Ranma 1/2 : March of the Pigs
Part 4
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever
even considered claiming that these were my own characters
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced
to eat my own legs to live.)
-=-
Plot to date : Ryouga meets Charlotte, Buford and
Charlotte's snotty little bro Victor (who is determined to drag
Charlotte back home). Victor looks like P-Chan and is
accidentally pignapped by Akane, but gets away by blackmailing
Ranma into helping him. Ranma and Victor ambush the other three,
but Kunou shows up and ruins everything. Azusa spots all four
piggies and runs home with them. (ten animals I slam in a net?)
Meanwhile, Nabiki (who knows quite a bit of what's going on)
is looking for Ranma and Victor, and Ukyou decides to help her
search so she can make sure Ran-chan isn't in trouble. Ranma-
chan is on Kunou's boat and Kunou is at five hundred feet and
falling.
One quick author note : Since the Azusa 'eps aren't
available, I'm going on manga synopses and speculation. I'm
guessing that she's two parts Elmyra and three parts C-Ko, and
that seems to be the case... please forgive any other errors
(such as where she lives).
-=-
The athletic field of Furinkan was not a pretty sight.
Azusa had won the annual roller derby, obviously. Skating
hobbyists lie in deformed piles around the oval track, silent and
unmoving with numerous bruises and scrapes. The principal had
escaped the chaos of his poorly-planned-out sporting event, only
to be flattened by an out of control skater that was trying to
avoid the onslaught. Nobody was left to call the ambulances.
"I'm glad I skipped gym today," Ukyou said, taking in the
carnage with frightened eyes.
"The trail leads here," Nabiki said. "You said Ryouga's
camp was on the other side of the woods there, right?"
"Yeah. I hope Ran-chan wasn't hurt in this fight. Where'd
Azusa go, anyway?"
*
REC.ARTS.ANIME.STORIES PRESENTS
(musical insert : Why? (Meat Puppets 'Too High to Die', track 11)
(Ed. - NIN doesn't have any 'happy' songs that'd work here.)
Azusa was a happy camper.
Not only did she find her beloved l'il Charlotte again, but
her piggy friends Janette, Cosette and Lisette! The entire piggy
family. Cosette didn't seem real happy and was trying to chew
through the net and Lisette was asleep, but a haul was a haul...
IN ASSOCIATION WITH FANFICTION WE'D LIKE TO SEE AND NOTHING/TVT
Azusa skated on home, sack of piggies slung over her
shoulder as she raced the setting sun. It was always a nice day
around Azusa's neighborhood; she had a habit of attacking anybody
that was gloomy.
RANMA 1/2 :
Her skates slid along the pavement as blade on ice, slick,
fast and efficient. She wanted so much to try out her new Pet
Room... she had been on an organizational kick lately, putting
dolls in one room, pets in another, and miscellaneous bright
shiny objects in the other. Sure, she had to kick her brother
out of the house to make the room, but that wasn't important.
MARCH OF THE PIGS
Azusa coasted into the house and up the stairs (which she
had flattened out into a nice slope, which was great to
accelerate on), skidding to a halt in front of her Pet Room. She
opened the door, tossed the net in, and shut it.
Wouldn't her piggies just LOVE their new hog heaven?
PART 4 : HAPPINESS IN SLAVERY
*
Ranma-chan steered the bulky cruiser as well as he could.
Ugh, what a lousy day. First she's being blackmailed by some
pale gaijin, then he's being groped by Kunou... AGAIN... and now
he's playing Ranma the Sailor Man.
Sasuke didn't put up much of a fight after she knocked Kunou
into the stratosphere, mostly because he was shocked that his
master was currently orbiting Mars. In hindsight, Ranma-chan
wished she hadn't done that; she didn't know the first thing
about boats.
She managed to aim the motor yacht at the shore, towards
Ryouga's campsite. All she had to do was pull up, grab P-Chan
and go home and all would be forgiven. The boat was approaching
rather fast though... which lever slowed it down?
