Devotion

Part: 1/?

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Pairing: Seto/Seth or Seth/Seto. It depends on what you like.

Rate: PG-13 for this part.

Warning: slash, spoiler for the whole Memory Arc, incest, RST (resolved sexual tension), fluffiness, smarm, narcissism, sex, BDSM, masturbation, prostitution, sluttishness, hurt/no comfort, angst, death, OOC-ness, and screwed-up historical facts.

A/N: the idea bothers me so I write it down, lest I forget it. I read two books about Ancient Egypt before I write this one but I'm not positive that everything in this fic is accurate.

I write Seto/Seth the way I think so if you don't agree, feel free to tell me.

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To some of us, perhaps it was no longer secret that Seto, Hem-netjer-tepey Priest of Waset (1), Chief Architect of Amun, Second Judge of the Court, Overseer of the Treasury, was the illegitimate son of Akunadin, first Hem-netjer-tepey of Amun, brother of Pharaoh Akunakunamon, Overseer of the Temple of Tablets, Attendant of the Lord of the Two Lands.

The whole thing, however, was not quite accurate for Akunadin had two children, not only one, and even the old man did not know it.

Akunadin had been an intelligent, handsome and ambitious young man who could not wear the double crowns for he was younger than his brother, Akunakunamon, The Lord of Strength is Re, Pharaoh of Upper and Lower Egypt, son of Re, the living image of Amun., He who Calms the Two Lands.

In the year 40, the month Pakhons, on the 13th day, under the reign of Per A'a Akunakunamon (2), Akunadin had ridden away from the palace for the inner torment between his love for his older brother and desire to take over the throne had brought him to the brink of collapse. He had come upon a distant village just half an itrw away from Nekhen (3), where he drank himself into a stupor and ended up spending the night in the arms of an exotic foreigner. Although not exactly heartless, as soon as Atum came up from the endless sand of desert, he had abandoned his partner naked and alone on the pub's bedroom, and come back to the palace since accepting her meant accepting that he ever harbored any thought of betrayal to his beloved brother.

Not until war with the fierce Hyksos came around and Akunakunamon appointed him on a duty in Kuru Eruna Village, did he remember the memory of a woman which still held dear to him. He summoned her to him not exactly to apologize but to remind himself that he used to be a human once. Coming with her was a two-year-old who had obviously inherited his tanned skin although other than that, his lovely and innocent features were the early trace of beauty from his mother. In a solemn voice, he had asked her to bring up the child herself and tell it about a father who died a glorious death in the war for the great cause of Egypt. Having imprinted his son's profile in his mind and said everything he could, he nudged his horse and immediately rode away. She just had enough time to cry out "You", a word which contained all of her tender feelings to him, before his shape was covered by sand and dust and soon disappeared in the desert. She hadn't had time to tell him about the other child who had been left home alone for she was unable to afford travel expense for three people, nor able to claim her rights as his wife, not a whore or common peasant. He had gone without saying that he never regretted their one night stand, or that he was still deeply in love with her. So delightful was he in a small being made by his flesh and blood that he had forgotten everything.

By this time little did she know that her hate for her husband had been transferred to her children. Almost viciously, she had named the dark skinned boy, Seth, and the light skinned one, Seto. "Seth" and "Seto" were both foreign names for the abominable God of Egypt, Set -- the one branded as traitor, exiled and forced to live in misery for the rest of his life.

It was, however, hard to blame her for anything. She had lost her youth and future to a man who had charmed her with his words and in the end, left her with two little kids. She was twisted yet not cruel for had she had any vile notion, she would have killed them when they were still infants.

Every day, she woke up before sunrise to go to the orchards or wheat fields with no breakfast, and came back at night to cook, sew or make baskets. She worked days and nights but they still didn't have enough to eat. The children grew up fast and always got hungry. They kept clinging on her kilt and looking at her with their large eyes as if it was her /duty/ to feed them.

She would snap eventually and send them to bed, ignoring their tear filled eyes and scrawny bodies.

/Unforgivable/ children. /Unwanted/ children.

Their most miserable time was Aket, the season of Inundation. Their little mud hole was always too wet to sleep and most of the time, they spent their nights on the street. Also, work during Aket mostly involved building trenches and bucketing water which fitted more to males than females and she lost her job. She resolved to selling pots at the town's market but this job always left them hungry for days.

