Ranma 1/2 : March of the Pigs
Part 2
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever
even considered claiming that these were my own characters
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced
to eat my own legs to live.)
-=-
On with part 2. To recap : Ryouga gets down again, and two
pigs show up, who turn out to be a Jusekyoed pair named Buford
and Charlotte. Ryouga describes his life's problems as they head
to Ucchan's, where they bump into a rather unusual situation...
-=-
Nobody said anything. Two present were confused beyond
speech capability... Ryouga and Ranma, notably, seeing two
Ryougas in the same room. One in human form, and the other as P-
Chan. Akane didn't seem to care, snuggling her piggy (which was
trying to escape). Ukyou was too busy cooking to notice.
Buford was steaming, however. He snaked out a arm and
grabbed P-Chan away from Akane, and shook the piglet around a
little.
"Still trying to sneak up on us, huh Victor?" he scolded.
"I oughtta make chop suey outta you--"
Buford collapsed to the floor, Akane's mallet pounding his
skull into his ribcage. The piglet soared through the air, and
was caught by Ryouga.
"Quit picking on P-Chan!" Akane demanded of the groaning
gaijin, who was on the ground holding his head in pain. "Thanks,
Ryouga."
"Err... no problem," Ryouga said, handing the black piglet
back.
"Well, come on Ranma, let's get home," Akane said. "Don't
just stand there."
"But... P-Chan... and Ryouga? Two places? Same time?"
Ranma puzzled, gaze swapping back and forth from the two.
"Let's go already," Akane grumped, grabbing Ranma's hand and
storming out of the restaurant, while Ranma grappled with his
logic skills.
"She's right, he does look kinda like you," Charlotte said.
"Poor guy."
"What... who... WAS that?" Ryouga asked, pointing to the
door.
"Victor," Charlotte sighed. "My brother."
*
REC.ARTS.ANIME.STORIES PRESENTS
(musical insert : Pinion (NIN Halo 5 track 1))
Two blobs race around the docks of Tokyo bay in the
moonlight. Briefly lit by streetlamps they pass under, they can
be identified as one white piglet with a blue bow, and a larger
brown boar with a mohawk.
IN ASSOCIATION WITH FANFICTION WE'D LIKE TO SEE AND NOTHING/TVT
The two dash along the piers, looking for a good place to
hide. Turning a corner, however, they bump into a pair of men
with nets, and a small boy in black who points a finger and cries
out...
RANMA 1/2 :
The men pounce, tangling up the two pigs in nets. The boy
acts relieved, as the men pack up the two in a van.
MARCH OF THE PIGS
A wave washes over the dock, and the two men look back; to
find another piglet. They shrug, and toss it in with the other
two, despite squealing protests.
PART 2 : GET WHAT PIGS DESERVE
*
"I figured the little runt couldn't track us if we stowed
away on a commercial cargo liner," Buford explained, as the trio
finished their meals. "Don't know how he found out. When we got
off, there were two guys from animal control and Victor, saying
there they are, my lost pigs."
"The uncouths tossed a net on me and threw me in a van,"
Charlotte complained. "Luckily, a wave washed up and there
was... heh, V-Chan. The guys, being a bit slow witted, tossed
him in there too. He had no choice but to help all of us
escape."
"But... he fell into the same pool I did?" Ryouga asked.
"The heituenniichuan?"
"If that's the word, yes. Drowning black piglet spring.
Looks kind of like you in pig form, but without the cute
bandanna," Charlotte said.
"Well, he ain't gonna be a problem no more," Buford grinned.
"In fact, looks like this solves your problem. Akane's got her
little V-Chan now, and you don't need to pose anymore, PLUS
Victor's out of our hair for good. I'd call that a happy ending.
Now, Charlotte, we ought to get moving--"
"We're not leaving him there," Charlotte stated.
"Oh yes we are. Far as I'm concerned, that's a fitting end
to your brother's little manhunt."
"He's my BROTHER, Buford!" Charlotte exclaimed, angry.