Luckily, Ranma-chan picked the right lever. She picked the
wrong direction, however.
*
"Another battleground?" Ukyou wondered, as the two girls
walked over to the wrecked camp from the forest.
"Looks like it," Nabiki said. "Let's see... lots of
footprints... some scrapes of rope on the dirt, probably a net...
and a boat ramming into the shore. The ground's wet, which means
it caused a wave."
"How do you know all that?"
"You get to be pretty observant in my chosen career," Nabiki
said.
"What's that?"
"Underhanded business."
"Oh. So where'd Ran-chan go? He was last reported here,
after all..."
"You might want to stand back," Nabiki warned.
"Why?" Ukyou asked, before the Lady Binsen II rammed into
the shore for a second time, impaling itself on a nearby tree
stump. A high pitched scream arced over Ukyou's head, landing in
a tree with a WHUMPH.
"Ran-chan!" Ukyou brightened, looking at the figure tangled
in branches above her. "Hmmm. You don't look particularly good
today, Ran-chan."
"Mpphhgh," Ranma-chan offered.
Ukyou climbed up the tree, and used a sharpened spatula to
start cutting off branches. She carried Ranma-chan down, draped
over a shoulder.
"Feeling better?" she asked, setting the dazed ex-sailor
down.
"Just lovely, thank you," Ranma-chan groaned. "Everything's
broken."
"We don't have time to go to Doctor Tofu's," Nabiki said.
"Where's that Victor guy?"
"Huh? You know about him? How?"
"I have my ways," Nabiki said. "It looks like everybody who
was here got dragged off."
"Let's see..." Ranma-chan said, thinking back. "A crash...
lots of pigs around... Kunou had the nerve to kidnap me... that's
that. There was a net. Someone probably used it to drag
everybody off."
"Who, though?" Nabiki asked. "Everybody nearby is currently
beaten to a pulp."
"Azusa," Ranma-chan moaned, dejected. "Great. Azusa got
them. I should have known better than to get HER help."
"Azusa?" Ukyou asked.
"Martial arts figure skater," Ranma-chan said. "She and
that hentai partner of hers challenged me and Akane to a duel a
long time before you got here. She's nasty, brutal, sinister and
cute."
"Hey!" Ukyou complained.
"No! I don't mean it that way," Ranma-chan defended. "It's
like this..."
*
"I'm gonna be sick," Buford said, trying to avoid looking at
the bunny-and-duckie wallpaper. "What sick, twisted person could
possibly LIKE a room like this?"
"Well, it is a bit garish," Charlotte said, checking the top
of the toy cabinet for dust, "But she does have an eye for
texture. Victor, quit trying the door, we KNOW it's locked."
"Damn that Saotome..." Victor grumbled, trying to use his
weak muscles to force the door open. "Has the nerve to double-
cross ME and leave me as a pig to be caught by some kawaii-
demon... just WAIT till I get out of here. His cover is SHOT!"
"Ranma doesn't have any cover," Ryouga said, growing annoyed
with Victor's rambling. "The only person who doesn't know about
his gender switcheroo is Kunou, and the guy's so dense that he'll
never figure it out."
"His what?" Victor asked. "No, I mean his fiancee's stupid
little pig. I bet that insane girl will be real happy when I
show her that her pig is actually me in disguiseURK."
"Take that back," Ryouga requested, pinning Victor against
the door with his umbrella. "Take back what you said about
Akane!"
"Ryouga, calm down. There's no need to beat each other up
when we have Miss Azusa to do that for us," Charlotte said. "I
don't think she'll be very happy when she walks in here and finds
no piglets."
"Bite me," Buford cheerfully suggested. "I wanted to change
back, and she had managed to drag our gear in that net. I'm just
glad I had my thermos filled."
Ryouga ignored the other two. "If you so much as CONSIDER
telling Akane anything like that," he said, "They'll be flying
you back to France in a body cast."
"What's your beef?" Victor asked, trying to get his toes in
contact with the ground. "It's just a pig. It's not like I'd be
telling the truth if I was to say it was a boy in disguise.
