Ranma 1/2 : March of the Pigs
Part 7
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever
even considered claiming that these were my own characters
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced
to eat my own legs to live.)
-=-
Plot update. Charlotte is about to start The Plan(tm).
Nabiki found the campsite and The Plan(tm), but couldn't read
french and couldn't figure out what was going to happen.
Charlotte and Ryouga's test-date goes sour when Kunou (tricked
into believing Ryouga had enchanted Charlotte) shows up looking
for a fight. Ryouga tries to ignore him, but gets into a chase
and finally manages to blast Kunou with a roaring lion bullet,
ruining Victor's plan to get Charlotte out of Japan that night.
He collapses, and Charlotte drags him back to camp.
BTW, in case you're reading this out of a file, my address
is gagne@locust.cic.net for commentary or questions. I'm
archiving March of the Pigs at my web site, Spatula City.
http://www.wam.umd.edu/~twoflowr/index.html under Aisle Two /
March of the Pigs. Check out the Reznor 1/2 picture. :)
-=-
Ryouga awoke to the sound of boiling water. He gazed up...
who took away the stars? What happened to the city?
He sat up, eyes meeting the sights of his battered campsite.
Charlotte glanced over from the instant ramen she was preparing.
"Morning!" she beamed. "You passed out after toasting
Kunou's rear, so I dragged you back here to sleep it off."
"Ugh," Ryouga said. "That blast... that could possibly be
the biggest one I've ever thrown. I hope you weren't hurt..."
"I was fine," she said, shifting the noodles around to keep
them from getting burned. "When your date starts glowing yellow,
it's time to get out of the way, I always say."
"Sorry I ruined the date..."
"Nonsense. I'd say success with the Akane-date was
vacuously proven true. If Kunou hadn't shown up, things would
have worked out... and Kunou WON'T be showing up this time."
Charlotte flashed several envelopes at Ryouga, pulled from
up her sleeve in one swift motion. "Letters of challenge. Most
of them, anyway. It varies according to person... to Ranma, it's
an invitation to fight Victor, complete with enough insults to
make sure he goes along with it. For Nabiki, it's a letter from
Victor saying that he needs to meet with her, and has some yen
enclosed as a sample. Kunou will be heading for a date with the
pig-tailed girl and Victor himself will be going to meet Kunou,
who supposedly has me ready to leave."
"Where are they all going?"
"Happy Fun World. Little down-at-the-heels amusement park.
I picked it by location, really; it's miles away from here. Even
if they realize it's a trap, it'll probably be too late to come
back and stop you. Plus, I've gotten letters already delivered
to Kodachi, Shampoo, Ukyou, and even Mousse to go there for
similar reasons. I predict one massive slugfest, a lot of
confusion, and absolutely nothing to stand in the way of you and
Akane."
"Wow," Ryouga said. "You've got it planned to a T, don't
you?"
"It's my art," she said. "Here, eat up. I have some last
minute letters to deliver. I'll be by at nine AM sharp to guide
you over to the Tendos, which should be surprisingly empty. Just
ask Akane if she'd like to go get some food on this fine Sunday
morning... nothing special. Take it from there. Be nice and
courteous and show her you've got what it takes. And remember to
TELL her you love her this time! Nobody'll interfere."
"Okay... got it," Ryouga said, committing the instructions
to memory. "And Charlotte?... thanks."
"No problem," Charlotte said. She hopped over, gave him a
quick peck on the cheek and dashed off into the woods, clutching
her letters.
Funny, what was that for? Ryouga wondered. He pulled his
watch out of his pack, and counted the minutes until nine.
*
REC.ARTS.ANIME.STORIES PRESENTS
(musical insert : no music. Morning noises mostly)
Ranma slept soundly, in his usual sprawled-out-all-over-the-
place position on the floor. A window nearby slid open quietly,
and an envelope drifted in from the morning air, fluttering its
way to land in his mouth. He woke with a start, oxygen supply
cut off. He yanked it out and opened it...
IN ASSOCIATION WITH FANFICTION WE'D LIKE TO SEE AND NOTHING/TVT
Nabiki was already awake, doing her weekly ritual of income
tracking. A few thousand yen from Kunou for pictures... various
bets on fights... hmmm. She glanced over, and noticed an
envelope someone had slid under the door. What could this be?
She opened it up and read it, kanji sloppy but still readable...
complete with Victor's signature and a small roll of yen.
RANMA 1/2 :
Victor yawned, stretching. He had picked a posh hotel to
use as his base of operations, but even a comfy-sleeper mattress
couldn't work the kinks out of his back from last night. Damn
that Hibiki! Buford was bad enough, but she had to side with
someone that could destroy BUILDINGS?! He'd need someone
stronger than Kunou if he wanted to get Charlotte back home at
this rate. He noticed the red light on his phone blinking... had
someone left him a message at the front desk?
MARCH OF THE PIGS
Charlotte glanced at the final envelope. Kunou wasn't
really as big of a risk as the others, but with Sasuke, she'd
never be 100% sure that the date would go off with nobody
noticing. This letter should finalize it, though. After all,
the pig-tailed girl wanted Sasuke along too, and Kunou would do
whatever the pig-tailed girl wanted... she slid the note under
the door of the Kunou mansion, and was surprised to see it pulled
from her hand... the door opened...
