre, Wufei helped himself to a grapefruit slice and gestured to him with it. "Tell her about the boat tickets."

"Oh!" Quatre dug through the pile until he found exactly the right page, then showed it to his sister. "There's going to be an annual meeting soon, and Hassan is sure to be there. We're still not sure where it's going to be, but a lot of suspicious people have been making requisitions through the organization for tickets on a ferry. They're all being booked on a small boat company that services the Mediterranean, so knowing that, we can narrow down the area we'll have to search."

The rapid-fire explanation was in slight danger of flying right over Yasmeen's head, but she nodded politely. "You'll find your way, I know you will."

That was the conversation happening in the middle of the table. Far at one end, the girls were sharing a pot of Earl Grey and shooting the breeze without much thought to the mission, which had stalled somewhat, laying dormant until the Cinq Association's end-of-fiscal-year tally. At the other end, Duo was leaning back in a heavily-tilted chair, watching Heero with curiosity and concern. Heero was pretty much ignoring the chatter three chairs away, also tilting his chair back languidly. He was paying much more attention to the little toy tiger in his hands; it was a strangely enthralling piece of needlework, and he just couldn't tear his eyes off it.

So weird...the way he looks at that thing, Duo thought. It's like he's staring at himself as a little boy, and they're trying to figure out if they recognize each other. I hope they sort it out soon, 'cause we're gonna need grown-up Heero in the real world sooner or later. There were other things he wanted to talk to his friend about, but lately the entire length and breadth of his concentration was being used up on the stuffed tiger, and it wasn't that easy to get through to him anymore.

"Duo? Yoo-hoo! Are you listening to me?"

Having become what he mocked, unresponsive and wrapped up in his own thoughts, Duo looked up quickly to greet the sight of Hilde's waving arm growing up out of the other end of the table. Reality slapped him across the face and forced him to snap out of it. "Huh?"

Hilde sneered and smiled at the same time, while Lucrezia and Sally giggled to either side of her. "I said, do you think we'll have snow in time for tomorrow?"

"Oh...nah, probably not. I mean, there were a few flakes this morning, but they melted as soon as they hit the ground. Our luck, it'll be drizzling for the next two weeks."

"Aww..." Hilde slouched sadly. "It doesn't really feel like Christmas without even a little layer of fluffy white stuff."

"You should be more concerned with being fed," Wufei scoffed. "If the rest of you were smart, you'd rent rooms here instead of roughing it in that cold, empty mansion. At least in a pub, you always know where your next meal is coming from."

"Sure, rub it in!" Duo snarled with a half-smile. They all knew the manor's supplies were running dangerously low, and it was becoming a running gag that commoners were able to eat better than the servants of the aristocracy. "But I'll tell you something for nothing, I doubt that any other chef in this town could've done so well with so little! Yesterday, I talked a shop owner into giving me a twenty-five percent discount off half a dozen boxes of Walker's shortbread that had the corners all dented up. If living on the streets teaches you nothing else, it's how to find a bargain."

Lucrezia didn't like to be a snob, but even she was taken aback. "Is that all we've got? Shortbread?"

Various other voices of doom chimed in. "No pudding with brandy?"

"No pumpkin pie with whipped cream?"

"No Christmas goose?"

Duo un-tilted his chair and threw his hands up in defence. "Hey, hey! What kind of amateur do you take me for!? We've got a goose!" He shrank a little, looking quickly from one pair of desolate eyes to another. "Or to be more accurate...a duck..." He shrank a little further. "Half a duck."

A chorus of groans resounded, followed by whining, followed by mild arguments, all of which wafted around Heero's ears unnoticed. In another time, he would have quickly taken control of the meeting before it turned into a shouting match, but corralling his teammates was farthest from his mind as he continued to gaze hypnotically into the glossy obsidian eyes of his stuffed tiger. The animal was silently telling him how unimportant the petty disagreements were, and to ignore them. By the time he finally looked up, half of his team had stood up and were putting their coats on.

"...as much as we can do, anyway, so there's not much point."

"Yeah, might as well be unproductive at home, huh?"

Heero looked blankly at them, and they all sort of ground to a halt as they realized there had been no official adjournment. Only Duo was still seated, and he tapped Heero on the shoulder. "You'd look pretty silly sleeping in that chair overnight, or are you interested in going home too?"

Hiding a slightly flustered state, Heero crammed the tiger into his front coat pocket, in the absence of a handkerchief, and stood. "Right. Let's clear this junk out of here."

Everyone grabbed a handful of papers and marched the lot over to Wufei's room, where they were locked away safely until the next meeting. No matter how much the others persisted, however, Wufei couldn't be persuaded to follow them back to the manor and partake in whatever meagre Christmas celebrations they could muster. Yasmeen went back to her work, Hilde gave Wufei a smile and a twiddly wave over her shoulder when no one was looking, and seven people made their way out of the pub and into the cold.

