Disclaimer: I can only put a claim on the narrator, director, crew, and nearly all of this silly plot-less plot. All other characters and locations, and terms and whatnot belong to J.M. Barrie. All other people and things which are not of my creation or part of the Peter Pan world belong to their respective owners.
Author's Note: This plot bunny refused to leave me alone once it took hold yesterday. This bunny was inspired by that lovely shot in the trailer of Wendy asleep on the forest floor with her hair spread all nice about her; and my avatar personal text at the Parma-Eruseen site– "Go on and kiss the girl already please, Peter!" So this is the result. Some warnings: This is my first attempt at a silly, PWP, Peter Pan fic. And the rating is just to be safe. And there may be a few mistakes, but I have tried my best, and I am very tired and need to get a few winks of sleep.
2nd Author's Note: Finally proofread, and a bit revised and cleaned up.
My Sleeping Wen— er, Beauty!
Scene: A young woman lies on the ground, dressed in white, her hair spread about her. Around her stand others, fast asleep. Around them are tall hedges of thorns.
Narrator: Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess whose hundred-year sleep was coming to an end…
Director: Cut! This is not about a princess!
Narrator: My mistake, sorry!
Crew guy: Take two!
Narrator: Ahem. So the time was nearing when the woman and all the others would finally awaken. For it would be a kiss from that special prince… (Pause) …that would break the dreaded curse!
Director: Cut! (Jumps up from his chair) This is not about Sleeping Beauty! (Voice rises in volume) This scene does not take place in a castle but in a jungle. There are no thorns. Those people – who are, in fact, boys – are not asleep. And there is no prince!
Peter (standing among the Lost Boys): What's a prince?
Wendy (on the ground): Don't you remember, Peter? In Cinderella? (Whines to the Director and Narrator) Can we please hurry it up? It's a bit uncomfortable down here: leaves and twigs are getting in my hair, and I'm itching!
Peter (brightly): Oh, yeah! Sword fighting, stabbing, torture, bleeding, and happily ever after!
Slightly: Well, that's a relief, I must say.
Narrator: But there is supposed to be a kiss! Any great romance must have a kiss.
Director: No! This movie is not a romance; it's more adventure and fantasy. Now let's try this again…
Peter: But I have a kiss already. See? (Shows off Wendy's thimble.)
Narrator (chuckling): That, my good man, is—
Peter: I'm a boy! You can't make me a man.
Wendy: But what about the thimble I almost gave you, and the long glances and handholding?
Peter (looks down at her a bit confused): What about them? I don't know what a thimble is; Tink didn't let you give one to me. And I thought I should look at you when speaking to you. As for the handholding, you would have crashed into that chimney had I not pulled you away. What else is there?
Wendy (mutters darkly): T-L.
Peter: What?
Director: Enough! Let's forget the narration for this part of the scene and skip to when the boys leave to gather the things to build the house.
(Narrator stamps his foot in irritation but is ignored.)
Director: And action!
Peter: Get lots of wood and leaves, and something for a knocker! (Boys run off, chattering excitedly. Peter sits himself down before Wendy and gazes at her still form, um, more like her lips. Romantic music starts playing. Peter frowns, looking around.) What is that?
Director: Cut! What is that music?
(Music stops abruptly.)
Narrator: So close…rats! Are you positive we aren't doing Sleeping Beauty?
Director (sweetly, grinning like the Cheshire cat): Whatever gave you that idea?
Narrator: The picture they make! (The director, Wendy, and Peter blink at him blankly) Her lying there with eyes closed, he beside her. All he would have to do is lean forward to kiss her. It's just a different setting of the story.
Wendy: Of course not! He does not kiss me; I'm the one who will do the kissing in this movie.
Peter: Will you truly give me another kiss? (He extends his hand expectantly.)
Wendy (not paying attention): But then once that happens, it will become a square. Bother, curse you T-L and Bella! He's mine, my preciousssssss!
Peter: My kiss, please…?
Director: For the last time! This is not a new version of Sleeping Beauty. We are doing Peter Pan – about the boy who wouldn't grow up and the adventures that befall him and some children he brings to the Neverland. This scene is not romantic in any way what so ever. Wendy is lying down with her eyes closed because she was almost killed, and Peter is simply watching over her until the others return. ANY QUESTIONS?
Peter: Can I have a kiss?
Wendy (sharply): No, Peter! You won't get another kiss. And I refuse to kiss him at the end of the movie! I will just be another one to add to the list. (Mutters something under her breath) I downright refuse! Get one of those others who have been obsessing over him to do it for far long before I ever came into the picture. (Squeezes eyes shut and goes stiff.)
Peter (to himself): She refuses to give me a kiss; yet she will have to later on… How confusing!
Director (understanding): Now you know that never happened in the book, and it won't in the movie. I promise.
Wendy: She nearly had me fooled as well, not buying it.