"Golden haired one!" Kunou gasped. "Quick, in here before
Hibiki sees you!"
Charlotte was yanked in, and the door shut.
PART 7 : CLOSER
*
Ryouga looked at his watch. It was nine thirty. Charlotte
was late.
What should he do? If he tried to go to the Tendo dojo by
himself, he might never arrive. If he waited too long, Ranma and
the others might make it back from the meeting place and
interrupt things.
He had no choice. He had to try to find the dojo by
himself. It was either that or lose his one chance to see Akane.
He uttered a silent prayer to whatever gods of lost things found
again there were, and took the first step...
*
Ranma didn't get it. If Victor wanted a rematch, why would
he pick such an out of the way location? Ranma had to get a taxi
to bring him here, spending quite a bit of his money in the
process. He would have let it slide, if it weren't for the
various cracks in the letter about not being 'man enough' to face
Victor. He was gonna PAY for that.
Happy Fun World was barely populated. Ranma counted three
tourists, max, plus maybe five ride attendees. It was one of
those amusement parks that took the amuse out of amusing, and
just concentrated on spinning you around fast enough to encourage
projectile vomiting. At least nobody'd be around to get hurt by
accident, Ranma thought.
Ranma wandered over to the appointed fighting place... right
next the cotton candy machine, according to the letter. No
Victor. Did he chicken out? Or was he lost, like that cretin
Ryouga always was?
"Ranma?" Nabiki asked, peeking from the other side of the
cotton candy machine. "What're you doing out here?"
"Nabiki?"
"Me, yes."
"I'm supposed to be fighting Victor," he said. "Apparently
he wants a rematch after I pounded him a few days ago."
"Fight? He's supposed to be meeting me here to discuss some
information exchange," Nabiki said. "He was pretty vague in his
letter... I guess he changed his mind about hiring me as a
consultant."
"What is the full story with him, anyway?" Ranma asked.
"He's been really vague whenever I saw him too. Just something
about catching his sister, for some reason."
"He's from a wealthy fr..." Nabiki started. No; wait. He
tricked her into signing that contract, she thought, pulling it
out of a pocket on her shirt. Best not let Ranma know too much.
Wait. Something was wrong.
"Ranma, let me see your letter," Nabiki said, plucking the
challenge letter from Ranma's hand and examining it. The
signature matched the letter she had received today. No problems
there.
"Maybe I'll hold off annihilating the twerp," Ranma said.
"I've got some questions to ask him first."
"Something's wrong here..." Nabiki mused, trying to figure
out what was striking her as odd about the letters. Odd.
"Anybody seen Kunou?" Victor said, approaching the two from
the ferris wheel. "We were supposed to be meeting here tACKK--"
"Start talking," Ranma said, holding Victor against the
candy machine. "What's going on here? Why'd you invite me AND
Nabiki out to this place?"
"I... ugh... didn't invite either of you," he said. "What's
going on?"
"Odd... the 'o's don't match," Nabiki said. "The contract
signature isn't the same... but I'm here, and Ranma, and Victor,
and Kunou's supposed to... the plan!"
"What plan?" Ranma asked, keeping Victor from squirming
away.
"Ranma, I think we'd better--"
"THERE YOU ARE!" Mousse shouted, diving down from the top of
the ferris wheel. "How dare you claim Shampoo to your own,
Ranma?!"
"What?!" Ranma blurted, confusion mounting.
"I got your letter," Mousse said, pulling out an identical
envelope. "You have no right to send out wedding invitations to
the marriage of Shampoo and Ranma! Shampoo is MY bride!"
"What is the meaning of this, Ranma?" Ukyou said, waving
another letter in the air (along with her spatula) as she rushed
to join the others. "My letter says the same thing! How could
you marry her when you're engaged to me?"
"You've got some explaining to do, Ranma," Kodachi said,
ribbon whipping around Ranma's arm and pulling him over to her.
"I thought you and I were meant for each other, sweetums!"
"Hey, wait a minute--" Ranma started, before being knocked
aside by the flat of a giant spatula.
"He's engaged to ME," Ukyou said, stepping in the space
Ranma was occupying.
Ding-a-ling-ding! A bicycle fell out of the sky, landing on
Ranma's already battered form. "Ranma! I so happy you decide to
marry Shampoo!" Shampoo squealed, hopping off her bike.
"If he's marrying anyone, it's going to be ME," Ukyou said,
grabbing Shampoo's handlebars and lifting the bike off of Ranma.
"Ranma already sent letter saying he marrying Shampoo,"
Shampoo said. "You want him, you fight me!"
"Sounds fine with me," Ukyou said, pushing her sleeve up
(the traditional tough-guy pose).
The brawl started.
*
Ryouga opened his eyes.
He made it!
The Tendo dojo! He found it on his own! It could only be
the spirit of true love guiding him. Either that or he was
lucky, the one moment of luck he'd ever had. He cheerfully
opened the door and entered.
"Where is Akane Tendo?" he demanded.
