Okay so here we go, I thought I'd post another chapter because the other one was really short, even for me! So here the next proper chapter I hope you enjoy. And, no my twist is NOT that Rinoa's going to come magically back to life!

Chapter 17: Pain

I was alone, all alone. No one could help me no one could save me; I was destined to be alone forever. I was on my own, all by-myself. And I despised it. Everyday was the same, the fake smiles, the fake cheeriness; it masked my emotions and my personality so that I didn't even know who I was. I felt like I was surreal, a different person all together. No one knew me…I didn't even know me.

I sat on my bedroom floor. I was strangely calm; I knew what I had to do. So many times I had gone through the images of this moment, it was just like watching a movie then finally acting out the script. Countless times while watching my students chatter and work in the class room the innocence of my students haunted me as my mind continued to go over the events of last year, I thought about this moment in time. While people went out of their way to talk to me during their lunch break, and not even thinking that I knew they were only doing it because it made them feel better to know they had "made my day," I thought about it. Well I was sick of it, sick of their sympathy. I was sick of everything, my life sucked, and if that's how it was going to be then I didn't want to be a part of it.

I was sitting on my bedroom floor, my one place where I could be myself. I reached for my bedside table and yanked at the drawer. There it was, shining in the dim moon light…my answer. I took the dagger and held it like a valuable prize. So simple, yet it could do so much. I took a deep breath, this was it. No note, I didn't need to say sorry. Sorry for what, screwing up my life? No I don't think so, I need pain, I needed to cause myself pain, to go through the same pain Rinoa had to go through because of me. The dagger glinted. I smiled wickedly. No more Quistis, I'd be free.

I placed the blade on my wrist, and sliced in one quick clean stroke. Bright, blinding light filled the room, was I dieing? It was then I felt the pain, I gasped holding my wrist, watching the crimson blood as it fell to the floor, a thick steady stream. It was at that moment I saw a figure standing at the door.

"Quistis, what are you doing?!" The voice was so familiar, too familiar. The person came towards me hurriedly. Kneeling beside me I looked into Irvine's eyes. "What are you doing here?" My voice was thick and slurred.

"Oh my, gosh Quistis what have you done?" he said looking down horrified at my bloody wrist.

"I had to, Irvine; everything's going to be okay now." My head felt groggy and it was hard to pronounce the words.

"I've got to call the nurse." He said getting up quickly, and heading for the phone. I reached out for him, I had to stop him. "NO! Irvine, don't! I want to die! Death is better then the hell I go through everyday! Please!" It was too late; the phone was on the hook.

"You don't know what you're saying Quistis, it's alright now I'm here." He said embracing me in his arms.

"No! It wasn't meant to be like this! Just go away! I hate you!" I said pounding on his arms like a wild animal. My blood spilt all over him. My wrist was aching tremendously like nothing I'd never felt before. It was all I could think of. Pain, I was supposed to die, leave this world; leave all its pain. But now I was a prisoner of it once more.