"Sure, he's a pain in the ass. Sure, he's manipulative and
plotting. He is, however, a member of my family and I can't
leave him behind like that."
"With him outta the way, we wouldn't have to run and hide
all the time," Buford argued, getting to his feet. "Maybe we
could settle down and start lookin' for a cure, you think?"
"Half the fun of this trip is escaping Victor's little
plots," Charlotte rebutted. "Life would be boring again if we
lost that."
"BORING!? Maybe you'd like me to quit now and let you
handle lugging your gear around, huh? Remember how I found you
in Austin? Penniless, clothingless and homeless?"
"I was not penniless. I still have the family charge card,"
Charlotte said, slipping it out from under her hair ribbon. It
was solid gold, or at least looked like it. "Don't leave France
without it."
"Which isn't exactly valid if you can't get any hot water,"
Buford said. "I want outta this curse, and the only way is to
shake Victor and get some serious detective work goin'."
"We've been managing fine even with him around!"
"Umm, may I get a word in here?" Ryouga asked?
"NO!" they shouted in unison.
*
Ranma was beginning to suspect something.
P-Chan hadn't tried to attack him once. In fact, it almost
seemed like his anger was directed in the opposite direction...
three times today he had managed to wriggle away from Akane and
try to escape, each time with a grumpy Ranma having to track him
down so Akane wouldn't be upset.
P-Chan even refused to be dressed up funny. No baby bib,
for example, when it came time to eat (and he attempted to escape
again). There was something else strange, something he couldn't
quite put a finger on...
"What happened to P-Chan's cute little bandanna?" Akane
wondered, scratching his neck while he wiggled around.
"That's it!" Ranma gasped, snapping his fingers.
"What's it?"
"Nothing," Ranma said, keeping it to himself. Ryouga never,
EVER loses his bandanna. It was a part of him, kind of like his
bad dental work and daydreaming. Why would he ditch it now?
"I think I'll head around to the corner market and try to
pick him up a new one," Akane said, getting up from the couch
where she and Ranma were watching TV. "Here, you take care of
him while I'm out. He's been so jumpy today."
"What? Me?" Ranma asked, as the protesting pig was thrust
into his hands.
"Yeah, you. You remember how Nabiki tried to sell him to
that gourmet meat market last time I left him with someone else,"
Akane said. "I don't want him getting lost, anyway. You had
better take care of him this time, Ranma, I don't want a repeat
of what happened three weeks ago!"
Lost. Hmmm, Ranma thought.
"I'll be right back," Akane said, heading out the door.
"Keep him out of trouble," she added, before shutting the door
behind her.
Ranma tucked P-Chan under an arm, and headed for the stairs.
*
The Tendo basement was rarely used; at the time, it only
housed a few barrels of ceremonial wine, some broken dojo
equipment and a growing civilization of cockroaches which were
very near developing a kind of writing. Ranma stepped in the
intricate dust patterns on his way down the stairs, setting them
back five years.
Ranma ignored the enraged chittering from behind him, and
picked a likely spot in the basement to set the pig down.
"Alright, here goes," he said, and released the piglet.
The pig zipped straight and true like an arrow for the
stairs, bounding up them two at a time and crashing through the
door. Not THROUGH the door, but pushing it open first. Not
normal for Ryouga-on-a-rampage.
Ranma trailed it, following the frantic hoof marks in the
floor. A nice, straight line, up the stairs and to the bedroom
area. It was working.
He walked up the stairs, taking his own good time. The path
was leading him right where he figured it would go; the bathroom.
He ignored the KNOCK FIRST sign and walked in, pulling the
shower panel aside.
"Alright, who are you and what have you done with P-Chan?"
he demanded of the strange boy in the tub.
*
"See, my parents are a bit snobby," Charlotte explained,
holding her marshmallow over Ryouga's cooking fire. Buford was
already snoring away, his hat lifting up slightly with each
exhale, but Charlotte managed to talk over the noise without
waking him.
"I heard that about french people," Ryouga commented.