When Seto and Seth turned four, they ceased begging her for food and started helping her to cook, wash the dishes, clothes, and clean their hole. Sometimes, they tried to help her to sew and do her baskets but they always messed up for they were too young for such skillful work. They were both good and pleasant children but not once did she hug, kiss them or express any feelings other than disdain and hate. She couldn't stand their sight. Every time she saw them, she was reminded of him, her love and youth. She blamed them for being poor, for killing her husband, for quenching her youth, and for being her sons. There were times she felt regretted. Yet, words could not be retreated nor ignored when the same things were shoving in their faces daily. The two boys were deeply hurt but they still tried to do anything that could make her happy. They didn't understand why she treated them as such, or never said anything about their father other than the fact that he was killed in the war. When they tried to ask her more about him, all she did was to cry. Being the smart children that they were, they stopped asking and learnt to content themselves with a decreased unnamed father.

As any other kid, Seto and Seth loved playing around with other kids but the kids despised Seto for his pale skin, a foul trace of foreigners who were always crawling with vermin. Although Seto soon learnt how to use a homemade oil to hide his skin color like his mother did, he grew quiet, distant, sarcastic and unsocial. His twin soon also withdrew his social life and spent his whole time with him instead.

Living with no love from their mother and acceptance from other kids, the twins unconsciously drew together. They guarded themselves by trying to identify themselves as one. They wore the same looking clothes, slept on the same pallet, shared their little bowl of food, took showers and did almost everything else together. They even liked the same things, and if they didn't, they forced themselves to for preference was a subjective thing that could be learnt with time. Everything was making it harder even for their mother to tell them apart.

They both loved water lilies most for its soft petals and strong smell that could subdue the perpetual moldy smell in their home. Every evening, they would spend their time to pick the soiled flowers thrown away from the market and then, they would wash and trim the flowers until they looked remotely decent.

Unfortunately, not soon after they turned eight, their mother felt sick due to sadness, hard work, lack of sleep and food. They were getting even poorer than they used to be and although by this time, Seto and Seth had taken her place at work and learnt how to cope with their empty stomach, they still could not afford enough money for both medicine and food. More often than not, the two boys found themselves wander along the Nile to forage for all sorts of food such as water fowls, fish or wild fruit, tender shoots, plants, or edible flowers.

Although starving for most of the time, the twins kept growing tall and by the time they were thirteen, they had turned into two pretty boys with lovely eyes, sweet faces and voluptuous long hair that made their filthy clothes and thin bodies didn't matter. Yet, so hostile to attention were they that they mistook every admirable and jealous glance from their peers for rejection. They stayed away from others and devoted themselves to each other more if it was possible.

Life was rough and hard to Seto and Seth but not exactly the worst for they always had each other's companionship. They would be content to live that way if a fateful day never came -- it was the same day Seth encountered the white dragon.

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Year 54, the month Payni, under the the reign of Akunakunamon (4).

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Shemu, the harvest season, was always the most busy season of the year. Almost every able body in the village could find some kind of jobs in the field. If the men reaped the corn and transported sacks of grain back to the granary, the woman and children would thresh, winnow and pour the grain into sacks. At the end of the day, salary would be paid in either coins, barley or wheat before the workers came home.

At thirteen, Seto and Seth although not old enough to be called adults, they had also spent the whole day, reaping with their sickles. Their hands were completely blistered, bleeding in several places but they were nothing to compare to the weariness and aching deep in the bones which were coupled and intensified with their hunger.

As the sky turned dark and the sweltering day was cooled away by gentle drafts, most people hastily rushed for home. Yet, they spent their time hanging around the river, scouring for food. There were no fish nor water fowls at this time of the day but the flowers and plants were still sufficient. They managed to get half a basket of all sorts of flowers and watercress and felt quite content with feeding themselves.

Settling down on the green patch of grass, Seto began chewing on some watercress. It was good to get something as tangy taste as watercress to keep him awake for there was more work at night. By his side, Seth was leaning into the river, cooling his hands and washing the blue water lily they had picked earlier. Seto noted how his kilt was so short that it bared nearly all of his tanned legs and his sweat-drenched tunic, slightly more fitting, clung onto his body, showing the outline of his prominent ribs and slope belly. Both pieces of cloths were very old and tattered at the edge, their white color no longer recognizable with multiple spots and patches of brown, gray and red. Seto himself was also wearing the same thing although it was slightly less ragged. He mused how they would need some extra money for new clothes since by the end of the year, they would turn fourteen and probably wouldn't fit into all of these.

