A/N: This is a little sequel to "Seeker". If you think this part sucks, just disregard it. I just wanted to give a somewhat more happy ending for those who wanted one.
Disclaimer: Own nothing and JK would probably kill me if she knew what I was doing to her characters.
Part one: Draco
I'm desperately trying not to look at you, but I'm failing miserably. You're sitting there absentmindedly staring at your plate, surrounded by your Gryffindor-posse who are merrily enjoying their lunch. Why isn't anyone doing anything? Why isn't anyone trying to help you? Has everyone given up? Lord knows I can't help you, but someone else should.
Why isn't Weasley shaking you by the shoulders or Granger slapping some sense into you? Her right hook is mean enough to do that.
Trust me, I know.
Suddenly you get up from your seat and make your way out of the Great Hall. Why isn't anyone going after you? Is everyone blind?
I'm getting up from my seat to go after you, not caring if anyone notices.
I find you in the nearest bathroom getting yourself cleaned up after you've obviously just been sick. I wait by the door, watching you. Your leaning on the sink and you're staring at your refection in the mirror. The look on your face as you're looking at yourself is utterly disconcerting. I can't really describe it, but it isn't a look anyone should give when they're looking at their own reflection. It's like you're staring at your worst enemy. Like you would stare at the Dark Lord. But even at him you wouldn't look at in such a mocking way.
Your head suddenly snaps in my direction as you've become aware of my presence. Your body stiffens. You look away again almost instantly as your eyes meet mine. It's as if you're trying to wish me away. Like; when you can't see me, I'm not there.
No. You're not wishing me away! Not this time.
I can see you physically shaking as I'm walking towards you. What is all this hut you're keeping pent up Harry? Why can't you just let it out? If not to me; to someone else?
But there is no one else is there? No one dares to push you. They're hoping you'll come around in due time. Letting you fix it on your own time. But it's not working is it?
Look at me Harry.
I reach out with my hand and force your head up so your gaze meets mine. Reluctantly you look into my eyes, but don't recoil all the same.
You surprise me as suddenly I find my mouth covered with yours. You're hungrily kissing me, as if you're trying to extract something from me. Something you desperately need. Still desperately searching for filling that void inside of you.
But I can't fill that void Harry. It's obvious now isn't it? After all this time.
You're trying to unbutton my shirt. You're hands are trembling with need and I cover them with mine to stop you.
No Harry. Not this time.
You look at me pleadingly and I have to mentally strain myself not to give in to you.
But I won't. Not this time.
You're trying to kiss me again, but I stop you.
You're trying to touch me, but I won't let you.
How much I wish I could help you. I wish I could make you feel how I feel. Sometimes I wish I was numb. So I wouldn't have to feel this bittersweet sorrow. I love how I feel towards you and I love how you need me so desperately; day after day. But I hate how it makes me feel when I don't seem to be able to give to you what you're searching for. And I live in fear of the day that you'll search it with someone else.
You're getting angry from my refusal. Your attempts to make love to me are stopping and instead your trying to hurt me out of desperation. I can feel a dull pain of your fists colliding with my chest, but it is nothing compared to the pain of my heart breaking from the sight of you. You're physically suffering and knowing that I could easily ease that ache is tearing me from the inside.
Your punches decrease. Your body is too malnourished, your mind too tired.
I pull you in a tight embrace, but you do not return it.
"I love you, Harry" I say in a hoarse whisper.
I don't know why I said it, but it's the truth all the same. And it feels good saying the truth for once. And now it's out there and I can't take it back. And I don't care.
Your body is stiffening almost immediately. Your shaking and if I wasn't supporting both our weights I'm sure you would have tumbled to the floor. I can feel your arms closing around my back, holding on to me as a drowning man holding onto a life raft. As if I might disappear if you won't hold on tight enough.
I can't suppress a surprised gasp as I realise something.
Are you're crying?
You burry your head in the crook of my neck and start sobbing violently.
You're actually crying!?
You're breaking down. Physically and mentally. Spilling your emotions as I cradle you in my arms. I can't help but cry myself. How can my declaration of love enforce such a reaction out of you?
The first real reaction you've given in months.
We sink to the floor as my legs don't seem to continue being able to support us both.
Never in my life have I been so sad and happy at the same time.
It hurts to see you breaking down like this.
But that means you can be built up again.
Live again.
Feel again.
Love again.
Cry, Harry! Hold on to me and cry. Cry for those you've loved and lost.