"Not all french people, silly. My family's just REALLY old
fashioned. They're hanging onto this old, dried up vineyard as
if it was worth something, leeching off stored up family
fortune," she clarified. "It's incredibly dull. I mean, the
wardrobe and the cash flow are nice, but life is awful.
Especially with this curse; mom and dad don't want anybody to
know someone from 'such an important family' is cursed, so they
kept me locked in my room until they could find a cure."
"What about Victor?" Ryouga asked. "I mean, did they lock
him up too?"
"Certainly. It didn't stop us, though. Pigs can sneak
around quite well," she smiled. "I had fun sneaking out and...
well, arranging things."
"Arranging?"
"Little things. Encouraging romances I had seen budding in
the kitchen staff. Causing simple, silly misunderstandings that
people would remember in years to come and look back on in
nostalgia. Having fun and snooping. Victor was a brat then too,
though, doing his best to screw up my plans and get the house
staff to backstab each other at every turn just so he could have
fun watching it happen."
"Isn't that what you were doing?" Ryouga asked.
"Of course not! I wanted to help them out. He wanted to
screw them up. It got annoying and I ran away from home with
daddy's MasterCard. I figured a life of travel would be fun, but
then they decided to let Victor hunt me down and bring me back,
so nobody would know that the daughter of 'such an important
family' had run away."
She turned her marshmallow a little. Ryouga turned his,
noticing that it had started blackening already. He sighed.
"I've been thinking," Charlotte said. "Since it looks like
Victor's a little... occupied, how about if I help you out?
We'll go spring him before I leave, but this does give me time to
have a little fun."
"Help me?" Ryouga asked, not sure how to take that.
"Of course! With you and Akane. It's what I do best.
Buford here will complain, of course, but as long as Victor's at
bay he has no excuse. We're both the same, after all, you and
I."
"We're both... well... pigs," Ryouga admitted.
"True. Pigs help pigs out. So, what do you say? Your
muscle, some of my brain power, and we'll have you in the arms of
the one you love in no time!"
"It probably won't work," Ryouga grumbled. "I've tried
everything. Siding with some of the local magic gurus, trying to
beat Saotome senseless, even just flat out asking Akane out...
somehow, nothing works."
"You haven't tried me yet," she said, winking. "Trust me.
Give me a week and you won't have to go on prozac, you'll have a
surplus of natural joy."
Charlotte pulled her marshmallow out of the fire, only to
discover it had melted over Ryouga's, congealing both into a
blackened lump.
"Hmm," she mused. "Oh well, I hate marshmallows anyway.
Anyway, I need details about everybody you know. Never know when
another pawn could be helpful in the game."
"It's a pretty complicated list."
"Try me."
*
"You've got no fashion sense, Saotome," Victor said,
browsing Ranma's closet. "I mean, honestly, beige button ups
with bow ties? Chinese fashions? And those godawful little
black shoes."
"You still haven't answered my question," Ranma said,
tapping his foot.
"Yes I did. I have no idea who this P-Chan fellow is,"
Victor said. "Finally, something suited for me. Mind if I
borrow this? I'd hate to see the reaction of the Tendos if I was
walking around naked. I think you would as well."
"Where're your own clothes?" Ranma asked.
"Lost them at the docks. My nice shirt with the mesh
sleeves, my dyed jeans, everything. Awful. I'll have to see if
your local stores have my taste. Until then, I suppose this
black outfit of yours will do. Lucky we're the same size."
Ranma nodded. The boy was around his height, even with the
same hair color. His hair wasn't combed, just a matted mess that
hung down to his shoulders. His eyes were blank and wild like
Gosunkugi, but with a more malevolent edge to them. He clearly
wasn't afraid of Ranma the way Gosunkugi was either, but he
didn't look like he'd be able put up much of a fight if it came
to that.
"If you were trying to masquerade as P-Chan, you were doing
a lousy job," Ranma noted, crossing his arms. "Not only did you
try to flee from Akane, but you made a beeline for the bathroom.
The REAL P-Chan would wander around the house for hours before
finding it."