"Done. Look how lovely it is, Seto," exclaimed Seth and pulled back with a wide smile on his lips, his hand holding out the flower to Seto. The soiled petals had been pelted away carefully and most of its bruised stalk had been cut off. Right now, water droplets pearled the smooth flower, dressing it in an illusion of freshness.

He touched its petals first before taking the lily in his hand and breathed in its distinct fragrance, faint and wispy like smoke but sweet.

"It's lovely indeed. Do you want to boil or eat it like this?" he questioned, smiling slightly as the other boy looked regretful at the little flower, pouting slightly. He had spent time to make it look nice for Seto and they would just eat it and that was it.

"Can we keep it this time?"

"Hm, I don't see why not."

He smiled and put the lily into their basket, offering Seth a watercress which the latter accepted gladly. They chewed on the green leaves, every now and then, talking heartedly about random things, the coins, graves, food, weather, things they had done or planned to do, anything, everything.

If the watercress was quite tasty, not all flowers were. Some of them had clove-like or sweet flavor like apple flowers, basils, or rosemary but the rest was peppery, tart, or bland with not much flavor and even bitter. Still, if any flower wasn't poisonous, they would try it because they were hungry.

They always were.

Not soon after, although still hungry, they had to stop for there was naught to eat. Having finished their repast, they started to feel the exhaustion sinking in and lay down side by side on the lush grass, wishing nothing more than to sleep there for the whole night.

"If we have some drills and onions, we can make some soup with these beans and watercress, Seto. Mother would love it," said Seth, trying to stay awake without much success.

"That and some bread will be nice," added he, joining the other boy, already dreaming about a delicious load of warm and fresh bread.

"Been thinking about the same thing." As Seth snuggled near him, almost unconsciously, he tensed slightly and drew in a long breath, trying to think of something else rather than . So unlike Seth, due to his perpetual fear of rejection, he always stayed passive, hardly ever tried to get attention or cuddle. Deep inside, however, he secretly harbored the same longing, yearning and desire -- such insatiable desire that ran so deep and strong with such intensity that it scared him. He loved the other boy to the degree that it /hurt/ physically and mentally just by being a part. Without Seth, he would cease to exist. His heart would ache for Seth and his fingers would long to touch him, to hold his hand, to feel his skin against his, his body on his. Just one more touch, one more kiss, and one more hug to ensure that the other boy was still /with him/ and he would be safe.

His control was strong, yet as long as the other boy started touching him, all of his guard would break and everything faded away as he plunged himself into him, falling deeper and getting lost, consuming and being consumed. They would merged, body and soul until he no longer thought, felt, or knew anything but Seth.

/Just him./

Such raw and untamed emotions he felt towards his twin was /wrong/ and he tried to stay away from it, to look at anything but Seth's limpid eyes that always shone with devotion, long hair soft and silky even after a day of hard work and the thin body fitting so well against his.

He wanted to think about something to say, /to stop this madness/, and finally blurted out a factual statement.

"You know how the priests don't eat onions and fish?"

"Yes, those kinds of food are impure, they say. Whether they're impure to them or not, we still want some," replied Seth, trying to peek at him under those long bangs, smiling susceptibly. "The Hem-netjer-tepey won't know how good those taste, right, Seto? Still, how lavishly they live. Sometimes, I think it would be nice to be one of them. We will have money to buy medicines for mother. We dont need to work for the whole day and still don't have enough to eat. We can stay in clean clothes, have a bed to sleep and finally a tomb to rest when we die."

"Do you think we can get to join Orisis in the afterlife if our bodies are buried in the sand after we die?"

"For that I do not know, Seto, for I have not gone through it." Seth said slowly, trying to choose the right words. "Our akh may not go to the Hall of Maat and if they do, I'm unsure that... we shall pass the test." (5)

There was no false word in what the other boy had said. To poor peasants like them, it was the only way it should be and he was never afraid of it, yet, it never occurred to him that Seth would suffer the same thing.

Absurd!

/Getting devoured by Ammut. Forever damned. Never live again./

/Liar./

How could Seth not go to the afterlife? Oh, dear dear brother. Nice and sweet brother, always so caring and passionate. If anyone deserved such fate, that was him and no one else, not Seth. Never Seth... Never...