"I'm right here," Akane said, pulling on her coat. "Have
you seen Ranma? Or Nabiki. I was just heading out to look for
them."
"Ummm... yeah. Nabiki and Ranma. Umm. I think they're on
a date," Ryouga lied. UGH! Bad line, he thought. Surely I
could have thought of something better than that to tell her?!
"A what?" Akane asked. "Ranma's... DATING my sister?"
"Well, not re--"
"That idiot!" she growled. "Humph. Well, if he wants her,
he can have her. Jerk."
"Err, Akane..."
"WHAT?"
"Do you want to go get something to eat?" Ryouga blurted,
stepping back to avoid Akane's blows of rage.
None were coming. "Alright. I guess I've got nothing else
to do right now. Let's go."
Akane walked out the door, past Ryouga. Ryouga blinked. It
worked! He was finally on a date with his beloved Akane!
Skipping with joy, he ambled out the door, towards his destiny.
*
"I'm not hungry," Charlotte said, pushing the bowl away.
"But dear, you must be famished, what with Hibiki treating
you to lower-class fast food last night," Kunou said.
"For land's sakes, Kunou, I was dating him of my own free
will!" Charlotte complained. "There's no need to keep me here, I
can make decisions for myself."
"I am afraid I cannot let a delicate flower such as you be
recaptured by that fool Hibiki," Kunou said. "He has bested me
once, but not again. If he wishes to steal you away, he must get
through me to do it."
"Kunou, I'm late for a VERY IMPORTANT date," Charlotte said.
"I've got to get going. Can you please unlock the door?"
"It is for the best, golden haired one. Once I get through
to your brother, you may return to your home country with him and
forget this Ryouga nonsense. Now eat up. Kodachi didn't make
it, it's quite healthy and good for you."
Charlotte sulked. Well, at least Kunou wouldn't be nagging
Ryouga on his date. I've succeeded, she thought. Ryouga,
wherever you are... I hope you're happy.
Now she'd be lugged back to France, back to boring home life
locked in her room while mom and daddums look for a cure to her
'curse'. Exchanging a lifetime of her misery for a lifetime of
Ryouga's joy. Well... it was an even trade, all things
considered.
The door burst open, lock snapping.
Kunou whipped around, lit by the beam of light that flooded
the dining room from the broken door. A massive man cast his
shadow along the room, a shadow topped by a cut, singed and
otherwise battered cowboy hat.
"You okay, Charlotte?" he asked.
"Fine, Buford!" she grinned, applaud. "I'm glad to see you
again!"
"Who is this that DARES to break into the Kunou mansion?!"
Kunou demanded. "Speak thy name!"
"S'Buford," he grunted. "I believe you've got a friend of
mine there. We'll just be going now."
"Hibiki sent you, more likely than not," Kunou said, raising
his bokken. "I shall strike you down before you take her!
Defend yourself!"
Buford charged, the speed of the boar behind him. Kunou
picked up velocity as well, covering the long dining room in a
matter of moments. It was a game of chicken, each on two legs
instead of four wheels.
Buford dove under, cutting Kunou off at the knees and
sliding to a halt. Kunou skidded fifteen feet on his face,
eventually smashing in a ming vase (price : $150,000).
"Hoser," Buford said, giving Kunou's form the finger.
"Boars don't attack high. Oughtta know that. Alright, let's get
moving."
"How'd you get here?" she asked, hopping out of her chair.
"I've been tailing you for the last few hours," he said. "I
dunno, I guess I kinda felt bad about ditching you like that,
especially in a town of psychos like HIM. I headed back here to
make sure you were okay, and let you know I had come back...
'cept I didn't really want to let you know... pride and all..."
"I understand," she said. "And I'm sorry too, Buford. I
haven't been treating you fairly lately. You've always been
there to make sure I don't get caught. I want to thank you for
that..."
"Thanks are for later. If I recall, you were trying to get
Ryouga going on a date?"
"Yeah."
"Good. I think he'd be interested in this too. I found a
cure for Jusenkyo curses."
*
Ranma's world was spinning. Let's see... first he was
grabbed by Kodachi, twisting his arm, then Ukyou hit him, then he
was biked by Shampoo... then the three girls started fighting
over him, grabbing and pulling him around... Mousse started
pounding him, then Shampoo pounded Mousse for doing it... just
black from there on.
Life was never easy for Ranma.
"You okay, Ranma?" Nabiki asked, waving some cotton candy
under his nose. Mmmm... candy...
"Sorta," he said, trying not to move. "Did I win?"
"No. Actually, the fight's still going on. Victor and I
managed to drag you out of it. I'd better warn you, all of those
letters were forged."
"Sister dear never did master my o's," Victor said, waving a
false letter around. "Go figure."
"I saw a plan at Ryouga's campsite. It had something to do
with keeping us away while Ryouga and Akane did something."
"What?" Ranma asked. "Who?"
"Ryouga and Akane. Are you sure you're fine?"
"Oh no!" Ranma gasped. "He couldn't be..."
"What?"
"He's dating her!"
*
"Are you okay, Akane?" Ryouga asked, as Akane wolfed down
her third cup of noodles.