"I was never a good actor," he said, pulling Ranma's black
t-shirt over his head. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm off. I've
got a few people to look up."
"Hold it," Ranma said, laying a hand on Victor's shoulder.
"I don't think so. Akane ordered me to keep you here, and that's
what I'm doing until I can find the REAL P-Chan. She pounded me
three times a few weeks ago for losing P-Chan, and even
considered going out with Ryouga to get back at me. That ain't
gonna happen again."
"I don't think that'll work, Saotome," Victor said.
"You want to get out of this house, you gotta go through
me," Ranma said, dropping into a fighting stance.
"You look silly," Victor smirked. "I have no intention of
going through you. I was thinking AROUND. I've got a few
missing persons to make un-missing, and I don't need some piglet-
crushing female maniac or her overly violent fiancee keeping me
away from that."
Ranma stood there, waiting for Victor to try to go around
him. Victor just stood there, taking in the many varied sights
of Ranma's room.
"Your room sucks," he concluded.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Ranma asked.
"Hmm? No, foolish boy, I'm not going to try to escape NOW.
That would be idiotic. No, I figure I'll just wait until
nobody's expecting it. A watched pot never boils, you know. In
fact--"
Victor paused, an evil smile creeping over his face. "Say,
I have a novel idea. Would you like to hear what it is?"
"Try me," Ranma dared.
"Okay. Akane's obviously had this P-Chan mammal for quite
some time. How would she feel if I were to 'uncover' P-Chan as
some hentai loon who had a Jusenkyo curse, and tell her that YOU
KNEW all along and didn't tell her?"
Ranma's jaw dropped.
"I imagine she'd be less than pleased. You in fact TOLD me
she beat the snot out of you less than a few weeks ago the last
time you displeased her, and this would be quite a displeasure.
I figure I could get around you THEN, while your vertebrae are
snapping just like when she crushes me. It would be amusing to
watch, though, so maybe I'd hang around while she proceeds to
tear you limb from limb--"
"Enough!" Ranma blurted. "Alright, I'll let you go. I'll
have to hide from that kawaiikune tomboy for a few days, but I
suppose it'll blow over--"
"Go? I have no intentions of going! Saotome old bean,
you're going to be of INVALUABLE assistance to me," Victor
laughed. "No, I think I'll stay put for awhile. It'll mean more
love attacks from that insane woman, but it'll be worthwhile.
And you'll keep your mouth shut and help me with whatever I need
help with, unless you'd like your mouth opened for you and jaw
dislocated by Akane."
Ranma considered pounding this boy and tossing him out the
window. It would be the easy solution, but would mean losing 'P-
Chan'. Either way, he was to wit, screwed. Maybe he could play
along, find Ryouga, put him back in pet-place and pound this guy
to make the exchange... but that would take time.
"Alright," he said. "But the MINUTE I'm done whatever this
is you need help with, you're OUT of here, bucko."
"Sounds fine with me. Once completed, I'll be winging my
way back home to celebrations and parties. Maybe I'll drop you
an invitation," he grinned evilly, narrowing his eyes at his new
token. "Here's what I need done."
*
Akane walked up stairs, her newly purchased bandanna in one
hand, and the other hand pigless but longing to hug her pig
again. She had looked around the house, but didn't find them;
Ranma probably just took P-Chan upstairs for a bath, and then
back to his room.
"Nabiki?" Akane asked, as Nabiki quickly hid the plastic cup
she was holding behind her back. "Is Ranma here?"
"Right in there," Nabiki gestured to the door she was
standing next to. "I'd suggest knocking first."
Akane nodded, and knocked. There was a quick splashing
noise, and Ranma called, "Come in!"
Nabiki walked off to her room, put the plastic cup back on
her shelf. Things were certainly going to be interesting, she
thought to herself... especially if this new fellow was rich.
END - Part 2
(Closing theme : Equal Romance (Extended Gristle Remix))
All characters copyright Shonen, created by Rumiko
Takahashi. Music citations copyright Nothing/TVT. Charlotte and
Buford and Victor by Stefan Gagne.
