Title: NeverRememberLand

Author: ClarySage

Reviews: Please

Rating: pg-13 later R, after that, probably nc17 and over at aff.net

Disclaimer: I don't own the original story, but I do own this, though I make no profit, phooie.

Warnings: This fic contains: weirdness, wordiness, Peter Pan, someone else who you'll find out about soon enough, Neverland, and is based on the book in all its glory.

Nap drifted within a blank world, in and out of sunlight and darkness. It was some time before he realized it was tree shadows over his eyelids that did it, waving in the breeze, leaving his face at once in sunshine, then shade, then sunshine.

He'd survived it then, that awful yawning darkness that had clawed at the backs of his calves, the drop into the shadows of his own mind. Sunlight meant he was still alive. He had a feeling he'd know if Peter were dead, and since no such feeling plagued him, he was sure then that Peter still lived. "Pity," he mumbled, finding his voice dry and parched, crackled like burned paper.

A rustle to his side told him exactly where Peter was, and the following press of a hand against his chin and wash of cool water, let him know Peter was also paying attention. His eyes snapped open and he winced at the brightness that shifted over his eyes as he did so. Then he focused and saw Peter's worried face hanging above. "Still...remember it, Peter?" he croaked.

Peter nodded, looking away quickly, one shoulder shrugging in an offhand way.

"You don't like that, do you? Don't want to know the things I do?"

Another shrug, followed by a quick glance into Nap's eyes. "It'll go away, it always does."

"What does?"

"Memory, I never remember anything for long." He leaned closer to Nap, a sly grin passing over his lips. "You don't like that, do you? You don't like that I can forget it all." His eyes glittered with green the colour of ancient glass. "I won't forget you though, not now."

Nap growled, a dry sound low at the back of his throat, his fingers twitched weakly, ready to throttle as much life out of Peter as they could. All his strength seemed gone though, wiped away with his brief madness. "Not now," he repeated Peter's words softly, closing his eyes and relaxing back against the moss of the roof.

After a moment of quiet Peter sighed and filled his cupped hand with water once more. It had worried him when he'd lost Nap, even for so short a time as it had been. He knew he'd had other people in his life, though he could no longer remember their names or faces, he knew they'd been near him. He could still feel the vague warmth of them against his skin, whispers of voices. To say Nap was different was like comparing one thing to something completely else. Nap was Nap, as Peter was Peter. There were no comparisons to be made.

Peter drizzled the water cupped in his palm onto Nap's lips, watching as the boy lapped at it, obviously starving for the refreshment but refusing to help in any way with the drinking of it. Pan had never thought to examine himself, and so it was with a shiver of curiosity that he studied Nap, slowly letting his eyes rove from hair to toes. He stared for a long time at Nap's feet, stretching out his own to see if there were any differences, but even the smudges of dirt beneath his toenails looked the same.

He wondered about the cave, he'd been trying not to think about it, willing it to go away again and leave him in peace. There had been the other Peter, the other boy. Was this him then? Was Nap the other Peter? Or was that strange nest still there? Still buried within Neverland and waiting for him? And that was where Peter would stop thinking about it, because it hurt too much to go on with the thought. It was after all a treasure chest he did not care to open. He lifted his hand away from Nap's mouth at last, turning to the shell full of water he'd gotten. Nap's hand clasped his wrist, and he froze into stillness.

"I won't try to kill you anymore," Nap whispered after a long silent moment of staring. "If I do, I'll remember it, and... and what if when I remember it, I remember it from your side?"

Peter nodded, scooping up another handful of water. In truth he knew all about memories, and all about forgetting them, so he knew too on a small level what Nap meant. "All right, so, you won't kill me. But you refuse to be my boy, and you're not my shadow. What are you, Nap?" Peter paused, watching as Nap drank thirstily from his palm once more. "Are you me? Are you, you?" He grimaced and then asked in a nearly frightened voice, "Are you the other one?"

"The other one?" Nap asked curiously, sitting up and reaching for the shell of water. He drank it down to the dregs and then let go of a long sigh of breath.

Peter waited for a response and then tried again. "The other one, the one in the cave."

"Cave?" Nap asked, and his forehead crinkled between his brows in absolute confusion. "Cave," he muttered softly, rubbing at his hair. "I should know this, shouldn't I? It was just there..."

Peter sat back on his knees and tilted his head to one side, he hadn't expected this, he should have, but he hadn't. "You don't remember it anymore, do you?"

"Remember what?" Nap felt his head begin to spin, not as if on axis but as if just the insides were twirling around and around in dizzying circles.

"What do you remember?"

Nap groaned and clutched at his skull. "I don't know." He shook his head hard, and then opened his eyes to regard Peter with a strange, shimmering fear in his pupils. He couldn't remember anything; it was all wiped away as if it were just writing on a slate, and now only a cool, clean gray surface stared back at him.

-tbc-