Besides, what do you care about Akane? She's just this
kawaiikuneURUGHHH"
"Ryouga, put him down already," Charlotte said. "There is
no need for hostility."
"Alright," Ryouga agreed, pulling the umbrella away from
Victor's chest. Victor slumped down against the door. "But the
threat stands, Victor. Stay away from Ranma and Akane."
"Okay, okay. Ranma's a sucky pawn anyway. I'm sure I can
find better ones," he theorized.
"You might have a shortage, Victor," Charlotte said,
adjusting her bow and grinning evilly. "I'm afraid my current
plan is rather extensive. Possibly even beyond your meddling
abilities."
"I've ruined your stories before, big sister, and I can do
it again," Victor said.
"I think I'm gonna puke," Buford said, peering down into
Azusa's toybox. "Take a look at this, guys."
The other three crept up to the toybox, and peered inside.
Victor turned pale. Well, paler.
Inside were a few dozen stuffed pigs, no longer stuffed.
Hugged to death, puffy innards spilling out.
"We've gotta get out of here," Buford said, slowly closing
the lid of the plushie crypt.
The sound of wheels rolling against carpet was heard outside
the door, as well as a key turning in a lock. "Oh, friends!
Azusa's here to shower you with love and affection!"
"Hit the deck!" Buford suggested, as the door opened. The
four jumped for cover.
"Got a nice sponge bath ready for you--" Azusa started,
wheeling into the room and tripping over a prone Ryouga. The pan
soared up in the air, dousing the entire room in water.
Azusa gurgled, and pulled herself back up on her skates.
"Oops! I got my piggies wet! Don't worry, I'll get you nice 'n
dry!"
The pigs scrambled, trying to make a break for the door, but
Azusa had a wheeled advantage. In less than a second, she had
all four pigs snuggled up in a towel, and was happily crushing
them with love.
*
"Are you sure this is her house?" Ranma asked, pointing at
the pink and yellow home, standing out among the basic browns and
whites of the other suburban buildings.
"Positive. I checked my resources extensively," Nabiki
said. "We need to apply discretion on entering. If we can sneak
the pigs out quietly, we can avoid having to fight her."
"Good. I don't like to hit girls, even ones as insane as
Azusa," Ranma said.
"I don't mind at all," Ukyou said, readying her Ukyou
Special spatula. "If little miss eight wheels wants a fight--"
"DISCRETION," Nabiki reminded. "Ranma, you try first.
Ukyou, let's get out of sight."
Ranma ran the bell as the two girls scurried for cover.
There was a pause, and the sound of wheels rolling down a 45'
incline, and the door shook with an impact. Azusa opened the
door, rubbing her forehead.
"Ow," she greeted. "Can I help you-- Ranma?"
"Hello," he said. "Say, I was wondering, have you seen any
pigs around?"
"You mean cute 'n adorable little piggies that you just love
to hug and snug forever and ever?!" Azusa said, lost on
happiness.
"Yeah!"
"NO!" Azusa screamed, and slammed the door in Ranma's face.
"Real discrete," Ukyou said. "Alright, my turn. Get away
from the door, Ranma."
Ukyou rang the bell, and the door promptly opened.
"Ranm... oh, you're not Ranma."
"Greetings!" Ukyou said. "I've come to cheerfully extend to
you an opportunity to visit Ucchan's, Nerima's premiere
Okonomiyaki eatery for a free meal! Do you have the time?"
"Sorry, I already ate," Azusa said, closing the door again.
"Amateurs," Nabiki claimed, rolling her eyes. "Alright,
wait right here. I'll be right back."
*
"What took?" Ranma asked, sitting on Azusa's doorstep.
"I had to get something at the arts and crafts store around
the corner," Nabiki said. "I just need a target object...
that'll do."
"Hey!" Ukyou exclaimed, as Nabiki plucked a spatula from her
bandolier. "That's mine!"