Mindful of the fact that they were short on cash, especially after what the foray to France had cost, the boys opted to be little gentlemen and let the girls have the only carriage they could afford. They kept warm during the long walk back by cracking the occasional joke and stopping to peer into joyously-decorated store windows. It was mostly Duo and Trowa making all the fuss over Christmas; Quatre and Heero felt somewhat detached from it all, but were content to tag along for the ride, for whatever was good for their friends must have been good for them as well.

They were hitching rides with all sorts of merchants to get home sooner, perching on the running boards of any horse and cart that cared to help them, and they made it back a little after lunch, where the mood wasn't much cheerier than it was in the pub. The housemaids were all moaning about how dead and drab it was around the manor, and Hilde was only too glad to separate from them long enough to welcome the boys. "Hope you don't mind," she said while they hung up their coats, "but we've already been nibbling away at lunch. We did our best to save you something, but the pantry's almost empty, and..."

"Tell me about it," Duo moaned. "I've got to borrow vegetables from Arthur again or we won't have a decent supper tonight."

Elsie passed by on her way to somewhere with a depressingly droopy dustrag and added her complaints to the communal pot. "It's a dark day for Bridlewood, it is...the first Christmas in livin' mem'ry when we ain't had a tree."

As she left, the five teens in the foyer all slouched sadly. Despite their differing views on Christmas itself, the contrast against last year's celebration was disheartening. A year ago, the house was filled with people and music. Fine foods and mistletoe abounded, and the champagne had flowed freely. Now the ticking of the grandfather clock echoed through the vacant halls like a death knell.

Trowa wasn't about to stand for it. Infuriated by their misfortune, his mind began churning out plans, and his eagle eyes searched fervently for materials. He moved a little bit to the left of the stairs, and in a niche opposite the door to the parlour, there was an old, disused hat stand made of wood, about six feet tall with four pegs jutting out at the top. He got an idea. "Quat..."

Quatre stepped closer, increasingly curious. "Hm?"

"Run and grab me that hand drill from the carriage house, and the tin of augers that go with it. And Hilde, you go tell the housemaids to round up all the broomhandles in the house, and go through all the closets and pick out everything that's green."

A cascade of overlapping 'why's chased Trowa as he walked swiftly to the hat stand and examined it closely. "Even aboard ship, we always had a Christmas tree, even if it was a pile of twigs slapped together with pitch." He glared indignantly at the others. "We are going to have a tree!"

They were all confused, but the flames in Trowa's eyes scared them away from questioning further.

"You know what?" Hilde said finally, after Quatre scampered away to fetch the drill. "He's right! Instead of wallowing in self-pity, we should be making the best of things." She poked Heero and Duo in a shoulder apiece. "Why don't you two go up to the attic and dig out some decorations?"

Duo shrugged off-handedly. "Sure, why not?" They started for the stairs, but another comment from Hilde halted them.

"You better put the little guy away, though," she said, reaching out and patting the head of the tiger in Heero's breast pocket. "It's awfully dusty up there."

"He'll feel right at home," Heero said, taking the tiger out and giving him a little shake. Some oversized dust particles fell off and glided gently to the floor like new-fallen snow.

Hilde thought for a moment, then held out her hand. "Why don't you let me clean him up for you?"

Heero stared with a surprised and slightly defensive look. "Can you do that?"

"Oh, sure, I've been in the laundry business long enough that I know how to clean anything." She smiled and took the tiger from him, brushing off some more dust. "He's cute. Where'd you get him?"

Both boys clammed up in a hurry. They felt equally that the contents of Heero's file were a private matter, but Heero couldn't stop himself from carrying the tiger around with him, so he should have expected such questions. Still, it was reasonably safe to let the animal go for a little while, for Heero had removed the scrap of embroidered cloth and the short message on rice paper long ago. "It was a gift," he said finally.

"Well, don't you worry," Hilde reassured him. "He'll be good as new in a little while." She carried the tiger away and resolved to brighten up his fur just as soon as she carried out Trowa's request. In the meantime, Trowa and the hat stand had both disappeared, and with nothing left to keep them in the foyer, Duo and Heero headed up three flights of stairs to the attic, their old home. Shadow sniffed them out as they passed the second floor, and followed them, eager to play.

"I don't have a clue where anything is, so I hope you remember." Duo remarked as they approached the blackness of the storage room.

Heero lit a nearby lantern and waded into the sea of trunks and boxes. "Somewhere on the left," he conjectured.

Good, Duo thought. He had hidden something off to the right, and he wanted to keep it hidden, for the moment.

Things went smoothly for the first half hour; the pair pulled out several boxes of tinsel and garlands, stacking them in the hall as they worked. Then Shadow found something she had never smelled before, and thought it quite interesting. She meowed and pawed at the object which was nestled in the far right corner of the storage room. Both boys looked up.