Director: All right! Everyone, places, please.
Peter (nudging Wendy, in soft voice): What's the matter, Wendy-mother?
(No answer, though the girl's cheeks brighten with color slightly and her jaw tightens.)
Narrator: Now that just has to be wrong! "Mother" indeed!
Director (to Narrator): You get into your place and do it right this time, what the script says! Hang fairy tales! We're wasting money, people! (Pause) Quiet on the set! Camera! Lights! (Does a jazzy dance move) A-c-t-i-o-n!
Narrator: So time passed, and Peter stayed by the stricken Wendy, alert to any possible danger. Sometimes he brought up his dagger at a sound. But nothing threatened the two.
Director: All right, cut. That was good. Nice tone during the reading.
Narrator: Thanks.
Director: Though…Wendy? It would be better if you are more relaxed, not all tense.
…
Director: Could you do that, do you think?
…
(Director buries his head in his hand.)
Peter (leaning over Wendy): Maybe she has suddenly taken a turn for the worse.
(The boys rush in with their things in time to hear this. They fall to their knees and whip off their hats, sorrowful tears gathering in their eyes.)
Peter: Nurse!
Tinkerbell (flies in, hovering in the air before him): Nurse you called, nurse is here! What need you?
Narrator (whispers to Director): A fairy, a nurse? What about Nana?
(Director waves his hands helplessly and shrugs.)
Peter (motioning to Wendy): What's wrong with her?
(Tinkerbell flies down until she lands on Wendy's nose. The others are too far away to see what she is doing. But they clearly hear her wail something and dart off. The boys all echo her cry and put their faces to the ground. Peter looks puzzled after the fairy and then down on Wendy.)
Peter: The nurse claims she is dead.
Boys (chanting): Ha! Ho! Hwa! Hwee! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ha! Ho! Hwa! Hwee! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ha! Ho! Hwa! Hwee! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ha! Ho! Hwa! Hwee! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho! Ha! Ho! Hwa! Hwee! Ha! Ho! Ho! Ho!
(Peter puts up a hand.)
Boys: Hoo!
…
Narrator (coughs): Has a doctor been looked for to confirm the nurse's verdict?
Peter: Doctor!
(Slightly gets up and steps forward, then pauses, looking about with a mixture of fear and nervousness. John runs on set and lends him his top hat and glasses. Slightly nods his thanks, and John disappears. Putting on his attire, the boy comes to Peter.)
Doctor: I am a doctor. What seems to be the trouble?
Peter: There is a sick lady in the house.
Doctor: Take me to her.
Peter (rises to his feet and steps aside): Here my mother lies.
Doctor (examines Wendy for several minutes, taking note of the different shades of color her face goes through as well as the very faint mumbling of something very inappropriate about a certain T-L and Bella; he then comes to a decision): I dare say she is asleep.
Tootles (to Nibs): Isn't "T-L" some singer?
Nibs: What's a singer?
Doctor (calling back to the group): I think "Bella" is French. It sounds like it, doesn't it?
Curly: Maybe from Beauty and the Beast.
(Narrator trembles a little, hardly noticeable.)
Twins (to Curly): We aren't supposed to know that information yet. (Then turns to the doctor) And you are not educated yet.
Curly and Doctor: Oops!
Peter (impatiently): How shall we wake her?
Doctor: I once heard about one girl who was wakened by a kiss…
(Narrator tries to contain himself by biting on his tongue.)
Doctor: No, wait, I haven't heard about Sleeping Beauty yet. (Grins sheepishly) Sorry, my mistake.
(Narrator opens his mouth, then closes it as the Director whacks him soundly on the side of the head with a rolled-up script.)
Peter (throwing himself to the ground): What ever is this about kisses? How can I give it to her if she is not awake to receive it!
(The boys blush at his naïvete and shift a bit.)
Hook (suddenly appearing from behind the camera): Perhaps I can be of service.
Director: What are you doing here! You're supposed to be in another part of the island!
Hook: Just thought I could help young Pan in understanding what must be done in waking Miss Darling.
Narrator: Wait…a…minute, I don't remember seeing anything in the script explaining how you know her last name. She never tells you.
Hook (shrugs): Go to the scriptwriters. I just recite what's on the blasted paper. Now then… (Comes over to the children and kneels before them.) Pan, I can reveal this great secret that puzzles you, which you yourself would know if you were grown up. Kisses, thimbles…
Peter (unhappily): Then why does Wendy know about it?
Hook: She's more mature for her age. (He reaches for one of her hands; Peter whacks it away with his dagger which he has drawn.)
Peter: Back, I say! I don't care if you know all the secrets in the world; you may not touch her! No one may touch her! She is my sleeping Wendy, er, beauty… (Pause, lowers his dagger.) What is beauty?
Director: Well, it usually refers to when the eye or ear is pleasing to something, eh— I don't think that didn't quite come out right.