"I'll pay you for the replacement," Nabiki said, applying
some items from a paper bag to it. "Alright. Sit back and watch
a master at work." She rang the doorbell.
"Hello?" Azusa said, peeking out the door.
"A gift for you," Nabiki said, presenting her with the
spatula. It wasn't just a spatula now... it had a cute yellow
ribbon tied around the handle, and two 'google-eyes' stuck to the
flat part, wobbling around like Cookie Monster.
"Sylvie!" Azusa yelped, happily grabbing at the kawaiified
spatula. "Sylvie!"
Nabiki paused there, revelling in her success. "If you'll
notice, in a fit of joy, Azusa has left her front door open.
Now, I suggest a quick search of the house."
*
"Sylvie, Sylvie, Sylvie!" Azusa giggled, rolling around her
Misc. Bright Shiny Object Room. In there were a variety of
lights, balls, and cans that gleamed in the kaleidoscope light
she had installed. Now, she had a little spatula-friend to add
to her collection! Life didn't get much better than this!
She reluctantly set Sylvie down in her Kitchenware display,
and skated out of the room. Funny, why is the door to her Pet
Room open? She skated down the hall, sliding to a stop.
"AIEEEEE!" she screamed in terror.
"Whoops," Ranma said, caught in the act of swiping P-Chan.
"GET AWAY FROM CHARLOTTE!" Azusa demanded, skating by and
slapping Ranma's arm, knocking P-Chan to the floor. "OUT! OUT
OF MY ROOM, YOU KAWAIIKUNE--"
GONGGGGG went Azusa against Ukyou's outstretched mega-
spatula. The skater went down like an expensive silk doll,
dreaming happy little dreams. Ukyou smiled. "WHO'S kawaiikune?
Hmm?"
"We got P-Chan!" Ranma cheered. "Let's get out of here and
back home before Akane notices."
"Right behind you, Ran-chan!" Ukyou said, holstering the
spatula and bounding out of the room behind him. Nabiki examined
the black, squirming piglet in her grip with amusement.
"You and I have quite a bit to talk about," she mused,
stepping over Azusa's body and exiting.
Buford and Charlotte exchanged a few words in Bweese, and
tagged along after Nabiki, making sure to stay out of sight.
*
The sun had already set by the time Ranma was home. Ukyou
had already headed home, after noting the time. It was just him
and the pig.
He quietly slipped through the door, making a total absence
of noise. He kept one hand clamped over P-Chan's snout, to keep
him from squealing and waking Akane up. He just hoped that Akane
hadn't noticed P-Chan being absent all day...
"Alright," he whispered to P-Chan. "We're here. You want
to be with Akane so bad, go to her."
P-Chan nodded, and took the opportunity to bite Ranma's hand
before jumping out of his grip.
"YOW!" Ranma yelled, grabbing at his finger. Down came the
wooden mallet, and down went Ranma.
The lights flipped on, and Akane, mallet in hand, looked on
in horror. "Ranma! I'm sorry. I thought there was a prowler in
the house."
"D... don't mention it," Ranma said, trying to get up. A
second mallet clobber put him back down.
"What was THAT for?!" Ranma asked, grabbing his aching head.
"You lost P-Chan again, that's what it was for," Akane said.
"He wasn't here all day, AFTER I told you to keep an eye on him!"
"He's right there!!" Ranma said, pointing to a sheepish P-
Chan, who had already started to head upstairs.
"P-CHAN!" Akane yelled, dropping her mallet and rushing
forward to grab her pig. "Okay, Ranma. I'm sorry. I take it
back."
"Kind of LATE to do that now," Ranma said, rubbing the two
lumps on the back of his head. He lurched off to bed, grumbling
something about tomboys.
Two small pigs nudged open the door that Ranma had left
open, and peeked in. The way clear, they entered, nosing the
door shut behind them.
END - Part 4
(Closing theme : Down In It (Ya Pa Pa Mix))
All characters copyright Shonen, created by Rumiko
Takahashi. Music citations copyright Nothing/TVT. Charlotte and
Buford and Victor by Stefan Gagne.