"Shadow?" Heero called out, stepping gingerly towards the sound. "Come out of there before you get stuck."

Duo calculated Shadow's position based on the meows, saw Heero closing in on the spot, and cringed. No no no no...

As Heero crouched next to the cat with the lantern held high over her head, he saw what she could easily see in the dark--a wide, inch-thick black book. He picked it up and stood just as Duo stumbled over a steamer trunk to stop him from opening it. "C'mon, we've got enough stuff, let's go," the chef blurted.

"This wasn't here before," Heero said curiously. "I would have seen it when I built my wall safe." He set the lantern down on a tall stack of boxes and started to open the book, but Duo snatched it away.

"You don't wanna look at that."

"It's yours?" Heero asked innocently.

"Uh...I sorta...found it," Duo said, wrapping his arms around the book protectively.

Heero found Duo's sudden cas e of nerves rather intriguing, and held back a smirk as he stepped closer. "Well, what's the big secret?"

"Nothing, seriously."

"Then why won't you let me look?" The smirk grew as he started making playful grabs for the book, which Duo fended off with one arm.

"Get off!"

"First, let me see!"

"Hands to yourself, Grabby!"

A brief struggle ensued, with lots of pinching, tickling, and various other forms of horseplay, until Duo was overcome and loosened his grip. With a triumphant 'Hah!', Heero ripped the book away and opened it somewhere in the middle while Duo winced and Shadow meowed. As the contents of the pages shot through Heero's eyes and into his brain, he froze, and felt the back of his neck getting hot as he instantly understood why Duo was so mortified at the prospect of the book's discovery.

The pages were full of photos.

The photos were full of people.

The people were all very busy, and their clothing was conspicuous by its absence.

Heero slapped the book shut, his eyes bulging, and slowly turned to face a blushing and cowering Duo. "Where did this come from?" he demanded in a shocked whisper.

Duo was twisting his braid in both hands, and though the light from the lantern was growing dim, he had absolutely no trouble being impaled on Heero's piercing eyes. He swallowed. "In...a box."

Heero looked around. There were hundreds of boxes in storage. That didn't exactly narrow it down. "Which box?"

"Not here. Uh...it was....." He swallowed again. "...at the base."

They had only opened one box between them at the archival base, and it has Heero's name all over it. "This...was in my file!?"

Slowly, Duo nodded. "I didn't know whether to tell you about it or not, 'cause.....well, come on, how could I!?"

It was a valid question, and one they had no answer to. Sucked in by morbid curiosity, they inched towards each other and creaked the book back open, no longer pretending that they didn't want to know what was inside. Page after page full of unashamedly titillating images was flipped, and the further they delved into the big black book, the more lurid the pictures became. About halfway through, they shifted from being one man and one woman in flagrante delicto to multiple combinations of the same, threesomes, foursomes, and so on. The book was an all-purpose, all-weather sex manual, and nobody knew about it but them.

Several more page-turns later, Heero slapped the book shut again, and the boys moved apart, looking away from each other and wiping their brows. "Well...there's only one rational explanation for this," Heero gasped analytically.

Duo had already guessed the book's purpose, and graciously saved Heero the agony of speaking it aloud. "That was the, uh...textbook your teachers were using...when you and Frenchy were..."

"Exactly." Heero didn't want to look, but he was willing to bet that the first several pages perfectly matched the early lessons he had been given on how to talk a woman right out of her corset. Several moments of thick silence followed, during which there was no meeting of eyes whatsoever. "We, um... probably shouldn't leave it where anybody can find it," he stammered eventually, "and I must say, I'm surprised at you for keeping it around even this long." He was about to suggest that they lock the book up in his wall safe, but Duo didn't give him a chance, grabbing the dark treasure and heading for the door with it.

"We'll hide it in our room!" the chef whispered, totally ignoring Heero's judgemental tone on the last remark. That was what he had wanted to do from the beginning, of course, but he had been too nervous to risk the other boy stumbling across it.

Heero wasn't sure if he liked that idea, but it happened too fast to argue with. He scooped up the lantern in one hand and Shadow in the other, and tore down the stairs after his companion. When he made it to their room, Duo was clutching the book fiercely and wandering around, looking for a secure hiding place. The door was shut and locked immediately.

"Maybe in the...no...oh, how about...nah...under the...no, wait..." Duo mumbled frantically and couldn't think straight, until he saw Shadow jump up on their bed, which gave him a brain wave that lit up his face like a firecracker. "Got it!" He dove down to his knees next to the bed, on the opposite side from where Heero was standing, and plunged one hand under the mattress. "Aha! Plenty of room!"

This time, Heero cringed. No no no no... "I don't think that's such a good idea. How about under the wardrobe instead?"

"Nah, this'll be way easier once I..." Still with one arm being crushed under the mattress, Duo's face went blank with confusion. He slowly pulled his arm out, and at the end of it was another book, a smallish hardcover. "What the..."