"I'm fine," she said. "Just... angry at that Ranma."
"Don't worry, I'll punish him later. For now, just try to
enjoy the afternoon air," Ryouga suggested. "It is a nice day,
after all."
Akane nodded between mouthfuls. Ryouga was puzzled. The
date was going... but it wasn't much of a date. She was eating
and they talked a bit, sure, but it wasn't TALKING talking. He
shouldn't have goofed that line to explain where Ranma was.
Akane was too angry to have fun.
Maybe if I stepped things up, she'd have more fun, Ryouga
thought. She'd be able to forget about Ranma. "Say, Akane, I
hear that 'Sleepless in Seattle' is playing at the theater.
Would you like to go?"
"Why not?" Akane said. "You lead the way."
Ryouga panicked.
"On second thought, I'll lead the way," Akane said.
"PSST!" pssted a voice from behind Ryouga. "Yoo hoo! It's
Charlotte! How's the date going?"
"Err... you start heading there, Akane, I'll catch up in a
minute," Ryouga said. Akane nodded and walked off, slowly so
Ryouga would be sure to find her.
"I don't know," Ryouga whispered to the plant behind him.
"It's okay, but not really... working."
Charlotte nodded from behind the leaves. "Have faith,
Ryouga. You're a sweet guy, she'll see that. Buford's back, by
the way. He said he found a cure for the curse!"
"He did?!" Ryouga asked, jaw slack.
"Yeah! This blue soap. It's supposedly waterproof!"
Ryouga drooped. "No... we've tried that. It only works
once. It--"
A taxi pulled up next to the cafe, door opening. Ryouga
ignored it. "It wears off, just like all the other cures. I'd
better go catch up with Akane."
"RYOUGA!" Ranma called, jumping out of the cab and grabbing
Ryouga by the shirt. "What do you think you're doing?!"
"R..ranma?" Ryouga asked, scared witless.
"Yeah, me! What's the deal you and that girl have going?
Why'd you lure everybody we knew out of town?"
"How did you... how did you know?"
"Faked handwriting," Victor said, helping Nabiki out of the
cab and settling the bill with the cabbie. "Don't think I can't
see you behind that silly bit of greenery, little sister. You
can come on out now."
Charlotte peeked around the potted plant. "Damn. I knew I
should have spent more time practicing your signature... look,
I'm sorry I had to trick everybody, but if you could all please
move off to the side, I promised Ryouga this date would go off
without a hitch--"
"So I WAS right," Ranma said, setting Ryouga down. "Well,
Ryouga, I've ruined your dates before and I can do it again. If
you thought that for one minute I'd let you do this to Akane--"
"RANMA!!!" Akane screamed, charging. Ryouga wisely got out
of the way as Akane landed a resounding SLAP!!!! across Ranma's
face.
Ranma reeled under the force of the blow, fighting to stay
on his feet.
"Ryouga told me how you decided to go out on a date with
Nabiki," Akane said, fuming. "If you want to be her fiancee
again, be my guest and don't expect me to pay you again."
"What?" Ranma asked, rubbing his cheek. "Ryouga! You KNOW
I was doing no such thing."
Ryouga didn't respond. He was beyond words, watching the
carefully planned date collapse around him. How could this
happen? So close... so much closer to what he wanted, and once
again the rug was yanked out...
"Actually, sister, it was her who planned this," Nabiki
said, pointing to Charlotte. "She got everybody out of town so
that Ryouga could ask you out on a date."
"We're not ON a date, Nabiki. He just offered to buy me
lunch and a movie."
"That's the definition, dear," Victor said. "Don't worry,
little sister does infantile stuff like this all the time. You
get used to it."
Ryouga stood there, hunched over slightly. He couldn't
escape it. One way or another, fate did not want him and Akane
together. It was obvious that he was doomed to the misery of
never, ever being with her...
A yellow glow started to form around Ryouga as his
depression mounted. Charlotte yeeked and grabbed Ryouga, pulling
him behind the plant.
"Look, before you reach critical mass, I gotta ask you
something," she said, pulling a plastic disc out of her dress
pocket. "Do you really love Akane?"
"Yes," Ryouga said through the haze of his own feelings.
"You want to be with her?"
"Yes."
"Forever and ever?"
"Yes."
"You want this with all your heart?"
"Yes."
"You love her more than me?"
"Yes. Huh? I mean--"
"Alright," she said. "Then we go with the backup plan."
Charlotte stood Ryouga up in front of her, maneuvered around
the four arguing kids and took aim. With a mighty shove, she
pushed Ryouga into the fray, bumping him against Akane.
She popped the mirror open, aiming the silver glass at the
two. She looked away, and tapped the back of the mirror.
"Goodbye, Ryouga," she said as the white light flooded the
cafe.
When the light had passed and the spots cleared everybody's
eyes, Akane and Ryouga were gone.
END - Part 7
(Closing theme : light piano music)
All characters copyright Shonen, created by Rumiko
Takahashi. Music citations copyright Nothing/TVT. Charlotte and
Buford and Victor by Stefan Gagne.