Part 4
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever
even considered claiming that these were my own characters
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced
to eat my own legs to live.)
-=-
Plot to date : Ryouga meets Charlotte, Buford and
Charlotte's snotty little bro Victor (who is determined to drag
Charlotte back home). Victor looks like P-Chan and is
accidentally pignapped by Akane, but gets away by blackmailing
Ranma into helping him. Ranma and Victor ambush the other three,
but Kunou shows up and ruins everything. Azusa spots all four
piggies and runs home with them. (ten animals I slam in a net?)
Meanwhile, Nabiki (who knows quite a bit of what's going on)
is looking for Ranma and Victor, and Ukyou decides to help her
search so she can make sure Ran-chan isn't in trouble. Ranma-
chan is on Kunou's boat and Kunou is at five hundred feet and
falling.
One quick author note : Since the Azusa 'eps aren't
available, I'm going on manga synopses and speculation. I'm
guessing that she's two parts Elmyra and three parts C-Ko, and
that seems to be the case... please forgive any other errors
(such as where she lives).
-=-
The athletic field of Furinkan was not a pretty sight.
Azusa had won the annual roller derby, obviously. Skating
hobbyists lie in deformed piles around the oval track, silent and
unmoving with numerous bruises and scrapes. The principal had
escaped the chaos of his poorly-planned-out sporting event, only
to be flattened by an out of control skater that was trying to
avoid the onslaught. Nobody was left to call the ambulances.
"I'm glad I skipped gym today," Ukyou said, taking in the
carnage with frightened eyes.
"The trail leads here," Nabiki said. "You said Ryouga's
camp was on the other side of the woods there, right?"
"Yeah. I hope Ran-chan wasn't hurt in this fight. Where'd
Azusa go, anyway?"
*
REC.ARTS.ANIME.STORIES PRESENTS
(musical insert : Why? (Meat Puppets 'Too High to Die', track 11)
(Ed. - NIN doesn't have any 'happy' songs that'd work here.)
Azusa was a happy camper.
Not only did she find her beloved l'il Charlotte again, but
her piggy friends Janette, Cosette and Lisette! The entire piggy
family. Cosette didn't seem real happy and was trying to chew
through the net and Lisette was asleep, but a haul was a haul...
IN ASSOCIATION WITH FANFICTION WE'D LIKE TO SEE AND NOTHING/TVT
Azusa skated on home, sack of piggies slung over her
shoulder as she raced the setting sun. It was always a nice day
around Azusa's neighborhood; she had a habit of attacking anybody
that was gloomy.
RANMA 1/2 :
Her skates slid along the pavement as blade on ice, slick,
fast and efficient. She wanted so much to try out her new Pet
Room... she had been on an organizational kick lately, putting
dolls in one room, pets in another, and miscellaneous bright
shiny objects in the other. Sure, she had to kick her brother
out of the house to make the room, but that wasn't important.
MARCH OF THE PIGS
Azusa coasted into the house and up the stairs (which she
had flattened out into a nice slope, which was great to
accelerate on), skidding to a halt in front of her Pet Room. She
opened the door, tossed the net in, and shut it.
Wouldn't her piggies just LOVE their new hog heaven?
PART 4 : HAPPINESS IN SLAVERY
*
Ranma-chan steered the bulky cruiser as well as he could.
Ugh, what a lousy day. First she's being blackmailed by some
pale gaijin, then he's being groped by Kunou... AGAIN... and now
he's playing Ranma the Sailor Man.
Sasuke didn't put up much of a fight after she knocked Kunou
into the stratosphere, mostly because he was shocked that his
master was currently orbiting Mars. In hindsight, Ranma-chan
wished she hadn't done that; she didn't know the first thing
about boats.
She managed to aim the motor yacht at the shore, towards
Ryouga's campsite. All she had to do was pull up, grab P-Chan
and go home and all would be forgiven. The boat was approaching
rather fast though... which lever slowed it down?