Heero put out the lantern and crawled right overtop of the bed to make a grab for the smaller book. "Duo, I think you should put that back. Whoever put it there might come back for it someda--"

"Hold on, it can't have been there all that long, it looks brand new!" Duo squawked, brimming with fresh curiosity and slapping Heero's hands away as he tried unsuccessfully to retrieve the small book. "...and what do you know about it? What is this, anyway?" He scooted backwards and had to flip open to the first page, for there was, oddly enough, no title printed on the cover. "'Fanny Hill'?"

Heero glared.

Duo shrugged from the neck up. "Never heard of it...gotta wonder what else is under there, though."

"Oh, no you don't!" Heero launched himself off the bed and tackled Duo with a tiger-like roar, and they both went tumbling across the floor into another wrestling match, this one tougher than the first. Shadow was torn between joining in and giving up her warm spot on the bed, so she just licked her paws while they fought. Duo pulled off a stunning move that actually flipped Heero over on his back, but he grabbed ahold of Duo's ankle and kept him from reaching the bed. He crawled up a little more and grabbed his opponent's braid, immobilizing him further, but Shadow jumped down, finally wanting to play, and Duo grabbed her, held her up with one hand and dangled her paws an inch away from Heero's upturned face.

"Claws!" Duo shouted as a warning. "Truce?"

Heero growled, but he was beaten. "Truce."

They set Shadow down and scooted up to lean against the bed side by side, huffing and puffing, and Duo gasped out his demands victoriously. "Alright...see what else...you've got squirrelled away in here..." It was easily surmised that the mysterious little book was hidden there by Heero, but Duo had yet to fathom was all the hubbub was about. He reached back under the mattress, and following 'Fanny Hill' came 'Leaves of Grass,' Boccaccio's 'Decameron', and 'The Fortunes and Misfortunes of the Famous Moll Flanders,' none of which Duo recognized. He casually picked up 'Moll Flanders' and started flipping through it. "Okay, I know these are yours, or you wouldn't have gone all nuts on me, but what's the bi--"

On some random page, Duo saw what the big deal was, and his eyes ballooned. To an extent, 'Moll Flanders' contained sexual imagery quite similar to that found in the big black book, except in print rather than pictures, and heavily veiled in flowery two-hundred-year-old language. Nevertheless, it was there. "Ew!" Duo shut the book quickly and stared at Heero with a peculiar admiration. "Why, you filthy-minded little beast."

"Have you quite finished?"

Duo slung an arm around Heero's shoulders and squeezed hard, grinning maniacally. "I'm very impressed, off the record. Are all of these books like that?"

"To varying degrees," Heero admitted through a sigh.

"What happened to those Kipling books I got you?"

"I read them all."

"So..." Duo's grin widened as he picked up the 'Decameron' and started flipping through it as well. "...what exactly are you doing with books like these under your bed, hm?"

The back of Heero's neck grew warmer still, and he felt sure that his ears were turning crimson. What was any boy of seventeen or thereabouts doing with scandalously racy reading material, not one title of which could not be easily located on the government's list of banned books? "Just...looking for something I can relate to...I suppose."

Duo gazed very softly at him; the tone of voice he used revealed that he hadn't found what he was looking for, that dark, secluded corner of society capable of validating whatever he was feeling, whatever he didn't feel ready to share with his friend. Duo was suddenly tingling all over, because the nature of all the books made it obvious what some distant part of Heero's mind was craving, and the fact that so much exposure to the carnal activities of men and women could not fill the void gave Duo hope that he might fill it himself. He glanced at the big black book and wondered if it would be helpful to open it to the small section at the back that only Duo had seen, where some pictures contained only girls, and others, more importantly, were only boys. Those pictures, plus the ever-inspiring trial transcript. might have answered a lot of questions that neither one of them had the nerve to ask.

Alas, they weren't about to find out. Someone banged on the door, and they both jumped a good six inches off the floor. "Hey! You in there? Arthur wants to know which vegetables you want from his garden! Hello?" It was Hilde's voice.

Oh, of all times, Duo thought bitterly. "Yeah, hold on!" He stuffed all five books under the mattress and shoved himself back on his feet, but a firm tug on the hem of his tweed jacket stopped him from getting to the door.

Heero was looking up at him, a touch on the shameful side. "You won't tell anyone..." It was halfway between an order and a plea.

"Tell them what? That you're a normal, red-blooded kid like anyone else?" Duo smiled, then winked. "'Course not."

The chef slipped out, closing the door behind him, and Heero sighed. That certainly hadn't been one of his shining moments, but it was a relief that it was only his most trusted companion who was around to see it. A very murky, very demanding portion of his psyche had been gradually awakening, little by little over the past year or so; it told him to want things that he had never wanted before, things he couldn't understand but still knew enough about to be crushed by a giant iron weight made of shame. It was a comfort, though, that Duo reacted much the same way he had to the forbidden books--it gave Heero hope that he wasn't suffering from some mental disease.