Part 2
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever
even considered claiming that these were my own characters
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced
to eat my own legs to live.)
-=-
On with part 2. To recap : Ryouga gets down again, and two
pigs show up, who turn out to be a Jusekyoed pair named Buford
and Charlotte. Ryouga describes his life's problems as they head
to Ucchan's, where they bump into a rather unusual situation...
-=-
Nobody said anything. Two present were confused beyond
speech capability... Ryouga and Ranma, notably, seeing two
Ryougas in the same room. One in human form, and the other as P-
Chan. Akane didn't seem to care, snuggling her piggy (which was
trying to escape). Ukyou was too busy cooking to notice.
Buford was steaming, however. He snaked out a arm and
grabbed P-Chan away from Akane, and shook the piglet around a
little.
"Still trying to sneak up on us, huh Victor?" he scolded.
"I oughtta make chop suey outta you--"
Buford collapsed to the floor, Akane's mallet pounding his
skull into his ribcage. The piglet soared through the air, and
was caught by Ryouga.
"Quit picking on P-Chan!" Akane demanded of the groaning
gaijin, who was on the ground holding his head in pain. "Thanks,
Ryouga."
"Err... no problem," Ryouga said, handing the black piglet
back.
"Well, come on Ranma, let's get home," Akane said. "Don't
just stand there."
"But... P-Chan... and Ryouga? Two places? Same time?"
Ranma puzzled, gaze swapping back and forth from the two.
"Let's go already," Akane grumped, grabbing Ranma's hand and
storming out of the restaurant, while Ranma grappled with his
logic skills.
"She's right, he does look kinda like you," Charlotte said.
"Poor guy."
"What... who... WAS that?" Ryouga asked, pointing to the
door.
"Victor," Charlotte sighed. "My brother."
*
REC.ARTS.ANIME.STORIES PRESENTS
(musical insert : Pinion (NIN Halo 5 track 1))
Two blobs race around the docks of Tokyo bay in the
moonlight. Briefly lit by streetlamps they pass under, they can
be identified as one white piglet with a blue bow, and a larger
brown boar with a mohawk.
IN ASSOCIATION WITH FANFICTION WE'D LIKE TO SEE AND NOTHING/TVT
The two dash along the piers, looking for a good place to
hide. Turning a corner, however, they bump into a pair of men
with nets, and a small boy in black who points a finger and cries
out...
RANMA 1/2 :
The men pounce, tangling up the two pigs in nets. The boy
acts relieved, as the men pack up the two in a van.
MARCH OF THE PIGS
A wave washes over the dock, and the two men look back; to
find another piglet. They shrug, and toss it in with the other
two, despite squealing protests.
PART 2 : GET WHAT PIGS DESERVE
*
"I figured the little runt couldn't track us if we stowed
away on a commercial cargo liner," Buford explained, as the trio
finished their meals. "Don't know how he found out. When we got
off, there were two guys from animal control and Victor, saying
there they are, my lost pigs."
"The uncouths tossed a net on me and threw me in a van,"
Charlotte complained. "Luckily, a wave washed up and there
was... heh, V-Chan. The guys, being a bit slow witted, tossed
him in there too. He had no choice but to help all of us
escape."
"But... he fell into the same pool I did?" Ryouga asked.
"The heituenniichuan?"
"If that's the word, yes. Drowning black piglet spring.
Looks kind of like you in pig form, but without the cute
bandanna," Charlotte said.
"Well, he ain't gonna be a problem no more," Buford grinned.
"In fact, looks like this solves your problem. Akane's got her
little V-Chan now, and you don't need to pose anymore, PLUS
Victor's out of our hair for good. I'd call that a happy ending.
Now, Charlotte, we ought to get moving--"
"We're not leaving him there," Charlotte stated.
"Oh yes we are. Far as I'm concerned, that's a fitting end
to your brother's little manhunt."
"He's my BROTHER, Buford!" Charlotte exclaimed, angry.