Luckily, Ranma-chan picked the right lever. She picked the
wrong direction, however.
*
"Another battleground?" Ukyou wondered, as the two girls
walked over to the wrecked camp from the forest.
"Looks like it," Nabiki said. "Let's see... lots of
footprints... some scrapes of rope on the dirt, probably a net...
and a boat ramming into the shore. The ground's wet, which means
it caused a wave."
"How do you know all that?"
"You get to be pretty observant in my chosen career," Nabiki
said.
"What's that?"
"Underhanded business."
"Oh. So where'd Ran-chan go? He was last reported here,
after all..."
"You might want to stand back," Nabiki warned.
"Why?" Ukyou asked, before the Lady Binsen II rammed into
the shore for a second time, impaling itself on a nearby tree
stump. A high pitched scream arced over Ukyou's head, landing in
a tree with a WHUMPH.
"Ran-chan!" Ukyou brightened, looking at the figure tangled
in branches above her. "Hmmm. You don't look particularly good
today, Ran-chan."
"Mpphhgh," Ranma-chan offered.
Ukyou climbed up the tree, and used a sharpened spatula to
start cutting off branches. She carried Ranma-chan down, draped
over a shoulder.
"Feeling better?" she asked, setting the dazed ex-sailor
down.
"Just lovely, thank you," Ranma-chan groaned. "Everything's
broken."
"We don't have time to go to Doctor Tofu's," Nabiki said.
"Where's that Victor guy?"
"Huh? You know about him? How?"
"I have my ways," Nabiki said. "It looks like everybody who
was here got dragged off."
"Let's see..." Ranma-chan said, thinking back. "A crash...
lots of pigs around... Kunou had the nerve to kidnap me... that's
that. There was a net. Someone probably used it to drag
everybody off."
"Who, though?" Nabiki asked. "Everybody nearby is currently
beaten to a pulp."
"Azusa," Ranma-chan moaned, dejected. "Great. Azusa got
them. I should have known better than to get HER help."
"Azusa?" Ukyou asked.
"Martial arts figure skater," Ranma-chan said. "She and
that hentai partner of hers challenged me and Akane to a duel a
long time before you got here. She's nasty, brutal, sinister and
cute."
"Hey!" Ukyou complained.
"No! I don't mean it that way," Ranma-chan defended. "It's
like this..."
*
"I'm gonna be sick," Buford said, trying to avoid looking at
the bunny-and-duckie wallpaper. "What sick, twisted person could
possibly LIKE a room like this?"
"Well, it is a bit garish," Charlotte said, checking the top
of the toy cabinet for dust, "But she does have an eye for
texture. Victor, quit trying the door, we KNOW it's locked."
"Damn that Saotome..." Victor grumbled, trying to use his
weak muscles to force the door open. "Has the nerve to double-
cross ME and leave me as a pig to be caught by some kawaii-
demon... just WAIT till I get out of here. His cover is SHOT!"
"Ranma doesn't have any cover," Ryouga said, growing annoyed
with Victor's rambling. "The only person who doesn't know about
his gender switcheroo is Kunou, and the guy's so dense that he'll
never figure it out."
"His what?" Victor asked. "No, I mean his fiancee's stupid
little pig. I bet that insane girl will be real happy when I
show her that her pig is actually me in disguiseURK."
"Take that back," Ryouga requested, pinning Victor against
the door with his umbrella. "Take back what you said about
Akane!"
"Ryouga, calm down. There's no need to beat each other up
when we have Miss Azusa to do that for us," Charlotte said. "I
don't think she'll be very happy when she walks in here and finds
no piglets."
"Bite me," Buford cheerfully suggested. "I wanted to change
back, and she had managed to drag our gear in that net. I'm just
glad I had my thermos filled."
Ryouga ignored the other two. "If you so much as CONSIDER
telling Akane anything like that," he said, "They'll be flying
you back to France in a body cast."
"What's your beef?" Victor asked, trying to get his toes in
contact with the ground. "It's just a pig. It's not like I'd be
telling the truth if I was to say it was a boy in disguise.