Bored, Shadow climbed up into his lap for a cuddle, and purred thankfully when he scratched just the right spot behind her right ear. Heero looked down at the furry head and twitchy tail of his last remaining witness and raised an eyebrow. "Don't you say anything either," he said, to which the cat made no reply.

**********

At the lavish Wyndham estate in the green valleys of Essex, Marcus and his parents were in the middle of a very successful Christmas Eve party, which they threw every year without fail. Unfortunately, the gala was hardly a success by Marcus' standards, for he would have dearly loved to invite Relena, but that was impossible. It also seemed impossible for him to enjoy himself at his own soirée; he was sulky the entire time, despite his mother's repeated admonishments to cheer up for the sake of the other guests, and not one of the beautiful and eligible young ladies in attendance could drag him out of his chair in the corner of the hall opposite the ballroom.

At some point, one of the servants brought him a plate of food from the buffet, but he just ended up playing with the silverware, counting how many seconds he could hang a silver spoon off the end of his nose and then trying to break that record. Later on, he stole three Cox's orange pippins from the kitchen and began juggling them, developing a new trick where he would toss one apple up under his other arm, backhandedly, with the other two apples still in the air, and continue juggling without missing a beat.

He practised his art in the empty hall for a long time, listening to the revelling and merrymaking in the adjacent room with plaintive sighs. One apple stubbornly refused to obey his commands, and when he dropped it for the fourth time, he frowned, quietly muttered a vile and un-Marcus-like epithet, picked it up, chomped into it, and wandered out onto the terrace with the other two apples in his pockets.

So Lena doesn't want to see me for Christmas. Fine. I'll just stand out here and freeze.

A gust of wind blew a good handful of snowflakes in his face, Mother Nature daring him to follow through on his threat. He sputtered and sneezed, but leaned heavily forward on the wrought iron railing decorated with swans and broad leaves, defiantly munching. Bloody, stupid.....I hate winter. I hate the cold, and the snow, and the rain...I hate the awful grey skies.....at times like this, I think I hate England, too.

I can't possibly tell Mum and Dad how I feel...the first thing out of their mouths will be some vapid suggestion that I go have a holiday in the sun...someplace blisteringly hot where I can run out the calendar until spring. As if that's going to make everything all right. I've no doubt that there are some perfectly wonderful places to visit...but if Lena can't be with me, then what's the point? He threw his apple core dejectedly at the ground and put his head down on his folded arms. What's the point of anything?

He would have had the rest of the night to sulk about his situation if not for the sound of some far-off doors opening, brining intruders into his sacred melancholy. At the other end of the terrace, two portly gentlemen in top hats and winter coats had taken their cigars outside to have a puff in solitude. Their chatting and chortling disturbed Marcus greatly, as they obviously hadn't noticed anyone else around, and he was about to go unleash his temper on them both when he accidentally overheard a snippet of their conversation, and halted.

"...Peacecraft would turn over in his grave if he knew..."

Marcus twitched. They were talking about Relena's late father. If he knew? If he knew what? He crept closer and hid behind a large empty planter and a stone cherub to listen further.

"...got the strangest call from her the other day."

"Oh, yes?"

"Had something to say about a fundraiser for the family."

"Indeed! I received that exact same call!"

"Did you really?"

"Why, yes! Of course, it was disguised as a sponsorship scheme for some remodelling project, but she was clearly asking for money."

"Precisely! You know, Eloise and I have a sneaking suspicion that the manor is bankrupt."

"Shocking."

"Absolutely shocking."

Behind the planter, Marcus went ashen, and his fingers and toes started tingling from fright as much as the cold. ...bankrupt!? But that can't be!

"...hasn't been the same since His Lordship passed on."

"Not likely to get any better, either..." The gentlemen wandered off and the volume of their conversation dipped until it vanished along with them.

Marcus rose slowly, struggling to collect his thoughts. The two men never used the exact words, as far as he could hear, but the implication seemed crystal clear. The Peacecraft family was broke. Suddenly everything made sense. Relena and the others had gone into hiding to rally their resources and garner support from all their friends in order to stay afloat, while simultaneously avoiding the busybodies and naysayers that populated London in such huge numbers. But...why didn't she feel that she could come to me with her problems? And how did they go downhill so quickly?

The party had seemed insignificant before, and it was downright useless to Marcus now. He knew he couldn't rest until he made some sort of contact with Relena's sphere of influence. Shivering, he ran back inside to grab a coat and some coins, and was worrying about the train schedules long before he shot out the back door, without breathing a word of goodbye to anyone.

**********

After their sparse but satisfying dinner, Trowa made a great production of dragging everyone into the parlour before desert, to see his magnificent creation. He pushed them all out of the dining room in a big glob and ran in front of the parlour doors, oddly wearing a gray sweater instead of his usual green turtleneck. "Are you all ready to witness the unveiling of a work of art?"