I just love you. I won't get lost.
I just love you.
TBC
Disclaimer: Own nothing and JK would probably kill me if she knew what I was doing to her characters.
Part one: Draco
I'm desperately trying not to look at you, but I'm failing miserably. You're sitting there absentmindedly staring at your plate, surrounded by your Gryffindor-posse who are merrily enjoying their lunch. Why isn't anyone doing anything? Why isn't anyone trying to help you? Has everyone given up? Lord knows I can't help you, but someone else should.
Why isn't Weasley shaking you by the shoulders or Granger slapping some sense into you? Her right hook is mean enough to do that.
Trust me, I know.
Suddenly you get up from your seat and make your way out of the Great Hall. Why isn't anyone going after you? Is everyone blind?
I'm getting up from my seat to go after you, not caring if anyone notices.
I find you in the nearest bathroom getting yourself cleaned up after you've obviously just been sick. I wait by the door, watching you. Your leaning on the sink and you're staring at your refection in the mirror. The look on your face as you're looking at yourself is utterly disconcerting. I can't really describe it, but it isn't a look anyone should give when they're looking at their own reflection. It's like you're staring at your worst enemy. Like you would stare at the Dark Lord. But even at him you wouldn't look at in such a mocking way.
Your head suddenly snaps in my direction as you've become aware of my presence. Your body stiffens. You look away again almost instantly as your eyes meet mine. It's as if you're trying to wish me away. Like; when you can't see me, I'm not there.
No. You're not wishing me away! Not this time.
I can see you physically shaking as I'm walking towards you. What is all this hut you're keeping pent up Harry? Why can't you just let it out? If not to me; to someone else?
But there is no one else is there? No one dares to push you. They're hoping you'll come around in due time. Letting you fix it on your own time. But it's not working is it?
Look at me Harry.
I reach out with my hand and force your head up so your gaze meets mine. Reluctantly you look into my eyes, but don't recoil all the same.
You surprise me as suddenly I find my mouth covered with yours. You're hungrily kissing me, as if you're trying to extract something from me. Something you desperately need. Still desperately searching for filling that void inside of you.
But I can't fill that void Harry. It's obvious now isn't it? After all this time.
You're trying to unbutton my shirt. You're hands are trembling with need and I cover them with mine to stop you.
No Harry. Not this time.
You look at me pleadingly and I have to mentally strain myself not to give in to you.
But I won't. Not this time.
You're trying to kiss me again, but I stop you.
You're trying to touch me, but I won't let you.
How much I wish I could help you. I wish I could make you feel how I feel. Sometimes I wish I was numb. So I wouldn't have to feel this bittersweet sorrow. I love how I feel towards you and I love how you need me so desperately; day after day. But I hate how it makes me feel when I don't seem to be able to give to you what you're searching for. And I live in fear of the day that you'll search it with someone else.
You're getting angry from my refusal. Your attempts to make love to me are stopping and instead your trying to hurt me out of desperation. I can feel a dull pain of your fists colliding with my chest, but it is nothing compared to the pain of my heart breaking from the sight of you. You're physically suffering and knowing that I could easily ease that ache is tearing me from the inside.
Your punches decrease. Your body is too malnourished, your mind too tired.
I pull you in a tight embrace, but you do not return it.
"I love you, Harry" I say in a hoarse whisper.
I don't know why I said it, but it's the truth all the same. And it feels good saying the truth for once. And now it's out there and I can't take it back. And I don't care.
Your body is stiffening almost immediately. Your shaking and if I wasn't supporting both our weights I'm sure you would have tumbled to the floor. I can feel your arms closing around my back, holding on to me as a drowning man holding onto a life raft. As if I might disappear if you won't hold on tight enough.
I can't suppress a surprised gasp as I realise something.
Are you're crying?
You burry your head in the crook of my neck and start sobbing violently.
You're actually crying!?
You're breaking down. Physically and mentally. Spilling your emotions as I cradle you in my arms. I can't help but cry myself. How can my declaration of love enforce such a reaction out of you?
The first real reaction you've given in months.
We sink to the floor as my legs don't seem to continue being able to support us both.
Never in my life have I been so sad and happy at the same time.
It hurts to see you breaking down like this.
But that means you can be built up again.
Live again.
Feel again.
Love again.
Cry, Harry! Hold on to me and cry. Cry for those you've loved and lost.
I just love you. I won't get lost.
I just love you.
TBC