(Michael and John appear with a great dictionary between the two of them. They flip through pages.)
John: Beaut…beautiful…beautify…ah! Here we are…beauty. The quality that gives pleasure to the mind or senses and is associated with such properties as harmony of form or color, excellence of artistry, truthfulness, and originality. One that is beautiful, especially a beautiful woman. A quality or feature that is most effective, gratifying, or telling: The beauty of the venture is that we stand to lose nothing. An outstanding or conspicuous example: "Hammett's gun went off. The shot was a beauty, just slightly behind the eyes" (Lillian Hellman). (To Peter) Understand now?
Peter (more lost than ever): Yes, thank you.
(Both brothers disappear. Everyone looks at one another, not sure what do or say. Peter glances at Hook, then down at Wendy, and grows stern.)
Peter: Annnnnnyway. Where were we?
Narrator: Uh, you were going on about Wendy being your sleeping Wendy, er, beauty…
Peter: Right, thank you. (Raises dagger, glares at all present.) I will not have anyone offering his services to rousing her. She will not go with any Lost Boy or pirate captain. Darn it! She is mine, my precioussssss!
Michael (to John): Is that the right script?
Wendy: Ha! I will go with whom I please, Mister Pan.
Peter (low growl): Oh, really?
Wendy (snaps, still "asleep"): Yes, really! If you want to forever remain a boy and have at it with your flirty girlfriends – darn you, T-L, Bella! This means war! – then you have my blessing. Be a silly little boy. I may just go with a grown up pirate. Hmm, do I want a pet teddy bear Smee, or a dark haired sexy Hook…?
(Hook grins at the description given to him.)
Narrator: What is this about T-L and Bella!
Peter (angrily throws down his dagger, roughly grabs Wendy by her shoulders and drags her upwards; causing her to open her eyes wide in surprise, and hisses): I'LL SHOW YOU SILLY!
(Then he pulls Wendy more forward and harshly covers her lips with his. At first she tenses but several moments later wraps her arms around his neck and returns the kiss. Everyone watches this unexpected turn of events with their jaws around their knees. Peter and Wendy are not aware of their audience's shock.)
Director (wearily): All right everyone, take a break. I need two aspirin. Hopefully, we'll have our two stars ready soon…
Hook (smiles at the young people before getting up and begins to make his exit): My work here is done.
John: But aren't you supposed to be, you know?
Hook: No, sadly it would have never worked between me and your sister. I'm sorry. (Glances at the still intensely kissing couple.) Ah, young love. (Dramatically makes his exit from this story, um script, or whatever.)
Narrator: I thought young Pan didn't know the true nature of a kiss?
Director: Who knows! There is always a time for learning something new.
Michael: It's a special instinct Peter has. He probably does not know what he is doing is called, but he knows what to do. Do not attempt to disobey the great instinct.
Smee (sticking his head quickly into this story): At least he and Wendy are not fighting like an old married couple, or like Ron and Hermione.
All (except Peter and Wendy who have STILL not come up for air): Who?
Smee: Never mind. (Pauses by Author on his way out.) Hey, thanks for giving me a cameo.
Author: Glad that it worked out. Thanks for stopping by.
Smee: No problem. So I'm a teddy bear, eh?
(Tosses Author a cookie before departing.)
Slightly: Let's go and find the Indians and have a big battle.
(The other boys cheer this idea and all run off deep into the jungle. Crew members wander off. The Director screams for someone to get him a glass of water so he can take those lifesaving aspirin. The Narrator finds himself alone with the two stars of the movie. He is surprised they are not turning blue from lack of oxygen. But they are busy; Peter has his hands tangled in Wendy's brown locks, and she, in turn, strokes his almost bare back. Blushing a bit, the Narrator turns to the readers.)
Narrator: Well, this is the end of one interesting afternoon. Obviously young Pan and Wendy have finally ceased their immature beating round the bush in regard to each other. And I am happy at this end, for there was – is – the still-going-on kiss. And it was like Sleeping Beauty!
Wendy (brings her hands up to Peter's face, breaking the contact between them, causing him to yelp in protest. She does not let him kiss her again despite his attempts. She glares up at his dazed expression): If I hear anything about you and T-L and/or Bella, you are dead.
Peter (scowling): Not another word about you matching up with any blasted pirates… (He sighs in relief as he is allowed to reclaim her sweet mouth.)
Narrator: And all lived happily ever after! (Grumbles to self) Though I have absolutely no idea what the whole T-L, Bella thing was about, or who Ron and Her-min-yoe is! I'm out of here. No wait, I am the only chaperone in the area of watching these two. Rats! Why me! (Glances at the other two left on the set.) Hey, hey, no working on the buttons, you hear! No, not that either. I can't take this; I draw the line at chaperoning. GET MY AGENT ON THE PHONE NOW!
THE END