"Just open the door, you fruitcake!" Duo heckled from the back.

"As you wish..." With a sweeping arm motion, Trowa unlatched the doors and swung them open with a gentle push. Inside was a surprise none of them could have imagined--a custom-made Christmas tree. It was the old hat stand from the hall, with a few major modifications. Trowa had drilled holes through the thick wooden post from the top pegs all the way down to a foot from the bottom, and then poked sawed-off broomsticks of different lengths through the holes in alternating directions, making a rather good skeletal representation of a fir tree. Draped over the makeshift branches were all the green clothes that could be found in the house, from scarves to skirts right up to Trowa's favourite turtleneck. He promised them a tree, and somehow, he delivered.

Everyone bunched up around the peculiar evergreen and congratulated him on his ingenuity, reaching out tentatively to test the strength of the branches. Only Bethany was slightly dubious. "Don't get me wrong," she said, brushing at her strawberry blonde curls, "it's lovely, an' all, but it's just a bit plain, innit? It ain't got no tinsel or nuffink."

"Well, I tried to put some glass balls on it, but the broomhandles were too big and the hangers were too small," said Trowa.

Almost immediately, Duo snapped his fingers brightly. "I've got the perfect stuff for that upstairs! Stay right here!" He ran to the parlour doors, slowed down, and turned around briefly, remembering something. "...unless, of course, anyone wants to help themselves to some shortbread from the butler's pantry."

Some playful giggles chased him out of the room, after which Doris took charge of things in a maternal way. She had everyone grab a box of decorations that had been brought down from the attic, and ten pairs of hands set to work at beautifying the parlour for their little staff party. Soon the place was glittering, and things didn't seem quite so bleak anymore. "All we need now is a good old-fashioned sing-song," Doris concluded after stepping back to admire their work.

"Well, there's the piano," Hilde said, pointing. "Anyone know what to do with it?"

"You're musical," Bethany said, prodding Quatre in the arm. "Why don't you have a go?"

Quatre smiled, but shook his head. "It's not my instrument..." He gazed at all the faces around him, and smiled wider as he picked out the one that might have been the most help. "...but I'll bet you could do it!"

Several seconds passed before Heero realized Quatre was looking at him. He even looked at the empty space behind him to make sure, and then squinted. "Me?"

"Yes, you! You've got a good ear, haven't you?"

"I...suppose so, but--"

Trowa joined the charge by slapping Heero brusquely on the shoulder. "Of course you do! That new bell-pull system you designed? Nobody could have built that but you!"

"Nobody can unnerstand it but 'im," Elsie jawed bitterly from the corner.

Heero started taking a step back, unpleasantly repelled by the spotlight. "I really don't thin--"

"Oh, don't be a spoilsport," Quatre barked, dragging him by the arm over to the piano bench. "How do you know you're good at something until you try?"

Heero was forcibly plunked down onto the bench, but twisted around immediately to look up at his assailant. "I only know what different frequencies sound like in relation to each other. That doesn't make me an instrumentalist."

It was a decent argument, short and sweet, but Quatre was already unearthing books of Christmas carols from the wooden bin beside the piano. "I can show you how it works, if you'll just give me a chance..." He flattened one book up on the music stand above the keyboard and started going over the basics. "Now, this group of five lines is a staff, and that squiggly thing on the left is a treble clef, and each note has its own..."

The voices of the others blended with Quatre's as they broke off into their own little conversations. Soon, Duo returned from his jaunt up to the second floor with two little bundles in his arms. The first was Shadow, who jumped down and ran straight across to the piano, where she hopped up in Heero's lap to see what he was doing. The second bundle was a handkerchief wrapped around a familiar treasure, Duo's pretty metal watchbirds, which he pinned to the clothing on the tree with various tin picks and hat pins he had scavenged from other rooms. With the watchbirds perched on the branches and sparkling happily, the room was finally feeling warm, and the night less lonely.

In preparation for the sing-song, Arthur made a quick trip out back and returned with Quatre's violin case and an old Wheatstone concertina for himself, while Doris brought the boxes of shortbread in from the butler's pantry. They were pretty much out of liquor, save a few drops of emergency sherry, so they had to make do with water and biscuits for dessert, but few of them complained. In less than ten minutes, Heero had absorbed enough musical theory that he was able to coax a pleasing noise out of the piano, even with Shadow crawling around and almost getting in the way, and once he understood how the chords worked with the key signatures, he was actually interested in delving further. A warm fire was lit in the hearth, and everyone gathered around the piano as the trio sight-read carols from the songbook, and the rest all sang beautifully in four-part harmony.