Part 7
A Ranma 1/2 FanFic by Stefan "Twoflower" Gagne
(All characters copyright Rumiko-san, obviously. If I ever
even considered claiming that these were my own characters
I'd probably be thrown into a small cell where I'd be forced
to eat my own legs to live.)
-=-
Plot update. Charlotte is about to start The Plan(tm).
Nabiki found the campsite and The Plan(tm), but couldn't read
french and couldn't figure out what was going to happen.
Charlotte and Ryouga's test-date goes sour when Kunou (tricked
into believing Ryouga had enchanted Charlotte) shows up looking
for a fight. Ryouga tries to ignore him, but gets into a chase
and finally manages to blast Kunou with a roaring lion bullet,
ruining Victor's plan to get Charlotte out of Japan that night.
He collapses, and Charlotte drags him back to camp.
BTW, in case you're reading this out of a file, my address
is gagne@locust.cic.net for commentary or questions. I'm
archiving March of the Pigs at my web site, Spatula City.
http://www.wam.umd.edu/~twoflowr/index.html under Aisle Two /
March of the Pigs. Check out the Reznor 1/2 picture. :)
-=-
Ryouga awoke to the sound of boiling water. He gazed up...
who took away the stars? What happened to the city?
He sat up, eyes meeting the sights of his battered campsite.
Charlotte glanced over from the instant ramen she was preparing.
"Morning!" she beamed. "You passed out after toasting
Kunou's rear, so I dragged you back here to sleep it off."
"Ugh," Ryouga said. "That blast... that could possibly be
the biggest one I've ever thrown. I hope you weren't hurt..."
"I was fine," she said, shifting the noodles around to keep
them from getting burned. "When your date starts glowing yellow,
it's time to get out of the way, I always say."
"Sorry I ruined the date..."
"Nonsense. I'd say success with the Akane-date was
vacuously proven true. If Kunou hadn't shown up, things would
have worked out... and Kunou WON'T be showing up this time."
Charlotte flashed several envelopes at Ryouga, pulled from
up her sleeve in one swift motion. "Letters of challenge. Most
of them, anyway. It varies according to person... to Ranma, it's
an invitation to fight Victor, complete with enough insults to
make sure he goes along with it. For Nabiki, it's a letter from
Victor saying that he needs to meet with her, and has some yen
enclosed as a sample. Kunou will be heading for a date with the
pig-tailed girl and Victor himself will be going to meet Kunou,
who supposedly has me ready to leave."
"Where are they all going?"
"Happy Fun World. Little down-at-the-heels amusement park.
I picked it by location, really; it's miles away from here. Even
if they realize it's a trap, it'll probably be too late to come
back and stop you. Plus, I've gotten letters already delivered
to Kodachi, Shampoo, Ukyou, and even Mousse to go there for
similar reasons. I predict one massive slugfest, a lot of
confusion, and absolutely nothing to stand in the way of you and
Akane."
"Wow," Ryouga said. "You've got it planned to a T, don't
you?"
"It's my art," she said. "Here, eat up. I have some last
minute letters to deliver. I'll be by at nine AM sharp to guide
you over to the Tendos, which should be surprisingly empty. Just
ask Akane if she'd like to go get some food on this fine Sunday
morning... nothing special. Take it from there. Be nice and
courteous and show her you've got what it takes. And remember to
TELL her you love her this time! Nobody'll interfere."
"Okay... got it," Ryouga said, committing the instructions
to memory. "And Charlotte?... thanks."
"No problem," Charlotte said. She hopped over, gave him a
quick peck on the cheek and dashed off into the woods, clutching
her letters.
Funny, what was that for? Ryouga wondered. He pulled his
watch out of his pack, and counted the minutes until nine.
*
REC.ARTS.ANIME.STORIES PRESENTS
(musical insert : no music. Morning noises mostly)
Ranma slept soundly, in his usual sprawled-out-all-over-the-
place position on the floor. A window nearby slid open quietly,
and an envelope drifted in from the morning air, fluttering its
way to land in his mouth. He woke with a start, oxygen supply
cut off. He yanked it out and opened it...
IN ASSOCIATION WITH FANFICTION WE'D LIKE TO SEE AND NOTHING/TVT
Nabiki was already awake, doing her weekly ritual of income
tracking. A few thousand yen from Kunou for pictures... various
bets on fights... hmmm. She glanced over, and noticed an
envelope someone had slid under the door. What could this be?
She opened it up and read it, kanji sloppy but still readable...
complete with Victor's signature and a small roll of yen.
RANMA 1/2 :
Victor yawned, stretching. He had picked a posh hotel to
use as his base of operations, but even a comfy-sleeper mattress
couldn't work the kinks out of his back from last night. Damn
that Hibiki! Buford was bad enough, but she had to side with
someone that could destroy BUILDINGS?! He'd need someone
stronger than Kunou if he wanted to get Charlotte back home at
this rate. He noticed the red light on his phone blinking... had
someone left him a message at the front desk?