Besides, what do you care about Akane? She's just this
kawaiikuneURUGHHH"
"Ryouga, put him down already," Charlotte said. "There is
no need for hostility."
"Alright," Ryouga agreed, pulling the umbrella away from
Victor's chest. Victor slumped down against the door. "But the
threat stands, Victor. Stay away from Ranma and Akane."
"Okay, okay. Ranma's a sucky pawn anyway. I'm sure I can
find better ones," he theorized.
"You might have a shortage, Victor," Charlotte said,
adjusting her bow and grinning evilly. "I'm afraid my current
plan is rather extensive. Possibly even beyond your meddling
abilities."
"I've ruined your stories before, big sister, and I can do
it again," Victor said.
"I think I'm gonna puke," Buford said, peering down into
Azusa's toybox. "Take a look at this, guys."
The other three crept up to the toybox, and peered inside.
Victor turned pale. Well, paler.
Inside were a few dozen stuffed pigs, no longer stuffed.
Hugged to death, puffy innards spilling out.
"We've gotta get out of here," Buford said, slowly closing
the lid of the plushie crypt.
The sound of wheels rolling against carpet was heard outside
the door, as well as a key turning in a lock. "Oh, friends!
Azusa's here to shower you with love and affection!"
"Hit the deck!" Buford suggested, as the door opened. The
four jumped for cover.
"Got a nice sponge bath ready for you--" Azusa started,
wheeling into the room and tripping over a prone Ryouga. The pan
soared up in the air, dousing the entire room in water.
Azusa gurgled, and pulled herself back up on her skates.
"Oops! I got my piggies wet! Don't worry, I'll get you nice 'n
dry!"
The pigs scrambled, trying to make a break for the door, but
Azusa had a wheeled advantage. In less than a second, she had
all four pigs snuggled up in a towel, and was happily crushing
them with love.
*
"Are you sure this is her house?" Ranma asked, pointing at
the pink and yellow home, standing out among the basic browns and
whites of the other suburban buildings.
"Positive. I checked my resources extensively," Nabiki
said. "We need to apply discretion on entering. If we can sneak
the pigs out quietly, we can avoid having to fight her."
"Good. I don't like to hit girls, even ones as insane as
Azusa," Ranma said.
"I don't mind at all," Ukyou said, readying her Ukyou
Special spatula. "If little miss eight wheels wants a fight--"
"DISCRETION," Nabiki reminded. "Ranma, you try first.
Ukyou, let's get out of sight."
Ranma ran the bell as the two girls scurried for cover.
There was a pause, and the sound of wheels rolling down a 45'
incline, and the door shook with an impact. Azusa opened the
door, rubbing her forehead.
"Ow," she greeted. "Can I help you-- Ranma?"
"Hello," he said. "Say, I was wondering, have you seen any
pigs around?"
"You mean cute 'n adorable little piggies that you just love
to hug and snug forever and ever?!" Azusa said, lost on
happiness.
"Yeah!"
"NO!" Azusa screamed, and slammed the door in Ranma's face.
"Real discrete," Ukyou said. "Alright, my turn. Get away
from the door, Ranma."
Ukyou rang the bell, and the door promptly opened.
"Ranm... oh, you're not Ranma."
"Greetings!" Ukyou said. "I've come to cheerfully extend to
you an opportunity to visit Ucchan's, Nerima's premiere
Okonomiyaki eatery for a free meal! Do you have the time?"
"Sorry, I already ate," Azusa said, closing the door again.
"Amateurs," Nabiki claimed, rolling her eyes. "Alright,
wait right here. I'll be right back."
*
"What took?" Ranma asked, sitting on Azusa's doorstep.
"I had to get something at the arts and crafts store around
the corner," Nabiki said. "I just need a target object...
that'll do."
"Hey!" Ukyou exclaimed, as Nabiki plucked a spatula from her
bandolier. "That's mine!"
"I'll pay you for the replacement," Nabiki said, applying
some items from a paper bag to it. "Alright. Sit back and watch
a master at work." She rang the doorbell.