All through the first three carols, Duo couldn't get over the sight of Heero at the piano. Would you look at that? I had to see it to believe it...although I don't know why. After all, I've seen more evidence than anyone that Heero's actually a person instead of a set of instructions on legs. And he's doing a good job, too! I haven't heard one wrong note yet! He doesn't give himself enough credit outside working hours...but I guess that's what I'm here for. Duo smiled around the lyrics of the song and looked at all three musicians. Only Arthur was singing and playing at the same time; Quatre and Heero were too absorbed in getting the notes right, and Heero had up to twelve times as many notes to keep track of as the others, but he actually looked as though he was enjoying himself. Duo savoured the sight, not knowing when it would happen again.

Then, without warning, a sound from the front hall cut through the second verse of 'God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.' It was the doorbell, and it brought a great thundering pause to the proceedings. Everyone looked at the parlour doors, wondering who was going to get up and answer the call. Seniority and the chain of command had been out the window for so long that nobody knew who was in charge, so it became a question of who was closest. As it turned out, Hilde was seated nearest the exit, so she got up and disappeared around the corner.

The others practically held their breath waiting for the visitor to be announced. Some held out hope that Relena and Milliardo had come home for Christmas after all, whereas those less optimistic feared that it was a bill-collector. Hilde's disembodied exclamation soon proved them all wrong. "Oh! Come in! You must be frozen solid!" Footsteps mingled with mumbling, and a rush of cold air brought the visitor in with Hilde pushing from behind. "Look who it is, everybody!"

To the astonishment of all, Marcus entered the parlour, shivering and a bit snow-covered as he worked off his stiff leather gloves. He smiled weakly at the crowd, searching their faces for Relena's, but they all moved at once to greet him, throwing off his concentration. Everyone had a question for him, and he had twice as many for them, but everything was put on hold while they helped him peel off his chilled coat and boots, and sat him in front of the fire with the last of the emergency sherry. "I didn't mean to trouble you," he kept insisting in a weak and raspy voice.

"Don't even mention it," Hilde said, bringing a blanket from another room to wrap around him.

After a gulp or two of sherry, Marcus twisted around again, looking for any one of the short list of people he hoped to find, but found none of them, and eventually let his gaze fall on Heero. "She hasn't come back...has she?"

The others all looked down, or to the side, but Heero looked Marcus straight in the eye and delivered the news as gently as he could, shaking his head. "We haven't heard from her at all."

Elsie folded her arms and snorted a little, stepping away. "Prob'ly knows what kind of words we wanna have with 'er once she does show 'er face..."

"What do you mean?" Marcus inquired, slowly standing and having a good look around. He saw the plates of shortbread and the glasses of water, the makeshift tree and the humbleness of their tiny celebration, and shivered. So it's true. The family is bankrupt. They couldn't even afford to give their staff a proper party...not even a proper meal. Who knows how long it'll be before they have to start burning the furniture! "This...this is all you've been making do with?" he said, dropping the blanket and walking around the room.

"Don't forget, there's a lot more people who are way worse off than us," Duo said, leaning against the wall.

"We've made a pretty good evening of it," Quatre added, "even without two hundred party guests and a ballroom full of presents."

"I'm usually home by myself anyway, so this is several steps up," Sally admitted.

"Bah! Who needs all the bother of a big do, anyway?" Arthur scoffed. "That's wha' we really need, is a return to simpler times."

Most of them echoed that sentiment. It hadn't been the glittering holiday they were used to, but it wasn't really that bad--in fact, it was rather cozy, but Marcus couldn't help feeling that they had all been cheated. Look at those brave faces...they probably think this is just a little economic slump. They've no idea what might happen to them in a few months, or even a few weeks. Every last one of them could be slung out into the street...and I might never know whether I could have prevented it or not...if Relena had just talked to me about it. She's probably so full of pride that she could never ask me for help...but that makes it so terribly unfair on the rest of them! It shouldn't be this way! It mustn't be! "Look...everyone..."

They all looked at him expectantly, and though he wanted their attention for a moment, actually getting it temporarily blanked out his brain. He blushed until he remembered what point he was trying to make. "None of us knows what's going on...and we're not likely to, either, until Her Ladyship sorts herself out." In the seconds between one thought at the next, all those eyes began heating up his already reddened face again, making him quite flustered. "W-w-what I mean is...you can't go on like this, none of you. Stop me if I'm on the wrong train to the wrong town, but you all need help...and since I still like to think of myself as one of Re--...one of Her Ladyship's friends...there's none better than me to lend a hand. That bein' said.....well, I...I want you all to come for Christmas lunch tomorrow, at my estate. I'm not trying to show off, I just want to know you're being looked after, and I'm not having any argument."

He tried to make it sound practical, but they could tell from his eyes that he honestly cared. Most everyone's faces erupted with joy, and some of them actually jumped with excitement, mostly the girls. They had a quick vote and gleefully accepted his invitation to the last man, and Marcus was glad they did. It was only a small gesture in the face of economic tragedy, but every little bit helped, or so he believed.