MARCH OF THE PIGS
Charlotte glanced at the final envelope. Kunou wasn't
really as big of a risk as the others, but with Sasuke, she'd
never be 100% sure that the date would go off with nobody
noticing. This letter should finalize it, though. After all,
the pig-tailed girl wanted Sasuke along too, and Kunou would do
whatever the pig-tailed girl wanted... she slid the note under
the door of the Kunou mansion, and was surprised to see it pulled
from her hand... the door opened...
"Golden haired one!" Kunou gasped. "Quick, in here before
Hibiki sees you!"
Charlotte was yanked in, and the door shut.
PART 7 : CLOSER
*
Ryouga looked at his watch. It was nine thirty. Charlotte
was late.
What should he do? If he tried to go to the Tendo dojo by
himself, he might never arrive. If he waited too long, Ranma and
the others might make it back from the meeting place and
interrupt things.
He had no choice. He had to try to find the dojo by
himself. It was either that or lose his one chance to see Akane.
He uttered a silent prayer to whatever gods of lost things found
again there were, and took the first step...
*
Ranma didn't get it. If Victor wanted a rematch, why would
he pick such an out of the way location? Ranma had to get a taxi
to bring him here, spending quite a bit of his money in the
process. He would have let it slide, if it weren't for the
various cracks in the letter about not being 'man enough' to face
Victor. He was gonna PAY for that.
Happy Fun World was barely populated. Ranma counted three
tourists, max, plus maybe five ride attendees. It was one of
those amusement parks that took the amuse out of amusing, and
just concentrated on spinning you around fast enough to encourage
projectile vomiting. At least nobody'd be around to get hurt by
accident, Ranma thought.
Ranma wandered over to the appointed fighting place... right
next the cotton candy machine, according to the letter. No
Victor. Did he chicken out? Or was he lost, like that cretin
Ryouga always was?
"Ranma?" Nabiki asked, peeking from the other side of the
cotton candy machine. "What're you doing out here?"
"Nabiki?"
"Me, yes."
"I'm supposed to be fighting Victor," he said. "Apparently
he wants a rematch after I pounded him a few days ago."
"Fight? He's supposed to be meeting me here to discuss some
information exchange," Nabiki said. "He was pretty vague in his
letter... I guess he changed his mind about hiring me as a
consultant."
"What is the full story with him, anyway?" Ranma asked.
"He's been really vague whenever I saw him too. Just something
about catching his sister, for some reason."
"He's from a wealthy fr..." Nabiki started. No; wait. He
tricked her into signing that contract, she thought, pulling it
out of a pocket on her shirt. Best not let Ranma know too much.
Wait. Something was wrong.
"Ranma, let me see your letter," Nabiki said, plucking the
challenge letter from Ranma's hand and examining it. The
signature matched the letter she had received today. No problems
there.
"Maybe I'll hold off annihilating the twerp," Ranma said.
"I've got some questions to ask him first."
"Something's wrong here..." Nabiki mused, trying to figure
out what was striking her as odd about the letters. Odd.
"Anybody seen Kunou?" Victor said, approaching the two from
the ferris wheel. "We were supposed to be meeting here tACKK--"
"Start talking," Ranma said, holding Victor against the
candy machine. "What's going on here? Why'd you invite me AND
Nabiki out to this place?"
"I... ugh... didn't invite either of you," he said. "What's
going on?"
"Odd... the 'o's don't match," Nabiki said. "The contract
signature isn't the same... but I'm here, and Ranma, and Victor,
and Kunou's supposed to... the plan!"
"What plan?" Ranma asked, keeping Victor from squirming
away.
"Ranma, I think we'd better--"
"THERE YOU ARE!" Mousse shouted, diving down from the top of
the ferris wheel. "How dare you claim Shampoo to your own,
Ranma?!"
"What?!" Ranma blurted, confusion mounting.
"I got your letter," Mousse said, pulling out an identical
envelope. "You have no right to send out wedding invitations to
the marriage of Shampoo and Ranma! Shampoo is MY bride!"
"What is the meaning of this, Ranma?" Ukyou said, waving
another letter in the air (along with her spatula) as she rushed
to join the others. "My letter says the same thing! How could
you marry her when you're engaged to me?"
"You've got some explaining to do, Ranma," Kodachi said,
ribbon whipping around Ranma's arm and pulling him over to her.
"I thought you and I were meant for each other, sweetums!"
"Hey, wait a minute--" Ranma started, before being knocked
aside by the flat of a giant spatula.
"He's engaged to ME," Ukyou said, stepping in the space
Ranma was occupying.
Ding-a-ling-ding! A bicycle fell out of the sky, landing on
Ranma's already battered form. "Ranma! I so happy you decide to
marry Shampoo!" Shampoo squealed, hopping off her bike.
"If he's marrying anyone, it's going to be ME," Ukyou said,
grabbing Shampoo's handlebars and lifting the bike off of Ranma.
"Ranma already sent letter saying he marrying Shampoo,"
Shampoo said. "You want him, you fight me!"
"Sounds fine with me," Ukyou said, pushing her sleeve up
(the traditional tough-guy pose).
The brawl started.
*
Ryouga opened his eyes.
He made it!
The Tendo dojo! He found it on his own! It could only be
the spirit of true love guiding him. Either that or he was
lucky, the one moment of luck he'd ever had. He cheerfully
opened the door and entered.