"Sure, he's a pain in the ass. Sure, he's manipulative and
plotting. He is, however, a member of my family and I can't
leave him behind like that."
"With him outta the way, we wouldn't have to run and hide
all the time," Buford argued, getting to his feet. "Maybe we
could settle down and start lookin' for a cure, you think?"
"Half the fun of this trip is escaping Victor's little
plots," Charlotte rebutted. "Life would be boring again if we
lost that."
"BORING!? Maybe you'd like me to quit now and let you
handle lugging your gear around, huh? Remember how I found you
in Austin? Penniless, clothingless and homeless?"
"I was not penniless. I still have the family charge card,"
Charlotte said, slipping it out from under her hair ribbon. It
was solid gold, or at least looked like it. "Don't leave France
without it."
"Which isn't exactly valid if you can't get any hot water,"
Buford said. "I want outta this curse, and the only way is to
shake Victor and get some serious detective work goin'."
"We've been managing fine even with him around!"
"Umm, may I get a word in here?" Ryouga asked?
"NO!" they shouted in unison.
*
Ranma was beginning to suspect something.
P-Chan hadn't tried to attack him once. In fact, it almost
seemed like his anger was directed in the opposite direction...
three times today he had managed to wriggle away from Akane and
try to escape, each time with a grumpy Ranma having to track him
down so Akane wouldn't be upset.
P-Chan even refused to be dressed up funny. No baby bib,
for example, when it came time to eat (and he attempted to escape
again). There was something else strange, something he couldn't
quite put a finger on...
"What happened to P-Chan's cute little bandanna?" Akane
wondered, scratching his neck while he wiggled around.
"That's it!" Ranma gasped, snapping his fingers.
"What's it?"
"Nothing," Ranma said, keeping it to himself. Ryouga never,
EVER loses his bandanna. It was a part of him, kind of like his
bad dental work and daydreaming. Why would he ditch it now?
"I think I'll head around to the corner market and try to
pick him up a new one," Akane said, getting up from the couch
where she and Ranma were watching TV. "Here, you take care of
him while I'm out. He's been so jumpy today."
"What? Me?" Ranma asked, as the protesting pig was thrust
into his hands.
"Yeah, you. You remember how Nabiki tried to sell him to
that gourmet meat market last time I left him with someone else,"
Akane said. "I don't want him getting lost, anyway. You had
better take care of him this time, Ranma, I don't want a repeat
of what happened three weeks ago!"
Lost. Hmmm, Ranma thought.
"I'll be right back," Akane said, heading out the door.
"Keep him out of trouble," she added, before shutting the door
behind her.
Ranma tucked P-Chan under an arm, and headed for the stairs.
*
The Tendo basement was rarely used; at the time, it only
housed a few barrels of ceremonial wine, some broken dojo
equipment and a growing civilization of cockroaches which were
very near developing a kind of writing. Ranma stepped in the
intricate dust patterns on his way down the stairs, setting them
back five years.
Ranma ignored the enraged chittering from behind him, and
picked a likely spot in the basement to set the pig down.
"Alright, here goes," he said, and released the piglet.
The pig zipped straight and true like an arrow for the
stairs, bounding up them two at a time and crashing through the
door. Not THROUGH the door, but pushing it open first. Not
normal for Ryouga-on-a-rampage.
Ranma trailed it, following the frantic hoof marks in the
floor. A nice, straight line, up the stairs and to the bedroom
area. It was working.
He walked up the stairs, taking his own good time. The path
was leading him right where he figured it would go; the bathroom.
He ignored the KNOCK FIRST sign and walked in, pulling the
shower panel aside.
"Alright, who are you and what have you done with P-Chan?"
he demanded of the strange boy in the tub.
*
"See, my parents are a bit snobby," Charlotte explained,
holding her marshmallow over Ryouga's cooking fire. Buford was
already snoring away, his hat lifting up slightly with each
exhale, but Charlotte managed to talk over the noise without
waking him.
"I heard that about french people," Ryouga commented.