**********

Late that night, after Marcus had gone home to tell his mother to set eleven extra places for lunch, to which she would surely have some interesting things to say, Duo cleaned up what was left of their pitiful Christmas Eve feast and closed up shop for the night. He was rather proud of himself for turning a few coins' worth of groceries into a substantial if unglamorous meal, but in the end, Marcus was right; they needed help. An early plan of action had been to use some of the dividends from Quatre's investments to keep the manor going, but they couldn't deplete their secret resources so soon when they didn't know how long the battle with Cinq would continue. Economy plans could only get them so far, anyway. They might do without electricity if they had to choose between that and food, but they couldn't bear to deprive the horses of their grain, or Shadow of her tuna and chicken.

If only we could find Relena, Duo thought. Boy, never thought I'd be glad to see her, but she's got to take responsibility for this mess. She's got to explain herself!

He shrugged it off and looked at the clock. It was getting late, and if he wanted to arrive at his destination in time, he had to leave soon. He climbed up the stairs to his room and found Heero playing with a slightly sleepy Shadow in the corner, dangling some yarn in front of her as she yawned. It was a clever plan of his to tire her out around eleven at night so she would be less likely to keep them awake, and it frequently worked.

"Some night, huh?" the chef whispered.

"Interesting, to say the least."

Heero hadn't yet looked up long enough to notice that Duo had his winter coat and gloves on, as if he were planning to go out somewhere. Waiting for the moment of realization, Duo sat on the bed and yawned once or twice himself. "You know...those books of yours..."

If it were anyone else, Heero would have been tempted to silence them right away rather than listen to taunts or accusations, but he trusted Duo more than that. "Mm hm?"

"I can't figure out where you got 'em. No respectable book store would sell stuff like that..."

When Shadow seemed to be asleep on her little cushion, Heero got up and went to the bureau to put the yarn away. "No, they wouldn't. In fact, they could be arrested for trying to sell them, just like we could be arrested for having them. I had to use my connections, to be honest."

Again, Duo was impressed. "Must be some connections."

Heero shrugged as he closed the drawer. "All agents are well-connected. That's how we get things done without the establishment noticing."

"Pity some of those connections couldn't help find Relena."

They fell silent. Heero didn't know how to respond to that; in fact, since the last time he was in the same room with Relena he nearly paid for it with his life, he wasn't all that keen on ever seeing her again.

Duo knew what he was thinking, and kept talking as if Heero had actually voiced the opinions in his head. "I know you'd rather not have to deal with her, and frankly, neither would I...but face facts, Heero. We're hurtin' here. We need her back to set the house straight, or...or I don't know what's gonna happen to us."

Painful as it was to admit, Duo was right. Certainly, they had more important matters to worry about than keeping the larder stocked and the bills paid, but if the team had nowhere to sleep and nothing to eat, it would be a choice between their emergency funds or their health and efficiency. Neither one could be sacrificed. "You're right," Heero said, beginning to turn around. "Day after tomorrow we'll..." He finally saw what Duo was wearing, and blinked. "Where are you going at this time of night?"

Duo stood up and thought very hard about what to say next. I'm going to go try and cancel out all the smut I've been exposed to today. I'd love it if you came with me, but I don't know if I should ask. If I ask and you're not interested, I'll feel terrible. If I ask and you're interested and we both go, I might feel terrible anyway, because we're a couple of freaks and maybe we can't go where normal people go. If I don't ask, I'll never know one way or the other, and I'll still feel terrible. I shouldn't ask, not when I don't know if either of us are welcome. But I want to ask. Screw it, I'm asking. "Midnight mass.....wanna come?"

The look of bewilderment on Heero's face was worth the risk. He was vaguely aware that Duo participated in various religious ceremonies, but simply let him be, and was never asked to take part in them himself. "I...don't think I'd know what to do..."

Duo laughed. "It's easy, you just stand up when everyone else stands up, sit down when everyone else sits down, fake your way through the songs you don't know, and watch me for anything else that happens. I've been saving up cab fare for over a month, so I wouldn't miss it."

Heero felt rather honoured, despite his ignorance. It was a privilege to be included in something Duo held sacred, so much so that he could hardly refuse. "Let's not waste it then," he said with a smile. They turned out the light, wishing Shadow goodnight, and tiptoed down the stairs and out into the street, where they vanished together into a very welcoming darkness, the kind they needed more of.


~~~~~~~~~~

Next, in Episode Seventy: Pushed to the limit, the team focuses its energy on finding Relena, but in their desperation, Trowa may reveal one secret too many during the hunt.

*sings like the cats in the Meow Mix ads* We wish you a furry Christmas! Meow meow meow-meow-meow-meow meow meow! =^_^= Everybody get home safe tonight, and the night after that, and so on, and ESPECIALLY get home safe New Year's Eve, 'cause I'll expect to see you back in 2003, alive and uninjured. :) Mark down January 6th for the next installment, and have a super-fun holiday!