/Deny... Keep denying that you're useless and can't do anything for him. He's not yours, never yours and he's leaving you..../

/Liar.../

/He's leaving you.../

His world was turning upside down and everything fell into a swirling vortex and squeezed until where the only thing existed was agony and pain. He felt his chest contracted and he could not breathe, nor see anything.

/No... no... he will not let anything happen to Seth and they will never part. Seth won't go anywhere without him, not where it hurt the most, not the Hall.../

"I won't go anywhere, Seto," said Seth suddenly, reverberating his thought.

He drew a deep shaking breath, struggling to clear his mind from the words of his inner demon.

"Promise?"

"Promise. I never leave you, Seto. Never. I'm afraid not of going through pits of tortures or getting devoured by Ammut. As long as I'm with you in this life, I'm content."

He let a moment of silence stretched as he tried to register the words...

"Do you like water lily? Before we die, I want..."

"...to visit the Valley of Water Lilies with you... then any mishap happens to us thereafter will have no meaning."

Seto felt then rather than saw an arm around his chest, a leg throwing over his and then half of Seth's body draping on him. He was slightly breathless with such affection, abandonment and desire for love and comfort. He closed his eyes momentarily, struggling to force his heart to slow down to it normal tempo. It was gratifying and satisfactory to have that body on his and how he wished to have an armful of it, to clasp it in his arm and /never/ let go again.

/Never./

Then almost frantically, he pulled Seth on him then, wrapping his arms around the latter tight enough to hurt and clutching him almost desperately.

/Madness./

His hand ran along Seth's bare arm, starting from the wrist up to the shoulder and down again, loving the rise and fall of bones and soft skin which burnt on his fingers. Their legs were all tangled and he wasn't sure which ones were his. He buried his head into the latter's shoulder...

/Insanity./

... and breathed in the sweet smell, so distinctly Seth's, his lips pressing on the expansion of smooth skin revealed under the low cut tunic.

/Obsession./

"That's ticklish." Seth stirred slightly but sighed and relaxed into his arms.

"Is it?"

"You know it is."

The moonlit sky above, the musical sound of water, the long silky hair, the feeling of Seth's skin under his palm, Seth's rhythmic heartbeats matching his, and the clean scent of wet green all mingled together. Just Seth and him. How simple life was. He could imagine them turning twenty, thirty, forty, fifty and sixty, living forever together until their hair turned lily white.

/Never separate.../

/Never want to live without him./

Slowly, Seth pulled up and kissed him lightly on the cheek, his lips soft and gentle, his hair in a disarray, haphazardly falling over them like silk.

He reached his hand up to caress Seth's brow, trailing it down to his jaw but didn't stop until his palm set on the back of the latter's neck, pulling him near.

"Do it again, Seth. On the lips. Don't people do that when they love each other?"

Seth was quiet but his eyes were luminous and smoldering as they held his in a long gaze. Then Seth touched his face gingerly, closed his eyes and pressed their lips together.

Soft, full and supple, they brushed over his ever so lightly and then rested on his for several moments. He was acutely aware of the other's breathing on his face, the sharp hip bones against his, and the light pressure on his chest that made him nearly breathless.

Time was frozen into this moment and the silence reigned over everything.

And then it stopped as Seth pulled back, his lips parted lightly, red and sensuous. The kiss was simple, innocent, and chaste but Seto decided that kiss was the best thing in the world.

He brushed over the other boy's lips with his fingers and the other boy unconsciously kissed his fingers.

"I love you, Seto. Everything about you." Seth's voice was small, almost in a whisper.

"Even..."

"Everything. Everything."

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End chapter

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(1) A Hem-netjer-tepey is a High Priest. Waset is the ancient name of current Thebes.

(2) 13 Pakhons = 13th February. Seto was born in October so I assume that Akunadin impregnated his wife on February. Akunakunamon is Atem's/Yami's father.

(3) The ancient measurement: 1 itrw = 10.5 km.

(4) Payni = March 15 - April 15

(5) The Ancient Egyptians believe that if one's body is embalmed and reserved as one dies, one's ka and ba can stay alive and one's akh (the aspect of a person) will travel on some dangerous roads to the Hall of Maat where one's heart will be weighed and one could receive judgment . If one is considered worthy, one will join Orisis in the afterlife and live happily forever. Otherwise, one will be devoured by a terrible demon called Ammut or fall into a pit of tortures and damned for eternal.

Next chapter: Separation.

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06/11/04

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