"Hello?" Azusa said, peeking out the door.
"A gift for you," Nabiki said, presenting her with the
spatula. It wasn't just a spatula now... it had a cute yellow
ribbon tied around the handle, and two 'google-eyes' stuck to the
flat part, wobbling around like Cookie Monster.
"Sylvie!" Azusa yelped, happily grabbing at the kawaiified
spatula. "Sylvie!"
Nabiki paused there, revelling in her success. "If you'll
notice, in a fit of joy, Azusa has left her front door open.
Now, I suggest a quick search of the house."
*
"Sylvie, Sylvie, Sylvie!" Azusa giggled, rolling around her
Misc. Bright Shiny Object Room. In there were a variety of
lights, balls, and cans that gleamed in the kaleidoscope light
she had installed. Now, she had a little spatula-friend to add
to her collection! Life didn't get much better than this!
She reluctantly set Sylvie down in her Kitchenware display,
and skated out of the room. Funny, why is the door to her Pet
Room open? She skated down the hall, sliding to a stop.
"AIEEEEE!" she screamed in terror.
"Whoops," Ranma said, caught in the act of swiping P-Chan.
"GET AWAY FROM CHARLOTTE!" Azusa demanded, skating by and
slapping Ranma's arm, knocking P-Chan to the floor. "OUT! OUT
OF MY ROOM, YOU KAWAIIKUNE--"
GONGGGGG went Azusa against Ukyou's outstretched mega-
spatula. The skater went down like an expensive silk doll,
dreaming happy little dreams. Ukyou smiled. "WHO'S kawaiikune?
Hmm?"
"We got P-Chan!" Ranma cheered. "Let's get out of here and
back home before Akane notices."
"Right behind you, Ran-chan!" Ukyou said, holstering the
spatula and bounding out of the room behind him. Nabiki examined
the black, squirming piglet in her grip with amusement.
"You and I have quite a bit to talk about," she mused,
stepping over Azusa's body and exiting.
Buford and Charlotte exchanged a few words in Bweese, and
tagged along after Nabiki, making sure to stay out of sight.
*
The sun had already set by the time Ranma was home. Ukyou
had already headed home, after noting the time. It was just him
and the pig.
He quietly slipped through the door, making a total absence
of noise. He kept one hand clamped over P-Chan's snout, to keep
him from squealing and waking Akane up. He just hoped that Akane
hadn't noticed P-Chan being absent all day...
"Alright," he whispered to P-Chan. "We're here. You want
to be with Akane so bad, go to her."
P-Chan nodded, and took the opportunity to bite Ranma's hand
before jumping out of his grip.
"YOW!" Ranma yelled, grabbing at his finger. Down came the
wooden mallet, and down went Ranma.
The lights flipped on, and Akane, mallet in hand, looked on
in horror. "Ranma! I'm sorry. I thought there was a prowler in
the house."
"D... don't mention it," Ranma said, trying to get up. A
second mallet clobber put him back down.
"What was THAT for?!" Ranma asked, grabbing his aching head.
"You lost P-Chan again, that's what it was for," Akane said.
"He wasn't here all day, AFTER I told you to keep an eye on him!"
"He's right there!!" Ranma said, pointing to a sheepish P-
Chan, who had already started to head upstairs.
"P-CHAN!" Akane yelled, dropping her mallet and rushing
forward to grab her pig. "Okay, Ranma. I'm sorry. I take it
back."
"Kind of LATE to do that now," Ranma said, rubbing the two
lumps on the back of his head. He lurched off to bed, grumbling
something about tomboys.
Two small pigs nudged open the door that Ranma had left
open, and peeked in. The way clear, they entered, nosing the
door shut behind them.
END - Part 4
(Closing theme : Down In It (Ya Pa Pa Mix))
All characters copyright Shonen, created by Rumiko
Takahashi. Music citations copyright Nothing/TVT. Charlotte and
Buford and Victor by Stefan Gagne.