"Where is Akane Tendo?" he demanded.
"I'm right here," Akane said, pulling on her coat. "Have
you seen Ranma? Or Nabiki. I was just heading out to look for
them."
"Ummm... yeah. Nabiki and Ranma. Umm. I think they're on
a date," Ryouga lied. UGH! Bad line, he thought. Surely I
could have thought of something better than that to tell her?!
"A what?" Akane asked. "Ranma's... DATING my sister?"
"Well, not re--"
"That idiot!" she growled. "Humph. Well, if he wants her,
he can have her. Jerk."
"Err, Akane..."
"WHAT?"
"Do you want to go get something to eat?" Ryouga blurted,
stepping back to avoid Akane's blows of rage.
None were coming. "Alright. I guess I've got nothing else
to do right now. Let's go."
Akane walked out the door, past Ryouga. Ryouga blinked. It
worked! He was finally on a date with his beloved Akane!
Skipping with joy, he ambled out the door, towards his destiny.
*
"I'm not hungry," Charlotte said, pushing the bowl away.
"But dear, you must be famished, what with Hibiki treating
you to lower-class fast food last night," Kunou said.
"For land's sakes, Kunou, I was dating him of my own free
will!" Charlotte complained. "There's no need to keep me here, I
can make decisions for myself."
"I am afraid I cannot let a delicate flower such as you be
recaptured by that fool Hibiki," Kunou said. "He has bested me
once, but not again. If he wishes to steal you away, he must get
through me to do it."
"Kunou, I'm late for a VERY IMPORTANT date," Charlotte said.
"I've got to get going. Can you please unlock the door?"
"It is for the best, golden haired one. Once I get through
to your brother, you may return to your home country with him and
forget this Ryouga nonsense. Now eat up. Kodachi didn't make
it, it's quite healthy and good for you."
Charlotte sulked. Well, at least Kunou wouldn't be nagging
Ryouga on his date. I've succeeded, she thought. Ryouga,
wherever you are... I hope you're happy.
Now she'd be lugged back to France, back to boring home life
locked in her room while mom and daddums look for a cure to her
'curse'. Exchanging a lifetime of her misery for a lifetime of
Ryouga's joy. Well... it was an even trade, all things
considered.
The door burst open, lock snapping.
Kunou whipped around, lit by the beam of light that flooded
the dining room from the broken door. A massive man cast his
shadow along the room, a shadow topped by a cut, singed and
otherwise battered cowboy hat.
"You okay, Charlotte?" he asked.
"Fine, Buford!" she grinned, applaud. "I'm glad to see you
again!"
"Who is this that DARES to break into the Kunou mansion?!"
Kunou demanded. "Speak thy name!"
"S'Buford," he grunted. "I believe you've got a friend of
mine there. We'll just be going now."
"Hibiki sent you, more likely than not," Kunou said, raising
his bokken. "I shall strike you down before you take her!
Defend yourself!"
Buford charged, the speed of the boar behind him. Kunou
picked up velocity as well, covering the long dining room in a
matter of moments. It was a game of chicken, each on two legs
instead of four wheels.
Buford dove under, cutting Kunou off at the knees and
sliding to a halt. Kunou skidded fifteen feet on his face,
eventually smashing in a ming vase (price : $150,000).
"Hoser," Buford said, giving Kunou's form the finger.
"Boars don't attack high. Oughtta know that. Alright, let's get
moving."
"How'd you get here?" she asked, hopping out of her chair.
"I've been tailing you for the last few hours," he said. "I
dunno, I guess I kinda felt bad about ditching you like that,
especially in a town of psychos like HIM. I headed back here to
make sure you were okay, and let you know I had come back...
'cept I didn't really want to let you know... pride and all..."
"I understand," she said. "And I'm sorry too, Buford. I
haven't been treating you fairly lately. You've always been
there to make sure I don't get caught. I want to thank you for
that..."
"Thanks are for later. If I recall, you were trying to get
Ryouga going on a date?"
"Yeah."
"Good. I think he'd be interested in this too. I found a
cure for Jusenkyo curses."
*
Ranma's world was spinning. Let's see... first he was
grabbed by Kodachi, twisting his arm, then Ukyou hit him, then he
was biked by Shampoo... then the three girls started fighting
over him, grabbing and pulling him around... Mousse started
pounding him, then Shampoo pounded Mousse for doing it... just
black from there on.
Life was never easy for Ranma.
"You okay, Ranma?" Nabiki asked, waving some cotton candy
under his nose. Mmmm... candy...
"Sorta," he said, trying not to move. "Did I win?"
"No. Actually, the fight's still going on. Victor and I
managed to drag you out of it. I'd better warn you, all of those
letters were forged."
"Sister dear never did master my o's," Victor said, waving a
false letter around. "Go figure."
"I saw a plan at Ryouga's campsite. It had something to do
with keeping us away while Ryouga and Akane did something."
"What?" Ranma asked. "Who?"
"Ryouga and Akane. Are you sure you're fine?"
"Oh no!" Ranma gasped. "He couldn't be..."
"What?"
"He's dating her!"