"Not all french people, silly. My family's just REALLY old
fashioned. They're hanging onto this old, dried up vineyard as
if it was worth something, leeching off stored up family
fortune," she clarified. "It's incredibly dull. I mean, the
wardrobe and the cash flow are nice, but life is awful.
Especially with this curse; mom and dad don't want anybody to
know someone from 'such an important family' is cursed, so they
kept me locked in my room until they could find a cure."
"What about Victor?" Ryouga asked. "I mean, did they lock
him up too?"
"Certainly. It didn't stop us, though. Pigs can sneak
around quite well," she smiled. "I had fun sneaking out and...
well, arranging things."
"Arranging?"
"Little things. Encouraging romances I had seen budding in
the kitchen staff. Causing simple, silly misunderstandings that
people would remember in years to come and look back on in
nostalgia. Having fun and snooping. Victor was a brat then too,
though, doing his best to screw up my plans and get the house
staff to backstab each other at every turn just so he could have
fun watching it happen."
"Isn't that what you were doing?" Ryouga asked.
"Of course not! I wanted to help them out. He wanted to
screw them up. It got annoying and I ran away from home with
daddy's MasterCard. I figured a life of travel would be fun, but
then they decided to let Victor hunt me down and bring me back,
so nobody would know that the daughter of 'such an important
family' had run away."
She turned her marshmallow a little. Ryouga turned his,
noticing that it had started blackening already. He sighed.
"I've been thinking," Charlotte said. "Since it looks like
Victor's a little... occupied, how about if I help you out?
We'll go spring him before I leave, but this does give me time to
have a little fun."
"Help me?" Ryouga asked, not sure how to take that.
"Of course! With you and Akane. It's what I do best.
Buford here will complain, of course, but as long as Victor's at
bay he has no excuse. We're both the same, after all, you and
I."
"We're both... well... pigs," Ryouga admitted.
"True. Pigs help pigs out. So, what do you say? Your
muscle, some of my brain power, and we'll have you in the arms of
the one you love in no time!"
"It probably won't work," Ryouga grumbled. "I've tried
everything. Siding with some of the local magic gurus, trying to
beat Saotome senseless, even just flat out asking Akane out...
somehow, nothing works."
"You haven't tried me yet," she said, winking. "Trust me.
Give me a week and you won't have to go on prozac, you'll have a
surplus of natural joy."
Charlotte pulled her marshmallow out of the fire, only to
discover it had melted over Ryouga's, congealing both into a
blackened lump.
"Hmm," she mused. "Oh well, I hate marshmallows anyway.
Anyway, I need details about everybody you know. Never know when
another pawn could be helpful in the game."
"It's a pretty complicated list."
"Try me."
*
"You've got no fashion sense, Saotome," Victor said,
browsing Ranma's closet. "I mean, honestly, beige button ups
with bow ties? Chinese fashions? And those godawful little
black shoes."
"You still haven't answered my question," Ranma said,
tapping his foot.
"Yes I did. I have no idea who this P-Chan fellow is,"
Victor said. "Finally, something suited for me. Mind if I
borrow this? I'd hate to see the reaction of the Tendos if I was
walking around naked. I think you would as well."
"Where're your own clothes?" Ranma asked.
"Lost them at the docks. My nice shirt with the mesh
sleeves, my dyed jeans, everything. Awful. I'll have to see if
your local stores have my taste. Until then, I suppose this
black outfit of yours will do. Lucky we're the same size."
Ranma nodded. The boy was around his height, even with the
same hair color. His hair wasn't combed, just a matted mess that
hung down to his shoulders. His eyes were blank and wild like
Gosunkugi, but with a more malevolent edge to them. He clearly
wasn't afraid of Ranma the way Gosunkugi was either, but he
didn't look like he'd be able put up much of a fight if it came
to that.
"If you were trying to masquerade as P-Chan, you were doing
a lousy job," Ranma noted, crossing his arms. "Not only did you
try to flee from Akane, but you made a beeline for the bathroom.
The REAL P-Chan would wander around the house for hours before
finding it."