*
"Are you okay, Akane?" Ryouga asked, as Akane wolfed down
her third cup of noodles.
"I'm fine," she said. "Just... angry at that Ranma."
"Don't worry, I'll punish him later. For now, just try to
enjoy the afternoon air," Ryouga suggested. "It is a nice day,
after all."
Akane nodded between mouthfuls. Ryouga was puzzled. The
date was going... but it wasn't much of a date. She was eating
and they talked a bit, sure, but it wasn't TALKING talking. He
shouldn't have goofed that line to explain where Ranma was.
Akane was too angry to have fun.
Maybe if I stepped things up, she'd have more fun, Ryouga
thought. She'd be able to forget about Ranma. "Say, Akane, I
hear that 'Sleepless in Seattle' is playing at the theater.
Would you like to go?"
"Why not?" Akane said. "You lead the way."
Ryouga panicked.
"On second thought, I'll lead the way," Akane said.
"PSST!" pssted a voice from behind Ryouga. "Yoo hoo! It's
Charlotte! How's the date going?"
"Err... you start heading there, Akane, I'll catch up in a
minute," Ryouga said. Akane nodded and walked off, slowly so
Ryouga would be sure to find her.
"I don't know," Ryouga whispered to the plant behind him.
"It's okay, but not really... working."
Charlotte nodded from behind the leaves. "Have faith,
Ryouga. You're a sweet guy, she'll see that. Buford's back, by
the way. He said he found a cure for the curse!"
"He did?!" Ryouga asked, jaw slack.
"Yeah! This blue soap. It's supposedly waterproof!"
Ryouga drooped. "No... we've tried that. It only works
once. It--"
A taxi pulled up next to the cafe, door opening. Ryouga
ignored it. "It wears off, just like all the other cures. I'd
better go catch up with Akane."
"RYOUGA!" Ranma called, jumping out of the cab and grabbing
Ryouga by the shirt. "What do you think you're doing?!"
"R..ranma?" Ryouga asked, scared witless.
"Yeah, me! What's the deal you and that girl have going?
Why'd you lure everybody we knew out of town?"
"How did you... how did you know?"
"Faked handwriting," Victor said, helping Nabiki out of the
cab and settling the bill with the cabbie. "Don't think I can't
see you behind that silly bit of greenery, little sister. You
can come on out now."
Charlotte peeked around the potted plant. "Damn. I knew I
should have spent more time practicing your signature... look,
I'm sorry I had to trick everybody, but if you could all please
move off to the side, I promised Ryouga this date would go off
without a hitch--"
"So I WAS right," Ranma said, setting Ryouga down. "Well,
Ryouga, I've ruined your dates before and I can do it again. If
you thought that for one minute I'd let you do this to Akane--"
"RANMA!!!" Akane screamed, charging. Ryouga wisely got out
of the way as Akane landed a resounding SLAP!!!! across Ranma's
face.
Ranma reeled under the force of the blow, fighting to stay
on his feet.
"Ryouga told me how you decided to go out on a date with
Nabiki," Akane said, fuming. "If you want to be her fiancee
again, be my guest and don't expect me to pay you again."
"What?" Ranma asked, rubbing his cheek. "Ryouga! You KNOW
I was doing no such thing."
Ryouga didn't respond. He was beyond words, watching the
carefully planned date collapse around him. How could this
happen? So close... so much closer to what he wanted, and once
again the rug was yanked out...
"Actually, sister, it was her who planned this," Nabiki
said, pointing to Charlotte. "She got everybody out of town so
that Ryouga could ask you out on a date."
"We're not ON a date, Nabiki. He just offered to buy me
lunch and a movie."
"That's the definition, dear," Victor said. "Don't worry,
little sister does infantile stuff like this all the time. You
get used to it."
Ryouga stood there, hunched over slightly. He couldn't
escape it. One way or another, fate did not want him and Akane
together. It was obvious that he was doomed to the misery of
never, ever being with her...
A yellow glow started to form around Ryouga as his
depression mounted. Charlotte yeeked and grabbed Ryouga, pulling
him behind the plant.
"Look, before you reach critical mass, I gotta ask you
something," she said, pulling a plastic disc out of her dress
pocket. "Do you really love Akane?"
"Yes," Ryouga said through the haze of his own feelings.
"You want to be with her?"
"Yes."
"Forever and ever?"
"Yes."
"You want this with all your heart?"
"Yes."
"You love her more than me?"
"Yes. Huh? I mean--"
"Alright," she said. "Then we go with the backup plan."
Charlotte stood Ryouga up in front of her, maneuvered around
the four arguing kids and took aim. With a mighty shove, she
pushed Ryouga into the fray, bumping him against Akane.
She popped the mirror open, aiming the silver glass at the
two. She looked away, and tapped the back of the mirror.
"Goodbye, Ryouga," she said as the white light flooded the
cafe.
When the light had passed and the spots cleared everybody's
eyes, Akane and Ryouga were gone.
END - Part 7
(Closing theme : light piano music)
All characters copyright Shonen, created by Rumiko
Takahashi. Music citations copyright Nothing/TVT. Charlotte and
Buford and Victor by Stefan Gagne.