"I was never a good actor," he said, pulling Ranma's black
t-shirt over his head. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm off. I've
got a few people to look up."
"Hold it," Ranma said, laying a hand on Victor's shoulder.
"I don't think so. Akane ordered me to keep you here, and that's
what I'm doing until I can find the REAL P-Chan. She pounded me
three times a few weeks ago for losing P-Chan, and even
considered going out with Ryouga to get back at me. That ain't
gonna happen again."
"I don't think that'll work, Saotome," Victor said.
"You want to get out of this house, you gotta go through
me," Ranma said, dropping into a fighting stance.
"You look silly," Victor smirked. "I have no intention of
going through you. I was thinking AROUND. I've got a few
missing persons to make un-missing, and I don't need some piglet-
crushing female maniac or her overly violent fiancee keeping me
away from that."
Ranma stood there, waiting for Victor to try to go around
him. Victor just stood there, taking in the many varied sights
of Ranma's room.
"Your room sucks," he concluded.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Ranma asked.
"Hmm? No, foolish boy, I'm not going to try to escape NOW.
That would be idiotic. No, I figure I'll just wait until
nobody's expecting it. A watched pot never boils, you know. In
fact--"
Victor paused, an evil smile creeping over his face. "Say,
I have a novel idea. Would you like to hear what it is?"
"Try me," Ranma dared.
"Okay. Akane's obviously had this P-Chan mammal for quite
some time. How would she feel if I were to 'uncover' P-Chan as
some hentai loon who had a Jusenkyo curse, and tell her that YOU
KNEW all along and didn't tell her?"
Ranma's jaw dropped.
"I imagine she'd be less than pleased. You in fact TOLD me
she beat the snot out of you less than a few weeks ago the last
time you displeased her, and this would be quite a displeasure.
I figure I could get around you THEN, while your vertebrae are
snapping just like when she crushes me. It would be amusing to
watch, though, so maybe I'd hang around while she proceeds to
tear you limb from limb--"
"Enough!" Ranma blurted. "Alright, I'll let you go. I'll
have to hide from that kawaiikune tomboy for a few days, but I
suppose it'll blow over--"
"Go? I have no intentions of going! Saotome old bean,
you're going to be of INVALUABLE assistance to me," Victor
laughed. "No, I think I'll stay put for awhile. It'll mean more
love attacks from that insane woman, but it'll be worthwhile.
And you'll keep your mouth shut and help me with whatever I need
help with, unless you'd like your mouth opened for you and jaw
dislocated by Akane."
Ranma considered pounding this boy and tossing him out the
window. It would be the easy solution, but would mean losing 'P-
Chan'. Either way, he was to wit, screwed. Maybe he could play
along, find Ryouga, put him back in pet-place and pound this guy
to make the exchange... but that would take time.
"Alright," he said. "But the MINUTE I'm done whatever this
is you need help with, you're OUT of here, bucko."
"Sounds fine with me. Once completed, I'll be winging my
way back home to celebrations and parties. Maybe I'll drop you
an invitation," he grinned evilly, narrowing his eyes at his new
token. "Here's what I need done."
*
Akane walked up stairs, her newly purchased bandanna in one
hand, and the other hand pigless but longing to hug her pig
again. She had looked around the house, but didn't find them;
Ranma probably just took P-Chan upstairs for a bath, and then
back to his room.
"Nabiki?" Akane asked, as Nabiki quickly hid the plastic cup
she was holding behind her back. "Is Ranma here?"
"Right in there," Nabiki gestured to the door she was
standing next to. "I'd suggest knocking first."
Akane nodded, and knocked. There was a quick splashing
noise, and Ranma called, "Come in!"
Nabiki walked off to her room, put the plastic cup back on
her shelf. Things were certainly going to be interesting, she
thought to herself... especially if this new fellow was rich.
END - Part 2
(Closing theme : Equal Romance (Extended Gristle Remix))
All characters copyright Shonen, created by Rumiko
Takahashi. Music citations copyright Nothing/TVT. Charlotte and
Buford and Victor by Stefan Gagne.